Thursday, July 25, 2024
FUNNY FRIDAY
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Enjoy readers, have a pleasant weekend.
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SOME HUMOUR:
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A waiter walks up to a man and asks "Sir, are you ready to order?"
Man: "I am, but my wife is in the bathroom."
Waiter: "Well do you know what she's having?"
Man: "It's been 10 minutes so probably a number 2."
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A waiter takes an order from a customer who asks for half a Caesar salad.
The waiter says "Well, we have a small and a large, would you like the small?"
The customer says, "No, I don't want a small or a large. I want HALF a Caesar salad. Why is that so hard?"
The waiter says "Ok.... let me go check with the chef." The waiter walks off toward the kitchen, but he doesn't see that the customer has gotten up from his table and is following right behind him.
The waiter gets to the kitchen, and says to the chef, "Some asshole jerk weirdo out there wants me to get him HALF a Caesar salad..." and he jerks his thumb toward the dining room, and in so doing, he sees the customer standing right behind him.
"And this fine gentleman would like the other half."
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A waiter walks up to a table full of Jewish women dining and says "ladies, is anything ok?"
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Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.
I said yeah.
He said, today is special.
I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.
The waiter slammed his notebook down on the table and said ‘Sir, the men I please is my own private business.’
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My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
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I can’t believe the nerve…
An old friend of mine just finished serving several years in prison for fraud, and as soon as he got out he started trying to get me to invest in some new business venture.
Clearly he never learned his lesson: you should NEVER end a sentence with a proposition.
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An old woman is sitting at home one afternoon when the doorbell rings.
She opens the door and sees a man with a collecting tin and a name badge. "Good afternoon, madam," he says. "I am collecting for the Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Instrumental Purchase and Repair Fund. May I ask you for a small donation?"
"Eh?" says the old lady.
The man repeats, "Good afternoon. I am collecting for the Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Instrumental Purchase and Repair Fund. May I ask you for a small donation?"
"Eh?" says the old lady, and seems to fiddle with her hearing aid.
The man smiles patiently and says "Good afternoon. I am collecting for the Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Instrumental Purchase and Repair Fund. May I ask you for a small donation?"
"Eh?" she says again.
"Good afternoon..." the man begins, then sighs and spins on his heel, muttering "Screw her anyway, the deaf old bitch!"
"Yes," says the old lady, "and screw your Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Instrumental Purchase and Repair Fund!"
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#1:
Last night, I went with some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the waiter brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around I saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired a consulting firm to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed!
Later I noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant... That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can also save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the end of our "you know what," we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."
"Hhmmm...After you get it out, how do you put it back?" I asked.
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others... but I use my spoon."
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#2:
Two chemists went to dinner together.
After they ordered, one of them told the waiter: "A cup of H2O, please."
The other chemist told the waiter: "H2O, too."
He gulped down his drink and then he died.
(H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide).
In a similar vein:
My favourite teacher took a drink but he will drink no more,
For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
(Sulfuric acid).
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
Sure, I dine at the best spot in Cork,
On the best of pig’s head and of pork,
I eat spuds and boiled eggs,
And turkey-cocks legs,
And I don’t have to use knife or fork !
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GALLERY:
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CORN CORNER:
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The sweet thing my wife says every time after sex:
Happy Birthday!
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People say being a waiter is a bad job...
... but, hey, it puts food on the table.
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The waiter came to my table and asked "Do you wanna box for your leftovers?"
So I knocked his arse out with a left hook.
__________
At a restaurant a waiter comes over and asks a man "Comfortable sir?"
"No no, comforfood"
__________
What do you call a hippies' wife?
Mississippi
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Wednesday, July 24, 2024
PARIS SUMMER OLYMPICS 2024 – SOME FACTS
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The symbol for the 2024 Olympics is:
The logo for Paris 2024 combines three separate symbols – the gold medal, the flame and Marianne, the personification of the French Republic.
It is the first time in history that thee same emblem has been used for both the Olympic Games and the Paralympic Games.
According to the Olympics website:
The gold medal symbolises achievement, not only of champions but all those who give everything they have and enable others to do the same.
The flame symbolises the energy that drives the event, encouraging people to be bold and forge a new way of organising the Games to rise to the challenges faced today.
The lips and stylised face represent Marianne, the personification of the spirit of creativity that inspires the Games. Marianne, symbol of the French Republic, represents the same values found in sport, the Olympics and the Paralympics – humanism, fraternity, generosity and sharing. Marianne is a familiar face in French culture that is omnipresent in day-to-day life, appearing on stamps and outside every town hall for example.
