Thought for the Day

Funny Friday

-----------oOo-----------

The ides of March have come and gone, tempus fugit.  For those not up on their Latin, it is not a rude expression, it means time flies.  As Groucho Marx reputedly said (although the expression predates him), time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

So time flies and here it is Friday, time for some fun . . .  indeed, not only is today a fun time, it is also fund about time.

-----------oOo-----------

Caution: risque humour ahead.

-----------oOo-----------

Funnies:

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city’s major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. “Yes?” “Excuse me, sir,” the jogger said, “do you have the time?” The man looked at the car clock and answered, “8:15”. The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. “Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?” “8:25!” The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another o ne disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, “I do not know the time!” Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. “Sir, sir? It’s 8:45!”

-----------oOo-----------

Mary had a little watch,

She swallowed it one day.

So she took some castor oil,

To pass the time away.

But even with the castor oil

The time refused to pass,

So if you want to know the time,

Just look up Mary's arse.

-----------oOo-----------

A guy goes to the Council to apply for a job,

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. You can start tomorrow at 10 a.m., and plan on starting at 10 a.m. every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., why don't you want me here until 10 a.m.?"

"This is a Council job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.

-----------oOo-----------

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Trump's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Trump's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan." 

-----------oOo-----------

Him:  I want you to suck my clock.

Her:   I’s not a clock.

Him:  It will be when you put two hands and a face on it.

-----------oOo-----------

From the vault:

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. “How’s it work?” the friend asked. “Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! IT’S 2 AM!”

-----------oOo-----------

Limerick of the week:

Explanation:  Worcester is pronounced Wooster

There was a young lady of Worcester

Who complained too many men gorcester.

So she traded her scanties

For sandpaper panties,

Mow they goose her much less than they yorcester.

-----------oOo-----------

Gallery:

-----------oOo-----------

Corn Corner:

Q: What did the second hand say to the hour hand as it passed by?

A: See you again in a minute.

"Please help me, Doctor, I keep seeing into the future!"

"Ah. And when did this start?"

"Next Tuesday afternoon."

Thought for the Day

Vintage ads

Byter Charlie Z sent me some pics of ads from the past, commenting “To you, who is ever curious ..... we have come a long way in a few generations! Best regards, Charlie Z.” 

Thanks, Charlie. 

Here are Charlie’s pics and he’s right, we have progressed, not just in the advertising but in the attitudes behind the ads. Some have been in Bytes before.

See what you think . . .

I have not ascertained the validity of all of these ads but I do recall reading some years ago that the above ad was started as a joke but then was disseminated and came to be believed to be factual.

Quote for the Day

"Wrong is wrong, even when it helps ya.:

- Popeye, from the film

 by that name starring Robin Williams (I love that fim).

Bytes Bits

______________ 

Illegal to eat mince pies on Christmas Day? 

Festive celebrations, including mince pies and Christmas puddings, were reportedly banned in Oliver Cromwell's England as part of efforts to tackle gluttony. The ban did not, however, survive when Charles II became king and it is a furphy that it remains technically illegal to eat mince pies at Christmas. 

______________ 

Furphies: 

Furphy is Australian slang for stories that are claimed to be correct, often relayed from someone else, but which are actually the opposite. It is said to have originated from WW1 Australian soldiers gathering around water carts designed and made by J. Furphy & Sons of Shepparton, Victoria. The steel and cast iron tanks were first made in the 1880s and were used on farms but their use was extended to take water to Australian troops during War I in Australia, Europe and the Middle East. When soldiers gathered for a drink at the carts they exchanged gossip, rumours and stories, similar to the office discussions today at the water cooler. The seppos use the term scuttlebutt for the same thing. 

After 1895 the ends carried a list of Furphy products and the verse: 

“Good, better, best 

Never let it rest 

Till your good is better 

And your better best” 

Attributable originally to St Jerome (347 – 420), the verse was also adopted later by Telstra as an advertising jingle. 

