Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Great Moments in Horticulture




#1:

After East and West Germany were reunited, the reunified German government in 1992 ordered aerial surveys of all state-owned land. The photographs were examined by forestry students, who immediately noticed a large swastika, made from selective planting of deciduous larch trees. The swastika was only visible from the air in autumn when the larch tree leaves turned brown, the rest of the forest being evergreen: 


Although the East Germans knew of the planting, they had done nothing about it. There were few aircraft in the air in that area in those days. 

An attempt was made in 1995 to remove the swastika by cutting out 43 of the 100 trees but they grew back. In 2000 the authorities removed another 25 to destroy the swastika shape. 

It is believed that the planting took place near the height of Hitler's power, in the 1930s. It has been suggested that the trees were laid out in 1937 by locals to prove their loyalty to Hitler after a businessman in the area was denounced and sent to a concentration camp by the Nazi Party for listening to the BBC. 

BBC News online, 4 December 2000 




#2:

The secret spring attraction of a Yorkshire steel town was hastily dug up by council gardeners yesterday, after residents discovered why visitors were kerb-crawling past a bank of daffodils. 

Cunningly planted into the bypass verge, the flowers spelt out the revenge of a Rotherham parks department employee who lost his job three years ago but had time to send a horticultural parting shot. 

The message read: 'Bollocks' and 'Shag'. 'At least it did until the local residents went out and cut down "Bollocks",' said a council spokesman. 'Our blokes are out there now dealing with "Shag" and replanting the bulbs.' 

He added: 'It's very cleverly done, hardly anyone sees it unless it's pointed out to them. We've traced it back, and this chap left us in 1995.' 

Daffodil messages have caused controversy before in Yorkshire, notably when the M62's contractors, Balfour Beatty, marked their achievement by planting a huge yellow 'BB' incongruously on the Pennine summit. The weather has since destroyed all but a handful but in Rotherham, locals fear that the worst may be to come. 

Alan McCue, aged 48, who lives near the 'Shag' said: 'I can see the funny side, but it doesn't give a very good impression of the town. Our main worry is that they planted hundreds of other bulbs - quite a lot still to flower. So we're wondering what's going to come up next.' 

- The Guardian, 8 April 1999 


(In other reports the planters were youths doing community service)



Byter Leo sent me an email with a public service announcement, which I will share: 


Internet Warning: 


If you get an e-mail titled 'Nude photo of Julia Gillard', 

don't open it... 


It contains a nude photo of Julia Gillard.


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Chinatown, Apples and Bombs


“How do you like them apples?” 

- Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson) in Chinatown 

Kate and I were watching Chinatown on DVD on the weekend when the above line was spoken. Kate asked where the expression originated and I had no clue, couldn’t even guess why liking apples is equated to an expression that means “So how do you like that?” 

The phrase also appears in that great John Wayne cowie Rio Bravo when Walter Brennan throws a stick of dynamite into the air near the bad guys and John Wayne explodes it by shooting it, taking the bad guy out. Walter Brennan says in his cheeky voice “How do you like them apples?” 

The expression comes from the days of World War 1 and originated as follows: 

Between 1915 and 1917 the British Army used a 2 inch Medium Trench Mortar, so called because the barrel of the mortar was 2 inches wide. This mortar fired a cylindrical bomb that weighed 20 kilos (42 pounds), 23 kilos/51 pounds with stick and fuze. The round bomb, which was the size of a soccer ball, was attached to a length of pipe which formed a shaft that was inserted into the barrel of the mortar. 

British troops loading a 2 inch trench mortar with attached periscope post, World War I. 

Bombs ready for use 

Because of the similarity of the bombs to toffee apples, which are apples coated with hard toffee and a stick inserted for handling, the bombs came to be referred to as toffee apples.  The mortar was commonly known as a toffee apple mortar. 

Back when I was a kid toffee apples were a lot more common, especially at fetes and child activities. I don’t recall having seen any in a long long time. In the US they are called candy apples. Are they still around? 

Toffee apples. 

Apparently the phrase “How do you like them apples?” developed from being yelled at the enemy after toffee apple bombs had taken out some tanks. It spread and eventually came to mean “Cop that!” in a general sense.

Some more World War 1 toffee apple bomb pics: 

Display of some British Army Ordnance including a toffee apple bomb. 

Toffee apple bomb in flight immediately after firing. 

Typical mortar pit, Mesopotamia 1917, with firing lanyard laid out. The bomb is fuzed. 

Royal Army Ordnance Corps men playing cards on bomb dump, Acheux, July 1916, Battle of the Somme. Sticks not yet attached. Note wooden retaining blocks attached to bombs 

Men carrying mortar bombs by their attached carrying straps

Who would have thought that there was a connection between a child's sweet and the trenches of World War 1.



