Bytes

Thursday, December 6, 2018

More David Thorne

__________________

Another email exchange item by David Thorne, he of the 7 legged spider drawing fame, at:

http://www.27bslash6.com/easter.html

___________________

Comment by David Thorne:

Darryl. The kind of friend Jesus would have.

While preaching is not allowed in Australian public schools, it is apparently fine to replace school counsellors with 'Christian Volunteers' such as Darryl.

A few years ago, the government realised that they could hand over school counselling roles to a willing Christian church without having to pay for the privilege. Now almost half of Australian public schools have a Christian volunteer as a fulltime member of the school community with parents having no direct control of how much their children are exposed to.

Although usually an advocate of people being entitled to their opinions, sexual preferences and beliefs, I seem to have developed some form of mental glitch that makes me want to punch Daryl's fat head.

___________________

Thread:

* * * * * *

From: David Thorne

Date: Wednesday 10 March 2010 7.12pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

I have received your permission slip featuring what I can only assume is a levitating rabbit about to drop an egg on Jesus.

Thank you for pre-ticking the permission box as this has saved me not only from having to make a choice, but also from having to make my own forty five degree downward stroke followed by a twenty percent longer forty five degree upward stroke. Without your guidance, I may have drawn a picture of a cactus wearing a hat by mistake.

As I trust my offspring's ability to separate fact from fantasy, I am happy for him to participate in your indoctrination process on the proviso that all references to 'Jesus' are replaced with the term 'Purportedly Magic Jew.'

Regards, David.

* * * * * *

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 9.18am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Permission Slip

Hello David

The tick in the box already was a mistake I noticed after printing them all. I've seen the play and it's not indoctrinating anyone. It's a fun play performed by a great bunch of kids. You do not have to be religious to enjoy it. You are welcome to attend if you have any concerns.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

* * * * * *

From: David Thorne

Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 11.02am

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

Thank you for the kind offer, being unable to think of anything more exciting than attending your entertaining and fun filled afternoon, I tried harder and thought of about four hundred things.

I was actually in a Bible based play once and played the role of 'Annoyed about having to do this.' My scene involved offering a pot plant, as nobody knew what Myrrh was, to a plastic baby Jesus then standing between 'I forgot my costume so am wearing the teacher’s poncho' and 'I don't feel very well'. Highlights of the play included a nervous donkey with diarrhoea causing 'I don't feel very well' to vomit onto the back of Mary's head, and the lighting system, designed to provide a halo effect around the manger, overheating and setting it alight. The teacher, later criticised for dousing an electrical fire with a bucket of water and endangering the lives of children, left the building in tears and the audience in silence. We only saw her again briefly when she came to the school to collect her poncho.

Also, your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your god's promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikkiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry.

Regards, David.

* * * * * *

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 2.52pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Hello David

While it would be a pity for Seb to miss out on the important message of hope that the story of the resurrection gives, if you don't want him to attend the presentation on Monday then just tick the box that says I do not give my child permission to attend.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

* * * * * *

From: David Thorne

Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 5.09pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

I understand the importance the resurrection story holds in your particular religion. If I too knew some guy that had been killed and placed inside a cave with a rock in front of it and I visited the cave to find the rock moved and his body gone, the only logical assumption would be that he had risen from the dead and is the son of God. Once, my friend Simon was rushed to hospital to have his appendix removed and I visited him the next day to find his bed empty. I immediately sacrificed a goat and burnt a witch in his name but it turned out that he had not had appendicitis, just needed a good poo, and was at home playing Playstation.

Someone probably should have asked "So the rock has been moved and he's gone... has anyone checked his house?" I realise Playstation was not around in those days but they probably had the equivalent. A muddy stick or something. I would have said "Can someone please check if Jesus is at home playing with his muddy stick, if not, then and only then should we all assume, logically, that he has risen from the dead and is the son of God."

If we accept though, that Jesus was the son of an Infinite Being capable of anything, he probably did have a Playstation. Probably a Playstation 7. I know I have to get my offspring all the latest gadgets. God would probably have said to him, "I was going to wait another two thousand years to give you this but seeing as you have been good... just don't tell your mother about Grand Theft Auto."

Also, is it true that Jesus can be stabbed during a sword fight and be ok due to the fact that he can only die if he gets his head chopped off?

