More Faces in Objects

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon involving a stimulus (an image or a sound) which is perceived as significant. Common examples of this are seeing images of animals or faces in clouds, the man in the moon, the moon rabbit, and hearing hidden messages on phonograph records when they are played in reverse. Pareidolia is the visual form of apophenia, which is the perception of patterns within random data. Combined with apophenia and hierophany (manifestation of the sacred), pareidolia may have helped ancient societies organise chaos and make the world intelligible.

- Wikipedia

Monday Miscellany: Odds, Ends and Personals

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Listening to a news item as to which driver had pole position for the Formula 1 race yesterday had me wondering as to the origin of the term.  

It turns out to be a 19th century expression that came to be applied to car racing in the 1950's to denote the front position of the starting grid.  In horse racing the fastest qualifyig horse was placed on the inside position next to the starting pole.
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From Byter Brett B in respect of the Ronald Kessler post:

I'm not saying Mr. Kessler is wrong, but I notice he bad-mouths every Democrat, and praises every Republican.  Truth, or bias?   Brett

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When an Australian man recorded his own fart to send to his brother, he inadvertently popped out a major seventh arpeggio in B flat, with a trill at the end. It could happen to anyone, really. Calling it his "Magnum Anus" and a "rectum opus", it was the number one You Tube video in the world for one day in May 2015. Cue a standing ovation from musical-fart aficionados everywhere. 

Source: 

http://pickle.ninemsn.com.au/2015/05/20/08/58/aussie-fart-symphony-is-the-most-musical-flatulence-ever#LERutwS7h0zHF0Jb.99

Here is the link to the YouTube item: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk-5RVMerfI&feature=youtu.be&t=19s

Makes one proud to be Australian. That should have been in Eurovision instead of Guy Sebastian.

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The following obituary was sent to me as an email under the subject heading "An Obituary that appeared in the London Times." It was sent to me by Byter Sue De L and is based on an item by Lori Borgman, which can be read at:

http://www.loriborgman.com/the-death-of-common-sense.php

I am unaware as to whether it appeared in The Times, as stated, but it was read on the BBC, see:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/england/stoke_and_staffordshire

You may not agree with all the comments made but a lot of it makes good sense, which is probably a sibling of Common Sense.

The Death of Common Sense.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm:

Life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults are in charge not children)

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of an 8 year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims,

Common sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common sense finally gave up the will to live, after a women failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common sense was preceded in death, by his parents, truth and trust

His wife, discretion

His daughter, Responsibility

His son, reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers

I know my rights

I want my rights

I want it now

I’m a victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on if not, join the majority and do nothing.

Lieutenant-General David Morrison retires

On 14 May 2015 Chief of the Australian Army, Lieutenant-General David Morrison retired after 36 years of military service.

My reason in mentioning this is that at a time when most people would probably sum up the Army in terms of Peter Sellers’ portrayal of Queen Victoria – “Join up and travel to distant and exotic places. Meet interesting and exciting people, and then kill them." – Morrison’s no-nonsense, non-sexist outlook was an inspiration.

Most notably in 2013 he gave a short speech in respect of an internet sex-ring in the Army that went by the name of the Jedi Council. 

The speech may be heard and seen by clicking on the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaqpoeVgr8U

The text of the speech follows.

It is well worth reading again.

“Earlier today I addressed the media and through them and the Australian public about ongoing investigations in to a group of officers and NCO’s whose conduct, if proven, has not only brought the Australia Army into disrepute, but has let down everyone of you and all of those whose past service has won them the respect of our nation. 

There are limits to how much I can tell you because the investigations into this network by both the NSW Police and the ADF Investigative Service are ongoing, but evidence collected to date has identified a group of men, within our ranks, who have allegedly produced highly inappropriate material demeaning women and distributed it on the internet and Defence's email networks. If this is true, then the actions of these members are in direct contravention to every value that the Australian Army stands for. 

By now I assume you know my attitude to this type of conduct. I have stated categorically, many times, that the Army has to be an inclusive organisation in which every soldier, man and woman, is able to reach their full potential and is encouraged to do so. Those who think that it is okay to behave in a way that demeans or exploits their colleagues have no place in this Army. Our service has been engaged in continuous operations since 1999 and in its longest war ever, in Afghanistan. On all operations female soldiers and officers have proven themselves worthy of the best traditions of the Australian Army. They are vital to us, maintaining our capability now and into the future. 

If that does not suit you, then get out! 

You may find another employer where your attitude and behaviour is acceptable, but I doubt it. The same goes to those who think toughness is built on humiliating others. 

Every one of us is responsible for the culture and reputation of our army and the environment in which we work. If you become aware of any individual degrading another, then show moral courage and take a stand against it. No one has ever explained to me how the exploitation or degradation of others enhances capability or honours the traditions of the Australian Army. 

