Sunday, May 25, 2014

100 Interesting facts about famous people - Nos 1-5:



1.
Elvis Presley was a natural blonde. His familiar black hair was the product of dye, beginning in high school.



2.
Simon Cowell worked briefly as a runner on Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining. He polished Jack Nicholson’s axe. According to his half brother, Tony: “I well remember him saying he used to clean Jack Nicholson's axe in between takes for the most famous scenes. He took great pride in it, you could see your face in it, it was so shiny. It's a far cry from where he is now. I think the only thing he shines these days are his teeth."


3.
Mark Wahlberg served 45 days in jail for an unprovoked, racially motivated attack in 1988 that left one of two victims blind. He was initially charged with attempted murder.

According to Wikipedia:

Wahlberg had been in trouble 20–25 times with the Boston Police Department in his youth. By age 13, Wahlberg had developed an addiction to cocaine and other substances. At fifteen, civil action was filed against Wahlberg for his involvement in two separate incidents of harassing African-American children (the first some siblings and the second a group of black school children on a field trip), by throwing rocks and shouting racial epithets. At 16, Wahlberg approached a middle-aged Vietnamese man on the street and, using a large wooden stick, knocked him unconscious while yelling a racial epithet. That same day, he also attacked another Vietnamese man, leaving the victim permanently blind in one eye.  
For these crimes, Wahlberg was charged with attempted murder, pleaded guilty to assault, and was sentenced to two years in state prison at Boston's Deer Island House of Correction. He served 45 days of his sentence. In another incident, the 21-year-old Wahlberg fractured the jaw of a neighbor in an unprovoked attack. Commenting in 2006 on his past crimes, Wahlberg has stated: "I did a lot of things that I regret, and I have certainly paid for my mistakes." He said the right thing to do would be to try to find the blinded man and make amends, and admitted he has not done so, but added that he was no longer burdened by guilt: "You have to go and ask for forgiveness and it wasn't until I really started doing good and doing right by other people, as well as myself, that I really started to feel that guilt go away. So I don't have a problem going to sleep at night. I feel good when I wake up in the morning."



4. 
Star Trek’s engineer Scotty, real name James Doohan, served with the Canadian Army in World War 2. On D Day he killed two German snipers and was shot six times.

Doohan joined the Royal Canadian Artillery at the beginning of World War 2 and was commissioned a lieutenant. Sent to England in 1940 for training, his firs action was the invasion of Normandy on D-Day where he shot two snipers. He then led his men to higher ground, through a field of anti-tank mines, and set up defensive positions. Crossing between command posts at 11:30 that night, Doohan was hit by six rounds fired from a Bren gun by a nervous Canadian sentry: four in his leg, one in the chest, and one through his right middle finger. The bullet to his chest was stopped by a silver cigarette case. His right middle finger had to be amputated, something he would conceal during his career as an actor. 



5. 
At age 35 Harrison Ford was fitting a door for Francis Ford Coppola when a studio executive, testing actresses for a new film, asked him to help out by reading the lines written for the male lead. The film was Star Wars.


By the way:

  • The trademark scar on his chin happened in 1964. He had a job near Laguna Beach, California and while driving to work he tried to put his seat belt on, lost control of his car and drove into a telephone pole, slamming his face into the steering wheel. Ford stood by the side of the road bleeding for hours, until somebody picked him up and drove him to the hospital.


  • The famous and classic scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark in which Indy shoots an expert swordsman was not in the original script. 
       Harrison Ford on how the scene came to be filmed in its final format:

We were shooting in Tunisia, and the script had a scene in which I fight a swordsman, an expert swordsman, it was meant to be the ultimate duel between sword and whip. And I was suffering from dysentery, really, found it inconvenient to be out of my trailer for more than 10 minutes at a time. We’d done a brief rehearsal of the scene the night before we were meant to shoot it, and both Steve and I realised it would take 2 or 3 days to shoot this. And it was the last thing we were meant to shoot in Tunisia before we left to shoot in England. And the scene before this in the film included a whip fight against 5 bad guys that were trying to kidnap Marian, so I thought it was a bit redundant. I was puzzling how to get out of this 3 days of shooting, so when I got to set I proposed to Steven that we just shoot the son a bitch and Steve said “I was thinking that as well.” So he drew his sword, the poor guy was a wonderful British stuntman who had practiced his sword skills for months in order to do this job, and was quite surprised by the idea that we would dispatch him in 5 minutes. But he flourished his sword, I pulled out my gun and shot him, and then we went back to England.