Regards, David.

* * * * * *

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Friday 12 March 2010 10.13am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight. Learning the teachings of the Bible is not just about religion. It teaches a set of ethics that are sadly not taught by parents nowadays.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

* * * * * *

From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 12 March 2010 2.23pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

You raise a valid point and I appreciate you pointing out my failings as a parent. Practising a system of ethics based on the promise of a reward, in your case an afterlife, is certainly preferable to practising a system of ethics based on it simply being the right thing to do.

Many years ago, I lived next door to a Christian named Mr Stevens. You could tell he was a Christian because he had a fish sticker on his Datsun. He used to wave at us kids from his bathroom window on hot summer days as we played in the sprinkler. I learnt a lot from Mr Stevens. Mainly about wrestling holds. The trick is to oil up really well making it hard for the other person to hold you down. I would often lie on his living room rug looking up at the pictures of sunsets behind quotes from Psalms while waiting for him to unwrap his legs from around my torso.

Your job would be made much easier if, after making the school children sit through an hour of church youth group teens dancing, singing and re-enacting Jewish magic tricks, you simply told them that it was just a small taste of what hell is like and if they didn't believe in Jesus they would have to sit through it again.

When I was at school, we were forced to attend a similar presentation. Herded into the gym under the pretence of free chips, we were assaulted with an hour of hippies playing guitars and a dance routine featuring some kind of colourful coat and a lot of looking upwards. Due to the air-conditioning in the packed gym not working and it being a hot day, the hippie wearing the colourful coat blacked out mid performance and struck his head against the front edge of the stage spraying the first row of cross-legged children with blood. Unconscious, he also urinated. There was a bit of screaming and an ambulance involved and everyone agreed it was the best play they had ever seen.

Regards, David.

* * * * * *

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Friday 12 March 2010 2.47pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Hello David

I don't see what any of that has to do with this play. It's important for children to have balance in their life and spirituality is as important in a child’s life as everything else. There's an old saying that life without religion is life without beauty.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

* * * * * *

From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 12 March 2010 3.36pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

I agree completely that balance is an important component of a child's education. I will assume then that you will also be organising a class excursion to a play depicting the fifteen billion year expansion of the universe from its initial particle soup moments following the big bang through to molecule coalescion, galaxy and planetary formation and eventually life?

Perhaps your church youth group could put together an interpretive dance routine representing the behaviour of Saturn's moon Hyperion, shattered by an ancient collision and falling randomly back together, tugged to and fro by the gravitational pull of Titan, sixteen sister moons, the multi-billionfold moonlets of Saturn’s rings, Saturn’s gravitational field, companion planets, the variability’s of Sol, stars, galaxy, neighbouring galaxies... or possibly not, according to an old saying, there is no beauty in this.

Also, while I understand that the play is to be held outside school grounds, due to the fact that it is illegal to present medieval metaphysic propaganda in public schools, it is also my understanding that you are now required by law, as of last year, to go by the title Christian Volunteer rather than School Chaplain. A memo you may have missed or filed in your overflowing 'facts that cease to exist when they are ignored' tray.

Regards, David.

* * * * * *

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Monday 15 March 2010 9.22am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

I'm not going to waste any more precious time replying to your stupid emails. If you don't want your child to attend the play just indicate that on the permission slip.

* * * * * *

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 15 March 2010 11.04am

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

* * * * * *

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Monday 15 March 2010 2.11pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: No Subject

I will pray for you.

* * * * * *

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 15 March 2010 2.19pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: No Subject

Thanks. Mention that I want a Toyota Prado if you get the chance. A white one. With dark grey leather interior and sat nav.

Regards, David.

* * * * * *

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 9.20am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: No Subject

I've had enough of your nonsense. Don’t email me again.

* * * * * *

From: GOD

Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 10.18am

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Word of God

DARYL, THIS IS GOD. BUY DAVID A TOYOTA PRADO. A WHITE ONE. WITH DARK GREY LEATHER INTERIOR AND SAT NAV.

* * * * * *

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 2.35pm

To: GOD Cc: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Word of God

I'm serious.

* * * * * *

From: GOD

Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 2.48pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Word of God

OK.

