Wednesday, October 20, 2021


 Author John Aubrey's Brief Lives recounts of Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford that: 

"The Earle of Oxford, making his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. Upon his return home, the Queen greeted him, reportedly saying "My Lord, I had forgot the Fart." 


Like Queen Elizabeth commenting on Edward de Vere's trouser trumpet during a bow, after 7 years in voluntary exile, I had forgot this post and the anecdotes.  So here it is for another airing, so to speak . . . 

From Bytes, September 22. 2010:

Michael Caine's Autobiography

I have previously posted stories about Zulu, one of my favourite pics, and quotes by Michael Caine. In the days when Bytes consisted of an email before becoming a blog, I also posted a piece about the ending of The Italian Job. I will repost that article this weekend.

Michael Caine’s new autobiography, The Elephant to Hollywood, will be released in England on 30 September. I am unaware when it will be available in Oz. It looks like a good read from the section that was published in The Daily Mail on Sunday. Read it at:

A couple of quick items from that extract:

On Elizabeth Taylor and diamonds:
Many years ago, Richard Burton bought Elizabeth Taylor a diamond necklace for an extraordinary sum.

Several years later I ran into her at a party and she was wearing it. I was telling her how beautiful it was when she pulled me towards her and whispered in my ear: ‘It’s not the real one – it’s paste!’

‘Why don’t you wear the real one?’ I asked. ‘It’s too dangerous,’ she said, looking around her. I followed her gaze: all I could see were multi-millionaires. ‘Surely you’re safe here?’ I said, pointing at the two bodyguards standing behind her chair.

‘Oh – them,’ she said. ‘They’re always here when I’m wearing this.’ I thought for a moment. ‘But surely you don’t need them if the necklace is paste?’

She looked at me pityingly. ‘If I didn’t have the guards, Michael,’ she explained as if to a small child, ‘everyone would know it was paste.’

On looking queer:
I knew I wouldn’t get another film until Zulu came out, but I had been given a seven-year contract by Joe Levine, president of Embassy Pictures. When I was summoned to Joe’s office, I bowled along, pretty certain he would hold to his side of the bargain.

Levine was everybody’s idea of a movie producer: short, fat and with a big cigar. He got straight to the point. ‘I said to you, Michael, I said, “Michael, you’ll be dripping with diamonds. Didn’t I?’ I nodded. ‘Well, I still believe that’s gonna happen,’ he paused and I held my breath, ‘just not with Embassy Pictures.’

I breathed out. I had gone dizzy. ‘Didn’t you like me in Zulu?’ I asked. ‘Loved you, Michael,’ Joe said warmly. ‘But there’s one thing I gotta tell you.’ He seemed to be bracing himself. ‘I know you’re not, but you gotta face the fact that you look like a queer on screen.’

I was dumbfounded. Me? Queer? ‘I know you’re not,’ Joe said again hastily, ‘but there’s a lot of queer stars out there who look butch, and that’s fine – but you’re the other way round and it’s the wrong way round.

You’ll never be a romantic lead.’ Fortunately, other people thought differently. After Zulu was released, I was offered The Ipcress File and a seven-year contract with Harry Saltzman, who, with Cubby Broccoli, was responsible for the James Bond movies.

On Harry Palmer and The Ipcress File:
Harry was constantly working, constantly thinking. I’ve always worn glasses. ‘I wear them because I need them,’ I told him, a bit defensively. ‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s good. Let’s have Harry Palmer wear them, too.’

The Ipcress File was highly successful, but it ran into the old problem. After the first rushes, we got a cable from Hollywood. ‘Dump Caine’s spectacles and make the girl cook the meal – he is coming across as a homosexual.’

This is not the exact message – I’ve cleaned it up. We had deliberately gone anti-Bond and as well as the glasses, we’d decided Harry should cook, which was risky stuff in Britain in 1964.

When he seduces the girl, he doesn’t wine and dine her in a restaurant, he takes her home and cooks her dinner – making an omelette by breaking two eggs at once in one hand.

As for the glasses, when the girl (played by Sue Lloyd) asks if I always wear them, I reply: ‘I only take them off in bed,’ and she reaches over and takes them off. It’s now one of the great moments of movie seduction, so I’m glad we stuck to our guns.

On Paramount and The Italian Job:
Paramount gave a lunch for Alfie and I found myself sitting next to an Austrian guy. ‘My name is Charles Blühdorn,’ he said in a thick accent. ‘I liked your movie and your performance very much.’

I thanked him and asked what he did. He said he was an industrialist and added: ‘But you should ask me what I did yesterday.’

‘And what did you do yesterday?’ I asked dutifully. ‘I bought Paramount Studios!’ he said. ‘So, if you ever have a script you want to do, let me look at it.’

