Sunday, June 16, 2019

Quote for the Day



Continuing: Photos of Historical Events That Will Give you a New Perspective

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Photos and text from:

Additional comments by moi.

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Ray of Joy:


World War II ended in 1945, but it took a while for Europe to recover from all the destruction and carnage.

Each and every country suffered a great financial depression in the years to come, including Austria. This country was in such a deplorable financial shape that the citizens were on the brink of starvation by 1947.

That might explain why this little boy, living at an orphanage in Austria, was head over heels after getting a new pair of shoes.

Comment: 
The picture was first published in LIFE magazine on December 30, 1946, with the following caption: 
For many of Europe’s children there was a Santa Claus this Christmas. When a big box from the American Red Cross arrived at Vienna’s Am Himmel orphanage, shoes and coats and dresses tumbled out. Like the youngster (above), the children who had seen no new clothes throughout the war smiled to high heaven. But for thousands of other European children there was no Santa Claus. When a boatload of illegal Jewish immigrants arrived at Haifa, Palestine recently, two Polish children (opposite) got separated from their parents. Tears filled the eyes of the boy, and his wan sister clutched him protectively. They were later reunited with their parents, but the whole family was shipped to Cyprus.  
https://www.reddit.com/r/OldSchoolCool/comments/5jwco6/boy_receiving_a_new_pair_of_shoes_at_an_orphanage/
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Mussolini is Watching You:



This may look like one of the photos you only get to see in dystopian films, but it’s actually something than happened in reality. This picture was taken in front of Palazzo Braschi, which once served as the headquarters of Benito Mussolini’s National Fascist Party.

This Italian dictator was no stranger to using propaganda to get voters on his side, and this bizarre Orwellian set-up from 1934 is one of the most notable examples of his “advertising techniques”. It apparently worked, since he ended up receiving 99.84% of the votes that year.

Comment: 
The building in the picture is Palazzo Braschi in Rome, the headquarters of the Fascist Party Federation (the local one, not the national Party headquarters). It was not always covered up like that; this set-up was displayed for the 1934 elections, in which Italians were called to vote either for or against the Fascist representatives list. The “SI SI…” lettering (meaning “Yes Yes…”) was propaganda for one of the two plebiscite elections held during the Fascist Regime, where electors didn’t vote for individual parties (there wasn’t any but the Fascist one), neither for single candidates, but just voted “Yes” or “No” to a single list of candidates presented by the Duce himself.  
The voting procedure used two ballots and two envelopes; the yes ballot was in the colors of the Italian flag with fascist symbols, while the no ballot was a white sheet. The voter had to place the ballots in envelopes, put his chosen ballot in the ballot box and return the discarded one to the voting supervisors, de facto allowing them to check what each person had voted. The list put forward was ultimately approved by 99.84% of voters. The overwhelming majority provoked Benito Mussolini to dub the election the “second referendum of Fascism”.  
https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/headquarters-fascist-party-1934/
(Does anyone else look at this and see ISIS repeated over and over?)

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Here Comes the Sphinx:


Seeing the Great Sphinx of Giza is one of the items on everyone’s bucket list and it’s Egypt’s biggest tourist attraction. This monumental limestone statue was inspired by a mythical creature, with a human head and the body of a lion.

Discovering it in its full glory wasn’t easy and there was a long period of time when people weren’t even aware of its existence.

It’s believed that the sphinx was built by ancient Egyptians circa 2558–2532 BC, and this photo shows it being partially excavated back in the 1860s.

Comment: 
What happened to the Sphinx’s nose? Legends have passed over hundreds of years regarding the simple omission in this photograph of the Sphinx and the Pyramid of Khafre, part of the Giza Pyramid (or Great Pyramid) complex in Egypt. Where is the Sphinx’s nose? Many of us have heard the tale that a cannonball fired by Napoleon’s soldiers hit the nose and caused it to break off. Sketches of the Sphinx by the Dane Frederic Louis Norden were created in 1737 and published in 1755, well before the era of Napoleon. However, these drawings illustrate the Sphinx without a nose and clearly contradicts the legend. So what really happened? The Egyptian Arab historian al-Maqrīzī wrote in the 15th century that the nose was actually destroyed by a Sufi Muslim named Muhammad Sa'im al-Dahr. In 1378 CE, Egyptian peasants made offerings to the Great Sphinx in the hope of controlling the flood cycle, which would result in a successful harvest. Outraged by this blatant show of devotion, Sa'im al-Dahr destroyed the nose and was later executed for vandalism. Whether this is absolute fact is still debatable.  
-        Smithsonian Journeys
https://www.smithsonianjourneys.org/blog/photo-what-happened-to-the-sphinxs-nose-180950757/





Saturday, June 15, 2019

Thought for the Day



My Inner Bogan


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For Funny Friday yesterday I posted a number of jokes about country and western music and about C & W fans.