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Marianne has been the national personification of the French Republic since the French Revolution, as a personification of liberty, equality, fraternity and reason, as well as a portrayal of the Goddess of Liberty. As a national icon Marianne represents opposition to monarchy and the championship of freedom and democracy against all forms of oppression.
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The typography of the words in the logo has been created especially for the Paris Olympic Games. Named Paris 2024, it is directly inspired by the Art Deco style and is a nod to the previous 1924 games, giving an elegant, original and French effect.
Under the words Paris 2024 is the official symbol of the Olympic Games. All Olympic Games logos must include this logo.
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The Phryges are the official mascots of Paris 2024 Olympic and Paralympic Games. They are two anthropomorphic Phrygian caps, a symbol of France.
The Phrygian cap, a soft, generally red hat, was worn by freed slaves in Phrygia, an ancient Greek kingdom in what is now Turkey. At the time of the French Revolution, the Phrygian cap was worn as a symbol of freedom. Marianne, the national personification of France and basis of the Paris 2024 emblem, is often depicted wearing a Phrygian cap.
Each Phryge was given a personality.
The Olympic Phryge is "the smart one" with a "methodical mind and alluring charm."
The Paralympic Phryge is "a party animal, spontaneous and a bit hotheaded." The Paralympic Phrygian is the first Paralympic mascot since Sondre, the mascot of the 1994 Winter Paralympics, to have a disability as she wears a prosthesis on one of her legs.
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Paris 2024 will be the first Olympics in history to achieve numerical gender parity on the field of play, with an equal number of female and male athletes participating in the largest sporting event in the world. Out of the 10,500 athletes participating in the Games, 5,250 will be men and 5,250 women.
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The International Olympic Committee gives the privilege of hosting a Summer or Winter Olympics to cities, not to countries. This is chosen via a vote by the members of the IOC, who are not allowed to vote for the country they hail from.
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Greece, Switzerland, Great Britain, Australia, and France are the only countries to have sent an athlete to compete in every Summer Olympics.
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Athletes are not paid by the IOC for competing in the Olympics, and any money they make usually comes from their home country’s Olympic body, or sponsors.
However, for the first time in Olympic history, athletes in Paris 2024’s track and field events will win $100K for gold medals, $50K for silver, and $25K for bronze.
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The Olympic Games Paris 2024 will officially be held from 26 July until 11 August 2024, while the Paralympic Games will take place from 28 August until 8 September.
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The Olympic competitions for football and rugby at Paris 2024 will begin on 24 July, two days before the Opening Ceremony.
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The Olympic Games Paris 2024 takes place exactly 100 years since Paris hosted the Olympics back in 1924.
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Paris joins London as the only cities to host the Olympics three times. The Games were in Paris in 1900, 1924 and now in 2024, while London hosted the Games in 1908, 1948 and 2012.
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On 26 July 2024, the Opening Ceremony of the Olympic Games in Paris will be held almost exactly 100 years after the 1924 Closing Ceremony, which was held on 27 July.
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The Paris 2024 Opening Ceremony will not be held in a stadium for the first time ever. Instead it will be done on the Seine, the river that crosses the centre of Paris.
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Some Olympic events will happen in iconic places of Paris: beach volleyball will be held at the Champ de Mars (under the Eiffel Tower), urban sports will be held at La Concorde, fencing and taekwondo at the Grand Palais, the start of the Marathon at the Hotel de Ville.
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Breaking, commonly known as breakdancing, will be included at the Olympics for the first time in Paris. It will not return for the 2028 Los Angeles Games.
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For the first time ever, the 2024 Games will also take place in the French territory of Tahiti, where the surfing competition will be held on the Pacific island’s legendary Teahupoo wave, located about 15 000km from Paris.
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In canoe, there will be a new event introduced at Paris 2024: Extreme slalom. Four athletes tip off a ramp at the same time and whoever gets to the bottom of the course first is the winner. There will be one event for men and one event for women.
Tuesday, July 23, 2024
FROM THE VAULT, UPDATED
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From:
Bytes
Monday, December 14, 2015
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Shamekh Bluwi
Shamekh Bluwi is an architect, visual artist and fashion illustrator living in Jordan who has become known for his unique paper cutouts. He firstly draws a figure with or without surroundings, then cuts away parts of it. The resultant cutout held up to various backgrounds creates constantly changing images, assisting in design work and giving an idea of what the fashion item might look like in various styles.
Following are some examples of his art.
One word of caution – I have added my own piece of cutout art, see if you can work out which one it is.
So did you work out which was my one? It's the second last one. Here it is again with a different background . . .
Plus some more . . .
. . . and some of his fashion illustrations without the cutouts . . .
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