Sometimes the best things are right in front of you; it just takes some time to see them.
- Gladys Knight
(1944 - )
Tuesday, April 29, 2025
ON THIS DAY
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April 29, 2011
William weds Kate
On this day in 2011, Prince William of Wales, second in line to the British throne, married his longtime girlfriend, Catherine Middleton, in a lavish ceremony broadcast to millions of television viewers.
BTW:
The bride’s bouquet featured five different types of flowers: lily-of-the-valley, sweet William, ivy, myrtle and hyacinth. Both the sweet William and myrtle had a special meaning—while sweet William paid tribute to the bride’s now-husband, myrtle honored the royal family. Not only does it represent love, fertility and innocence, but adding a sprig of the delicate blossom to the bridal bouquet has been a royal tradition since Princess Victoria tied the knot in 1840, according to the official website.
The 8-tier fruitcake was decorated with roses, thistle, daffodils, and shamrocks to represent the four nations of the United Kingdom.
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POETRY SPOT – 2 POEMS
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The Few
- Edgar A Guest
The easy roads are crowded
And the level roads are jammed;
The pleasant little rivers
With the drifting folks are crammed.
But off yonder where it's rocky,
Where you get a better view,
You will find the ranks are thinning
And the travelers are few.
Where the going's smooth and pleasant
You will always find the throng,
For the many, more's the pity,
Seem to like to drift along.
But the steeps that call for courage,
And the task that's hard to do
In the end result in glory
For the never-wavering few.
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Analysis:
From:
This poem explores the concept of individuality and the rarity of those who dare to venture beyond the ordinary. While the easy and pleasant paths are crowded with the masses, the difficult and challenging ones are traversed by only a select few. The speaker suggests that true worthiness lies in the arduous journey, where courage and determination lead to glory, rather than in the comfortable paths taken by the majority. The poem reflects the ideals of individualism and self-reliance prevalent during its time period and echoes the theme of choosing the "road less traveled" from Robert Frost's famous poem.
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The Road Not Taken
- Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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Analysis:
This poem explores the theme of choice and its consequences, with the speaker faced with a decision between two paths. The choice is not straightforward, as both paths appear equally promising. However, the speaker ultimately chooses the path that has been less traveled, despite its potential risks.
The poem's simple language and straightforward structure contrast with the weighty decision the speaker faces. The use of rhyme and repetition creates a sense of rhythm and balance, adding to the poem's memorability.
Other works by the same author often explore similar themes of nature, choice, and the human experience. This poem is no exception, but it stands out for its universal appeal and its ability to resonate with readers across time periods.
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Monday, April 28, 2025
ON THIS DAY
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April 28, 1996
Part Arthur massacre.
The Port Arthur massacre was a mass shooting that occurred on 28 April 1996 at Port Arthur, a tourist town in the Australian state of Tasmania. The perpetrator, Martin Bryant, killed 35 people and wounded 23 others, the deadliest massacre in modern Australian history. The attack led to fundamental changes in Australia's gun laws.
Two of Bryant's victims were known to him personally and were killed at Seascape, a bed and breakfast property. The majority of his victims were killed in a shooting spree at the Port Arthur Historic Site, a popular tourist destination. Using two semi-automatic rifles, he began his attack at a small café before moving into a nearby gift shop, killing twenty people indiscriminately in a short amount of time. Many others were killed at the site's car park, including several children. After killing its four occupants, Bryant stole a vehicle at the site's tollbooth and drove to a nearby service station, where he killed a woman and abducted her partner. He continued to fire at passing vehicles before finally returning to Seascape with his hostage, who was then killed. He set fire to the property but was captured the following morning.
Bryant pleaded guilty to the killings and received 35 life sentences without parole; his motives have been subject to debate. The massacre led to a reassessment of Australia's gun laws by the newly elected Howard government. The National Firearms Agreement between state and federal governments was announced within two weeks of the massacre, establishing heavy restrictions on the use of automatic and semi-automatic weapons and creating a gun buyback program, a national gun registry and a waiting period for firearm sales.
