Wednesday, April 27, 2022
THE MAN FROM IRONBARK
"The Man From Ironbark", a poem by Australian bush poet Andrew Barton “Banjo” Paterson, was first published in The Bulletin in 1892.
The poem relates the experiences of a man from the bush who visits Sydney and becomes the subject of a practical joke by a mischievous barber.
There are echoes in the poem of the urban legend of the murdering barber Sweeney Todd.
Ironbark was the earlier name for Stuart Town, a town in the Central West region of New South Wales.
Hear the poem sung by Wallis and Matilda by clicking on:
Hear Jack Thompson recite the poem by clicking on:
The Man from Ironbark
- Banjo Paterson
It was the man from Ironbark who struck the Sydney town,
He wandered over street and park, he wandered up and down.
He loitered here he loitered there, till he was like to drop,
Until at last in sheer despair he sought a barber's shop.
'Ere! shave my beard and whiskers off, I'll be a man of mark,
I'll go and do the Sydney toff up home in Ironbark.'
The barber man was small and flash, as barbers mostly are,
He wore a strike-your-fancy sash he smoked a huge cigar;
He was a humorist of note and keen at repartee,
He laid the odds and kept a 'tote', whatever that may be,
And when he saw our friend arrive, he whispered, 'Here's a lark!
Just watch me catch him all alive, this man from Ironbark.'
There were some gilded youths that sat along the barber's wall.
Their eyes were dull, their heads were flat, they had no brains at all;
To them the barber passed the wink his dexter eyelid shut,
'I'll make this bloomin' yokel think his bloomin' throat is cut.'
And as he soaped and rubbed it in he made a rude remark:
'I s'pose the flats is pretty green up there in Ironbark.'
A grunt was all reply he got; he shaved the bushman's chin,
Then made the water boiling hot and dipped the razor in.
He raised his hand, his brow grew black, he paused awhile to gloat,
Then slashed the red-hot razor-back across his victim's throat;
Upon the newly-shaven skin it made a livid mark -
No doubt it fairly took him in - the man from Ironbark.
He fetched a wild up-country yell might wake the dead to hear,
And though his throat, he knew full well, was cut from ear to ear,
He struggled gamely to his feet, and faced the murd'rous foe:
'You've done for me! you dog, I'm beat! one hit before I go!
I only wish I had a knife, you blessed murdering shark!
But you'll remember all your life the man from Ironbark.'
He lifted up his hairy paw, with one tremendous clout
He landed on the barber's jaw, and knocked the barber out.
He set to work with nail and tooth, he made the place a wreck;
He grabbed the nearest gilded youth, and tried to break his neck.
And all the while his throat he held to save his vital spark,
And 'Murder! Bloody murder!' yelled the man from Ironbark.
A peeler man who heard the din came in to see the show;
He tried to run the bushman in, but he refused to go.
And when at last the barber spoke, and said ''Twas all in fun'
Twas just a little harmless joke, a trifle overdone.'
'A joke!' he cried, 'By George, that's fine; a lively sort of lark;
I'd like to catch that murdering swine some night in Ironbark.'
And now while round the shearing floor the list'ning shearers gape,
He tells the story o'er and o'er, and brags of his escape.
'Them barber chaps what keeps a tote, By George, I've had enough,
One tried to cut my bloomin' throat, but thank the Lord it's tough.'
And whether he's believed or no, there's one thing to remark,
That flowing beards are all the go way up in Ironbark.
Some images:
Tuesday, April 26, 2022
QUOTE FOR THE DAY
- Kind Hearts and Coronets, 1949:
"Revenge is a dish which people of taste prefer to eat cold."
- The Godfather, 1972:
Don Corleone nodded.
"Revenge is a dish that tastes best when it is cold," he said.
- Star Trek II, The Wrath of Kahn, 1982:
Kirk, old friend, do you know the Klingon proverb,
"Revenge is a dish best served cold"?
REVENGE: STEVE HOFSTETTER
I like watching stand up comic Steve Hofstetter's videos on Youtube, a lot of his videos being of him dealing with hecklers.