* * * * * *

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Quote for the Day

The excrement has hit the fan in Victoria with the revelation that a top female defence barrister who acted for major underworld crims was in fact a police informant. Known only as Informer 3838, she became a grass, a fizgig, a stoolie, an informer in 2004 during the Melbourne gangland wars, encouraging her clients to reveal all, which she then passed to the police. She provided over 5,000 information reports. Her breach of client confidentiality has now put the convictions at risk and it may let those crims walk. The whole thing came to light when the High Court refused further suppression orders.

So why is this in the Quote for the Day section.

Because of the following item from a news report:

Informer 3838 is believed to have accepted some form of police protection, but High Court documents reveal she distrusts police.

“Thus far, (she) has declined (witness protection), taking the view that Victoria Police cannot be trusted to maintain confidentiality . . .”

https://www.news.com.au/news/national/informer-3838-living-a-daily-nightmare-after-arrangement-with-victoria-police-goes-public/news-story/1d4d599443731854e294c8790a6d26e4

The Monkey's Paw

___________________

Leo M sent me the following joke by email:

I met a magic fairy yesterday at the bottom of my garden, who said she would grant me one wish.
"I wish to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant that one particular wish."
"OK," I said, "then I want to live long enough to see the complete Parliament filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in people's best interests !!"
"You crafty bugger!", replied the fairy.

The interesting thing about the above item is that it reminded me of the short story The Monkey’s Paw, which was the subject of a Bytes post in August 2015. It is worth a reprint and I predict that the next time someone tells you an item about being granted three wishes, you will remember The Monkey’s Paw and perhaps even tell the story . . .

___________________

The Monkey's Paw

The Monkey’s Paw was published in 1902 as one of a collection of short stories by W W Jacobs in a book called The Lady of the Barge and Others.

For those who would like to read the story, click on:

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/12122/12122-h/12122-h.htm

The following is a summary:

Mr. and Mrs. White and their adult son, Herbert, live in a simple but comfortable home. Sergeant-Major Morris, a friend of the Whites who has been part of the British Army in India, introduces them to the monkey's paw, telling of its mysterious powers to grant three wishes.

He explains that the monkey's paw has had a spell cast on it by an Indian holy man who wanted to illustrate that those who interfere with fate do so to their sorrow. The spell would allow three men each to have three wishes from it. When Herbert asks him why he does not take three wishes himself, the sergeant-major responds soberly that he has. He adds that the first man had had his wishes as well, that the third was for death, and the paw thus had passed on to him. Sergeant-Major Morris, having had a bad experience upon using the paw, throws the monkey's paw into the fire but White quickly retrieves it. Morris warns White, but White, thinking about what the paw could be used for, ignores him.

Mr. White wishes for £200 to be used as the final payment on his house. The next day his son Herbert leaves for work at a local factory. Later that day, word comes to the White home that Herbert has been killed in a machinery accident. Although the employer disclaims tortious responsibility for the incident, the firm makes a goodwill payment to heirs of the deceased. The payment is £200.

Ten days after the funeral, Mrs. White, almost mad with grief, asks her husband to use the paw to wish Herbert back to life.

"I only just thought of it," she said, hysterically. "Why didn't I think of it before? Why didn't you think of it?"

"Think of what?" he questioned.

"The other two wishes," she replied, rapidly. "We've only had one."

"Was not that enough?" he demanded, fiercely.

"No," she cried, triumphantly; "we'll have one more. Go down and get it quickly, and wish our boy alive again."

The man sat up in bed and flung the bedclothes from his quaking limbs. "Good God, you are mad!" he cried, aghast.

"Get it," she panted; "get it quickly, and wish—Oh, my boy, my boy!"

Her husband struck a match and lit the candle. "Get back to bed," he said, unsteadily. "You don't know what you are saying."

"We had the first wish granted," said the old woman, feverishly; "why not the second?"

"A coincidence," stammered the old man.

"Go and get it and wish," cried his wife, quivering with excitement.

The old man turned and regarded her, and his voice shook. "He has been dead ten days, and besides he—I would not tell you else, but—I could only recognize him by his clothing. If he was too terrible for you to see then, how now?"

"Bring him back," cried the old woman, and dragged him toward the door. "Do you think I fear the child I have nursed?"

