Friday, March 20, 2015

Thank God It's Funny Friday


It's Friday and the theme for this Friday is . . . God.

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BBC News - "Stephen Hawking: God did not create Universe"

If God DID exist, he'd be pretty pissed off. In fact, if I was god I would probably have gone back in time and punished Hawking in some horrible way...

Nope, no sign of that.

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THE WAR AGAINST TERRORISM....
....God's way of teaching geography to Americans!

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My wife treats me like a god...

She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.

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After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He decided to help.

He said "Adam, I've decided to make you a woman. She'll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you."

Adam said "Great! How much will she cost me?"

The answer came back, "An arm and a leg."

"Well," said Adam "what can I get for a rib?"

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The Pope arrives in Heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks who he is.

The Pope: "I am the Pope."

St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."

The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."

St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."

The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."

St. Peter: "The Catholic Church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."

St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.

St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."

God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (Yells for Jesus)

Jesus: "Yes Father, what's up?"

God and St. Peter explain the situation.

Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."

Ten minutes pass and Jesus comes back into the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.

Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"

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God's keyboard




Corn Corner:

A priest decides to paint his church one day. He goes out and buys some paint, comes back to the church, and then he realises that he didn't buy enough paint for the job. He doesn't feel like going back to the store, so he just adds some water to the paint. He looks at the church and decides he still doesn't have enough, so he adds some more water. Deciding he has enough, he spends the whole day painting his church.

That night, there's a big rainstorm. When the priest wakes up, he finds that the rain has washed away all of his paint from the previous day. He prays, saying, "Lord God, what should I do?"

He hears a voice in the sky, saying "REPAINT, AND THIN NO MORE!!!"


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