I will be ruthless in ridding the army of people who cannot live up to its values and I need everyone of you to support me in achieving this. The standard you walk past is the standard you accept. That goes for all of us but especially those who, by their rank, have a leadership role. 

If we are a great national institution, if we care about the legacy left to us by those who have served before us, if we care about the legacy we leave to those who, in turn will protect and secure Australia, then it is up to us to make a difference. If you’re not up to it, find something else to do with your life. There is no place for you amongst this band of brothers and sisters.”

– Chief of the Army, Lieutenant-General David Morrison speech transcript.

Quote for the day

"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month."

- Theodore Roosevelt

Kessler

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Byter Charles D sent me an email with comments from Ronald Kessler’s new book In the President’s Secret Service: Behind the Scenes with Agents in the Line of Fire and the Presidents They Protect.

By way of background, Ronald Kessler is a 72 year old American journalist and author of 20 non-fiction books about the U.S. Secret Service, FBI, and CIA. Seven of his books have appeared on the New York Times Best Seller list. Depending on your outlook, he is a sloppy journalist who doesn’t check his facts enough; a lazy writer who recycles parts of his other books word for word; an outstanding journalist with considerable access to security personnel for behind the scenes scoops and intel, or just an entertaining read.

Here from Kessler’s new book are some of the comments about the Presidents served by the Secret Service.

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JOHN & JACQUELINE KENNEDY

“A philanderer of the highest order.”

“She ordered the kitchen help to save all the left-over wine from State dinners, mixed it with fresh wine and served again during the next White House occasion.”

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LYNDON & LADYBIRD JOHNSON

“Another philanderer of the highest order. In addition, LBJ was as crude as the day is long. Both JFK and LBJ kept a lot of women in the White House for extramarital affairs and both had set up early warning systems to alert them if/when their wives were nearby. Both were promiscuous and oversexed men.”

“She was either naive or just pretended to not know about her husband's many liaisons.”

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RICHARD & PAT NIXON

“A ‘moral’ man but very odd, weird, paranoid. He had a horrible relationship with his family and was almost a recluse.”

“She was quiet most of the time.”

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SPIRO AGNEW

“Nice, decent man. Everyone in the Secret Service was surprised by his downfall.”

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GERALD & BETTY FORD

“A true gentlemen who treated the Secret Service with respect and dignity. He had a great sense of humor.”

“She drank a lot and went into Rehab!”

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JIMMY & ROSALYN CARTER

“A complete phony who would portray one picture of himself to public and very different in private e.g. would be shown carrying his own luggage but the suitcases were always empty. He kept empty ones just for photo ops. He wanted people to see him as pious and a non-drinker but he and his family drank alcohol a lot! He had disdain for the Secret Service and was very irresponsible with the 'football' with nuclear codes. He didn't think it was a big deal and would keep military aides at a great distance. Often did not acknowledge the presence of Secret Service personnel assigned to serve him.”

“She mostly did her own thing.”

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RONALD & NANCY REAGAN

“The real deal, moral, honest, respectful and dignified. They treated Secret Service and everyone else with respect and honor, thanked everyone all the time. He took the time to know everyone on a personal level. One favorite story was early in his Presidency when he came out of his room with a pistol tucked on his hip. The agent in charge asked: ‘Why the pistol, Mr. President?’ He replied, ‘In case you boys can't get the job done, I can help.’ It was common for him to carry a pistol. When he met with Gorbachev, he had a pistol in his briefcase.

“She was very nice but very protective of the President and the Secret Service was often caught in the middle. She tried hard to control what he ate. He would say to the agent, ‘Come on, you gotta help me out.’ The Reagan's drank wine during State dinners and special occasions only otherwise they shunned alcohol. The Secret Service could count on one hand the times they were served wine during family dinner. For all the fake bluster of the Carters, the [Reagans] were the ones who lived life as genuinely moral people.”

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GEORGE H. & BARBARA BUSH

“Extremely kind and considerate, always respectful. Took great care in making sure the agents' comforts were taken care of. They even brought them meals. One time she brought warm clothes to agents standing outside at Kennebunkport. One was given a warm hat and, when he tried to say ‘no thanks’ even though he was obviously freezing, the President said ‘Son, don't argue with the First Lady. Put the hat on.’ He was the most prompt of the Presidents. He ran the White House like a well-oiled machine.”

“She ruled the house and spoke her mind.”

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BILL & HILLARY CLINTON

“Presidency was one giant party. Not trustworthy. He was nice mainly because he wanted everyone to like him but to him life is just one big game and party. Everyone knows about his sexuality.”

