Saturday, February 23, 2019

Quiote for the Day

Bytes Bits


Cat Ladders from Switzerland

I am not a cat person. Indeed some of the funniest cartoons (I mistyped that last word as “catoons” – if that ever becomes a recognised word, I am claiming it) I have posted about cats have come from this book: 

Not so, however, the good citizens of Bern, Switzerland, where there are numerous cat ladders, devices to facilitate cat movements to higher floors of buildings. According to author Brigitte Shuster in her new work “Swiss Cat Ladders”: “Outdoor cat ladders are a European phenomenon. In Germany and Austria, for example, there are also cat ladders, but not in the quantity as they are here in Bern. In North America, cat ladders are an exception, you will find them only sporadically, as well as cats are seen only sporadically outside.” 

Source: Colossal 

Photographs from India 

Remember this 1984 National Geographic photograph, commonly known as “Afghan Girl. which became an iconic image sometimes described as "the First World's Third World Mona Lisa". . . 

I recently viewed some images which put me in mind of Afghan Girl. 

UK-based Polish photographer Magdalena Bagrianow travelled India with camera in hand and ended up with a stack of beautiful portraits. A selection appears below. 

India's population growth has been steadily decreasing since the beginning of the 1990s. Tthe country still ranks as the second most inhabited, with a population of 1,3 billion people equating about 17.5% of the total world population. 

Pics . . . 

Portrait of a beautiful Kalbelia gypsy named Suman, taken at Pushkar fair grounds 

Portrait of a Sadhu, Hindu Holy man, taken in the streets of Pushkar 

Portrait of a cute gypsy boy, taken at the Pushkar fair grounds 

Beautiful Kalbelia girl with her baby sister. Portrait taken in the outskirts of Pushkar 

Beautiful Suman from Kalbelia caste, portrait taken at the annual fair in Pushkar 

Portrait of an old Rajasthani woman, taken in the streets of Pushkar 

Papu and Mamtu, mother and daughter from the Bhopa caste, both considered to be one of the most beautiful women in Rajasthan 

Maya, gypsy girl from Bhopa caste 

Portrait of a beautiful gypsy girl from the Kalbelia caste 

Young gypsy girl from the Kalbelia caste 

Beautiful girl from Kalbelia caste dancing at the Pushkar Fair grounds 

Rajasthani camel trader, taken during annual Pushkar Fair 

Green eyed gypsy named Mamtu from Bhopa caste 

Source: Bored Panda 

I’m bored 

A young pilot from AdelAide, South Australia, was given the task of running in a new engine by flying at a particular power setting for two hours in preparation for the plane to be bought online as an instructional aircraft. 

The pilot, who is understood to be a recently qualified instructor at Flight Training Adelaide, left Parafield Airport in a single propeller Diamond Star plane at 8.53am on Tuesday 26 February 2019, taking a circuitous route north. 

While travelling north the pilot drew some intriguing, somewhat phallic symbols along the coast. 

But on the way back the pilot left his message above the Princes Highway, only visible to those watching live flight tracking programs and websites. 

Flight Training Adelaide director Pine Pienaar said the pilot’s actions were not condoned and that “apparently he got bored”. 

“Young instructors, what can you do?” Mr Pienaar said. 

Pilot’s flight path record as recorded by radar 

By the way: 

This is not the first time that a pilot has drawn shapes and written words using flight paths, even Boeing’s debut of its 787 Dreamliner featured a massive self-portrait over the United States: 

Source: BGR 

Friday, February 22, 2019

Thought for the Day

Funny FridAy


Welcome to another Funny Friday but there is risque content ahead so proceed at yown risk . . . 

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. 

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" 

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighbourhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." 

Of course, the Reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." 

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the Reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog." 

The New York City Public Schools have officially declared Hebonics (Jewish English) as a second language. Backers of the move say the city schools are the first in the nation to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and a significant attribute of American culture. According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at Brooklyn College and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish. 

Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question is usually another question, plus a complaint, implied or stated. Thus 'How are you?' would be answered, 'How should I be... with my bad feet?'" 

Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or "shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?" 

Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress." 

Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as "He's slow as a turtle," could be "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks." 

Schollman provided the following examples from his best-selling textbook, "Switched-On Hebonics." 

Question: "What time is it?" 
English answer: "Sorry, I don't know." 
Hebonic response: "What am I, a clock?" 

Remark: "I hope things turn out okay." 
English answer: "Thanks." 
Hebonic response: "I should be so lucky!" 

Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready." 
English answer: "Be right there." 
Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry' business? Is there a fire?" 

Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; I wear it all the time." 
English answer: "Glad you like it." 
Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I gave you?" 

Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged." 
English answer: "Congratulations!" 
Hebonic response: "She could stand to lose a few pounds." 

Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?" 
English answer: "Just say when." 
Hebonic response: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?" 

To the guest of honor at a birthday party: 
English answer: "Happy birthday." 
Hebonic response: "A year smarter you should become." 

Remark: "It's a beautiful day." 
English answer: "Sure is." 
Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?" 

Answering a phone call from a son: 
English answer: "It's been a while since you called." 
Hebonic response: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead already?" 

From the archives . . . 

Saint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus agrees. 

As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man has carpenter’s tools with him. When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus asks him to describe his life and explain why he feels he should be admitted into Heaven. 

The man explains, “In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn’t live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I’m not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him, he didn’t really come into this world in the usual way. 

I sent my son out to be among the people of the World. He was ridiculed by many and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavoury characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be reunited with my son.” 

Jesus is awe-struck by the man’s story. He looks into the old man’s eyes and asks, “Father?” 

The old man’s face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks “ Pinocchio?” 

Limerick of the Week . . . 

I have previously posted the below risqué limerick, here it is with my introductory comments 

Whenever I am watching some English show with Kate – Antiques Roadshow, QI, Country House Rescue, Escape to the Country, Restoration Home, Midsomer Murders – and the place name Aberystwith is mentioned, there is something compulsive in me that makes me recite the Aberystwith limerick, no matter how many times she has heard it before. It happened again a few days ago.

There was a young girl of Aberystwyth
Who took grain to the mill to make grist with.
The miller's son, Jack,
Laid her flat on her back,
And united the organs they pissed with. 
My reason in mentioning it is that I came across a variation, which is also quite good: 

A lad and a lass from Aberystwyth 
United the lips that they kystwyth. 
But as they grew older, 
They also grew bolder, 
And played with the things that they pystwyth. 



Corn Corner: 

Moishe lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. 

He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. 

"Is this yours?" he asked. 

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and Moishe agreed. 

On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered Moishe a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I’m about to have dinner. There’s plenty; would you like to join me?" 

He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. 

As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I’ve had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?" 

Moishe hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?" 

"No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."

Thursday, February 21, 2019

Quote for the Day

In the news is speculation that POTUS Trump has grown increasingly disenchanted with Director of National Intelligence Daniel Coats, who has served as the nation’s top intelligence official for nearly two years. The Pres is said to be frustrated with Coats over what he sees as Coats’ disloyalty in making statements hostile to him. 

Which brings to mind a Presidential quotation I have posted before about loyalty: 

“I don’t want loyalty. I want loyalty! I want him to kiss my ass in Macy’s window at high noon and tell me it smells like roses. I want his pecker in my pocket.” 

President Lyndon Baines Johnson (1908-1973) outlines the degree of loyalty he expects from those around him, in the context of discussing a prospective assistant. 

Quoted by D Halberstam in The Best and the Brightest (1972)

I read the news today, oh boy . . .


Lawyers, Laws and Litigants . . . 

Feb 19, 2019 

Man punches his lawyer in the face after being sentenced to 45 years in prison 

41 year old David Chislton made no secret of his feelings towards his own defence coiunsel, 42 year old Aaron Brockler, when Chilslton received a 45 year sentence on Cleveland, Ohio for nearly two dozen charges, including multiple counts of aggravated arson and felonious assault. Standing in front of the judge with Brockler next to him, Chislton punched Brockler in the face with both his handcuffed fists. Wheeled out on a stretcher, Brockler joked with a reporter that ”It was pretty fun.” Strange comment to make but then consider the comment of silver tongued lawyer Michael Goldberg, who was in the courtroom waiting for a trial in an unrelated case to begin and who saw the attack: “It was pretty heinously violent.” This man is wasted in the legal profession, he should be writing plays, novels. 



Feb 20, 2019 

'They want to kick me out': Aboriginal man faces deportation to New Zealand 

Back in 2014 the Australian Government, wooed by that old tart Laura Norder, changed immigration laws to deal with foreign-born persons who commit crimes. Anyone convicted of an offence punishable by at least two years in prison can have their visa cancelled, regardless of whether they were jailed for less time, or not jailed at all. More than 4150 people who have served a jail term of 12-months or more have since been stripped of Australian visas. 

Which is all well and good unless you happen to be Aboriginal man Tim Galvin, who has just completed a prison sentence for burglary. Mr Galvin only learned that he was a New Zealand citizen when his Australian visa was cancelled in 2016, he having been born in New Zealand when his parents were there. He is now held in a detention centre, separated from his wife and kids, having served his prison sentence, whilst the authorities decide whether to deport him. 

According to Galvin: 

“They want to kick me out of my own country. My mum is Aboriginal – she’s from South Australia. All my kids are Aboriginal, my missus is Aboriginal, and they’re trying to send me to a foreign country.” 

It’s not the first time that indigenous people have run foul of the above laws and it’s not the first case of hardship. The source link below has stories of other attempts to deport indigenous persons and hardship examples eg: 

“I'm devastated by this, I'm a proud Australian”: Man locked in detention fears deportation after 44 years living in Australia. 
PNG-born man Edward Nolan has been detained and threatened with deportation pertaining to the 501 Section of the Citizenship Act. 

‘‘They just came and got me’: Man fighting deportation after three decades living in Australia 
Cairns father of two taken from his home to WA detention centre fears he too will be deported. 

‘Where will I go?’: Man fears deportation after 48 years in Australia 
He once held Australian citizenship but has been held in an immigration detention centre for nearly a year. 


February 20, 2019 

Townsville couple wins lawsuit against Retail Food Group over $400,000 Michel’s Patisserie disaster 

A Brisbane court has ruled that franchise giant Retail Food Group misled a Townsend couple who spent more than $200,000 on a failed Michel’s Patisserie store. The court found that RFG made misleading representations about the quality, range and frequency of delivery of products from Brisbane to Townsville. It also found RFG engaged in misleading and deceptive conduct by not informing the couple before signing the contract of financial troubles at Brisbane-based bakery supplier Dyson, which went into liquidation shortly before they opened their store in May 2012. 

That meant rather than the 1400km journey from Brisbane, the frozen cakes had to be shipped all the way from Sydney by truck — a journey of more than 2000km — often arriving in poor condition. The court heard how within weeks of the Townsville store opening, Mrs Guirguis noticed the cakes were arriving damaged, defrosted and spoiled. Special order birthday cakes frequently arrived late or not at all. 

How about this: 
The court heard there was “no consistent process” for the delivery of products between Sydney and Townsville and sometimes they were “unloaded and reloaded along the way and there was often more than one transport company involved”.

In one case an entire order had to be thrown out after arriving in a fridge, not a freezer truck. 
The couple were awarded $405,000 damages.