Monday, February 4, 2013

Quote/One Liner


 ”How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’” 
-       Unknown

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Selling Shoes: Part 1, Men's Shoes

Caution:  images and content that may offend

This billboard is on the side of a shop near where I live: 


Yesterday my wife, Kate, and I were stopped at lights opposite the ad and this touched off a discussion about advertising to sell shoes. I mentioned that a while ago I had intended doing a Bytes post on the sexism and violence used in advertising men’s shoes, not only in the past but right up to the present, but that I hadn't gotten around to it. Kate expressed surprise that that might still be happening so I said that I would do it as the next post. 

Below are some comments and examples, past and present, of what I am talking about. 
_______________

In some cultures shoes are considered unclean, hence the intended insult when Iraqi journalist Myntadhar al-Zaidi shouted at President George W Bush "This is a farewell kiss from the Iraqi people, you dog" and threw his shoes at Bush. For the most part, at least in Western culture, shoes are considered not only functional but also as an important fashion item that can be quite sexy. (According to Byter Roberta, “Fuck me shoes” are so called because when women get home when wearing them they declare “Fuck me, these are uncomfortable, why did I buy them?”) 

It is easier to make women’s shoes sexy in advertising than men’s but there are major fails in the advertising of shoes of both sexes. Decide for yourself whether the ads that follow are fails or whether they tick the boxes. 

Today: Men’s Shoes. Women’s Shoes next week. 

_______________

John White shoes, not a very subtle message: 


_______________

Not a shoe ad, this one’s for Kiwi Shoe polish. Scantily clad, miniature women polishing men’s shoes, with undertones of slavery... 



_______________

An ad by Weyenberg Massagic Footwear, 1972. Anwering protests about the ad at the time, Weyenberg claimed that the shoe company was taking a stand for masculinity and against the women's liberation movement. 


Thankfully attitudes have changed. 
_______________

Or have they? 

Max Shoes is a company that makes and sells inexpensive shoes. Could the ads be deliberately provocative to attract attention? 

"I don't care what the newspapers say about me as long as they spell my name right." 
– Attributed to Mae West and numerous others. 



_______________

Another that is not a shoe ad but equally tasteless for men’s slacks. Another message from the past... 

_______________

American Apparel is a clothing company that sells simple, yet fashionable clothes, that manufactures in LA rather than in China, refuses to employ sweatshop labour and pays its workers well over the minimum wage. Employees received full benefits and subsidises English lessons on company time. So why does it use advertising that in many cases is borderline soft porn and certainly objectifying of women. Another example of simply spelling the name right? For those who want to see more, Google “American Apparel Sexist Ads”; here is a milder form for shoes... 

_______________

Get Windsor Smith shoes and have your fantasies become reality... the sad thing is that the advertising works. 


_______________

Whereas the advertising for men’s shoes seems to be mostly based on the advertising philosophy that sex sells, the advertising of women’s shoes (next week) contains a high degree of violence. Perhaps sexy advertising for men caters to male fantasies and egos, violent ads for women’s shoes may convey empowerment and rebellion. That’s my take on it.


Saturday, February 2, 2013

Religion, Evil, Circumcision



"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. " 

- Steven Weinberg 

The above quotation comes from a 1999 address by Steven Weinberg. 

A good commentary by him on intelligent design can be read by clicking on: 

Some quotes from that article: 
The prevalence of evil and misery has always bothered those who believe in a benevolent and omnipotent God. Sometimes God is excused by pointing to the need for free will. Milton gives God this argument in Paradise Lost

I formed them free, and free they must remain 
Till they enthral themselves: I else must change 
Their nature, and revoke the high decree 
Unchangeable, eternal, which ordained 
Their freedom; they themselves ordained their fall. 

It seems a bit unfair to my relatives to be murdered in order to provide an opportunity for free will for Germans, but even putting that aside, how does free will account for cancer? Is it an opportunity of free will for tumors? 
 * * * * *
In an e-mail message from the American Association for the Advancement of Science I learned that the aim of this conference is to have a constructive dialogue between science and religion. I am all in favor of a dialogue between science and religion, but not a constructive dialogue. One of the great achievements of science has been, if not to make it impossible for intelligent people to be religious, then at least to make it possible for them not to be religious. We should not retreat from this accomplishment. 
* * * * * 

Steven Weinberg (1933- ) is an American theoretical physicist, winner of the 1979 Nobel Prize and a high profile advocate for science over religion. 