He concedes that the person who best deals with hecklers is English comic Jimmy Carr, who is the tops. Also very much worth watching.
Steve
Hofstetter told a story 5 years ago on the Reddit PreRevenge site but I have
only just come across it.
Here is the link:
Here is the story:
A woman let
her dog shit on the airport floor. So I shit on her plans.
While walking to my gate at LAX, I noticed a woman whose dog was in the middle of doing its business. The woman was loudly face-timing with her back to the dog, so I assumed she didn’t notice. That was likely the thought shared by the gentleman who tried to get her attention.
“Excuse me, miss?” he said, in a polite tone. The woman glared at him. “Your dog,” he sheepishly continued, pointing to the mid-poop pup.
The woman rolled her eyes and went back to face time as the man slinked away, seemingly embarrassed.
“Some people,” she bellowed to her face-time companion with no hint of irony, “are just so damned rude.”
When her dog finished, the woman started walking away, leaving everything right on the airport floor. Another woman tried to stop her.
“You’re not going to clean that up?” she asked, as shocked as the rest of us were.
“They have people for that,” the offender replied, disappearing into the crowd, as much as someone yelling into their phone can disappear into a crowd.
I stood near the pile and warned people to walk around it while someone else got a maintenance worker’s attention. No one said anything – we were so shocked that anyone could be that horrible.
When I got to my gate, the woman was there, too. Great – we were both going to Tokyo. When I travel abroad, I get embarrassed by other Americans doing things one hundred times less embarrassing than leaving animal faeces on the floor of an airport. To make it worse, her dog was now barking at everyone who walked by.
I have nothing against people flying with their dogs, I do it often. But it is a privilege I take seriously. My dog is well-trained and behaves better than most people. He certainly behaves better than that asshole.
Speaking of assholes, there is a pet relief area inside LAX, past security, just two gates away from where The Party Pooper let her dog go to town. It didn’t matter - she was the type of person to litter three feet from an empty garbage can.
While her dog barked at the world, the woman had moved from face-timing with no headphones to listening to music with no headphones. I don’t like to throw around the word “sociopath” but I don’t know how else I could explain just how selfish and terrible of a person she was. I’d bet her car was somewhere in long-term parking, parked across three spots with paint on the bumper from the child's bike she hit without leaving a note.
Everyone else tried to ignore her, sitting as far away from her as they could. I am not everyone else.
I sat down right next to the horrible woman. “Are you going to London on business?” I said.
“I’m going to Tokyo,” she responded gruffly, annoyed that I interrupted her DJing.
“Oh, I said. Then you better hurry. That flight got moved to gate 53C. This is the flight to London.”
I figured I could give her a little moment of panic as payback for how terribly she was treating everyone. I didn’t predict what would happen next. She grabbed her bags and her dog in a huff, and stormed out of the gate without even checking. She was so self-involved, she didn’t notice that the monitor at our gate still said Tokyo and almost everyone at the gate was Japanese.
Based on her actions, she believed me that the fight had been moved, so she’s also an asshole for not thanking me. “Some people,” I thought as I watched her rush away from the gate without stopping her, “are just so damned rude.”
The flight to Tokyo was at gate 69A, so the 53 gates were on the other side of the next terminal. And I felt guilty knowing she probably berated some poor clerk who had to explain to her that there was no gate 53C.
I don’t know if she made it back to this flight before we took off or not, but I didn’t see her board and I don’t hear her dog. Her missing her flight was not my original intention, but it would be a fine punishment for her being so rude to everyone and making a low-paid stranger clean feces off the floor. What makes me wonder if I went too far is the knowledge that Delta only has one flight to Tokyo each day. Whoops.
Maybe she can re-book on another airline. I hear they have people for that.
EDIT: For those of you who want to play internet detective and demanded to see my ticket (as if that even proves anything), I'm a stand-up comedian with a show in LA last night and a show in Tokyo tonight. But if that's not enough for you, here's my ticket. And yes, Delta does allow dogs on flights to Japan.