‘As a matter of fact . . . ’ I said, ‘there is something . . .’ I told him my friend Troy Kennedy Martin had written a script with a great part for me as a crook called Charlie Croker.

‘What is it called?’ Mr Blühdorn asked. ‘The Italian Job,’ I replied.

You never can know what a chance meeting might bring, can you?

Tuesday, October 19, 2021



This was in those bad days when language was gender specific. 
 Today gender is not only non-specific, it is non.



2 computer poems with a related them . . .

by Shel Silverstein

Oh this shiny new computer–
There just isn’t nothin’ cuter.
It knows everything the world ever knew.
And with this great computer
I don’t need no writin’ tutor,
‘Cause there ain’t a single thing that it can’t do.
It can sort and it can spell,
It can punctuate as well.
It can find and file and underline and type.
It can edit and select,
It can copy and correct,
So I’ll have a whole book written by tonight
(Just as soon as it can think of what to write).

Learn Something
by Lycia Harding

Do you feel like each day is the same?
Do all things, every person, each glitch
you encounter seem boring and lame?
Is the rut you're in more like a ditch?

When you want to rekindle the flame,
let the internet help you enrich
your existence and soon you'll reclaim
that old joy you felt filling your niche.

If you yearn to get back in the game
learn to use the new tools that exist.
If you don't, you'll be solely to blame.
So, log on now and Google it, b&tch!

Bonus item:

Monday, October 18, 2021




Aakash Nihalani is a New York-based artist who uses bright, bold lines at the forefront of all of his art as a means of visually creating 3D images on two-dimensional surfaces. Repetition of isometric squares and rectangles conveys complexities such as movement and space by something so simple as the placement of a line. By incorporating a live model, Nihalani captivates the viewer’s attention.

He states on his website that “People need to understand how it is, isn’t how it has to be. My work is created in reaction to what we readily encounter in our lives…I’m just connecting the dots differently to make my own picture. Others need to see that they can create too, connecting their own dots, in their own places.”


Sunday, October 17, 2021





News report:

Norm Provan, one of the greatest rugby league players of all time and legend of St George's greatest era, has died aged 89.

Provan played in 10 consecutive premierships with the Dragons between 1956 and 1965, and was named Australian Rugby League's 13th Immortal in 2018.

His likeness will forever adorn the NRL's premiership, locked arm in arm with Wests' captain Arthur Summons after the 1963 grand final.

- ABC News, Thursday 14 October 2021

Norm Provan is a name I recall from my younger days . . . not only from his playing days, also later as he appeared in his own ads for his discount stores. I even recall Paul Hogan in his first TV appearance, as a contestant on the talent show New Faces, where he included a take off of Big Norm Provan in those ads.

The following item, in memory of Big Norm, is repost from a past Bytes . . .

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Rugby League Trophies

As you watch the captain of the winning Rugby League team hoist aloft the revered winner’s trophy at the end of Sunday’s grand final, take a closer look at the trophy in the light of the comments below . . .

From its beginnings:

The Royal Agricultural Society Challenge Shield was the first premiership shield of the New South Wales Rugby League, beginning from the inception of Rugby League in NSW in 1908. A black mahogany shield embossed with silver, it was won by South Sydney, Newtown and Eastern Suburbs. It was presented to star Easts captain Herbert 'Dally' Messenger in 1913, after his club won the trophy three years running.

The shield is now part of the National Museum of Australia's National Historical Collection. Its association with the genesis of rugby league in Australia, and its connection to the game's first great star, make it one of the most important rugby league treasures held in a public collection in Australia.

J J Giltinan Shield:

From 1951, following the death of Rugby League bigshot J J Giltinan in 1950, the winners of the year’s Rugby League Grand Final were awarded the J J Giltinan Shield.

Since 1997 it has been awarded to the season’s minor premiers, the points leader at the end of the rounds.

The 1963 Rugby League Grand Final:

The 1963 Grand Final between St George and Western Suburbs featured players that I was privileged to see play, back in the days when I used to attend matches every weekend . . . Johnny Raper, Reg Gasnier, Johnny King, Graeme Langlands, Eddie Lumsden, Norm Provan, Ian Walsh, Kevin Ryan, Peter Dimond, Noel Kelly, Arthur Summons, Jack Gibson . . . today just names and memories from the past. My attendance at RL games did not happen until some years later, so I didn’t see the 1963 grand final.

It was played in torrential rain and a sea of mud that so coated the players that their faces, guernseys and colours were unrecognisable.

St George won the match 8-3, their 8th consecutive grand final win, but it is a photo by John O’Gready that has kept the match in the public imagination, a photo which became known as “The Gladiators”. According to Wikipedia “since it was first published (it) has been appreciated by rugby league fans as capturing an essence of the game wherein a little man can fairly compete against the bigger man, and where sporting respect and camaraderie follow epic struggle.”