* * * * * 


The same philosophy – that religion can make moral people do evil things – was put forward in a 2009 TV panel debate. In the following transcript Christopher Hitchens, Reverend Peter Gomes and Rabbi Harold Kushner discuss circumcision, known as bris milah in the Jewish religion. This portion of the debate can be viewed by clicking on:

(I apologise for the lack of transcription of some of the words. I tried to find a transcript of the clip online but was unable to come up with anything. I therefore transcribed it myself using the pause button a lot but some words beat me. Court transcribers deserve what they earn). 

Moderator: Rabbi, I suppose you’ve heard this question before but it’s for the panel, why do good things happen to bad people? 
Rabbi Kushner: Why do people get away with murder? I have lost track of how many people have urged me to write a book by that title and my response is who would buy it, who would you give it as a present to? 
Hitchens: Well it’s too late for Mr Madoff now, he would have liked it a year ago. 
Rabbi Kushner: The bottom line is, yeah, it is a very disturbing phenomenon. Much, most of the time, I think, we don’t get away with very much in this world. We pay for everything we take in this world in one currency or another. The Bernard Madoffs.. even if he had not been caught, would have missed out on much of what has been given to him. The guy who cheats on his wife and doesn’t get caught, and thinks he’s really clever and he has pulled it off will never know what it feels like to invest all your love in a single relationship. You pay for everything you take in life in one currency or another and sometimes when the bill comes due, you go back and wish you’d taken it differently. 
Moderator: Professor, any thoughts on this? 
Professor/Reverend Peter Gomes: I once said that the Rabbi had given me a wonderful definition of the word ‘envy’ - I envied his royalties – and there was a service in which he spoke and does speak the fundamental question that we all ask but I would write a slightly different book, my book would be ‘Why Do Good People Do Wicked Things?’ and the church is full of good people who are tempted and actually sometimes succeed in doing wicked things. Now, my tradition teaches there’s the doctrine of original sin and that explains everything, you’re all naturally wicked and you’ll do wicked things unless you’re inhibited against them, which provides a very rational theology but wouldn’t preach very well these days, especially at (?) in Connecticut, but the fact of the matter, the graver question for me, is people who want to right things, want to do, want to be thought of as good and virtuous, often end up doing terrible things and I think that St Paul’s famous line – ‘The good that would do that I do not, and that which I would not and I do’ – that’s the human and the moral (?), it seems to me that’s the task to which our confession, forgiveness, amendment of life, is directed toward so that would be my take but I don’t think my book would do as well as the Rabbi’s. 
Hitchens: There are things that a normally average, even if they are a morally average or mediocre, person, would not, unprompted, do, for example, hold down their daughter at the age of six, tear off her underwear and cut her genitalia with a sharp stone. They wouldn’t do that if they didn’t think God was saying to them, or the mullahs, or if it’s a boy, the rabbis, were telling them to do it. Now one of the reasons I have the lurid subtitle that I do for my book, ‘Religion is Poison’, is that it makes ordinary moral people, compels, them, forces them, and in some cases orders them, to do disgusting, wicked, unforgivable things. There’s no expiation for the generations of dissolute suffering that religion has inflicted, continues to inflict, and I still haven’t heard enough apology for it. 
Rabbi Kushner: Chris, I’ve got to call you down on referring to circumcision as ‘genital mutilation’. My son cried more at his first haircut than he did at his bris and statistically... 
Hitchens: You weren’t doing it right then. 
Rabbi Kushner: ...statistically the only long term effect that it seems to have on people is that it increases their chances of winning a Nobel Prize. 
(Laughter) 
Hitchens: I can’t - I can’t find the compulsory mutilation of the genitals of children as something for humour in that way or flippancy in that way. My (?) says very plainly that it’s designed to repress sexual pleasure, to deprive us, the male, as far as possible of the opportunity that, the full excision, not just the snip, the full mandatory covenant, is fantastically painful, leads to trauma, leads to the dulling of the sexual relationship and can be itself life threatening. At the moment we have records, I can show them to you, of hundreds and hundreds and hundreds in the United States of boy babies who have died or had life threatening infections as a result of this disgusting practice.  That you, that a person as humane as yourself, can sit here and consider that as a fit subject for humour, shows what I mean: religion makes normally moral people say and do disgusting and wicked things and you’ve just proved my point. Shame on you for saying what you just said. Shame on you for saying it about your own son, my God. 
Moderator: Let’s move on. 
Rabbi Kushner: Yes, let’s. 
Hitchens: What next? Cutting the labia of little girls? At least Judaism doesn’t do that. What if I was to say to you right now ‘My little girl cried more at her first haircut than when I cut off her clitoris.’ What would you think of me if I were to say such a disgusting thing? We are not talking about detail here, we are talking about whether religion makes people behave better or not. 
Moderator: Let’s give the Rabbi a chance to respond because it got pretty personal here so... 
Rabbi Kushner: Again, my experience in my own son, my own grandson, hundreds of (?), is that it is nothing like you are talking about and that for whatever reason this has become an issue for you, I just think that it’s excessive. 
Hitchens: What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that? 
Rabbi Kushner: That I am more personally – 
Hitchens: There is an undertone of innuendo to this, let’s bring it on. 
Rabbi Kushner: No, there’s no innuendo. What I’m saying is, I’ve lived through this, personally, and you can’t - 
Hitchens: Inflicted it, is what you are saying. 
Rabbi Kushner: I’ve what? 
Hitchens: You’ve inflicted it, or officiated at it, is what you are saying, isn’t it? 
Rabbi Kushner: Well, officiated, yes; inflicted, no.





