Sunday, July 31, 2016

Quotes for the Day

“Problems include blocked toilets, leaking pipes, exposed wiring, darkened stairwells where no lighting has been installed and dirty floors in need of a massive clean.” 

- Kitty Chiller,
 head of the Australian Olympic team, criticising the Australian accommodation at the Olympic Village, declaring it “not safe or ready”

“We are going to make the Australians feel at home here. I’m almost putting a kangaroo out front to jump for them. This is an incredible village, more beautiful and better than Sydney (2000).”

- Eduardo Paes, 
Mayor of Rio, in response

“We’ve already got a kangaroo, we don’t need another one. Get me a plumber mate, get me a plumber.”

- Kitty Chiller

"I wanted to make fun of Australia because of the kangaroo. I saw the things. This was the worst building. I recognise the problems you faced." 

- a repentant Mayor Paes 

"So very happy to be here, happy for the Village that you provided, for the beautiful city, and the people.”

- Kitty Chiller, after the works were carried out.

Paes then gave Kitty Chiller the keys to the city, Chiller gave Paes a boxing kangaroo stuffed soft toy and everyone was happy again.

Reader Comment and Some Presidential Trivia

In the interests of fairness and a right of reply, here are some responses from Byter Tim, who sent me two messages:

I enjoy your Bytes daily. Thought I would send you some cartoons to use next week after the Democratic convention.

Hi Otto,
As you know I have told you a few times that I am a fan of Bytes and enjoy, for the most part, reading them. I think that the American people were smart enough to realize that eight years is enough time to effect change if needed. Luckily, we will be through with the failed policies of Obama and if we’re lucky again we will not have to endure a Hillary presidency. I know you sent the disparaging cartoon after the RNC but I guess I will not be seeing any concerning the DNC. If I’m wrong let me know and I’ll send you some. 
Take care, 

Here are Tim’s cartoons,  which were preceded by the following comment:

Cartoonists seem to ALWAYS cut right to the quick on most topics, and they have done so with these attached single frame cartoons!!   ​ These are some of the best I have seen , , , 


Presidential trivia

Notice what's missing?  

George Washington 
(1732-1799) (President 1789-1797) 
was the only American president to be unanimously elected.

John F. Kennedy 
(1917-1963) (President 1961 to 1963, when he was assassinated) 
was the first president to hold a press conference on television.

John Adams

Thomas Jefferson

John Adams 
(1735-1826) (President 1797-1801) and 
Thomas Jefferson 
(1743-1826) (President 1801-1809) 
both died on the 50th Anniversary of the Declaration of Independence in 1826. Not knowing that Thomas Jefferson has already passed John Adams was quoted as saying "Jefferson survives," when he whispered his last words.

William McKinley 
(1843-1901) (President 1897 to 1901, when he was assassinated) 
was the first president to campaign by telephone.

Franklin Pierce 
(1804-1869) (President 1853-1857) 
gave his 3,319-word inaugural address from memory, without the aid of notes.

Theodore Roosevelt 
(1858-1919) (President 1901-1909) 
was the first president to call his residence in Washington, D.C. the "White House." Prior to his term, it had been called the Executive Mansion or the President’s House.

James Madison 
(1751-1836) (President 1809-1817) 
was the shortest and lightest president at 1.63m/5 feet, 4 inches and about 45 kilos/100 pounds.

Lyndon B. Johnson 
(1908-1973) (President 1963-1969) 
was the first American president to name an African American to his cabinet.

James Monroe 
(1758-1831) (President 1817-1825) 
was wounded during the American Revolution. He was struck in the left shoulder by a musket ball, which severed an artery.

Millard Fillmore 
(1800-1874) (President 1850-1853) 
installed the first bathtub and kitchen stove in the White House.

Barack Obama 
(1961- ) (President 2009-2016) 
collects Spiderman and Conan the Barbarian comic books.

Thomas Jefferson 
wrote his own epitaph never mentioning that he served as president. His epitaph read, "Author of the Declaration of American Independence, Author of the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom and the Father of the University of Virginia.

Franklin D. Roosevelt 
(1882-1945) (President 1933-1945) 
is the only American president to be elected four times. After his service, the 22nd Amendment ratified in 1951, limited the presidential office to two terms.

Abraham Lincoln 
(1809-1865) (President 1861-1865, when he was assassinated) 
was a man of perseverance. Before Lincoln’s election as the 16th president of the United States he failed as a business man, storekeeper, and farmer. He also failed in his first attempt to obtain political office, when he sought the office of speaker, in his first attempt to go to Congress, when he sought the appointment to the United States Land Office, when he ran for the United States Senate and when friends sought for him the nomination for the vice-presidency in 1856.

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Quote for the Day

"...success isn't about how much money you make, it's about the difference you make in people's lives."