Reluctantly, he does so. Shortly afterwards there is a knock at the door. Mrs. White fumbles at the locks in an attempt to open the door. Mr. White knows, however, that he cannot allow their revived son in, as his appearance will be too hideous. Mr. White was required to identify the body, which had been mutilated by the accident. It has now been buried for more than a week.

There was another knock, and another. The old woman with a sudden wrench broke free and ran from the room. Her husband followed to the landing, and called after her appealingly as she hurried downstairs. He heard the chain rattle back and the bottom bolt drawn slowly and stiffly from the socket. Then the old woman's voice, strained and panting.

"The bolt," she cried, loudly. "Come down. I can't reach it."

But her husband was on his hands and knees groping wildly on the floor in search of the paw. If he could only find it before the thing outside got in. A perfect fusillade of knocks reverberated through the house, and he heard the scraping of a chair as his wife put it down in the passage against the door. He heard the creaking of the bolt as it came slowly back, and at the same moment he found the monkey's paw, and frantically breathed his third and last wish.

The knocking ceased suddenly, although the echoes of it were still in the house. He heard the chair drawn back, and the door opened. A cold wind rushed up the staircase, and a long loud wail of disappointment and misery from his wife gave him courage to run down to her side, and then to the gate beyond. The street lamp flickering opposite shone on a quiet and deserted road.

________________

As the old adage goes, be careful what you wish for, you just may get it.

Monday, December 3, 2018

Thought for the Day

Who remembers? . . .

___________________

Professor Julius Sumner Miller:

Miller (1909-1987) was an American physicist and television personality, best known for his work on children's television programs in North America and Australia. Miller not only made physics and science understandable in his show “Why Is It So?”, he also made it fun.

From Wikipedia:

Miller's first television appearance in Australia was on Bob Sanders People in 1963. In an improvised physics demonstration, he attempted to drive a drinking straw through a raw potato. A paper straw normally does not have sufficient strength but if one pinches the end, the trapped air acts as a piston, easily piercing the potato. For the first time in his career he could not get this to work, and he loudly exclaimed "Australian straws ain't worth a damn!". The next morning, Miller arrived at his Sydney University laboratory to find one million drinking straws on the floor with a telegram reading "You might find one of these fitting your requirements". He later stated "I sat amongst the straws with straws stuck in my hair and ears. But clearly I had made a mistake. I should have said: 'Australian potatoes ain't worth a damn', and I'd have cornered the potato market!”

___________________

Fish and chips wrapped in newspaper:

That’s how fish and chips was sold back then: a wire basket of deep fried chips and fish was emptied onto a white paper sheet, generously covered in salt with a lemon wedge tossed in (vinegar optional). Then it was wrapped in newspaper. Today fish and chips is sold in cups and boxes but it tasted better back then.

___________________

Golliwog biscuits:

So not PC these days.

These biscuits, were first sold in the 1960s, and were made in the shape of the Golliwog toy which was popular at that time. The name was changed to Scalliwag in the mid-1990s.

However the biscuits remained in the shape of a Golliwog and the product was discontinued by the late 1990s. Golliwogs went out of favour around the world in all kinds of commercial areas, from toys to children's books to foodstuffs as they have been perceived as being inherently racist.

On a related aspect, one of my mother’s TV favourites was the Brit Black & White Minstrel Show. It began in 1958 and ended in 1978 after complaints that its use of blackface was racist and ethnic stereotyping.

___________________

Bug sprayer:

It’s a wonder we survived at all when Mum sprayed insecticide in the bedroom each night, in summer, with us in it, to kill the mozzies.

And if that wasn’t enough, we also grew up with . . .

It's called flypaper and it was extremely sticky. Once flies, mozzies etc touched it, they were doomed. It was the Paper of Death.

It was pulled out of a canister and hung up but bad luck if you touched it and got your fingers stuck.

Quote for the Day

Riddles and Ravens

Following on from the item about movie riddles, here is an item about what is regarded as one of the most famous literary riddles in literature. It is also seen as the most frustrating, because it came without an answer.

In Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter poses this puzzle to Alice:

‘Why is a raven like a writing desk?’

The Hatter doesn’t have the answer:

`Have you guessed the riddle yet?’ the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.