In 1920 John's son, William added a Pitman's shorthand inscription which reads "Water is the gift of God, but beer is a concoction of the devil, don't drink beer." In 1942 this was changed to "Water is the gift of God, but beer and whisky are concoctions of the devil, come and have a drink of water.” 

______________ 

Scuttlebutt: 

“Scuttlebutt” has a similar derivation. In nautical terminology a butt was a cask for storing water on board ship. It was scuttled by making a hole in it to enable water to be withdrawn. When sailors gathered at the scuttlebutt for a drink they exchanged gossip and rumours, eventually giving rise to the name of scuttlebutt for the rumours and information itself. 

______________ 

Donkey Kong:

The game Donkey Kong was originally modelled on Popeye/Olive Oyl/Bluto where the love triangle characters are replaced by a gorilla/carpenter/girlfriend. The creator, Miyamoto, has also named "Beauty and the Beast" and the 1933 film King Kong as influences for the character Donkey Kong. The name Donkey came from his understanding that donkey meant stupid in English, the being intended to convey "stubborn ape" to the American audience. When he suggested this name to Nintendo of America, he was laughed at, but the name stuck. 

______________ 

The creator of Popeye, one Elzie Segar, based the character of Popeye on a one-eyed man from his hometown of Chester, Illinois, who, like Popeye, had a fondness for fighting. When the real Popeye, Frank 'Rocky' Fiegal, died in 1947, his gravestone was inscribed with the words "inspiration for Popeye." 

Olive Oyl was based on another of Segar's neighbours – a very tall, slim woman named Dora Paskel, who usually wore her hair in a bun. 

______________ 

Betty Boop was also modelled on a real person, not 1920’s actress Clara Bow as commonly thought but on 1920’as actress Helen Kane. Kane’s sexy image, voice and catchphrase "Boop-oop-a-doop” were all copied in depicting Betty Boop, who original began animated life as a French poodle. 

Helen Kane, Betty Boop, Clara Bow

By 1932 the canine parody of Helen Kane had been changed to one of a sexy human female named Betty Boop, a flapper from the 1920’s and the first animated sex symbol. As Betty Boop’s star ascended, that of Helen Kane declined. Work dried up and she increasingly came to be identified as a Betty Boop lookalike, rather than vice versa. Kane sued Flesicher Studios for $250,000 for wrongful appropriation and unfair competition, meaning that it was unfair for her to have to compete with a cartoon version of herself, and that it was hurting her career. Not so, said Flesicher Studios, it also looked like Clara Bow and could have been based on her as well, kinda. Also, other performers had used the phrase Boop-oop-a-doop before Kane, and that Kane had copied her voice style from African American performer Esther Jones. Kane lost and dropped out of show business in 1935. 

______________ 

In July 2015 NASA published photographs taken as the New Horizons space probe passed within 7000 miles of Pluto. A photo of Pluto's largest moon, Charon, shows a large dark area near its north pole. The dark area has been unofficially called "Mordor".

Quote for the Day

Quote for the Day

"Screw it, Let’s Do it!” 

- Richard Branson 

"Screw It, Let's Do It" is one of Richard Branson’s favourite sayings. In the book of the same name he reveals the lessons that have helped him through his business and personal life. 

An excerpt from the book: 

When I first discovered that my nickname among some members of staff at Virgin was 'Dr Yes', I was amused. Obviously, it had come about because my automatic response to a question, a request, or a problem is more likely to be positive than negative. I have always tried to find reasons to do something if it seems like a good idea, than not to do it.

My motto really is: 'Screw it - just do it!' I know many people say 'no', or 'let me think about it', as an almost Pavlovian response when asked a question, whether it's about something small and insignificant or big and revolutionary. Perhaps they are over-cautious, or suspicious of new ideas, or simply need time to think. But that's not my way of going about things. If something is a good idea, my way is to say 'Yes, I'll consider it' - and then to work out how to make it happen. Of course, I don't say yes to everything. But what is worse: making the occasional mistake or having a closed mind and missing opportunities?