FUNNY FRIDAY

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A couple of seasonal jokes to mark the start of Autumn in Oz and Spring somewhere or other else . . .

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SOME HUMOUR:

Sent to me by John P, thanks John . . .

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become familiar with the new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick in my stomach." The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the waste bin. That was what probably was making her sick."

The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much for the Church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"

"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed.”

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An old couple goes to their doctor.

After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, the first time I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually around July and the second time is usually in December."

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FROM THE VAULT:

It's late Autumn and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota have asked their new Chief if the coming winter is going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a modern-day Chief he'd never actually been taught the old indian ways or their secrets, so when he looked at the sky, he just couldn't tell what the winter weather was going to be like. Nevertheless, in order not to disappoint the tribe and to be on the safe side, he told them that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that they should collect firewood and be prepared.

However, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”

“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold" they responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be better prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again, “Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?”

“Yes”, replied the man at National Weather Service this time, even more certain,“it's going to be a very, very cold winter.”

So the Chief went back to his people once again and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could lay their hands on.

Two weeks later, worried about the mountains of wood and the hard work the tribe was putting in collecting it, the chief called the National Weather Service just to be absolutely sure. "Are you definitely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”

“Absolutely”, the weatherman said, “It's looking more and more like it's going to be one of the coldest winters on record.”

“But how can you be so certain?” the chief asked. "Well, for a start" the weatherman replied, “the Indians are collecting a firewood like crazy.”

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

There was a young lady from Ransom

Who was had seven times in a hansom.

When she cried out for more,

A voice from the floor

Said, "Lady, I’m Simpson, not Samson."

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

Farmer Joe decides to go down the road to visit his friend Eb. When he arrives at Eb's farm he hears music coming from Eb's barn. Going to take a look Joe finds Eb dancing naked around his John Deer!

Taking a step back Joe asks Eb what the heck he's doing?

Eb explains, "Well to be honest me and my woman's been having problems in the bedroom, so we went to see a sex therapist. I'm just doing what she suggested."

"Do something sexy to a tractor!"

________________

I don't understand terms like mean, mode and median.

Is that normal?

________________

When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat Is a warm toilet seat.

________________

Got stopped by the police last night. They asked me if I had a police record.

I said yes, Walking On the Moon from 1979.

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QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

POETRY SPOT

A poem by Shel Silverstein about the dreaded nighttime Whatifs . . .

Whatif

by Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

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Some more whatifs . . .

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

AMAZING 3D TATTOOS . . .

The oldest known tattooed human skin to date is found on the body of Ötzi the Iceman, who was estimated between 3370 and 3100 BC. His body was found in the Alps and had 61 tattoos of simple dots and lines using carbon ink.

Some Otzi pics:

Otzi's tattoo locations, the tattoos being shown below:

Replica of some of Otzi’s tattoos

As Otzi would have looked.

Tattooing has come a long way since Otzi’s breaking of the skin with broken bones to make marks and rubbing in pigment, as these pics of 3D skin art will show . . .

I will leave you with an anecdote:

Readers will know that I have quite a bit of ink, 95% of which was put on by Greg Ardon.  Greg sadly passed away last year but lives on both in memory and in tattoos on thousands of people, a suitable monument to one of the best tattooists in Oz . . . 

On one occasion when Greg was working on a piece on my arm, I was being a bit of a smart arse and had the following exchange with him:

Me:  "You know, you're  pretty good at this.  You ought to have a go at some real art."  

Greg:  "Yeah, that would be right."

Me:  "Do you hear that a lot?"

Greg:  "Yep.  Pro Hart gets thousands for making people look distorted, everything I do has to be spot on.  Plus Pro Hart doesn't have to paint with peoples' noses an inch from his brush.

Greg Ardron

One of the works of famous Oz artist Pro Hart

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

FROM THE VAULT . . .

The Monster Study

From Bytes

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Think of a scientific study that uses orphans to investigate stuttering. The children are divided into 2 groups, with one group receiving positive therapy by means of encouragement and praise, the other group being told they were stutterers and belittled for stuttering.

Sounds like something that Dr Josef Mengele would have done, right?

It was actually a study carried out in 1939 by American psychologist and speech therapist Wendell Johnson (1906 – 1965), pictured below.

The study was so horrific that Johnson’s peers referred to it as The Monster Study, the name by which it remains known to this day.

Johnson had himself grown up as a stutterer and spent most of his life trying to find the causes and cures for stuttering. As an undergraduate at the University of Iowa, he used various techniques to overcome this affliction – self analysis, writing, public speaking and forced vocalising. In the process he obtained a degree in English, a masters in psychology in 1929 and a doctorate in psychology in 1931, his thesis “Why I Stutter” being published commercially. Johnson’s aim was to investigate and devote his life to speech therapy so as to help children overcome the same adversity.