From 1982 to 1995 the grand final Rugby League winners were awarded the Winfeld Cup, which was a trophy, not a cup.

(Between 1982 and 1994 the competition and governing authority was the New South Wales Rugby League, NSWRL; in 1995 it was renamed the Australian Rugby League, ARL. It is now the NRL.)

The Winfield Cup was a three dimensional bronze sculpture of The Gladiators photograph, the image being symbolic of the camaraderie and 'mateship' in rugby league.

Unfortunately for Winfield, a popular cigarette brand, the Australian Federal Government’s introduction of the Tobacco Advertising Prohibition Act 1992 outlawed tobacco advertising in sports in Australia. Accordingly Winfield was out and so was the name of the trophy.

This was also the time of Super League.

In the mid-1990s a mammoth battle was fought over pay television rights to rugby league. The Australian Rugby League, backed by media giant Kerry Packer, owned the rights until 2000. In order to bypass this, Rupert Murdoch's rival media organisation, News Limited, signed individual coaches and players to compete in a rebel competition – the Super League.

The Australian Rugby League took Super League to the Federal Court and prevented the rebel league from kicking off in 1996. A later decision, however, allowed Super League to start in 1997.

A dismayed Australian Rugby League chairman Ken Arthurson said he was 'furious, hurt and bewildered'. That season, 22 teams competed in two separate competitions. Teams aligned with the Australian Rugby League competed for the Optus Cup, while the Super League aligned teams competed for the Super League Cup.

The Super League Cup

Optus Cup

The Optus Cup was a redesign of the Winfield Cup but, whereas the Winfield Cup-but-not-a-cup had Provan and Summons realistically embracing on a piece of earth, the Optus Cup-not-a-cup had them suspended in the air, somewhat like Jesus descending from the clouds but, in this case, from a giant football behind them.

The Optus Cup-not-a-cup lasted 2 seasons.

With two separate competitions competing for sponsorship and crowds, many clubs faced financial ruin. Peace talks in late 1997 resulted in the formation of a single competition, the National Rugby League, jointly owned by the Australian Rugby League and News Limited.

From 1998, after the ARL and Super League kissed, made up and joined forces, a new trophy was in order, the Telstra Premiership Grand Final Trophy . . .

Those who detect a resemblance to the angelic, floating Provan and Summons in the Optus Cup and before that to the Winfield Cup will not be remiss. It is a redesign of what had gone before.

In 2013, the 50th anniversary of the 1963 Grand Final, the trophy was officially renamed the Provan-Summons Trophy. The news was revealed when Provan and Summons visited the Sydney Cricket Ground in 2013 prior to that year’s grand final, neither knowing that such a decision had been made or that there was to be an official announcement by the NRL and Telstra of the proposed renaming.

Mr Provan and Mr Summons were surprised with the news as they went to mark the very spot where they had stood 50 years ago, not knowing of the tribute the NRL and naming rights partner Telstra had in store.

According to Provan:
“If I drop dead tomorrow I will always be happy with the life Rugby League has given me. I’ve played a lot of football and I'm sure there are a lot of other worthy recipients. I am immensely pleased with it and it will sink in later how much it means.”
Summons added: 
“I don't think you can put it in to words the emotions that you feel. It is probably the greatest honour old footballers can get to have the Premiership trophy named after you. I am extremely honoured and I’m sure Norm is as well. A lot of thanks should be going to the photographer. Unfortunately the great John O'Gready is not with us to share this moment with us. Without him we would have been forgotten 50 years ago.”
Telstra managing director Rick Ellis added:
“Norm Provan and Arthur Summons showed fans and players alike that there was something more enduring than the score-line and today their legacy reminds us that the business of sport is about great people and great champions.”



A few weeks ago Penrith Panthers won the NRL grand Final, defeating South Sydney 14.12.

The Provan-Summons Trophy, on which the names of the annual winners are inscribed, featured heavily in celebrations:

Celebrations continued over the next few days.

The Panthers, befitting their status as champions and role models, placed the trophy in a glass display case in their mammoth club and hosted tea parties and lunches for their supporters, fans and Club personnel involved in their team win.

As if.

There were lots of fans, Club members, players, and fraternising, but also lots of  alcohol and testosterone.

Also lots of photos on social media.

One photo did not please NRL HQ. It showed the Sacred Trophy broken, the sculpture of Provan and Summons having been detached from the base:

The sculpture was photographed being placed into a pram. To make it worse, the photo had been captioned “Googoo gaga”, whatever that is supposed to mean.

News report:

An NRL spokesman has confirmed to AAP that the league has asked the Panthers for an explanation. It’s also possible that the club could be sanctioned, as well as being charged for any fees to repair a trophy reportedly worth upwards of $30,000.


My question: would Big Norm have been outraged by the damage to the sacred trophy or would he have considered it a hoot?

RIP Big Norm . . .