Funny Friday

___________________ 

The Fridays seem to be arriving faster.  It's time for some Friday fun and today it's a little different, a wealth of corn and a bit of Where's Wally.  Enjoy, readers . . .

___________________ 

I went to pick the wife up from the local Weight Watchers. I was a bit early so I just joined them and sat in the circle. I had a massive bag of Maltesers so I thought I'd take the piss opening up right there in front of them all. Anyway, the bag split and they all went flying. Last time I witnessed a scene like that was when I played Hungry Hippos as a kid. 

___________________ 

Where's Wally?
(Known as Waldo in the US and Canada).

Corn Corner: 

___________________ 

Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. 

Is that a trick question?? 

___________________ 

I went to my mate’s funeral. It was sad, he was killed by a tennis ball . 

Still, it was a lovely service. 

___________________ 

My friend and I were playing chess. I said to him "Let's do something interesting", so we stopped playing chess. 

___________________ 

I finally realised my parents favoured my twin brother. 

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party. 

___________________ 

What do you call a fish that isn't moving? 

A dead fish. 

___________________ 

I don’t watch Downton Abbey....... 

I get enough period drama with my girlfriend 

___________________ 

A recent survey found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. 

It’s probably true. I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I ate a monkey. 

___________________ 

Somone stole a toilet from a police station in Burwood. 

Detectives are searching for clues, but at the moment they have nothing to go on.

___________________ 

Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. 

It's unthinkable. 

___________________ 

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the barrier at Warragamba. 

Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam. 

___________________ 

Breaking news, midget holds seance for charity and runs off with the takings. 

Small medium at large. 

___________________ 

Scientists have discovered exactly how much sleep an average person needs. 

Just 5 minutes more. 

___________________ 

How do you make a pirate angry? 

Take the 'P' out of him. 

___________________ 

I read a history book about World War II that was only four pages long. 

It was abridged too far. 

___________________ 

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, 'We’re looking for someone who is responsible.' 

'Well, I’m your man', I replied, 'In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.' 

___________________ 

I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born. 

Sadly, there was no plaque on it. 

___________________ 

People often say "icy" is the easiest word to spell and, looking at it now, I see why. 

___________________ 

My neighbours are listening to great music. 

Whether they like it or not.