`No, I give it up,’ Alice replied: `what’s the answer?’

`I haven’t the slightest idea,’ said the Hatter.

`Nor I,’ said the March Hare.

Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better with the time,’ she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.’

The thing is, though, that the story never intended to provide an answer.

Nonetheless readers’ desire for closure was so intense that Carroll was forced to dream up an answer that appeared in the preface to the 1897 edition:

Enquiries have been so often addressed to me, as to whether any answer to the Hatter's Riddle can be imagined, that I may as well put on record here what seems to me to be a fairly appropriate answer, viz: 'Because it can produce a few notes, tho they are very flat; and it is never put with the wrong end in front!' This, however, is merely an afterthought; the Riddle, as originally invented, had no answer at all.”

Carroll was fond of wordplays and jokes, as evidenced by the Alice stories, but the proofreader denied him his final bit of humour. The sentence, as written by Carroll, read 'Because it can produce a few notes, tho they are very flat; and it is nevar put with the wrong end in front!' Note that Carroll spelt the word "nevar". The word “nevar” - ‘raven’ spelt backwards – was changed back to ‘never’ by the proofreader.

😡

(It has also been suggested that a raven is like a writing desk in that Poe wrote on both).

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Thought for the Day

Movie riddles:

___________________

I came across the riddle from the film Mirrormask, quite funny, and it made me think of some other movie riddles . . .

___________________

Mirrormask:

In the 2005 film Mirrormask, in a fantasy world of opposing kingdoms, a fifteen-year-old girl must find the fabled MirrorMask in order to save the kingdom and get home. In one scene, she riddles the Gryphon:

Helena: What’s green, hangs on the wall and whistles?

The Gryphon ponders and ponders.

Helena: Riddle? Riddle. So have you thought of an answer yet?

Gryphon: You can't pass. I give up, I think, no wait, wait... Fine. What's the answer?

Helena: Okay. It's a herring.

Gryphon: But a herring isn't green.

Helena: You can paint it green.

Gryphon: But a herring doesn't hang on a wall.

Helena: You can nail it to a wall.

Gryphon: But a herring doesn't whistle!

Helena: Oh, come on. I just put that in to stop it from being too obvious.

___________________

Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

True aficionados of Monty Python humour, such as myself, will be able to quote each incident and line in Monty Python movies. Here is the riddle scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail when King Arthur and his knights seek to cross the Bridge of Death:

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?

Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?

Sir Lancelot: Blue.

Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go.

Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Sir Robin: That's easy.

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?

Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria?

[pause]

Sir Robin: I don't know that.

[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]

Sir Robin: Auuuuuuuugh.

Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?

Galahad: Sir Galahad of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Galahad: I seek the Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?

Galahad: Blue. No, yel...

[he is also thrown over the edge]

Galahad: auuuuuuuugh.

Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?

King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.

[he is thrown over]

Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.

Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?

King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

___________________

Labyrinth:

I love this flick - You remind me of the babe. What babe? The babe with the power. What power? Power of voodoo. Who do? You do. Do what? Remind me of the babe - and I love David Bowie as the Goblin King, even if his tights are a tad off, especially in film that is targeted at children.

Sarah must escape through one of 2 doors, one door giving her escape, the other certain death. Each door has a guard and she is allowed only one question. One guard always tells the truth and one always lies . . .

Guards: “The only way out of here is to try one of these doors.”

“One of them leads to the castle in the centre of the Labyrinth. And the other one leads to… bumBumBUMBUMMM… Certain Death!”

“Ooooohhhhh!”

Sarah: “Which one is which?”

Guard: “Ehh, we can’t tell you.”

Sarah: “Why not?”

Guards: “Umm, (mumbles a bit) we don’t know. But they do.” (Referring to other guards.)

Sarah: “Oh, then I’ll ask them.”

Guards: “Uh, no. You can’t ask us. You can only ask one of us.”

“Mm-hm, it’s in the rules. And I should warn you that one of us always tells the truth, and one of us always lies. That’s a rule too, he always lies.”

“I do not! I tell the truth!”

“Oooh, what a lie!” (snickering and laughing)

Sarah: “Alright, answer yes or no. Would he [the opposite guard] tell me that this door leads to the castle?”

