Friday, December 14, 2018

Thought for the Day

Funny Friday


Enjoy Funny Frioday but, as always, should you or any of your Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any . . . there is a warning that there is risque content ahead.

A man is in the supermarket when he sees an attractive woman waving to him and smiling. He walks over, unsure of who she is. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “But I don’t think I recognise you.” 

“I think you’re the father of one of my children,” the woman says, smiling. 

The man’s heart nearly stops as he thinks back to the one time has was unfaithful, at his best friend’s bachelor party. “Are you the stripper?” he asks, astonished. “Are you the one who rubbed whipped cream all over me on the pool table while you slapped my butt with wet celery?” 

The woman replies, “No, I’m your son’s math teacher.” 

The main problem with Christmas is getting anything out of your fridge is like playing Jenga! 

For those not aware. . . 


A dyslexic terrorist has stormed the London Zoo making random demands. He has taken six ostriches... 

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. 

“You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. 

The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!” 

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.” 

Finest of Funny Friday: 

Three young women are at a cocktail party. 

The conversation turns to their position in life and it’s clear that they are trying to one-up each other. 

The first one says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor. 

The second one says, “Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,” and looks about with considerable pride. 

Number three says, “Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don’t have much money and we don’t have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis.” 

After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, “Girls, I’ve got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it’s not to the French Riviera, it’s to my parents’ house for two weeks.” 

The second one says, “Your honesty has shamed me. It’s not a Mercedes, he bought me a Plymouth.” 

“Well,” the third one says, “I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!” 


Teachers'Christmas Parties


Corn Corner:


I've made the world's smallest model of The Titanic. 

And people claimed it was unshrinkable. 


Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? 

A: Pilgrims 


A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Quote for the day

Name Bonus:

"The moon unit will be divided into two divisions: 
Moon Unit Alpha and Moon Unit Zappa."

- Dr Evil
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

A rose by any other name . . .Part 2

Yesterday I posted an item about a mother who drew the ire of the internet community when she became indignant at someone having nameshamed her daughter Abcde Redford. That’s right, her daughter is named Abcde, pronounced Ab-City. 

Here is an item in a similar vein, with reader comments, from the website Bored Panda. The item is at: 

Woman Cancels Baby Shower After Friends Ridicule The Name Of Her Unborn Child

Internet comments:

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

A rose by any other name . . . Part 1

Mum Traci Redford drew the ire of the public when she complained that a gate attendant at John Wayne International Airport had made fun of her five-year-old daughter’s name. The daughter is named ‘Abcde,’ pronounced “Ab-city,” and according the Abcde’s mother, the gate attendant began laughing when she saw the boarding pass, drawing the attention of other attendants to it. The attendant also posted it on social media. 

Redford filed a formal complaint with Southwest Airlines which responded two weeks later with disciplinary action against the attendant and a formal apology to the family. The internet community was not as supportive as the airline:

Part 2 tomorrow.

Thought for the Day

Tuesday Smiles

Sent to me by Leo . . .