Friday, May 29, 2015

Quote for the Day

Do not believe in anything (simply) because you have heard it.
Do not believe in traditions because they been handed down for many generations.
Do not believe in anything because it is spoken and rumoured by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

- Buddha


Funny Friday


Today's theme: Superheroes.

* * * * * * * * * *
The Flash is patrolling Central City, travelling so fast that he is not even visible, hence his name: The Flash. As he passes Wonder Woman’s apartment he looks in her window, stops a little bit and backs up, looks again. Lying on her bed is Wonder Woman, sans clothes with her legs apart. Overcome by lust he has his way with her at supersonic speed and is out of there. “Did you hear something?” asks Wonder Woman. “No, but Christ it hurt!” responds The Invisible Man.

* * * * * * * * * *



* * * * * * * * * *
I think my daddy was a superhero!

I found a white costume with a mask and hood in the loft.

* * * * * * * * * *
My wife is a superhero, Iron Woman. 

Her powers get my shirts crease free.

* * * * * * * * * *
There had been an orgy at Vallhalla. The next morning there are prone bodies around the place and quite a bit of disarray. As the bleary eyed God of Thunder tries to get up from a pile of people, a nearby hungover goddess raises her head and and says “Who are you?” 

“I’m Thor,” he replied.

“You’re thore?” she says. “I can hardly pith."

* * * * * * * * * *



* * * * * * * * * *
How do they signal for Batman during the day?

* * * * * * * * * *
Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building. 
The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!" 
The second drunk says, "You're crazy!" 
The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top! 
The second drunk says, "Let me try!" 
So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT! 
The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, "You know, Superman, you can be a real jerk when you're drunk!" 

* * * * * * * * * *





Corn Corner:

Because some of the superhero jokes I came across were too corny to post in the main segment, I dropped them into Corn Corner.  rather than elect just one, here they all are:

* * * * * * * * * *
If I was a superhero, I'd be Aluminum Man. 

My superpower would be foiling crime.

* * * * * * * * * *
If I was a superhero, I'd call myself Ironic. 

So that when there's trouble and I'm running away, people will be like. "Isn't that ironic?!"

* * * * * * * * * *
I went to the Video Shop the other day. I said, "Can I take out Batman Forever?"

They said, "No, you have to bring it back tomorrow."

* * * * * * * * * *
"Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?" asked my mate Dave.

"Go on then," I replied.

"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!" 

I said, "That's Superman."

He said, "Thanks, I've been practising."



Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Ideas, Apples and Dollars

"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas."

- This quotation is commonly attributed to George Bernard Shaw, but it is doubtful that he ever said or wrote it.

The first recorded use of the expression, or close to it, was an advertisement in 1917 that used dollars instead of apples:

You have a dollar.
I have a dollar.
We swap.
Now you have my dollar.
We are no better off.
• • •
You have an idea.
I have an idea.
We swap.
Now you have two ideas.
And I have two ideas.
• • •
That’s the difference.
• • •
There is another difference. A dollar does only so much work. It buys so many potatoes and no more. But an idea that fits your business may keep you in potatoes all your life. It may, incidentally, build you a palace to eat them in!

Apples were substituted in a speech in 1949 by the US Secretary of Agriculture.

Here is a recent (2011) restatement of the subject:

"If I have an idea and give the idea away it is not gone, but I still have it! This experience does not conform to the arithmetic of things.
Let us examine this experience from the point of view of exchange. If I have an apple and you have an apple and we exchange apples -- then you have an apple and I have an apple. But if I have the idea that the apple is red and you have the idea that the apple is small and we exchange ideas, then you have two ideas and I have two ideas. It is quite obvious, therefore, that the laws governing thoughts or ideas are different from the laws governing things. If I have an idea and give it away, I still have it to give again, and if I give the idea away again and again, I still have the idea left."




Corn


Sure it's corny but isn't there something delightful in being unashamedly moved by corn rather than being cynical and overly sophisticated?

This is from Byter Charles D. Thanks Charles.


A son took his old father to a restaurant for an evening dinner. 

Father being very old and weak, while eating, dropped food on his shirt and trousers. 

Others diners watched him in disgust while his son was calm. 

After he finished eating, his son who was not at all embarrassed, quietly took him to the wash room, wiped the food particles, removed the stains, combed his hair and fitted his spectacles firmly. When they came out, the entire restaurant was watching them in dead silence, not able to grasp how someone could embarrass themselves publicly like that. 

The son settled the bill and started walking out with his father.

At that time, an old man amongst the diners called out to the son and asked him, "Don't you think you have left something behind?".

The son replied, "No sir, I haven't".

The old man retorted, "Yes, you have! You left a lesson for every son and hope for every father".

The restaurant went silent.


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Quote for the day

"Men thought and fought and wept and laughed and even died in despair over the ideas that look so dull on these pages." 

- Will Durant (1885-1981)

American writer, historian, and philosopher.



More Faces in Objects

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon involving a stimulus (an image or a sound) which is perceived as significant. Common examples of this are seeing images of animals or faces in clouds, the man in the moon, the moon rabbit, and hearing hidden messages on phonograph records when they are played in reverse. Pareidolia is the visual form of apophenia, which is the perception of patterns within random data. Combined with apophenia and hierophany (manifestation of the sacred), pareidolia may have helped ancient societies organise chaos and make the world intelligible.

- Wikipedia