Byter Tim B, who hails from the home of country, the U S of A, sent me the following email:

Morning Otto, Good post today.  I love country and western music and oddly enough I have all my teeth, but my favorite C&W song is “I’ll Get You, You Bugger You” by Snotty Jones and his Nine Nosepickers. The lady loved C&W music so much she had a picture of Garth Brooks tattooed on the inside of one thigh and Conway on the other side.  Saturday night at the VFW dance, and for those of you who don’t know what the VFW is, it is a bastion of Hillary Clinton’s deplorables who are veterans ,love their country, and C&W music, she was picked up by Otis who was extremely drunk.  As they were making love, she asked Otis if he recognized the faces of the tattoos. Otis said I don’t know who that is on the right or left, but the one in the middle is Willie Nelson. Have a great weekend Otto, think I’ll go get my geetar and learn some of those songs for my next gig. Tim

Thanks, Tim

Here’s a pic of Willie to add visual impact to Tim’s item . . .


I confess that I have an inner bogan that likes some C & W, including, yes, I will admit it . . . Achy Breaky Heart.  

Country music is unique in that apart from being musical, the songs usually contain a story with beginning, middle and end as well as a moral and life lesson.  Think songs such as:
Coward of the County (“Sometimes you gotta fight when you’re a man”)
The Gambler (“You got to know when to hold 'em, Know when to fold 'em . . .”)
Achy Breaky Heart (“You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas, You can tell your dog to bite my leg, Or tell your brother Cliff whose fist can tell my lip. He never really liked me anyway”)
Jolene (“And you could have your choice of men, But I could never love again Cause he's the only one for me, Jolene”)
The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia (“… his cheating wife had never left town. That's one body that'll never be found. You see little sister doesn't miss when she aims her gun”)

I also confess that my inner bogan prefers the bush poetry of Banjo Patterson and Henry Lawson over inscrutable avant garde works,  I like the narrative poetry of Robert Service and even like Edgar A Guest, despite Dorothy Parker's poetic comment that:
"I'd rather fail my Wassermann test
Than read a poem by Edgar A. Guest."

So today I am posting a poem by Kev Gillett, not up with The Banjo and Lawson but worth reading.  Some more poems of such ilk in the future.

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Some Bush Poetry

-        Kev Gillett


WE pensioned off old Blue, our dog
when old age got him down
We sent him for company
to old Grandma in the town

But while Granny was elated
Blue still craved the great out doors
and he would roam the town exploring
while old granny did the chores

So, it was this Sunday morning
Blue was fossicking about
through the paddocks near the township
on his normal daily scout

When a canine gourmet odour
overpowered his sense of smell
though his eyesight had diminished
his old sniffer still worked well

And the sense of his excitement
was reposed down by the creek
where a sheep had met his maker
for the best part of a week

For its woolly corpse was spreading
and the air was far from fresh
from this rancid flyblown carcass
with its seething greenish flesh

It was a dogs idea of heaven
and old Blue, he rubbed and rolled
till he ponged just like the sheep did
and with ecstasy extolled

Then an idea formed within him
as he gave a gentle tug
and he found the carcass followed
like a matted lumpy rug

He would take it home for later
it should last a week or two
if he stored it in his kennel
he could keep his prize from view

So he gripped the carcass firmly
proudly into town he went
but his load proved fairly heavy
and old Blues energy soon spent

And the only shade on offer
was the building with the bell
and he dragged his prize towards
with its flies and feral smell

Then the dog and sheep both rested
in the front porch of the church
old Blue looked up the gangway
at the parson on his perch

He was revving up the faithful
to repent to save their worth
and said Satan was the culprit
for all the rotten things on earth

And he roared of fire and brimstone
and redemption for the throng
up the aisle came Satan’s presence
in this godforsaken pong

And they all cried “Hallelujah”
and they fell as one to pray
but by now old Blue was rested
and he hadn’t time to stay

He proceeded up the roadway
with the woolly corpse in tow
with a shortcut through the nursing home
the quickest way to go

Where the matron, in a panic
counted heads in mortal fright
with a smell like that they’d surely lost
a patient through the night