Friday, February 1, 2013

Funny Friday


Given the recent flurry of film and acting ceremonies and nominations – the Screen Actors Guild Awards, the Oscar nominations and, locally, the Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts Awards (AACTA, formerly the Australian Film Institute Awards) – it seems fitting to have some humour about actors . . . 


I come from a long line of actors.

It's called the dole queue. 


I was in Tesco and saw a guy off Crimewatch who is wanted for several rapes. I tackled him to the ground and punched him unconscious. The police arrived and arrested me.

Apparently they use actors on the show. 


Police say they are looking for two men who stole £25,000 from a security van. They added that after staging a Crimewatch reconstruction they are now also looking for two actors who stole £25,000 from a security van. 


At the moment my fellow actors and I keep falling through the theatre floor.

I guess it’s just a stage we all go through. 


Q: How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Five-- one to climb the ladder and the other four to say that should have been me!
A2: One to change it, and 99 to stand there and say 'I could have done it better.'
A3: Just one. He stands there, and the world revolves around him. 


Q: How do you get an actor off your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza. 


Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers with the proposed stars, Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Which star was to play which composer had not yet been decided.

"Who do you want to play"' Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. 

"I've always been a big fan of Chopin"]," said Bruce, "I'll play him." 

"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. 

"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. 

"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

And Arnie says "I'll be Bach."


An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day. "I've got you a job" says his agent. "That's great" says the actor, what is it?"

"Well" says his agent "it's a one-liner"

"That's okay" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything; What's the line?"

"Hark I hear the cannons roar" says the agent.

"Hark I hear the cannons roar?" the actor questions.

"Yes, hark I hear the cannons roar" confirms the agent.

"I love it" says the actor "When's the audition?"

"Wednesday" says the agent.

Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts: "Hark I hear the cannons roar".

"Brilliant" says the director, "you've got the job, be here 9 o'clock Saturday evening".

The actor is so ecstatic that he got the job that he leaves and heads straight to his favourite bar and goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening, after his bender, and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line, "Hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar". He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the bouncer.

"Who the hell are you?" asks the bouncer.

"I'm 'Hark I hear the cannons roar'."

"You're 'Hark I hear the cannons roar?"

"Yes, I'm 'Hark I hear the cannons roar'."

"You're late, get up to makeup straight away."

So he runs up to make up continually repeating his line; "Hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar".

"Who the hell are you?" asks the makeup girl.

"I'm 'Hark I hear the cannons roar'."

"You're 'Hark I hear the cannons roar'?"

"Yes, I'm 'Hark I hear the cannons roar'."

"You're late, sit down here" and she applies the makeup. "Now quick, get down to the stage, you're about to go on."

So he dashes down to the stage continually repeating his line; "Hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar, hark I hear the cannons roar".

"Who the hell are you?" asks the stage manager.

"I'm 'Hark I hear the cannons roar'."

"You're 'Hark I hear the cannons roar'?"

"Yes, I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'."

"Get on there, the curtains about to go up!"

So he tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full.

Suddenly from behind him comes an enormously loud blast. BANG!

The actor shouts "FUCK ME! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT????


This one is not about an actor but it’s close enough to sneak it in: 

A screenwriter returns home after a long evening's work of waiting tables, only to find his house a pile of smouldering rubble. Policemen and firemen poke grimly through the remains. The writer leaps out of his car and runs over to a detective. "Oh God! My house! What happened? Where are my wife and children?" 

The cop says, "I'm sorry sir. I'm afraid your agent came to your house, slaughtered your family, burned your home to the ground, and then danced on the rubble in hobnailed boots." 

The writer looks at the detective, excited, and says, "My agent came to my house?" 














At breakfast one day in Calcutta
Was a man with a bit of a stutta.
He said, "Pass the h-ham
And the j-j-j-jam
And the b-b-b-b-b-b-butta."