Bryant then
Now
Martin Bryant’s life in prison 29 years after he perpetrated Australia’s worst shooting massacre is that of a pathetic, obese, dull-witted middle aged man.
The mass murderer spends his life in Risdon Prison’s maximum security wing outside Hobart going between his cell and the canteen.
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MUSIC MONDAY
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I came across these videos by chance on YouTube, of multiple players on one guitar, totally amazing.
More of that later.
I have previously posted a similar link to another video of 5 players on one guitar, a group called Walk Off the Earth:
Walk Off the Earth playing Somebody I Used to Know
The other instances of multiple musicians on one guitar is the group the Barcelona Trio. I have not been able to find anything about them but enjoy, and be impressed by, these videos:
Billie Jean:
Michael Jackson Medley:
With or Without You:
And with 4 musos, 2 guitars. . .
Ravel’s Bolero:
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Sunday, April 27, 2025
ON THIS DAY
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April 27, 1904
Australia: World’s first Labor government.
The Australian Labor Party (ALP), also known simply as the Labor Party, or just Labor, is the major centre-left political party in Australia and one of two major parties in Australian politics, along with the centre-right Liberal Party of Australia.
The party has been in government since the 2022 federal election, and with political branches active in all the Australian states and territories, they currently hold government in New South Wales, South Australia, Victoria, Western Australia, and the Australian Capital Territory. As of 2025, Queensland, Tasmania and Northern Territory are the only states or territories where Labor currently forms the opposition. It is the oldest continuously operating political party in Australian history, having been established on 8 May 1901.
Chris Watson was Australia's first Labor Prime Minister and while his 1904 government only survived for four months between April and August in 1904 it has the distinction of being the first Labor government anywhere in the world at a national level, from this day in 1904.
The Australian Labor Party, a democratic socialist party, has its origins in a strike by pastoral workers in the 1890s in the state of Queensland. It would go on to win the 1910 Federal election under Andrew Fisher and become the first Labor government to win a majority.
Group photograph of Federal Labour Party MPs elected to the House of Representatives and Senate at the inaugural 1901 election
(Pick the odd man out. . . extreme left, second row from the top, the only man clean shaven.)
BTW:
The ALP adopted the formal name "Australian Labour Party" in 1908, but changed the spelling to "Labor" in 1912. While it is standard practice in Australian English both today and at the time to spell the word "labour" with a "u", the party was influenced by the United States labor movement, and a prominent figure in the early history of the party, the American-born King O'Malley, was successful in having the spelling "modernised".
The change also made it easier to distinguish references to the party from the labour movement in general.
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FACTS
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Spotted Lake is a saline alkali lake located in British Columbia, Canada.
Most of the water in the lake evaporates over the summer, revealing colourful mineral deposits. Large "spots" on the lake appear and are coloured according to the mineral composition and seasonal amount of precipitation. Magnesium sulfate, which crystallizes in the summer, is a major contributor to spot colour. In the summer, remaining minerals in the lake harden to form natural "walkways" around and between the spots.
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The Giant's Causeway is an area of approximately 40,000 interlocking basalt columns, the result of an ancient volcanic fissure eruption, and is located in County Antrim on the north coast of Northern Ireland.
The tops of the columns form stepping stones that lead from the cliff foot and disappear under the sea. Most of the columns are hexagonal, although some have four, five, seven, or eight sides.
According to legend, the Giant’s Causeway dates back to the time of Fionn MacCumhaill, a giant tasked with defending his land from the fearsome Benandonner. The story goes that Fionn decided to take the challenge head on, and built this causeway as a way to approach his foe. In one version of the story, Fionn defeats Benandonner. Another common telling of the story has Fionn hide from Benandonner when he realises that his foe is much bigger than he is. Fionn's wife, Sadhbh, disguises Fionn as a baby and tucks him in a cradle. When Benandonner sees the size of the "baby", he reckons that its father, Fionn, must be a giant among giants. He flees back to Scotland in fright, destroying the causeway behind him so that Fionn would be unable to chase him down.