* * * * * * * * *

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Song Spot: Hey Jig a Jig


Caution: risque content and language

I first came across this song watching a  rerun on TV of a wonderful 1961 Brit war movie The Long and The Short and The Tall. It’s set in 1942 in the Burmese jungle and stars Richard Todd, Richard Harris, Laurence Harvey and a very young David McCallum


At one point in the movie Laurence Harvey, as Private Bamforth, sings the song and dances a jig with one of the other soldiers.  A great scene.


The song is usually entitled Hey Jig a Jig but it is also known as Follow the Band and it can be seen and enjoyed by clicking on the following link, which shows the clip from the film:

So why am I writing about it, apart from the fact that it is a funny song?

It is a good representative of the rugby songs tradition, those bawdy and irreverent songs which, in a stricter and more censorious past, were often sung in the (male) dressing rooms after rugby and other sporting matches, at male university pissups and, in the words of Robin Williams, gatherings of men with men doing manly things. Songs such as The Bastard King of England and Chastity Belt were the musical equivalent of English seaside postcards, but although their function was to be bawdy and politically incorrect, they also sometimes were clever and witty. In some cases they were bawdy versions in the style of English music hall songs where the performer sang the verses and the audience joined in on the choruses.

Hey Jig a Jig is one of the witty ones, using plays on words to raise a laugh and where the rest of the gathering would join in on the chorus.

Here are the lyrics from The Long and The Short and The Tall clip:

My husband’s a corporal, a corporal, a corporal,
A very fine corporal is he,
All day he knocks men about, knocks men about, knocks men about
At night he comes home and knocks me.

Singing hey jig a jig, cook a little pig,
Follow the band, 
Follow the band all the way,
Singing hey jig a jig, cook a little pig,
Follow the band, 
Follow the band all the way,

Cos my little sister Lily has a stall in Piccadilly,
And my mother has another on the Strand,
‘And my father’s flogging charcoal
‘Round The Elephant and Castle,
We’re the finest flippin’ family in the land.

Singing hey jig a jig, cook a little pig,
Follow the band, 
Follow the band all the way,
Singing hey jig a jig, cook a little pig,
Follow the band, 
Follow the band all the way,

* * * * * * * *

Some further comments on the song:

Some versions use “fuck a little pig” and “kiss a little pig” in place of "cook a little pig."

* * * * * * * *

There are numerous verses with many being made up on the spot at boozy renditions.

The verses follow a standard structure where the first 3 lines describe the activity pursued by the husband/boyfriend/girlfriend etc and then a personal 4th line that is usually bawdy and has a connection to the activity described.

The following link shows the lyrics below and has an audio clip, just click on the box after the song title:

They say there's a boat on the river, the river, 
They say that it's loaded with beer
Oh, why is that boat on the river, the river
It fucking well ought to be here. 

Singing:

Hey, jig-a-jig fuck a little pig
Follow the band, 
Follow the band with your cock in your hand
Hey, jig-a-jig fuck a little pig
Follow the band
Fall-in and follow the band

I've been in the saddle for hours and hours
I've stuck it as long as I could
I've stuck it and stuck it
And now I say fuck it
My asshole is not made of wood. 

Singing:

Hey, jig-a-jig fuck a little pig
Follow the band, 
Follow the band with your cock in your hand
Hey, jig-a-jig fuck a little pig
Follow the band
Fall-in and follow the band

* * * * * * * *

Here are two verses meant to be sung one after the other, separated by the chorus:

My girlfriend’s a lawyer, a lawyer, a lawyer 
A mighty fine lawyer is she 
All day long she fucks you, she fucks you, she fucks you 
And at night she comes home and fucks me 

My girlfriend’s a prostitute, a prostitute, a prostitute 
A mighty fine prostitute is she 
All day long she fucks you, she fucks you, she fucks you 
And when she comes home she goes to sleep. 

* * * * * * * *

Hash House Harriers have a different set of lyrics.