EDIT TWO:
RIP Inbox in a ridiculous, thousand message way. Thanks to all the nice folks,
especially the people who are coming to shows, etc - I'm trying to get to all
your comments, but it may take me a few days. For those who are being dicks, I
hope you wheel your suitcase into her dog shit.
Monday, April 25, 2022
REMEMBERING HEROES: BRUCE KINGSBURY VC
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Anzac Day
Today, 25 April, is Anzac Day in Australia and New Zealand, the national day of remembrance commemorating Australians and New Zealanders "who served and died in all wars, conflicts, and peacekeeping operations" and "the contribution and suffering of all those who have served". It was originally devised to honour the members of the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) who served in the Gallipoli Campaign, their first engagement in the First World War (1914–1918). It is the most scared non-religious day in the Australian year.
It is therefore appropriate to post another instalment in Remembering Heroes series.
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Remembering Heroes
The stories behind the names on the signs at the rest stops on the Remembrance Driveway, which goes from Sydney to Canberra.
The highway commemorates persons awarded the Victoria Cross by naming rest stops after them.
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Victoria Cross
The Victoria Cross (VC) is the highest and most prestigious award of the military honours system. It is awarded for valour "in the presence of the enemy" to members of the British Armed Forces and may be awarded posthumously. It was previously awarded by countries of the Commonwealth of Nations, most of which have established their own honours systems and no longer recommend British honours.
It may be awarded to a person of any military rank in any service and to civilians under military command. No civilian has received the award since 1879.
Australia was the first Commonwealth country to create its own VC, on 15 January 1991. Although it is a separate award, its appearance is identical to its British counterpart.
The VC was introduced on 29 January 1856 by Queen Victoria to honour acts of valour during the Crimean War. The metal used to make every Victoria Cross medal has been made from cannons captured by the British at the siege of Sevastopol.
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Bruce Kingsbury VC
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Location of rest stop
Penrose State Forest, Hume Highway, Penrose
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Summary of VC award
In the Isavura area, New Guinea, in August 1942 the battalion to which Pte. Kingsbury belonged had been holding a position for two days against continuous and fierce attacks.
On August 29th the enemy broke through on the right flank, creating a serious threat to the battalion and its headquarters. It was essential to regain the lost ground immediately, and Pte. Kingsbury, one of the few survivors of his platoon, volunteered to join another platoon ordered to counter-attack.
Rushing through terrific machine-gun fire, and firing his bren gun from the hip, he succeeded in clearing a path through the enemy, inflicting an extremely high number of casualties; but was seen to fall, shot dead by a sniper.
Pte. Kingsbury displayed a complete disregard for his own safety. His initiative and superb courage made possible the re-capture of the position, which undoubtedly saved battalion headquarters as well as causing heavy casualties among the enemy. His coolness, determination and devotion to duty in the face of great odds were an inspiration to his comrades.
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More detailed comments:
Bruce Steel Kingsbury, VC (8 January 1918 – 29 August 1942) received the award of the Victoria Cross for action in the Battle of Isurava during the Kokoda Track Campaign in the south-east of the island of New Guinea.
Born in the Melbourne suburb of Preston, despite his parents' disapproval, Kingsbury signed up to the Australian Imperial Force on 29 May 1940.
Kingsbury proposed to his girlfriend, Leila, and gave Leila a wristwatch as an engagement present However they could not arrange a marriage licence before he left and the marriage never took place.
Kingsbury saw action in the Middle East before being moved to New Guinea in 1942 for action against the Japanese.
Kingsbury with the other members of his platoon on 16 August 1942. Kingsbury is second from the left in the bottom row. The man right next to him is Private Harry Saunders, brother of Reg Saunders, the first Aboriginal Australian to be commissioned in the Australian Army.
Following the Battle of the Coral Sea, the Japanese abandoned the attempt to capture Port Moresby from the sea and, on 21 July, landed ground forces at Buna in north-east Papua. After capturing the town of Kokoda for the second time on 9 August, the Japanese began advancing along the Kokoda Track towards Port Moresby. The 2,500-strong Japanese force met the 39th and 53rd Infantry Battalions, at the town of Isurava. As the battle was beginning to develop, on 26 August, members of the 2/14th, including Kingsbury, arrived at Isurava to reinforce the exhausted 39th Battalion.