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Some scholars believe that rampant lead poisoning may have contributed to Ancient Rome’s decline. Roman winemakers used lead pots to boil crushed grapes, the empire’s aqueducts carried water through lead pipes and many Roman foods were sweetened with lead acetate. Since lead is toxic, some historians have claimed that its use may have resulted in widespread cases of gout, low birth rates, anemia and aggressive and erratic behavior among the Roman citizenry.
Ancient Roman lead water-valve
BTW:
The word “plumbing’ referring to working on pipes is derived from Latin word ‘Plumbum’, which in Latin means Lead
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John Dillinger and his gang robbed at least a dozen banks and netted total loot of around $500,000 (roughly $7 million in modern day currency), but his take paled in comparison to the amount of money the FBI spent trying to catch him. According to the Associated Press, the new government agency racked up a tab of some $2 million on the manhunt, which included the bill for several agents dedicated solely to Dillinger. Historians have since credited the hunt for John Dillinger—and his eventual death at FBI hands—with helping legitimise the Bureau and establish it as the nation’s most famous crime unit.
Dillinger courted publicity. The media printed exaggerated accounts of his bravado and colorful personality, and described him as a Robin Hood-type figure. In response, J. Edgar Hoover, director of the Bureau of Investigation (BOI), used Dillinger as justification to evolve the BOI into the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), developing more sophisticated investigative techniques as weapons against organized crime.
Dillinger
BTW:
From September 1933 until July 1934, he and his violent gang terrorised the Midwest, killing 10 men, wounding 7 others, robbing banks and police arsenals, and staging 3 jail breaks, killing a sheriff during one and wounding two guards in another.
Dillinger was wounded in a gunfight and went to his father's home to recover. He returned to Chicago in July 1934 and sought refuge in a brothel owned by Ana Cumpănaș, who later informed authorities of his whereabouts. On July 22, 1934, local and federal law-enforcement officers closed in on the Biograph Theatre. When BOI agents moved to arrest Dillinger as he left the theatre, he attempted to flee but was fatally shot; the lethal use of force by the agents would eventually be ruled justifiable homicide.
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Lake Baikal is a lake situated in southern Siberia, Russia.
It:
- is the deepest lake in the world, with a maximum depth of 1,642 metres (5,387 feet);
- is, at 31,722 km2 (12,248 sq mi)—slightly larger than Belgium— the world's seventh-largest lake by surface area;
- is the world's largest freshwater lake by volume;
- contains 22–23% of the world's fresh surface water;
- is the world's oldest lake at 25–30 million years.
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The national flag with the most colors in it is Belize (1981), with 12.
The centre of the flag, enlarged
The flag was adopted on 21 September 1981, the day Belize became independent. It consists of the coat of arms of Belize on a blue field with red stripes at the top and bottom.
The flag is royal blue, with a white disc at the centre containing the national coat of arms held by a mestizo and a man of African descent.
The motto of the Belize flag is “Sub Umbra Floreo,” a Latin phrase that translates to “Under the Shade I Flourish.”
The motto carries several layers of meaning:
- It is a direct reference to Belize’s establishment as a colony under British protection. The “shade” in the motto represents the protection and shelter afforded by British rule. This was not always a positive association given the colonial context, but it highlights a specific period of the nation’s development. Belize, known then as British Honduras, existed under the protective umbrella of Great Britain.
- The “shade” can also be seen as symbolic of the abundant forests that are central to Belize’s identity and ecosystem. The country’s lush rainforests and mahogany trees provide shade for a diverse range of life, creating a thriving environment. Thus, the phrase encapsulates the resilience of life flourishing even within what may appear to be limiting conditions.
- The motto speaks to the enduring spirit of the Belizean people. Despite the challenges of colonial rule and the subsequent quest for independence, the Belizean population has demonstrated a remarkable capacity to prosper.
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Saturday, April 26, 2025
ON THIS DAY
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By the way:
How do people like the On This Day posts?
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April 26, 1986
World's worst nuclear disaster, Chernobyl
Reactor 4 several months after the disaster. Reactor 3 can be seen behind the ventilation stack, Reactors 1 and 2 in the background.