(Back in my fit days I ran hash, which consists of a hare setting a trail using chalk etc and the hounds later following. If the trail is properly laid with false turns, suspension of marking etc it allows regroups for the slower runners to catch up).

Lyrics to Follow the Hare:

Drink a little bit, Fuck a little bit, Follow the hare 
Follow the hare with your balls in the air, singing 
Drink a little bit, Fuck a little bit, Follow the hare 
Follow the hare all the way

My father's a _____. A _____ , a _____, 
A mighty fine _____ is he! 
All day he ______ ______, He _____ _____, he ______ _____, 
And when he comes home, he _____ me. 

Oilman/drills wells/drills
Miner/shafts me/explores
Repo Man/repos/seizes
Ploughman/ploughs fields/plows me
Glassblower/blows glass/blows
Nurse/takes temps/takes
Gymnast/strides poles/strides mine 
Dancer/does steps/does 
Asthmatic/sucks air/sucks
Cowboy/rides broncs/rides
Mechanic/screws bolts/screws
Guitarist/plays licks/licks
Carpenter/bangs nails/bangs
Truck driver/grinds gears/grinds
Postman/stuffs boxes/stuffs
Plumber/lays pipe/lays
Dentist/drills you/drills
Taxidermist/stuffs dead things/stuffs

* * * * * * * *

On the other hand, an American book, The Erotic Muse – American Bawdy Songs, uses the same occupations as the HHH lyrics and says this about the song, which they say is called My Husband’s a Mason:

“The pun, considered the lowest form of humor, is put to good use in service of the lowest form of songlore. Despite its modern allusions, “My Husband’s a Mason” can be traced to a song printed first in the early eighteenth century – one that was probably old then.

Read the verses at:


It uses the chorus:
Singing hey jig a jig, kiss a little pig,
Follow the band, 
Follow the band all the way,
Singing hey jig a jig, cook a little pig,
Follow the band, 
Follow the band all the way,

* * * * * * * *

The above site also makes the observation that it a long standing tradition in English and Scottish bawdy songs to suggest a line with swear words or eroticism but to then substitute a euphemism. Hence there are also verses to the above song that state that at night the husband comes home and drinks tea. This would enable it to be sung in more social gatherings as well.

See, for example:
which has a collection of such verses:

My husband's a carpenter, a carpenter, a carpenter
All day he bangs boards, he bangs boards
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

My husband's a jockey, a jockey, a jockey
All day he mounts horses, he mounts horses
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

My husband's a postman, a postman, a postman
All day he licks stamps, he licks stamps
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

My husband's an executive, an executive, an executive
All day he succeeds, he succeeds
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

My husband's a folk singer, a folk singer, a folk singer
All day he plucks strings, he plucks strings
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

The last verse of the session should be:

My husband's a loafer, a loafer, a loafer
All day he drinks tea, he drinks tea, he drinks tea
And at night la da dada dada

* * * * * * * * *

Friday, May 23, 2014

Funny Friday



More Jewish humour, for no other reaosn than I think it's funny. A couple have been posted in Bytes before.

* * * * * * * *

Sidney telephones Rabbi Levy. 

He says, "Rabbi, I know tonight is Kol Nidre night, but tonight Spurs are in the European Cup quarter finals. Rabbi, I'm a life long Spurs fan. I've got to watch the Spurs game on TV." 

Rabbi Levy replies, "Sidney, that's what video recorders are for." 

Sidney is surprised. "You mean I can tape Kol Nidre"? 

* * * * * * * *

After months of negotiation, Avraham, a Jewish scholar from Odessa, was granted permission to visit Moscow. 

He boarded the train and sat down. At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. Avraham looked at the young man and thought, 

This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and if he isn't a peasant he probably comes from this area. If he comes from this area, he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish area. On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going? 
I'm the only one from our area to be allowed to travel to Moscow. 
Wait - just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and you don't need special permission to go there. 
But why would he be going to Samvet? He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, so he must be visiting the Steinbergs. 
But why is he going? The Steinbergs have only girls, so maybe he's their son-in-law. But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? 
Sarah married that nice lawyer from Budapest and Esther married a businessman from Zhadomir, so it must be Sarah's husband. Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name. What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if he changed his name he must have some special status. 
What could it be? A doctorate from the University. 