-  Michelle Obama, from 2012 Democratic Convention speech

Michelle Obama and husband

I openly declare that I am a fan of Barack Obama and Michelle Obama. I am not alone in this - according to journo Sam Clench in an article on, “in Australia . . . something like 80 per cent of us view Obama favourably.” Sam gives a link to the source for such statistic, read the article at:

It has always struck me as somewhat odd that the Americans limit their President to two 4-year terms, an amendment to the Constitution that was passed by Congress in 1947 and ratified by the states in 1951. The move was initiated by Congressional Republicans in response to 4 election victories by Franklin Delano Roosevelt and his electoral legacy. Although often justified as introducing new blood, keeping the Presidency fresh and preventing a democratic monarchy, it also has the effect of obstructing continuity and disqualifying competency. Funnily enough, there is no limit to Vice Presidential terms so we may one day see Barack Obama back as a running mate.

The current First Lady is not simply one of the Washington WAGs. She is an intelligent and vibrant person in her own right who may one day run for office in her own right – if Hilary Clinton can, so can Michelle Obama.

If you haven’t yet seen Michelle Obama participating in James Corden’s car pool karaoke, do yourself a favour and have a look by clicking on the following link:

And if you didn’t catch Michelle Obama’s 2016 Democratic Convention speech, click on:

Here is a transcript of that speech:

Thank you all. Thank you so much. You know, it’s hard to believe that it has been eight years since I first came to this convention to talk with you about why I thought my husband should be president.

Remember how I told you about his character and convictions, his decency and his grace, the traits that we’ve seen every day that he’s served our country in the White House?

I also told you about our daughters, how they are the heart of our hearts, the center of our world. And during our time in the White House, we’ve had the joy of watching them grow from bubbly little girls into poised young women, a journey that started soon after we arrived in Washington when they set off for their first day at their new school. I will never forget that winter morning as I watched our girls, just 7 and 10 years old, pile into those black SUVs with all those big men with guns. And I saw their little faces pressed up against the window, and the only thing I could think was, what have we done?

See, because at that moment I realized that our time in the White House would form the foundation for who they would become and how well we managed this experience could truly make or break them. That is what Barack and I think about every day as we try to guide and protect our girls through the challenges of this unusual life in the spotlight, how we urge them to ignore those who question their father’s citizenship or faith. How we insist that the hateful language they hear from public figures on TV does not represent the true spirit of this country. How we explain that when someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop to their level. No, our motto is, when they go low, we go high.

With every word we utter, with every action we take, we know our kids are watching us. We as parents are their most important role models. And let me tell you, Barack and I take that same approach to our jobs as president and first lady because we know that our words and actions matter, not just to our girls, but the children across this country, kids who tell us I saw you on TV, I wrote a report on you for school. Kids like the little black boy who looked up at my husband, his eyes wide with hope and he wondered, is my hair like yours?

And make no mistake about it, this November when we go to the polls that is what we’re deciding, not Democrat or Republican, not left or right. No, in this election and every election is about who will have the power to shape our children for the next four or eight years of their lives.

And I am here tonight because in this election there is only one person who I trust with that responsibility, only one person who I believe is truly qualified to be president of the United States, and that is our friend Hillary Clinton. See, I trust Hillary to lead this country because I’ve seen her lifelong devotion to our nation’s children, not just her own daughter, who she has raised to perfection, but every child who needs a champion, kids who take the long way to school to avoid the gangs, kids who wonder how they’ll ever afford college, kids whose parents don’t speak a word of English, but dream of a better life, kids who look to us to determine who and what they can be.

You see, Hillary has spent decades doing the relentless, thankless work to actually make a difference in their lives, advocating for kids with disabilities as a young lawyer, fighting for children’s health care as first lady, and for quality child care in the Senate.

And when she didn’t win the nomination eight years ago, she didn’t get angry or disillusioned. Hillary did not pack up and go home, because as a true public servant Hillary knows that this is so much bigger than her own desires and disappointments. So she proudly stepped up to serve our country once again as secretary of state, traveling the globe to keep our kids safe.

And look, there were plenty of moments when Hillary could have decided that this work was too hard, that the price of public service was too high, that she was tired of being picked apart for how she looks or how she talks or even how she laughs. But here’s the thing. What I admire most about Hillary is that she never buckles under pressure. She never takes the easy way out. And Hillary Clinton has never quit on anything in her life. 

And when I think about the kind of president that I want for my girls and all our children, that’s what I want. I want someone with the proven strength to persevere, someone who knows this job and takes it seriously, someone who understands that the issues a president faces are not black and white and cannot be boiled down to 140 characters. Because when you have the nuclear codes at your fingertips and the military in your command, you can’t make snap decisions. You can’t have a thin skin or a tendency to lash out. You need to be steady and measured and well-informed.