On April 26, 1986, the No. 4 reactor of the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant, located in Soviet Russia and what is now the Ukraine, exploded. With dozens of direct casualties, it is one of only two nuclear energy accidents rated at the maximum severity on the International Nuclear Event Scale, the other being the 2011 Fukushima nuclear accident.
International Nuclear Event Scale
The response involved more than 500,000 personnel and cost an estimated 18 billion rubles (about $84.5 billion USD in 2025). It remains the worst nuclear disaster in history, and the costliest disaster in human history, with an estimated cost of $700 billion USD.
The disaster occurred while running a test to simulate cooling the reactor during an accident in blackout conditions. The operators carried out the test despite an accidental drop in reactor power, and due to a design issue, attempting to shut down the reactor in those conditions resulted in a dramatic power surge. The reactor components ruptured and lost coolants, and the resulting steam explosions and meltdown destroyed the Reactor building no. 4, followed by a reactor core fire that spread radioactive contaminants across the Soviet Union and Europe.
A 10-kilometre (6.2 mi) exclusion zone was established 36 hours after the accident, initially evacuating around 49,000 people. The exclusion zone was later expanded to 30 kilometres (19 mi), resulting in the evacuation of approximately 68,000 more people.
Following the explosion, which killed two engineers and severely burned two others, an emergency operation began to put out the fires and stabilise the reactor. Of the 237 workers hospitalized, 134 showed symptoms of acute radiation syndrome (ARS); 28 of them died within three months. Over the next decade, 14 more workers (nine of whom had ARS) died of various causes mostly unrelated to radiation exposure. It is the only instance in commercial nuclear power history where radiation-related fatalities occurred. As of 2005, 6000 cases of childhood thyroid cancer occurred within the affected populations, "a large fraction" being attributed to the disaster. The United Nations Scientific Committee on the Effects of Atomic Radiation estimates fewer than 100 deaths have resulted from the fallout. Predictions of the eventual total death toll vary; a 2006 World Health Organisation study projected 9,000 cancer-related fatalities in Ukraine, Belarus, and Russia.
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SYDNEY SUBURBS
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DULWICH HILL
This will be a pleasing item for me in that I live in this suburb. Actually I live in two: the dividing line between the suburbs of Marrickville and Dulwich Hill is in the middle of the road upon which my home is located, Wardell Road. The local Council shows the address as Dulwich Hill, the GPS has it as Marrickville. So for today it is Dulwich Hill, Dully . . .
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LOCATION:
Dulwich Hill is a suburb in the Inner West of Sydney, in the state of New South Wales, Australia. It is 7.5 kilometres south-west of the Sydney central business district, in the local government area of Inner West Council. Dulwich Hill stretches south to the shore of the Cooks River.
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NAME ORIGIN:
The suburb takes its name from the area of Dulwich in London. The name Dulwich Hill appears in Sands Directory of 1892. It had been known by several different names prior to this. Following European settlement, it was called Petersham Hill. It later took the name Wardell's Bush, a reference to Dr Robert Wardell, one of the area's early landowners. Other names the area was given were South Petersham and Fern Hill.
Dulwich Hill was simply known as Wardell's Bush or Wardell's Hill until the 1890s. The first use of the name Dulwich Hill referred to a smaller subdivision of the Dulwich Grove and Dulwich Estate. The subdivisions were named after the London suburb of Dulwich. This may have been in keeping with the London names of the nearby suburbs of Lewisham and Sydenham.
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BTW:
Robert Wardell (1793 – 7 September 1834) was an English-born Australian barrister and newspaper editor.
He formed Australia’s first independent newspaper, The Australian, with William Charles Wentworth in 1824. After successfully defending a number of libel trials, having been sued by various governors of NSW, he also successfully participated in two duels.
The bush at Dulwich Hill saw many a splendid hunting party chasing Wardell's imported deer towards Cooks River.
In 1834, having made a moderate fortune, he was intending to go to England, but on 7 September 1834 when inspecting his estate on horseback at Petersham, New South Wales he came across three runaway convicts and tried to persuade them to give themselves up. The leader of the men, John Jenkins, however, picked up a gun and fatally shot Wardell. The men were arrested a few days later and two of them were subsequently hanged. Wardell was unmarried.