At this point Avraham turns to the young man and said, "How do you do, Dr Kovacs?" 

"Very well, thank you, sir" answered the startled passenger. "But how is it that you know my name?" 

"Oh," replied Avraham, "it was obvious". 

* * * * * * *

A Polish town had just one cow to its name and its milk ran dry. The townsfolk did some research and bought a replacement cow from Minsk for only 1,000 rubles. It was a great cow, gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it. 

Then the people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows and would never again have to worry about their milk supply. They bought a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. But things were not that easy - when the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left and when the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all day. 

In desperation, the people asked their rabbi what to do - he was very wise. 

"Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our cow, but when the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left, and vice versa. What shall we do?" 

The Rabbi said to them, "Nu, why did you buy a Minsk cow?" 

"Rabbi," they said, "you are so wise. We never told you that we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know?" 

The Rabbi said, "My wife is from Minsk." 

* * * * * * * *

Harry Goldberg has been elected the next president of the United States--the first Jewish boy to reach the Whitehouse. He is very proud and phones his mother in New York to invite her to the inauguration. 

Harry: Momma, guess what! I've just been elected president, won't you come to my inauguration? 
Mother: Harry! You know I hate trains. I can't face the journey all the way to Washington. Maybe next time. 
Harry: Momma! You will take no train. Air Force One will collect you. The journey will be over in 30 minutes. Come to my inauguration, please... 
Mother: Harry, I hate hotels. The non-kosher food! Nahh, maybe next time. 
Harry: Momma!! You will stay in the White House, a kosher chef to yourself. PLEASE come. 
Mother: Harry! I have nothing to wear! 
Harry: I have someone on his way to take you to Macy's and Bloomingdale's to make you look perfect. You must come!!! 
Mother: Okay, okay, I suppose I will come. 

Inauguration day comes. Mother is on the front row, next to the Secretary of State. Harry is called up to become the next president. Mother digs the Secretary of State in the ribs and says, "Hey, you see that boy Harry? His brother is a very successful doctor!" 

* * * * * * *

Issy was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked very hard for his money and wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So Issy begins to pray. 

An angel hears his plea and says to him, "I'm sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." 

Issy implores the angel to speak to God to see if he might bend the rules. He said he would try. In the meantime, Issy continues to pray. 

When the angel reappears, he informs Issy that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, Issy gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward he dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven. 

The angel Gabriel, seeing the suitcase, says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here." 

Issy explains that he has permission and suggests he verify his story with God. 
Gabriel checks and says, "You're right. You're allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through." 

So Gabriel opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly goods that Issy found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?"

* * * * * * * *

Sam is a nice young man who has fallen in love with a girl he has just met. 

When Sam tells his father about her, the father just wants to know her family name. When Sam tells him that the girl's name is Ford, his father says that Ford is not a good Jewish name and he must forget her and go find a Jewish girl. 

Time passes and Sam finds another girl. Her name is Smith so his father tells him to find a nice Jewish girl with a nice Jewish name. 

More time passes and Sam finds another girl, but this time he is sure that he has solved the problem because the girl's name is Goldberg. "Goldberg," exclaims his father, "this makes me very happy because it's a real good Jewish name, and from a good established family." 

Then his father asks, "Is her first name one of my favourite names, like Rachael, or Rebecca?" 

"No Father," replies Sam, "It's Whoopi."

* * * * * * * *


Corn Corner:

Did you hear about the new facility Kraft Foods is building in Israel? 
It’s called "Cheeses of Nazareth". 

* * * * * * * * *

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Quote - Paul Eddington


Paul Eddington (1927-1995) was an English actor best known for his role as politician Jim Hacker in Yes, Minister and later in Yes, Prime Minister.  Eddington’s autobiography So Far, So Good was published in 1995, the year of his death. Five days before his death of cancer he made an appearance on television interview program Face to Face, where he discussed his life, career and nis battle with lymphoma. He said in that program:

"A journalist once asked me what I would like my epitaph to be and I said I think I would like it to be 'He did very little harm'. And that's not easy. Most people seem to me to do a great deal of harm. If I could be remembered as having done very little, that would suit me."

