Bytes: FUNNY FRIDAY

Friday, April 11, 2025

FUNNY FRIDAY

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Hello Byters, wherever you are.

No theme for today, just a cocktail of assorted humour, a box of chocolates.

Caution: risqué content ahead.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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Every time I meet my ex girlfriend I end up crying

Eventually she will have to run out of pepper spray

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I asked my German friend if he knew what √81 was.

He apparently did not.

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A man asked his wife “If I died tomorrow, would you get remarried?” he asked

“Well, I am still young and I don’t want to live alone, so I probably would.” she replied softly

“Would you stay in this house?” he asked

“I guess I would, since it’s nice and I really like it!” she replied.

“Would you let him drive my truck?” he asked

“It’s useful where we live and I get a kick out of driving it myself,” she replied with a laugh

“But would you let him use my golf clubs” he asked

“No, he’s left handed”

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Why are the pyramids in Egypt?

They were too big for the British to take.

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77% of people are idiots.

Fortunately, I belong to the 33% of intelligent people

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A young guy goes into a drug store owned by two spinster sisters.

He awkwardly says to the one lady at the pharmacy counter, "Um, this is embarrassing but I have this condition where about once a day I become incredibly aroused and overcome by the desire to have sex with any woman at all. It's overwhelming! What can you give me for it?"

"Hmm," replied the lady, "This is a tough one. I'll have to confer with my sister." After talking to her sister she came back and said, "Well, the best we can do is a furnished apartment, $500 a week and half ownership of the pharmacy."

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4 sons with different mothers were named Brody, Kenny, Conrad and Dominic.

On a night out with with thier dad, they asked how they got thier names.

The dad replied "The answer is simple. Take the first three letters of you names and put them together".

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An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.

The Japanese team won by a mile.

Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.

Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.

After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it.

The next year the Japanese team won by two miles.

The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.

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