----------😊😊😊----------
As the pandemic
continues to worsen and the restrictions become more pronounced, it seems long
ago that we could arrange to meet friends at a restaurant, go for a walk, to
see clients or go to the supermarket to buy toilet paper.
The theme for
Funny Friday today is isolation.
Stay well,
Byters.
----------😊😊😊----------
SOME HUMOUR . .
.
One day a man,
who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual
speck on the horizon. "It's
certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins
to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly,
emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet
suit and scuba gear. She approaches the
stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a
cigarette?" "Ten years,"
replies the stunned man. With that she
reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a
pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights
it, takes a long drag and says: "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
"And how
long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies: "Ten
years." She reaches over, unzips
her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and
says: "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!"
At this point
she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet
suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks: "And how long has it been
since you've had some real fun?"
With tears in
his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs: "Oh good Lord! Don't tell
me you've got a laptop?"
-----oOo-----
There is a
beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are
stranded:
2 Italian men
and 1 Italian woman
2 French men
and 1 French woman
2 German men
and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and
1 Greek woman
2 English men
and 1 English woman
One month later
on this beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere...
The first
Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
The 2 French
men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a
trois".
The 2 German
men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men
are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for
them.
The 2 English
men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
-----oOo-----
If I had a
nickel every time I was confused
I’d be like,
where the fuck do all these nickels keep coming from?
-----oOo-----
A Pacific
cruise was battered by storms for days, the ship’s radio was wrecked, as was
its geopositioning equipment. When the
ship sank there were only 2 survivors, Jack and Elle McPherson. Shipwrecked.
On a South Pacific island with no one knowing they were there.
After three
weeks Elle said to Jack “How come you haven’t tried it on, Jack?” “I’m shy,” he replied, “and you’re famous . .
.” “What’s there to be shy about? We’re
two people alone on a tropical island and no one knows we’re here. Let’s get it on.”
After another
three weeks Elle tells him “Jack, I have to tell you, you’re the best lover I’ve
ever had. Whatever you want, just tell
me.”
“Well . . .” he starts, then pauses.
“Tell me,
Jack. It’s like I said before, there’s
nothing to be shy about here.”
“In that case,”
he says, “could you put on these men’s clothes, hat and moustache?”
Mystified, she
does what he asks. He then asks her to wait at a nearby tree,
While she’s
waiting, Jack comes up, puts a hand on “his” shoulder and says “Mate, you’re
not gonna believe this . . . “
-----oOo-----
Alabama changed
the drinking age to 34
They wanted to
keep alcohol out of the high schools
----------😊😊😊----------
FROM THE VAULT .
. .
From a
passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and
desperately waving is hands.
"Who is
it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no
idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad."
----------😊😊😊----------
LIMERICK OF THE
WEEK . . .
By moi . . .
Staying home
and watching TV,
No whingeing,
just letting it be,
Endure twenty
twenty,
In Rookwood
there’s plenty
Would gladly
swap places with me.
For the benefit
of non-local readers, Rookwood Cemetery (located 17 km west of the Sydney CBD)
is the largest cemetery in the Southern hemisphere.
----------😊😊😊----------
GALLERY . . .
----------😊😊😊----------
CORN CORNER:
A man is
staying in a hotel.
He walks up to
the front desk and says, “Sorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”
The receptionist
replies, “No problem, sir. This is the lobby.”
-----oOo-----
If a group of
dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a
group of small children called?
Annoying
-----oOo-----
What is a
thousand times better than instagram?
Instakilogram
-----oOo-----
A sheep dog
tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should
only be 46
The dog says, “I
rounded them up.”
-----oOo-----
I went outside
and wondered why it was so dark and then it dawned on me
-----oOo-----
My wife is fed
up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my
addiction?"
Wife:
"Whatever means necessary."
Me: "No,
it doesn't.”