The two combined battalions began digging in around Isurava. A headquarters had been set up at the top of the hill, which was vital to the defence of the position. While the Australians dug themselves in, the Japanese, led by Japanese Major General Tomitarō Horii, prepared to attack.
On 28 August, the Japanese launched their offensive. The Australians, who had initially been outnumbered but were now roughly equal in strength, resisted in the face of heavy machine-gun fire and hand-to-hand combat. On 29 August, the Japanese broke through the right flank, pushing the Australians back with heavy fire, threatening to cut off their headquarters. The Australians began to prepare a counter-offensive, and men volunteered to join an attack party. Kingsbury, one of the few survivors of his platoon, ran down the track with the group.
You could see his Bren gun held out and his big bottom swaying as he went with the momentum he was getting up, followed by Alan Avery. They were cheerful. They were going out on a picnic almost.
— Lieutenant Colonel Phil Rhoden, The Spirit of Kokoda
Using a Bren gun he had taken from wounded Corporal Lindsay Bear, Kingsbury, alongside Avery and the rest of the group, engaged the nearby Japanese. The fire was so heavy that the undergrowth was completely destroyed within five minutes. It was then that Kingsbury, firing from his hip, charged straight at the Japanese.
He came forward with this Bren and he just mowed them down. He was an inspiration to everybody else around him. There were clumps of Japs here and there and he just mowed them down.
— Private Allen Avery, The Spirit of Kokoda
His actions demoralised the Japanese, killing several and forcing others to find cover. The rest of the Australian group, inspired by Kingsbury's actions, forced the Japanese further back into the jungle. Kingsbury was then shot and mortally wounded by a Japanese sniper. The sniper fired one shot before disappearing. Kingsbury’s friend from the age of 5, Allen Avery (who coincidentally had each enlisted on the same day at different enlistment stations), who had been about 6 feet (1.8 m) from Kingsbury, briefly chased after the sniper. He returned to carry Kingsbury to the regimental aid post; Kingsbury was dead by the time he arrived there.
Kingsbury's actions were a turning point in the battle. The Japanese had begun to gather momentum in their attack, and were threatening to overrun the 2/14th's headquarters. His attack inflicted damage to the Japanese force, temporarily halting their advance. This allowed the Australian troops to stabilise their positions, eventually regaining control and defending the battalion's headquarters. His act of bravery served as an inspiration to the troops. However, the battle ended in defeat for the Australians, with elements of the 2/14th breaking during the afternoon of 29 August. The remainder of the battalion managed to withdraw during the night, but suffered heavy casualties and another defeat during fighting the next day at positions around the Isurava Guest House.
Authors and military analysts have speculated that had Kingsbury not attacked, the Japanese might have destroyed the battalion. The Japanese had been attacking in waves, and had started to climb a steep hill to outflank the Australians, in an effort to win the battle. The Australians were low on supplies and the Japanese were on the verge of breaking through the Australian line. Had they broken through, they would have been able to isolate the battalion's headquarters from the soldiers on the flanks. This would have prevented the Australians from retreating to Alola, allowing the Japanese to overrun them.
Kingsbury was the first Australian soldier to be awarded the Victoria Cross for actions in the South Pacific and also the first on Australian territory.
Kingsbury's Rock, the rock next to which Kingsbury died, stands within sight of where the 2/14th Battalion's headquarters had been established, and has been incorporated as part of the Isurava Memorial. His body now rests in the Bomana Cemetery, Port Moresby, and his Victoria Cross is on display at the Australian War Memorial, Canberra.
The Melbourne suburb of Kingsbury was named in his honour, as is a street in the Canberra suburb of Gowrie.
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Gallery:
Signalman R. Williams tending to Kingsbury's grave in 1944
Grave of Pte Kingsbury,
Port
Moresby (Bomana) War Cemetery, Papua New Guinea
Memorial Plaque to Bruce
Kingsbury, V.C. at Kokoda along Kokoda Track, Papua New Guinea.