In 1939 Johnson began a new experiment.

At that time it was believed that the cause of stuttering was organic or genetic, that one was born a stutterer and that nothing could be done about it. Johnson did not agree. He was of the opinion that labelling children as “stutterers” could create or worsen the problem, a hypothesis to be tested by his experiment.

Firstly he selected as his assistant one of his graduate students, Mary Tudor, to conduct the experiment. Johnson would supervise her research.

Next, 22 orphans in ages between 5 and 15 were selected from a veterans’ orphanage. None of the children were told of the experiment; instead they were told they were going to receive speech therapy. Included in the 22 were 10 children identified by the orphanage personnel as being stutterers. The children were divided into 2 groups, with 5 of the stutterers in one group and 5 in the other group. The other children were randomly allocated to the two groups. The groups were known as Group A and Group B. Between January and late May 1939, Mary Tudor met with each child for 45 minutes each few weeks.

Group A was labelled “normal speakers”, the children in this group being told that their speech was fine and that they did not stutter. The fluency of their speech was praised. In her words, they were told "You'll outgrow [the stuttering], and you will be able to speak even much better than you are speaking now. . . . Pay no attention to what others say about your speaking ability for undoubtedly they do not realize that this is only a phase." In general, the children in Group A were praised no matter what they did.

In contrast, the children of Group B, the group labelled “stutterers”, were told that they were stutterers and were belittled for each speech imperfection. They were deliberately demoralised and were insulted for even the slightest error in speech, sometimes even when they didn’t make an error. They were lectured about stuttering and told to take extra care not to repeat words. Other teachers and staff at the orphanage were even unknowingly recruited to reinforce the label as the researchers told them the whole group were stutterers. In Tudor’s own words, these children were told "The staff has come to the conclusion that you have a great deal of trouble with your speech. . . . You have many of the symptoms of a child who is beginning to stutter. You must try to stop yourself immediately. Use your will power. . . . Do anything to keep from stuttering. . . . Don't ever speak unless you can do it right. You see how [the name of a child in the institution who stuttered severely] stutters, don't you? Well, he undoubtedly started this very same way."

According to Wikipedia:

After her second session with 5-year-old Norma Jean Pugh, Tudor wrote, "It was very difficult to get her to speak, although she spoke very freely the month before." Another in the group, 9-year-old Betty Romp, "practically refuses to talk," a researcher wrote in his final evaluation. "Held hand or arm over eyes most of the time."

Hazel Potter, 15, the oldest in her group, became "much more conscious of herself, and she talked less," Tudor noted. Potter also began to interject and to snap her fingers in frustration. She was asked why she said 'a' so much. "Because I'm afraid I can't say the next word." "Why did you snap your fingers?" "Because I was afraid I was going to say 'a.'"

All of the children’s schoolwork fell off. One of the boys began refusing to recite in class. The other, eleven-year-old Clarence Fifer, started anxiously correcting himself. "He stopped and told me he was going to have trouble on words before he said them," Tudor reported. She asked him how he knew. He said that the sound "wouldn't come out. Feels like it's stuck in there."

The sixth orphan, Mary Korlaske, a 12-year-old, grew withdrawn and fractious. During their sessions, Tudor asked whether her best friend knew about her 'stuttering,' Korlaske muttered, "No." "Why not?" Korlaske shuffled her feet. "I hardly ever talk to her." Two years later, she ran away from the orphanage and eventually ended up at the rougher Industrial School for Girls — simultaneously escaping her human experimentation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Monster_Study

Of the six 'normal' (non-stuttering) children in the stutterers group,, Group B, five began stuttering after the negative therapy. Of the five children in Group B who had stuttered before their 'therapy', three became worse.

In comparison, only one of the children in the group labelled 'normal', Group A, had greater speech problems after the study.

The findings of the study supported Johnson’s hypothesis and contributed to new and successful ways of treating people with stuttering.

Although the results of the study were available in the University of Iowa library, they were never published. It is believed that Johnson chose to do so on the advice of colleagues who questioned the ethics of his methods. Subsequently the study was kept hidden for fear that it would tarnish Johnson’s reputation in the light of Nazi experiments on humans during World War 2.

Sadly, for the children, there was inadequate post-study counseling and therapy. Tudor voluntarily returned to the orphanage three times after the study had ended to provide follow-up care. To the group labeled stutterers, she told them that they did not stutter after all. This served to make them only more confused.

In 1940 she wrote to Johnson: "I believe that in time they . . . will recover, but we certainly made a definite impression on them." In other letters she lamented the fact that they had not been able to provide sufficient positive counseling to overcome the significant deleterious effects of the study. Until her death she continued to maintain that the study had made important findings but that greater follow up care should have been provided. She also regretted her part in the study.