And the members at the bowls club
lowered all their flags half mast
doffed their hats in silence
for the funeral going past

But old Blue lugged his prize on homewards
travelling past the bowling club
till he took a breather under
the veranda of the pub

There old boozing Bill was resting
sleeping off the night before
to wait the Sunday session
when they opened up the door

When the stench awoke his slumber
which was highly on the nose
and he thought his pickled body
had begun to decompose

And he missed the Sunday session
when he ran home to his wife
to proclaim the shock announcement
he was off the booze for life

Meanwhile Blue could see Gran’s gateway
at the far end of the street
so he started up the pavement
with his ripe and tasty treat

But there was movement in the backstreets
as the town dogs sniffed in deep
they broke chains and climbed high fences
for a piece of Blue’s dead sheep

And Blue felt the road vibrating
from the stamp of canine feet
as this pack of thirty mongrels
came advancing up the street

But he wasn’t into sharing
so he sought a quick escape
and he spied a nearby building
with a door that stood agape

Through this door he sought asylum
but his presence caused a shriek
for he’d chosen the local deli
that was run by Nick the Greek

And Blue shot beneath a table
where the sheep and he could hide
but the dog pack was relentless
and they followed him inside

Now the table Blue had chosen
was a double booked mistake
with the law enforcement sergeant
sipping coffee on his break

And the sergeant sat bolt upright
with a dog between his feet
and his eyes began to water
from the dead decaying meat

Then the sarge leapt up in horror
but in his haste he slipped and fell
falling down amongst Blue’s mutton
with it’s all embracing smell

And he lay somewhat bewildered
in the gore, flat on his back
when the mongrel pack descended
in a frenzied dog attack

With first thought self- preservation
from the rows of teeth he faced
the sarge fumbled for his pistol
in it’s holster at his waist

There were muffled bangs and yelping
as random shots rang out
and the whine of bouncing bullets
off the brickwork all about

As he blasted in a panic
from beneath the blood and gore
a front window and the drink fridge
were both added to the score

And the cappuccino maker
copped a mortal wound and died
hissing steam, it levitated
falling frothing on it’s side

And Nick the Greek, the owner
grabbed a shotgun in his fright
blasting into the confusion
of the frantic canine fight

At short range it wasn’t pretty
dogs were plastered on the wall
there was laminex in splinters
clouds of dog hair covered all

Then the smoke detector whistled
with the gunsmoke in the air
which set off the sprinkler system
and a siren gave a blare

And the echoes still were ringing
when beneath the dying heap
there emerged old Blue, still dragging
at the remnants of his sheep

It’s head was gone and several legs
but it hadn’t lost it’s smell
in the armistice that followed
Blue decided not to dwell

He leapt the fence at Grandma’s
for his feet had sprouted wings
pure adrenalin propelled him
fleeing dogs and guns and things

Now old Gran had influenza
and had lost her sense of smell
with Blues sheep in the garden
that was probably just as well

And she looked out from her front fence
at the town in disarray
at the ambulance, police cars
and you guessed it, the RSPCA

Then the fire brigade rushed past her
flashing lights of rosy hue
and she hugged the old dog tightly
he’d protect her would old Blue

You just stay here like a good dog
Grandma told him with a frown
“cause you’ve no idea the trouble
you can get into in town”




Friday, June 14, 2019

Quote for the Day



Funny Friday

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Another Friday folks, so time for some funnies. 

The theme this week is country and western music, so a double caution is needed: 
First, risqué content ahead, don’t proceed if you may be offended. 
Second, country and western music jokes ahead, don’t proceed if you may be offended. 

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Elwood: 
What kind of music do you usually have here? 

Claire: 
Oh, we got both kinds. We got country and western. 

- Blues Brothers

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A flea died and went to Heaven. St. Peter met it at the gate and explained that it could choose how it could spend the rest of eternity. 

SP: "Have you thought about it? Do you know how you'd like to spend the rest of eternity?" 

Flea: "Yes St. Peter, I have thought about it, I'd like to spend the rest of eternity on the back of a rich lady's dog." 

SP: "So be it, it's done." 

A few weeks later St. Peter was wondering about the flea and so he called. 

SP: "Flea, how are you doing?" 

Flea: "Oh St. Peter, I made a terrible mistake. This old broad washes her dog two to three times a day, she perfumes it, and I'm nauseous and I have a headache from the smell." 