Kingsbury's family accepting the Victoria Cross on his behalf
Kingsbury's Rock, honouring Private Bruce Steel Kingsbury VC, Isurava.
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Sunday, April 24, 2022
SONG SPOT: THE REASON I LEFT MULLINGAR
Kate and I regularly drive to Canberra to spend weekends with Kate’s dad. It has become customary for us to play Fureys’ CDs on the trip, the Fureys being a wonderful Irish folk band. We were privileged to attend one of Finbar Furey’s performances years ago. They have also had hits performing with Irish singer Davey Arthur.
Readers may remember their renditions of When You Were Sweet Sixteen, Green Fields of France and Red Rose Café.
On the last occasion we travelled I was more closely listening to The Reason I left Mullingar and it occurred to me that the lyrics, quite poignant and meaningful, are poetic even without the music, plus containing some truths and observations that are worth taking note of.
About the song:
It was written by Pat Cooksey , the following being from Pat Cooksey’s website:
Written in 1980 for The Furey's, the original arrangement was by Finbar Furey. This song has also been widely recorded by other artists but The Furey's version is considered to be the best. The song is dedicated to the thousands of lrish building workers who left horne to find work in London in the mid 70's, and the homesickness created by the endless cycle of work and drinking.
About Mullingar:
Mullingar (meaning 'the left-hand mill') is the county town of County Westmeath in Ireland. It is the third most populous town in the Midland Region, with a population of 20,928 in the 2016 census. The town was originally named Maelblatha, and takes its modern name from a mill noted in the legend of Colman of Mullingar.
Traditionally a market town serving the large agricultural hinterland, Mullingar remains a significant commercial location. It had a tradition of cattle trading until 2003 when its cattle market was closed for the development of a mixed commercial and residential scheme called Market Point. However, in 2014 the local County Council have allowed an annual Christmas Market to take place on Mount Street.
Audio:
Hear The Fureys and Davey Arthur sing The Reason I left Mullingar by clicking on the following link:
A version by Noel McLoughlin:
A version by Andy MacWild:
The Lyrics:
THE REASON I LEFT MULLINGAR
(Pat Cooksey)
I walk through this city a stranger
In a land I can never call home
And I curse the sad notion that caused me
In search of my fortune to roam
I'm weary of work and hard drinking
My week's wages left in the bar
And God it's a shame, to use a friend's name
To beg for the price of a jar.
CHORUS
I remember that bright April morning
When I left home to travel afar
To work till you're dead, for one room and a bed
It's not the reason I left Mullingar.
This London's a city of heartbreak
On Friday there's friends by the score
But when the pay's finished on Monday
A friend's not a friend anymore
For the working day seems never ending
From the shovel and pick there's no break
And when you're not working you're spending
The fortune you left home to make.
CHORUS
And for every man here that finds fortune
And comes home to tell of the tale
Each morning the Broadway is crowded
With many the thousands who fail
So young men of Ireland take warning
In London you never will find
The gold at the end of the rainbow
For you might just have left it behind.
CHORUS
Some bonus links:
The Fureys
The Green Fields of France
The Fureys and Davey Arthur
The Mountains of Mourne
Finbar Furey
Sweet Sixteen
The Fureys
The Old Man
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=youtube+finbar+furey&ru=%2fvideos%2fsearch%3fq%3dyoutube%2bfinbar%2bfurey%26qpvt%3dyoutube%2bfinbar%2bfurey%26FORM%3dVDRE&qpvt=youtube+finbar+furey&view=detail&mid=D313CFE81D83F32EC428D313CFE81D83F32EC428&&FORM=VDRVRV
Saturday, April 23, 2022
QUOTE FOR THE DAY
“From now on I'm thinking only of me."
Major Danby replied indulgently with a superior smile: "But, Yossarian, suppose everyone felt that way."
"Then," said Yossarian, "I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22
Major Danby replied indulgently with a superior smile: "But, Yossarian, suppose everyone felt that way."
"Then," said Yossarian, "I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22
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