Wardell Road, which runs south from Petersham, in Sydney, is named after him.
Memorial bust of Robert Wardell (based on his death mask) in St James Church
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ABOUT:
Dulwich Hill was part of the land grant to Thomas Moore, who was the colony's shipbuilder. In 1799 Moore received a large grant of 700 acres (283.3 hectares). He called it Douglas Farm. It took in the present suburbs of Marrickville and Petersham and parts of Dulwich Hill and Stanmore. It was the highly prized stands of timber on the estate that most interested Moore and a later owner, Dr Robert Wardell.
Present-day Dulwich Hill also contained a number of smaller land grants, mainly to emancipated convicts. James Bloodworth (1759–1804), master builder and bricklayer, was a convict on the First Fleet. On arrival he was appointed master bricklayer in the settlement at Sydney Cove. Bloodworth was largely responsible for the design and erection of Australia's first buildings, including the first Government House in Bridge Street.
Sarah Bellamy also arrived as a convict on the First Fleet. Bloodworth and Bellamy lived together and produced seven children.
James Bloodworth received a pardon in December 1791, the second person emancipated in the colony. In 1794 he was granted 50 acres (20.2 hectares) at Long Cove Creek.
Dulwich Hill is located on both sides of a ridge, and consists of a number of low hills, which were once heavily timbered. The lower land slopes towards Cooks River and was covered in dense ti-tree scrub.
In the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, Dulwich Hill developed as a desirable residential district with a small village shopping centre and isolated but significant pockets of industry. It is a suburb shaped by twentieth-century subdivisions. Dulwich Hill has retained a village atmosphere, even with the late twentieth and early twenty-first century developments where former factory sites have been redeveloped for large apartment complexes. These complexes are themselves small villages within the suburb of Dulwich Hill.
The area became part of Sydney's expanding tram network in 1889 and, like many suburbs in the Inner West, experienced rapid growth in the early twentieth century. As a consequence, the suburb has a large number of examples of Australian Federation architecture. It also features examples of Edwardian, Gothic and Italianate architecture. The tramway ran up until 1957.
Until the tramway system was closed, electric trams ran to Dulwich Hill and the Cooks River from Circular Quay. The line to Dulwich Hill branched from the Cooks River line at Newtown, turning off King Street into Enmore Road, travelling through Marrickville and Dulwich Hill, via Victoria and Marrickville Roads.
Dulwich Hill railway station is located on Wardell Road, in the southern part of the suburb. The station opened on 1 February 1895 as Wardell Road when the Bankstown line opened from Sydenham to Belmore. It was renamed Dulwich Hill on 1 July 1920.
Dulwich Hill Station
Listed on the Register of the National Estate is the former public school in Seaview Street, which now operates as the Dulwich Hill High School of Visual Arts and Design. The building was constructed in 1892.
Dulwich High School of Visual Arts and Design
Also in Seaview Street is Situated in the same street is the former location of the Dulwich Hill Library, a converted cottage in the Victorian Gothic style.
Former Dulwich Hill library.
According to the 2021 census there were 14,046 people in Dulwich Hill. 63.0% of people were born in Australia. The most common other countries of birth were England 3.5%, Greece 2.7%, Vietnam 1.9%, New Zealand 1.8% and Lebanon 1.5%.
BTW:
JT Lang was Premier of New South Wales from 1925 to 1927 and 1930 to 1932. He was also the brother-in-law of the poet, Henry Lawson. In 1896 Lang and Lawson married sisters, Hilda and Bertha Bredt. From 1899 to 1902 they all lived together in Dulwich Street, Dulwich Hill.
BTW:
John Winston Howard, Prime Minister of Australia from 1996 to 2007, spent a few years of his early childhood in Dulwich Hill. His father, Lyall Howard, owned a service station on the corner of Ewart Street and Wardell Road. The family home, now demolished for units, was situated on the opposite corner.
