Friday, June 18, 2021
A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"
"New Zealand, sir." the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager. "My wife is from New Zealand!"
"Really?" replied the boy. "Who did she play for?"
An old lady wakes up one morning to find that there's a gorilla in the tree in her back garden. She looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." She calls the number and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives with his truck which contains a ladder, a pitchfork, a shotgun, a set of manacles, a winch and suspended metal cage, and a large snarling dog with big teeth, wearing a muzzle.
He sets up his equipment in the back yard, removes the muzzle from the dog and says to the old lady "I'm going to climb the tree using this ladder, then I work my way along the branch and give the gorilla a poke with the pitchfork. This will force the gorilla to jump down, whereupon this specially trained dog runs up and grabs him by the testicles, holding him immobile until I get down. I then put the manacles on him, drop the cage over him and take him to the zoo. They give me a donation and it doesn’t cost you anything.”
“That would be lovely,” she says.
“All you have to do is hold the shotgun,” he says.
“What do I do with the shotgun?” she asks.
“Lady,” he responds, “If I fall off the ladder, shoot the fucking dog!”
LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
There was a young man named McNamiter
With a tool of prodigious diameter.
But it wasn't the size
Gave the girls a surprise,
But his rhythm---iambic pentameter.
Thursday, June 17, 2021
Wednesday, June 16, 2021
- This country’s doctors were the first to identify the link between smoking and lung cancer.
- Following that discovery, a strong anti-tobacco movement developed, which in turn led to the first anti-smoking campaign in modern history.
- There were other anti-tobacco movements in other countries from the beginning of the 20th century but this country had the only success, the campaign having been supported by that country’s government.
- The government condemned smoking and tobacco consumption.
- The government sponsored research on smoking and its effects on health.
- Anti-smoking measures introduced included:
- Certain occupations were banned from smoking whilst on duty: teachers, police and midwives, as examples.
- Pregnant women were encouraged not to smoke.
- Films were made encouraging everybody, but especially women and children, not to smoke.