I want a president with a record of public service, someone whose life’s work shows our children that we don’t chase form and fortune for ourselves, we fight to give everyone a chance to succeed. And we give back even when we’re struggling ourselves because we know that there is always someone worse off. And there but for the grace of God go I.

I want a president who will teach our children that everyone in this country matters, a president who truly believes in the vision that our Founders put forth all those years ago that we are all created equal, each a beloved part of the great American story. And when crisis hits, we don’t turn against each other. No, we listen to each other, we lean on each other, because we are always stronger together. 

And I am here tonight because I know that that is the kind of president that Hillary Clinton will be. And that’s why in this election I’m with her. You see, Hillary understands that the president is about one thing and one thing only, it’s about leaving something better for our kids. That’s how we’ve always moved this country forward, by all of us coming together on behalf of our children, folks who volunteer to coach that team, to teach that Sunday school class, because they know it takes a village. Heroes of every color and creed who wear the uniform and risk their lives to keep passing down those blessings of liberty, police officers and the protesters in Dallas who all desperately want to keep our children safe. People who lined up in Orlando to donate blood because it could have been their son, their daughter in that club.

Leaders like Tim Kaine, who show our kids what decency and devotion look like.

Leaders like Hillary Clinton who has the guts and the grace to keep coming back and putting those cracks in that highest and hardest glass ceiling until she finally breaks through, lifting all of us along with her.

That is the story of this country, the story that has brought me to this stage tonight, the story of generations of people who felt the lash of bondage, the shame of servitude, the sting of segregation, but who kept on striving and hoping and doing what needed to be done so that today I wake up every morning in a house that was built by slaves. And I watch my daughters, two beautiful, intelligent, black young women playing with their dogs on the White House lawn. And because of Hillary Clinton, my daughters and all our sons and daughters now take for granted that a woman can be president of the United States.

So, look, so don’t let anyone ever tell you that this country isn’t great, that somehow we need to make it great again. Because this right now is the greatest country on earth!

And as my daughters prepare to set out into the world, I want a leader who is worthy of that truth, a leader who is worthy of my girls’ promise and all our kids’ promise, a leader who will be guided every day by the love and hope and impossibly big dreams that we all have for our children.

So in this election, we cannot sit back and hope that everything works out for the best. We cannot afford to be tired or frustrated or cynical. No, hear me. Between now and November, we need to do what we did eight years ago and four years ago.

We need to knock on every door, we need to get out every vote, we need to pour every last ounce of our passion and our strength and our love for this country into electing Hillary Clinton as president of the United States of America!

So let’s get to work. Thank you all and God bless.

Friday, July 29, 2016

Quote for the Day

Funny Friday

And if today is Friday, it;'s time for some humour. . .  a couple of sports funnies, as the Olympics approach, plus a couple of rural ones.

Caution: risque content and language

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get into the Olympics but they haven't got tickets. The Scotsman picks up a manhole-cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. "McTavish, Scotland" he says, "Discus", and in he walks. The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder. "Waddington-Smythe, England," he says, "Pole vault," and in he walks. The Irishman looks around, picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm. "O'Malley, Ireland," he says, "Fencing."

The Government has advised people to watch out that they’re not being sold fake 2016 Olympic tickets. I think I’ll be alright though. My tickets for the men’s wheelchair triple jump seem genuine enough.

Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" 
Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that’s Maria Sharapova playing tennis!"

In the days before TV and quiz shows, spelling bees were all the rage on the radio. Dave was the champion speller of Snake Gully and the whole town was involved when Dave went down to Sydney for a spelling contest. But just as Dave’s turn came, a violent electrical storm cut off Snake Gully from the outside world. The whole town turned up the next morning to meet the train bringing Dave back from the Big Smoke.

“How did you go, Dave, how did you go?” boomed the Mayor as soon as dave set foot to ground.

“No bloody good,” drawled Dave. “Do you know what them silly buggers reckon in Sydney? They reckon you spell horse piss a-u-s-p-i-c-e.”

“What’s the meaning of indecent?” the shearer asked his mate.

“Well,” replied his companion, “I’d say if it was long enough, thick enough, hard enough and in far enough, it’d be in decent.”

A farmer won the $2 million lottery and was asked what he planned to do with the money. He replied “I think I’ll just keep farming until it’s all gone.”

A city boy was sent to the country to spend a holiday on his uncle’s farm. When he returned home he was bubbling over with news of everything he’d seen. His mum asked him what animals his uncle had. “Well, I saw horses and pigs and some bulls and cows and some fuckers.”

“Some fuckers?”

“Well, Uncle Harry called them ‘eiffers but I knew what he meant.”

A man enters a chemist shop and says “I want a deodorant.”
“Ball or aerosol?” asks the chemist.
“Neither,” says the man, “armpits.”


Corn Corner

How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?

How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb?
Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.

Why did America remove the "u" from "colour"?
Because fuck u that's why.