The old Howard petrol station is now a workshop, former PM John Howard worked there as a boy
BTW:
Dulwich Hill is in the Federal electorate of Grayndler, the seal of the current Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, whose home is not far away
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SOME PHOTOS FROM THE PAST
Marrickville Road as seen from the old tram terminus on New Canterbury Road
New Canterbury Road, Dulwich Hill 1913
Canterbury Road, Dulwich Hill
Herbert Street, Dulwich Hill, installing tram lines
Marrickville Road, Dulwich Hill, 1936
And, to conclude, a favourite house in Dulwich Hill:
Yes, my home.
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Friday, April 25, 2025
QUOTE FOR THE DAY
They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted;
They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
- Laurence Binyon
For the Fallen (The Ode)
ON THIS DAY
April 25, 1915
ANZACs land at Galipoli
The Australia and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) force landed at Gallipoli on 25 April, meeting fierce resistance from the Ottoman Army commanded by Mustafa Kemal (later known as Atatürk – ‘Father of All Turks’).
What had been planned as a bold strike to knock the Ottomans out of the war quickly became a stalemate, and the campaign dragged on for eight months. At the end of 1915, the Allied forces were evacuated after both sides had suffered heavy casualties and endured great hardships. The Allied deaths totalled over 56,000, including 8,709 from Australia and 2,721 from New Zealand.
News of the landing at Gallipoli made a profound impact on Australians and New Zealanders at home and 25 April quickly became the day on which they remembered the sacrifice of those who had died in the war.
Though the Gallipoli campaign failed to achieve its military objectives of capturing Constantinople and knocking the Ottoman Empire out of the war, the actions of the Australian and New Zealand troops during the campaign bequeathed an intangible but powerful legacy. The creation of what became known as an Anzac legend became an important part of the national identity in both countries. This has shaped the way their citizens have viewed both their past and their understanding of the present. The heroism of the soldiers in the failed Gallipoli campaign made their sacrifices iconic in New Zealand memory, and is often credited with securing the psychological independence of the nation.
Words on a memorial at Gallipoli, Turkey
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FUNNY FRIDAY
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What with the Royal Easter Show being on in Sydney, the farmers up from the bush and the judging of bulls and cows, that is the theme for this week.
The death of Pope Francis is also the occasion for some Popish humour.
Most of these have been posted in Bytes before but, hey, if not recalled or previously seen they are as good as new. Plus . . .
A good joke is great to behold.
A good joke will never get old.
Like a movie re-look,
Or re-reading a book,
It can be passed on, recalled and retold.
Enjoy, Byters.
Caution: risqué content ahead.
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SOME HUMOUR:
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An Englishman went to a Spanish restaurant after watching the local bullfights. Whilst waiting for the menu he sees a waiter approaching a table close by, carrying a plate with some large, steaming meatballs. When a waiter finally arrives to take his order he points to the other table and asks for a similar meal. The waiter explains that they were the last portion but, if he wanted to make a reservation for the following evening then the restaurant would keep a portion aside for him.
The following evening the Englishman returned to the restaurant and placed his order. After about half an hour the waiter approaches with a plate with some small, steaming meatballs.
The Englishman protested that yesterday the adjacent table got large meatballs whilst today he has been served small meatballs.
The waiter replied “Si, senor, sometimes the matador wins, sometimes the bull wins.''
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Pope Francis checked his calendar and yelled at his secretary “A meeting with J.D. Vance?? That’s the last thing I wanna do!”
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A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
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Old man BillyBob goes and gets a loan from the bank to buy a high priced bull. A few days later, the banker comes along and asks, "How's our bull doing?"
BillyBob says, "Our bull ain't doing too good. I got him out there in the pasture with a bunch of young cows and he don't want nothing to do with them." The banker says, "You better call the veterinarian."
A couple of days later, the banker comes along again and says, "How's our bull doing now?"
BillyBob says, "Plenty darn good. He has done serviced all of my cows, jumped the fence, and is working on the neighbours' cows."
The banker says, "Wow! What did the Vet give him?"
BillyBob says, "He gave him some pills."
The banker says, "What kind of pills?"