“She is another phony. Her personality would change the instant cameras were near. She hated, with open disdain the military and Secret Service. She was another who felt people were there to serve her. She was always trying to keep tabs on Bill Clinton.”

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ALBERT GORE

“An egotistical ass who was once overheard by his Secret Service detail lecturing his son that he needed to do better in school or he would end up like these guys, pointing to the agents.”

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GEORGE W. & LAURA BUSH

“The Secret Service loved him and Laura Bush. He was also the most physically in shape who had a very strict workout regimen. The Bushes made sure their entire administrative and household staff understood that they were to respect and be considerate of the Secret Service.”

“She was one of the nicest First Ladies, if not the nicest. She never had any harsh word to say about anyone.”

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BARACK & MICHELLE OBAMA

“Clinton all over again - hates the military and looks down on the Secret Service. He is egotistical and cunning. He looks you in the eye and appears to agree with you but turns around and does the opposite. He has temper tantrums.”

“She is a complete bitch who basically hates anybody who is not black, hates the military and looks at the Secret Service as servants.”

A TRUE STORY ABOUT General McChrystal's resignation in Obama's office from General McChrystal's book NEVER STAND IN LINE AGAIN”:

Some men carry and handle their diplomacy better than others. When former U.S. Military commander in Afghanistan, General McChrystal, was called into the Oval Office by Barack Obama, he knew things weren't going to go well when the President accused him of not supporting him in his political role as President.

"It's not my job to support you as a politician, Mr. President, it's my job to support you as Commander-in-Chief," McChrystal replied, and he handed Obama his resignation.

Not satisfied with accepting McChrystal's resignation, the President made a cheap parting shot. "I bet when I die you'll be happy to pee on my grave."

The General saluted and said, "Mr. President, I always told myself after leaving the Army I'd never stand in line again."

Quote for the day

Funny Friday

Today's Funny Friday theme: confession, good for the soul and for dispelling any Friday blues . . .

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The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand."

The new priest tries this.

The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did you feel about that?'"

The new priest says those things.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No kiddin'?!? What happened next?'"

* * * * * * * * * 

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Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and assuage my guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."

Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his Christmas turkey.

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A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned.

"What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest.

"I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man.

"How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest.

"Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse."

The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad."

The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage."

"Well, now, that's a little more serious."

                                                                                                                    "Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!"

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena."

"Father, I'm not sure what a 'novena' is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!"

* * * * * * * * * 

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. 

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. 

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Miller High Life on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments. 

He hears a priest come in:"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".

* * * * * * * * * 

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A drunken man staggers into a Catholic Church, sits down in the confession box and says nothing. After a few minutes the priest coughs to attract the man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in an attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking mate, there's no paper in this one either".

* * * * * * * * * 

A man attends confession and tells the priest that he used profane language while playing golf.

The priest asks him to explain the situation so he can decide on his punishment.

The man says “I sliced my drive badly into the trees”.

The priest says “And that’s when you swore.”

The man: “No, a rabbit picked up my ball and bounded away with it.”

Priest: “And that’s when you swore?”

Man: “No. An eagle swooped down, caught the rabbit and started flying away.”

Priest: “And that’s when you swore?”

Man: “No, Father, because the rabbit dropped the ball, it landed on the green and finished six inches from the hole."

Priest: “DON'T TELL ME YOU MISSED THE FUCKING PUTT?!!!"

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Cold Hard Fact

- Charlee Marshall

“Move closer to the wall, my son, and speak into the grille

Confession is the saviour of the soul

If there’s something on your conscience, if you’re feeling weak or ill

Confess... and ye shall once again be whole!

Ask the lord for his salvation, he is waiting for your call”

“I’m afraid I’ve sinned too greatly” said the voice behind the wall.

“Let’s see if I have got it straight - your wife... her name is Liza

She’s inclined to wear her dresses rather short

She was bending over looking for an ice cream in the freezer

When you, behind her, had this lustful thought

She had to lean way over, for she isn’t very tall...”

“And I wanted chocolate brickle” said the voice behind the wall.

“Now, I know you’re newly-married (since you made your vows before us)

But married people often act up thus

It sometimes spoils the pleasure if the sex is too decorous

So I see no reason why to make a fuss

Perhaps your wife objected... did she try to start a brawl?”

“No... I think she rather liked it” said the voice behind the wall.

“Then go, my son, I find no blame... your actions may be kinky

Tell Liza to be careful with her dress

Next time she looks for ice cream to wear something long and slinky

Then her husband will have nothing to confess

We will not throw you out of church... I find no sin at all...”

“Well they threw us out of Woolworths!” said the voice behind the wall.

Corn Corner:

My favourite band of the 1980s made classic records such as "Jeeno", "Come on I lean" and "Jockey Willsen Sez".

That's right. Dyslexy's Midnight Runners.