And there the matter rested until 2001 when an investigative reporter for the San Jose Mercury News wrote a series of articles about the study and a book evaluating the study was published.

Six remaining children of Group B sued the State of Iowa for life-long psychological and emotional scarring caused by the study. They complained of ongoing negative psychological effects, learning disabilities and, in some cases, speech problems. Although none had become stutterers, the evidence was that they had become self-conscious and unwilling to speak. The litigation was concluded with a $925,000 settlement in 2007.

The University of Iowa issued a public apology, calling the study “regrettable” and indefensible.

So how does one view the study?

On the one hand, the persons carrying it out thought that they were doing the right thing and were motivated by a desire to do good. There were no restrictions or guidelines on human experimentation at that time and even in the second half of the 20th century there were numerous funded studies using humans, some of whom died.

On the other hand, the children had no say in the experiment, they were not told of the experiment and were misled into believing they were receiving therapy. Staff likewise were not told the truth about the study and were made unwitting accomplices. The fact that the study was never published, notwithstanding the long term damage caused to the children and inadequate follow up, makes the study even more unethical.

There remains no single agreed-upon cause for stuttering or the most appropriate therapy.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

A NEW MONTH

 

Well, dear readers, it is the first day of the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness, close bosom-friend of the maturing sun, or Autumn if you’re not into Keats, but don’t worry, I don’t get that either. Here is another poem about autumn that I like much better than Keats’s, which plays on the words spring (which it is today in the northern hemisphere) and fall, as our northern neighbours call autumn:

There was a young fellow named Hall

Who fell in the spring in the fall.

‘Twould have been a sad thing

Had he died in the spring,

But he didn’t – he died in the fall.

Some facts and trivia about March:

March, the third month of the year, was named for the Roman god of war, Mars. (Mars, the planet and the rover, will feature in a Bytes within the next few days). Traditionally, this was the time of year to resume military campaigns that had been interrupted by winter.

In the early Roman calendar, March (or Martius) was the first month of the calendar year. As March brought the first day of spring with the vernal equinox, it was the start of new beginnings.

March became the third month when January and February, which were added to the end of the Roman calendar around 700 BCE, instead became the first and second months around 450 BCE.

March days:

- March 8 is International Women’s Day, which is a day that not only celebrates the achievements of women and the progress made toward women’s rights, but also brings attention to ongoing struggles for equality around the world.

- March 14 is the start of Daylight Saving Time in the US, which begins at 2:00 A.M. that day. If your area observes it, don’t forget to “spring forward” and set the clocks one hour ahead, or you may find yourself an hour late to everything!

- March 15 is the Ides of March! Legend surrounds this ill-fated day. Beware the Ides of March!

- March 15 is also Clean Monday. Also called Pure Monday, this day marks the beginning of Great Lent for followers of the Eastern Orthodox Christian Church. This day is similar to Ash Wednesday of the Western Church.

- March 17 is St. Patrick’s Day. According to folklore, folks wear a shamrock on St. Patrick’s Day because the saint used its three leaves to explain the Trinity.

- March 20 brings about the March equinox—also called the vernal or spring equinox in the Northern Hemisphere—marking the beginning of spring. In the Southern Hemisphere, this date marks the autumnal equinox and the beginning of autumn. On this day, the sun stands directly over Earth’s equator.

- March 27 is the start of Passover, which begins at sundown on this day.

- March 29-31 are known as the Borrowing Days. According to lore, the last three days of March have a reputation for being stormy.

Looking ahead:

This year, Easter Sunday will occur on April 4, culminating the Holy Week for Christian churches and commemorating the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

“Just for Fun” Days

March is National Umbrella Month? Here are some more wacky things to celebrate this month:

- March 3: What If Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day

- March 9: International Fanny Pack Day

- March 13: National Ear Muff Day

- March 16: National Panda Day

- March 21: Absolutely Incredible Kid Day

- March 23: World Meteorological Day

- March 31: World Backup Day

Birthstone and Zodiac sign:

March’s birthstone is the aquamarine. This gem is a type of beryl; its color can be pale to dark blue, greenish-blue, or blue-green; deep, intense blue versions are more valuable.

March’s Zodiac signs are Pisces (February 20 to March 20) and Aries (March 21 to April 20).

Another poem:

We started with a poem so let’s finish with one as well, and it's not Ode to Autumn:

Leaf It Alone

- Elizabeth Sheaffer

As I watched the rain pouring into the drain

I reflected on just how perverse

Was the Summer we had, with the weather so bad,

And the future can only get worse.

Now that Autumn is here, bringing with it some fear

Since the drains are blocked up with leaves

Which are crimson and yellow, so pretty, so mellow,

And they're also blocking the eaves.

As the weather gets colder, the leaves get older,

Black and dirty, and now..here's the thing!

The council won't clear it and therefore I fear it

Will leaf us at risk till the Spring.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY