Saturday, March 16, 2019

St Patrick's Day




It’s that day again when even people who have no connection with Ireland start talking in Irish accents, keep repeating “To be sure! To be sure!” and get blotto on Irish whiskey and Guinness.

Here are some trivia items about the day and the saint. with some vintage cards and funnies thrown in . . . 

1. We Should Really Wear Blue 

Saint Patrick himself would have to deal with pinching on his feast day. His color was “Saint Patrick’s blue,” a light shade. The color green only became associated with the big day after it was linked to the Irish independence movement in the late 18th century. 

2. Saint Patrick Was British 

Although he made his mark by introducing Christianity to Ireland in the year 432, Patrick wasn’t Irish himself. He was born to Roman parents in Scotland or Wales in the late fourth century. 


3. The Irish Take Saint Patrick’s Day Seriously 

As you might expect, Saint Patrick’s Day is a huge deal in his old stomping grounds. It’s a national holiday in both Ireland and Northern Ireland. 

4. So Do New Yorkers 

New York City’s Saint Patrick’s Day Parade is one of the world’s largest parades. Since 1762, 250,000 marchers have traipsed up Fifth Avenue on foot – the parade still doesn’t allow floats, cars, or other modern trappings. 


5. Chicago Feels Lucky, Too 

New York may have more manpower, but Chicago has a spectacle all its own. The city has been celebrating Saint Patrick by dumping green dye into the Chicago River since 1962. It takes 40 tons of dye to get the river to a suitably festive shade! 

6. It Used to Be a Dry Holiday 

For most of the 20th century, Saint Patrick’s Day was considered a strictly religious holiday in Ireland, which meant that the nation’s pubs were closed for business on March 17. (The one exception went to beer vendors at the big national dog show, which was always held on Saint Patrick’s Day.) In 1970, the day was converted to a national holiday, and the stout resumed flowing. 


7. It’s the Thought That Counts 

Not every city goes all-out in its celebratory efforts. From 1999 to 2007, the Irish village of Dripsey proudly touted that it hosted the Shortest Saint Patrick’s Day Parade in the World. The route ran for 26 yards between two pubs. Today, Hot Springs, Arkansas claims the title for brevity – its brief parade runs for 98 feet. 

8. There’s a Reason for The Shamrocks 

How did the shamrock become associated with Saint Patrick? According to Irish legend, the saint used the three-leafed plant as a metaphor for the Holy Trinity when he was first introducing Christianity to Ireland. 


9. Cold Weather Helped Saint Patrick’s Legend 

In Irish lore, Saint Patrick gets credit for driving all the snakes out of Ireland. Modern scientists suggest that the job might not have been too hard – according to the fossil record, Ireland has never been home to any snakes. Through the Ice Age, Ireland was too cold to host any reptiles, and the surrounding seas have staved off serpentine invaders ever since. Modern scholars think the “snakes” Saint Patrick drove away were likely metaphorical. 

10. There’s No Corn in that Beef 

Corned beef and cabbage, a traditional Saint Patrick’s Day staple, doesn’t have anything to do with the grain corn. Instead, it’s a nod to the large grains of salt that were historically used to cure meats, which were also known as “corns.” 


11. The World Runs Up Quite a Bar Tab 

All of the Saint Patrick’s Day revelry around the globe is great news for brewers. A 2012 estimate pegged the total amount spent on beer for Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations at $245 million. And that’s before tips to pubs’ bartenders. 

12. It Could have Been Saint Maewyn’s Day 

According to Irish legend, Saint Patrick wasn’t originally called Patrick. His birth name was Maewyn Succat, but he changed his name to Patricius after becoming a priest. 


13. There Are No Female Leprechauns 

Don’t be fooled by any holiday decorations showing lady leprechauns. In traditional Irish folk tales, there are no female leprechauns, only nattily attired little guys. 

14. But the Leprechaun Economy Is Thriving 

Another little-known fact from Irish lore: Leprechauns earned that gold they’re guarding. According to legend, leprechauns spend their days making and mending shoes. It’s hard work, so you can’t blame them for being territorial about their pots of gold. 

15. The Lingo Makes Sense 

You can’t attend a Saint Patrick’s Day event without hearing a cry of “Erin go Bragh.” What’s the phrase mean? It’s a corruption of the Irish Éirinn go Brách, which means roughly “Ireland Forever.”









Quote for the Day

"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."

- Groucho Marx, 
to a clergyman who thanked him for all the enjoyment 
he had given to the world.


Bonus Groucho quote:



Internet Purchase Fails


The morals of the following items will be obvious, if you buy online:
  • be alert to scams and scammers;
  • check the fine print;
  • check that you understand what you are buying;
  • check the images carefully;
  • know that getting a refund, replacement or service may be difficult, if not impossible;
  • resign to the fact that despite it all, you may still end up ripped off:

as the person who ordered this commemorative plate of Harry and Meghan  discovered:
  


The above plate was ordered from Brazil.  I like a comment posted by a reader that obviously the plate was painted by the same woman who “repaired” the 19th century Spanish church mural:


Here are other fails  from Bored Panda at:

The captions and some of the reader comments are also from the post.
___________________

This Patch I Ordered Off Amazon...


Reader comments:

I like the new patch better tbh. I mean, it's not what you ordered, but it's still funny in a way.

You didn't believe strongly enough. ;)
___________________

My Grandpa's Neighbor Ordered An Inflatable Santa Online... They Sent Him The Wrong Size


"Bow down, bow down before the power of Santa or be crushed, be crushed by his jolly boots of doom!"

I think it's perfect
___________________

My Wife Ordered A Backpack From Amazon To Use As A Carry On. Cat For Scale


Would make a good toiletries bag though.

...thought it said cat for sale

10/10 that cat is going to do unpleasant things to you.

Thanks, Mom. I'm the first cat in the neighborhood to have one of these. Now they all want one.
___________________

Might Be Wrong Though


Why would he return it? It fits well and looks great on him.

You need more stylish shoes with that. And smile.
___________________

Photo Evidence Of Earrings That Never Arrived

___________________

Never Buy A Cat Tree From Amazon


Leaning Tower of Pawsa!
___________________

Love My New Yeezys


I mean, let’s be honest here. The originals are pretty ugly, I think this was an upgrade.

Why the fuck would you order those hideous shoes to begin with?? People are crazy.

Kanye West designed them, and people just want to get crap made by celebrities. It's kind of like buying ugly Balenciaga platform crocs just because they're Balenciaga. But, yeah. People are crazy.
___________________

From A French Airbnb Alternative


 Always look at the picture posted by previous guests, not the owner’s.

AT least it's got a pool :')

At least he has his beers!
___________________

When Your Dress You Ordered Looks Exactly Like The Pic Online


The real one looks so much better. The "original" is hideous.
___________________

I've Actually Been Trolled By China. I Ordered The One On The Left From AliExpress And The One On The Right Turned Up


  
Why in God’s green earth did you order the first one to begin with?

If you bought the one on the left, you deserve the one on the right!
___________________

Wife Thought The Skillet Would Be A Little Bigger


To be fair, if that was full size, that'd be one big arse tomato.

Great for when you just want to eat something small after work, like a bean or half of an egg.

Cherry tomato and quail egg is what everybody eats for breakfast.
___________________

Amazon Misunderstanding


This one is on the buyer. It clearly says "boys" armchair.

This guy must not have looked at any of the reviews, I just Googled Kinfine boys arm chair, 2 Amazon reviews showed up on Google's list, they both mentioned boys & little chair. This is the 2nd review: We bought this for our son when he was about a year old. He's almost three now, and it still looks great. It's the perfect size for kids, and he loves having a chair ...



Friday, March 15, 2019

Thought for the Day



Funny Friday


___________________


Enjoy the Friday, Byters, the weekend approaches . . .
___________________

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking"

"Our aircraft has reached its designated altitude, you may now unfasten your seatbelts. Our flight attendants will be serving drinks in five minutes. The expected flight duration is four hours and ten minutes, our current speed is AAAAH, OH FUCK, NONONONONO, HOLY SHIT, OH MY GOD!!!"

The intercom cuts out.

All passengers fall silent.

In a couple of minutes the captain speaks again:

"Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. Please accept my humble apologies for my inappropriate intercom message. A steward spilled hot coffee all over me. If only you could see what happened to the back side of my shirt..."

One of the passengers gets up from his seat and says loudly:

"If only YOU could see what happened to the back side of my PANTS!"
___________________

Bugger me, it's that windy outside I was hanging the washing out and ended up hang-gliding when I tried to put the wife’s knickers on the line.
___________________

Limerick of the Week:

Monsignor Ronald Knox, a famous limerick writer, once persuaded an unwary newspaper editor to run the following advertisement:

Evangelical vicar in want of a portable second-hand
font, would dispose of the same for a portrait (in
frame) of the Bishop=Elect of Vermont.
___________________

From the vault:

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I is sure of eet.”

“Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee.”

So with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon. There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture… fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon - every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!

“Pepe, Pepe - we ees saved - eees a bacon tree!”

“Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don’ forget.”

“Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon? Ees no meerage - ees a bacon tree.”

And with that, Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres - Pepe following closely behind - when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

“Pepe, go back man - you was right, ees not a bacon tree.”

“Luis, Luis, mi amigo… what ees eet?”

“Pepe, ees not a bacon tree… ees...

ees...

ees...

(wait for it)

... a Ham Bush.”
___________________


Corn Corner:

------oOo------
Had a ploughman’s lunch earlier.

He kicked the shit outta me. 
------oOo------

My old dad use to say, "If you want anything in this life, you have to go out there and grab it with both hands."

The busty barmaid at the Rose and Crown has now taken out a restraining order.

Thanks dad!

------oOo------

My dad told me never to go to a cheap, sleazy, dirty, raunchy strip club.

Because you'll see something, you really shouldn't.

So I went.

And I saw my dad.

------oOo------

As I get older, I sometimes stop and think about all of the people I’ve lost along the way
Maybe my job as a tour guide wasn’t such a good idea after all



Thursday, March 14, 2019

Thought for the Day


The Burghers of Calais

A repost from 2011:

The Burghers of Calais


This piece of sculpture, or more correctly, collection of pieces of sculpture, has always appealed to me, from the time when I saw some smaller versions many years ago. The figure in the group that I have found particularly moving and striking in an understated way is the male with his head buried in his hands. Is he afraid? Is he grieving? What would inspire such sadness, fear or grief? 


The work is by Auguste Rodin (1840 – 1917) and is called The Burghers of Calais. For the benefit of younger readers, including my two sons, the burghers referred to are not the sort made by McDonalds but members of the urban middle class. It is a common Dutch word to refer to the middle level income and well to do citizens of towns and cities, I remember it being a standard part of converstaions in Dutch by, and with, my parents as I was growing up. The term, in Dutch, had connotations of prosperity, civic standing and ample girths.

Some years ago I looked up the story depicted by the figures and that story came to mind recently when I used the term “burghers” without thinking to refer to the citizens of my local town.

Here are some facts and items of interest about the work:


The work is a monument to an event that occurred in 1347 during the Hundred Years’ War when the French port of Calais was under siege by the English under Edward III. The siege lasted for over a year with the French refusing to concede, having been instructed by their King, Phillip V1, to hold out at all costs. The French were eventually forced to negotiate a surrender, the city having been decimated by starvation and disease. 

Edward 111 made an offer: send out six of their top leaders in sackcloth, wearing nooses around their necks and carrying the keys to the city. These men would be executed and the city would be spared. Six of the wealthier city leaders volunteered and complied with the conditions, led out by Eustache de Saint Pierre. 

Rodin’s group of figures shows them emaciated, afraid, despairing, yet willing to go to their deaths to save their families and loved ones, the city and its citizens. It is a mixture of heroic self sacrifice, defeat and fear, pain and doubt but also conviction and determination. The “heroes” are depicted as complex, conflicted individuals.

In real life the lives of the burghers were spared after Edward’s wife, Philippa of Hainault, persuaded her husband to be merciful by convincing him that the burghers' deaths would be a bad omen for their unborn child.

The Mayor of Calais commissioned the monument for the town square in 1880 and it was completed in 1889. France had suffered great losses in the Franco-Prussian War (1870-1871) and the work was based on the idea of sacrifice, the scrifice of the Burghers of Calais and the sacrifice of young men who had lost their lives in the Franco-Prussian War.

Because the Burghers are portrayed as fearful, sullen and worn rather than proud, defiant and heroic, the work was controversial in its day. It was further controversial in having the figures at eye level rather than raised on a pedestal. ((In 1924 the city council of Calais did display the work on a raised base, contrary to Rodin’s specific wishes). 

The figures are slightly smaller than life size.

Under French law, no more than 12 castings were allowed of the original work after Rodin’s death. The original casting remains in Calais, the others are distributed in various places throughout the world. The National Art Gallery in Canberra has a number of the figures but these are not from the original casting.

Burghers Canberra

Interestingly, some places choose to display the figures grouped, others to have the figures widely spaced and separated, for example, the figures at Stanford University (also not part of the original casting):


Rodin’s own words on the work:
I have not shown them grouped in a triumphant apotheosis, such a glorification of their heroism would not have corresponded to anything real. On the contrary, I have, as it were, threaded them one behind the other, because in the indecision of that last inner combat which ensues between their cause and their fear of dying, each of them is isolated in front of his conscience. They are still questioning themselves to know if they have the strength to accomplish the supreme sacrifice — their soul pushes them onward, but their feet refuse to walk. They drag themselves along painfully, as much because of the feebleness to which famine has reduced them as because of the terrifying nature of the sacrifice … If I have succeeded in showing how much the body, weakened by the most cruel sufferings, still holds on to life, how much power it still has over the spirit that is consumed with bravery, I congratulate myself on not having remained beneath the noble theme I have dealt with.