BillyBob says, "I don't know, but they taste sort of like peppermint."
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The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope. One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good.
As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The Pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people: the poor and feeble ones.
Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bum's clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the Pope to stop and talk to him. Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"
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(This is a variation on the classic “fucker fish/dam fish” joke but a goodie nonetheless . . .)
The Archbishop of Canterbury is out having a meal with the Deacon of the Church of England. The waiter arrives, and asks for their orders.
"I'll have a bloody steak”, says the Deacon.
On hearing this, the Archbishop nearly fell off his seat.
"This is a high class establishment,” he says, "You can't go using language like that!"
The Deacon smiles, and says "Oh no, Archbishop. A bloody steak is the house specialty. It means extra rare."
"Ahh!" says the Archbishop, and orders the same.
Next week the Pope visits and the Archbishop takes him out to the same restaurant. The waiter arrives and the Archbishop thinks he'll impress the Pope.
"I'll have the bloody steak,” he says to the waiter.
"Me too", says the Pope, "And plenty of fucking chips!"
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A town in Poland had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles or one from Minsk for only 1000 rubles. So, naturally they got the cow from Minsk.
It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. If the bull came from the rear, the cow moved forward. This went on all day. Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the rabbi what to do. After all he was very wise.
They told him the story. "Rabbi, we've tried all day to mate our cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the right. If the bull approaches from behind, the cow moves forward and away. What do we do?"
The Rabbi thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"
"Rabbi!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said we bought the cow from Minsk. How did you know that?"
The Rabbi said, sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."
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Two bulls were sitting on a hill, overlooking a herd of heifers below.
The young bull says, "Hey, what's say we run down there and service a few of those heifers, eh?"
The old, wise bull shakes his head and says, "Nah, why don't we walk down there and service all of them?
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A DEA Agent arrives at a farm and tells the farmer, "I need to inspect your property for illegally grown crops."
The old farmer says "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."
The DEA Agent says "Mister, I have the full authority of the Federal Government," reaching into his pocket and pulling out a badge, "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish -- on any land I want. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand me???"
The farmer nods politely and lets the agent go about his business while the farmer returns to his chores.
Eventually, the farm hears loud screams and sees the DEA Agent in "that field" running for his life. Close behind, the farmer's biggest and meanest bull is gaining ground on him with each step.
The farmer throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.... "Your badge! Show him your badge!!!"
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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.
However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other.
The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
The Rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever.
The Jews could stay in Italy!
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He bested me at every move and I could not continue!"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won.
"I don't have a clue!!!" the Rabbi said.
"First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.
"Who knows!!" said the Rabbi. "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!"
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Aliens arrive on Earth and are met by the world’s leaders.
The Pope’s turn comes to speak with them and he aks "Do you know Jesus?"
Alien: "Oh, Jesus. Great guy. He comes to our planet twice every year."
Pope: "Every year?! It's about two millennia and we're still waiting for his second coming."
Alien: "Maybe he didn't like your chocolate."
Pope: "Chocolate?"
Alien: "Every time he visits, we gather the best chocolate from each manufacturing plant and give them to him before he leaves. Why, what did you do the first time he came here?"
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
My neighbour came over to say,
Although not in a neighbourly way,
That he'd knock me around
If I continued the sound
Of the bagpipes and banjo I play.
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GALLERY:
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CORN CORNER
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A lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed and shouted out, "Acts 2:38: 'Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'"
The robber quickly gave up and the lady rang the police.
While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, "Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?"
The robber said "She said she had an axe and two 38's!"
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A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is.
A student puts up his hand and says 'G'.
The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"
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"In the groove":
to be, start or operate, or oerform, successfully
Cambridge Dictionary
A chap walks into a restaurant and tells the waiter, “Lemme get a cheeseburger, not too rare, not too well done, but right in the groove. Lemme get some fries, not too crispy, not too burnt, but right in the groove. And while you’re at it, throw in a shake, not too thin, not too thick, but right in groove.”
The waiter took down the order and came back five minutes later and told the man, “The cook said you can kiss his arse, not to the left, not to the right, but right in the groove.”
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