SP: "Well you know that you aren't supposed to get more than one choice on how to spend the rest of eternity, but you are supposed to be happy. Have you thought about what else you might like to do?" 

Flea: "Oh yes St Peter! I have thought about it and I'm sorry I didn't bring it up before, I'd like to spend it in Willie Nelson's beard." 

SP: "So be it, it's done." 

Out of curiosity St. Peter checked on the flea a few weeks later. 

SP: "Hello flea, how are you doing now?" 

Flea: "I'm sorry St. Peter, I'm not doing well at all. I get waked up in the middle of the night, get drenched with beer, foul language all the time and I keep getting woozy with some white powder that flies around. It's Hell, St. Peter, I'm miserable!" 

SP: "You know, flea, you're not supposed to be able to change your mind about how you spend the rest of eternity, but you say this is 'Hell', have you considered what else you might like to do?" 

Flea: "Oh St Peter, YES! I HAVE thought about it and I have decided that I'd like to spend the rest of eternity in Dolly Parton's bush." 

SP: "So be it, it's done." 

Not being able to stand his curiosity St. Peter decided to check on the flea again after a few weeks. 

SP: "How's it going flea?" 

Flea: "Oh hi St. Peter, well, it's kind of strange... You see there was this big party. There was lots of singing and dancing, I got bounced around a lot and there was this weird smoke in the air that made me dizzy. There were hands all over me and I don't quite remember all that happened, but would you believe it? I'm back in Willie Nelson's beard!" 

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What do you get when you play country music backward? 

Your wife returns, the crops start growing and your dog comes back to life. 

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The Best and Worst of Country Western Song Titles:

1.Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed 

2.Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye 

3.Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her heart Was Pure 

4.How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 

5.I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me? 

6.I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling 

7.I Got In At 2 With A "10" And Woke Up At 10 With A "2" 

8.I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except For Mine 

9.I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal 

10.I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You 

11.I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well 

12.I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better 

13.I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win 

14.I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite 

15.I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here 

16.I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Crying Over You 

17.If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You 

18.If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now 

19.Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head) 

20.My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus 

21.My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him 

22.Please Bypass This Heart 

23.She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger 

24.You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat 

25.You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly 

If'n y'all are thinkin' that there ain't no such songs with them there titles, then use the last one as an example to widen your itty bitty minds. . . 



There is a version by Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty that can be heard by clicking on:


Here are the lrics:

You're the Reason Our Kids are Ugly

You're the reason I'm ridin' 'round on recapped tyres
An' you're the reason I'm hangin' our clothes outside on walls
An' you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darling
Ah, but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But, I love you just the same
You're the reason I changed to beer from soda pop
An' you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop
You're the reason our kids are ugly, little darling
Oh, but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But, I love you just the same
I guess that we won't ever have, everything we need
'Cause when we get ahead, it's got another mouth to feed
And that's the reason my good looks and my figure's gone
And that's the reason I ain't got no hair to comb
An' you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darling
Ah but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But, I love you just the same
Conway, why in the devil don't you gon'
And shave an' put on a clean pair of pants?
Loretta, look at yourself
I wish you'd take them curlers out of your hair
An' go put on a little bit of make up
An' get out of the housecoat before supper
Ha well let me tell you somethin', Conway
Considerin' everything I went through today
I look like a movie star
Yeah, Ruth Cassidy
Thank you
Besides that
All of our kids took after your part of our family anyway
Oh they did, huh? What about the one's that's bald?
Well, I guess you might say they took after me

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I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who DO like country music, 'denigrate' means 'put down.' 

- Bob Newhart 

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From the vault ( a non country & western music item) . . . 

Two nuns are driving through the country when a little devil pops up and jumps on their bonnet. 

One of the nuns is really nervous but the other says “Don't worry, wind down the window and show him your cross.” 

So the nun winds down the window and calls out “Hey, shithead, get the fuck off my car!” 

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Limerick of the Week: 

There was a young man from Newcastle, 
Who could wrap himself up like a parcel, 
And in that position, 
He did a rendition, 

Of God Save the Queen through his arsehole. 

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Gallery:





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Corn Corner: 

I was told that most country and western songs are about common everyday events. I decided to try it for myself. I accidently spilled some beer on my stove today...it was traumatic as it was my last one. I will relate it to you in song... 
Foam, foam on the range. 
Where my beer tipped over and sprayed. 
Where seldom is heard, 
A discouraging word 
Cuz what can some spilled beer foam say? 

What has 72 legs and 26 teeth? 
The first row at a Willie Nelson concert!


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