Eddington’s autobiography records his visit to Sydney, Australia where he had lunch with politician Barry Cohen, who was Minister for Home Affairs and the Environment from 1983 to 1984 under the Hawke government and Minister for Arts, Heritage and the Environment until 1987.

Paul Eddington

Barry Cohen

The extract from So Far, So Good:

When we were all back in Sydney Barry invited me to lunch, with his wife Rae, at their home in Gosford, about one and a half hours’ drive north. The ministerial limousine collected me, we picked up an Australian Senator and swept up the Pacific Highway to Barry’s constituency – which Australians confusingly call an ‘electorate’.

Barry’s house was set on a wooded hillside. The steep garden was filled with the silvery sound of bellbirds and two young wallabies were playing in it. We saw where they slept, in a shelter slung from a beam in two sacks made in imitation of their mothers’ pouches.

Social distinctions are happily blurred in Australia and Barry’s driver, Kerry Ternen, joined us for pre-lunch drinks.

‘Oh, by the way, Kerry.’ Said Barry, ‘after lunch would you take the Senator back to Sydney and then come back here and collect Paul, who’s staying for supper?’

Kerry registered incredulity. ‘Fuck me, Barry,’ He said, ‘that’s a three-hour drive, man. Jesus Christ!’

‘Please don’t mind me,’ murmured the Senator.

‘Oh, alright,' said Barry, and we all stayed and went out that evening for a Chinese meal.

The Palace of Westminster seemed a long way away.


* * * * * * * * *

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Chalkboard Art



I mentioned a few days ago that I was going to post some interesting ephemeral art images. My intended introduction about sandpainting grew to such an extent that it became an item on its own. That in turn prompted a response by Byter Sue who sent me off on a tangent to the ephemeral art of Andy Goldsworthy. 

Posted below are the pics that were originally intended to be displayed.

* * * * * * * *

Most people will have seen photographs of amazing footpath art, such as that of Julian Beever and Manfred Stader:

Julian Beever work

Manfred Stader work

As someone who has trouble even just keeping the letters straight when having written in chalk on a blackboard in the past, I am impressed.

* * * * * * * *

Two anonymous students going by the name of Dabngerdust post weekly works of blackboard beauty featuring inspirational quotations.

This is from their website at:

We are dangerdust. We love chalk. 
Despite our overwhelming workload at Columbus College of Art & Design we bring it upon ourselves to create a chalkboard every week. We have taken over the chalkboard on the third floor of Crane and every Monday a new board appears. 

Pics from that website:


























* * * * * * * * *


Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Some quotes


* * * * *

The last item about Vegemite:


“See how that goes for pensioners trying to get an extra smear of Vegemite on their toast on day 13 of their budget.”

- Leader of the Federal Opposition, Bill Shorten, commenting on the Abbot Government’s hard hitting budget, specifically in relation to the paid parental scheme which he claims will pay millionaires $50,000 of money they don't need.

* * * * *

By the way . . . 

Looking for a pic of Bill Shorten on the internet to go with the above item, I came up with some marvellous ones:






* * * * *

One for Prime Minister Tony Abott to use . . . 


"When we (The Democrats) got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were."

–President John Kennedy

* * * * *


Australian Jack Brabham, three times Formula 1 World Drivers Champion (1959, 1960, 1966), who died yesterday aged 88, commenting on the last race when he won the first of his championships:

“Bruce [McLaren, Brabham’s Cooper team-mate] and I led the race for quite some time, right up until the last lap. 
On the last lap I was leading and Bruce was behind me and sadly, my car ran out of petrol about half a mile from the end and Bruce drew up alongside me and looked at me as if to say 'What are you going to do?' I couldn't do anything but just coast to a stop. 
I eventually stopped about 100 yards from the finishing line, and I started pushing. If anybody assisted me, I'd be disqualified. 
At the time, of course, when I pushed the car over the line I didn't realise what position I was as far as the world championship was concerned. 
It was a big thrill to me to find out after I was exhausted on the ground, I found out that I'd actually won the championship. It was a fantastic thing. Bruce won the race and, of course, that really helped launch Bruce into his career.”

Brabham pushes his car over the finishing line.

An exhausted Brabham after pushing his car

Brabham remains the only person to win a F1 world championship in a car he designed, built and drove himself. He was also the first racing driver to be knighted.

* * * * * * * * *