Guard: (mumbles to his cohort then answers) “Yes..”

Sarah: “Then, the other door leads to the castle, and this door leads to certain dea

Guard: “Ooooh, how do you know? He could be telling the truth.”

Sarah: “But then you wouldn’t be. So, if you told me that he said ‘yes’ i know the answer is no.”

Guard: “But I could be telling the truth!”

Sarah: “But then he would be lying. So, if you told me that he said ‘yes’ I know the answer would still be no.”

Guards: “Wait a minute, is that right?”

Both: “I don’t know, I never understood it.”

Okay, I’ve never understood it either, mainly because I couldn’t be bothered working it out. That’s why I hate Sudoku and stuff like that. But I’ve now worked it out, for you, dear readers . . .

To solve the puzzle, you must ask one guard (it doesn’t matter which one) which door the other guard would say leads out. Both guards will indicate the same door, which will be the door that doesn’t lead out.

Further explanation:

Let’s call the doors Safe Door and Death Door . . .

You ask Lying Guard what Honest Guard will say in response to the question “Which door leads out?” Honest Guard would answer honestly and state the correct door, but you’re asking Lying Guard so he will lie to you and tell the wrong door, Death Door. This makes the other door the Safe Door.

If you ask Honest Guard what the other guard will say, Honest Guard will tell you that the other guard, the lying guard, will point you towards Death Door. This makes the other door the Safe Door.

In both cases, the outcome is the same. To stay alive, you must walk through the opposite door you’ve been told.

Got that? Or did the Goblin King’s tights befuddle you?

___________________

Die Hard with a Vengeance:

Detective John McClane (Bruce Willis) and Zeus Carver (Samuel L Jackson) have to carry out certain taks set by the criminal mastermind. One task is solving a riddle:

“As I was going to St. Ives,

I met a man with seven wives,

Every wife had seven sacks,

Every sack had seven cats,

Every cat has seven kits.

Kits, cats, sacks, and wives,

How many were going to St. Ives?”

The answer is:

ZEUS: No wait, wait. It's a trick. It' a trick.

JOHN: What, what, what do you mean?

ZEUS: I forgot about the man.

JOHN: What man? Fuck the man. We got 10 seconds.

ZEUS: He said how many were going to St-Ives, right? The riddle begins as I was going to St-Ives, I meet a man with 7 wives. The guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.

JOHN: What are they doing?

ZEUS: Sitting on a fucking road, waiting on the... How the hell should I know?

JOHN: Who's going to St-Ives than?

ZEUS: The guy, just the guy.

JOHN: Just one guy?

ZEUS: The answer is one.

Okay, so in the movie the answer is 1, in that the person asking the question is going to St Ives and meets the others coming from St Ives. But the question was “Kits, cats, sacks, and wives, how many were going to St. Ives?” So the answer should have been none, because the question was how many kits, cats, sacks and wives were going to St Ives.

McClane and Carver are also given a task given of measuring and filling a jug with exactly 4 gallons of water to place on a bomb to stop the timing mechanism, using only a 3 and 5 gallon jug.

Die Hard soluction:

Fill the five gallon jug.

Fill the three gallon jug from the five gallon jug.

Empty the three gallon jug.

Pour the two gallons into the three gallon jug.

Fill the five gallon jug and pour one gallon from it into the three gallon jug.

Four gallons remain in the five gallon jug.

Alternative solution:

Fill up the 3,pour into the 5.

Fill up the 3 again and pour into the 5 until full leaving 1 in the 3,

Pour out all the 5.

Pour the 1 from the 3 into the 5.

Fill up the 3 again and pour into the 5 giving you 4.

Saturday, December 1, 2018

Quote for the Day

First Feelgood of the Month

A story from Bored Panda, at:

https://www.boredpanda.com/husband-spends-vacation-budget-money-help-student-wife-reaction/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Newsletter

Husband Texts Wife He Spent $800 From Their Vacation Budget On His Student After Noticing His Clothing

Some boyfriends and husbands make sure that their relationship is never boring. This story is about one of them. Recently, he took $800 from his and his partner’s holiday budget, shortening it by a couple of days. And he did it without them knowing.

But before you strike your gavel to convict the guy, scroll down to read the confession he texted his significant other. After all, he had a good reason.