Saturday, May 4, 2019

Musings from the Throne Room

It has long been known that the bathroom is a great venue for musing and contemplative thought, whether during one of three S’s or whilst engaging in some other activity. Even such a mundane item as toilet paper can be the source of musings . . .



Which had me thinking about toilet roll holders. Here are some . . .






























and . . . 



Friday, May 3, 2019

Thought for the Day



Funny Friday

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The Fridays keep on coming and so does the humour.


A couple of jokes about farmers, opus the usual items.  Enjoy!
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Humour . . . 

-----O----- 

A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for $500. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days. A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe’s house and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.’ 

Joe replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’ The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I’ve spent it already.’ Joe said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.’ The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with it?’ Joe said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’ The farmer said, ‘You can’t flog a dead horse!’ Joe said, ‘Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’ 

A month Later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, ‘What happened with that dead horse?’ Joe said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $5 apiece and made a profit of $1,995.’ The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’ 

Joe said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $5 back.’ 

-----O----- 

A farmer drove over to his neighbour’s house and knocked on the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” the farmer asked the boy. “No, they went in to town,” the boy replied. 

“Well, how about your brother Howard?” The farmer asked. “No, he went with mum and dad,” the boy said. The farmer stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says “I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.” 

“Well,” the farmer said uncomfortably, “I wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.” 

The boy thought for a moment, then said “You’ll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I haven’t any idea how much he charges for Howard.” 

-----O----- 

A farmer liked to sit on his porch his every morning. One morning, as he’s sitting there, a boy comes walking down the road carrying a giant roll of duct tape. The farmer asks “What are you doing with so much tape?” The boy replies “This isn’t just any tape, this is duck tape. I’m going to catch me some ducks.” The farmer laughs and tells him it doesn’t work like that but the boy ventures on anyway. 

A couple hours later the boy comes back with 10 ducks wrapped up in tape. The farmer can’t believe his eyes. 

The next day the farmer is on his porch again and the boy comes walking past carrying some fencing wire. The farmer says “What on earth do you have all that wire for?” The boy replies “This ain’t no ordinary wire. It’s chicken wire. I’m gonna catch me some chickens.” Now the farmer, remembering yesterday, says “Just because you have chicken wire don’t mean you’re gonna catch chickens.” 

A couple hours later the boy comes walking past with a whole flock of chickens wrapped up in wire. The farmer sees it from his window and shouts “How’d you get all those chickens?” but the boy keeps walking without saying another word. 

The next day the boy walks past the farmer’s porch again carrying a long stick. The farmer asks “What are you doing with that stick, boy?” The boy replies “This ain’t no ordinary stick, this is from a pussy willow.”. The farmer says “I’ll get my hat.” 
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From the vault . . . 

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: 

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." 

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. 

"In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ..” 

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'." 
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Limerick of the Week: 

There was a young woman named Alice 
Who peed in a Catholic chalice. 
She said, "I do this 
From a great need to piss, 
And not from sectarian malice." 
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Gallery:






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Corn Corner: 

Today I made a spear and threw it to the other side of a river. 
It wasn't very productive, but at least I got my point across. 

A farmer counted 297 cows in the field. 
But when he rounded them up, he had 300. 

I went into a posh pub in a pair of overalls and this snotty barman said to me "I'm sorry, you can't come in here dressed like that." "OK," I replied as I left, "fix your own fucking heating then."


Thursday, May 2, 2019

Thought for the Day



I read the news today, oh boy . . .

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Dettol takes top spot as Australia's most trusted brand

29 April 2019

Source:

Dettol has been revealed as the most trusted brand amongst Australian consumers in the Reader's Digest Trusted Brands survey.

The independently conducted survey polled a cross-section of 3,000 people with more than 70 consumer categories including sectors such as aged care/retirement villages, property developers and airlines.

Vegemite took out the spot as the nation's most 'iconic' brand, while the Cancer Council was deemed the most trusted charity organisation. 

  
Last year's survey, saw Band-Aid take out the top spot with Dettol following behind at second.
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Compare this with:

Trust in politicians and government is at an all-time low

26 February 2019

Source:

AROUND the world, democracies are distrusted by a majority of their citizens – the 2018 Edelman Trust Barometer puts the figure at 80 per cent.

Australia has not proved immune to the politics of democratic malaise. Australia’s leading institutions, including government, business, NGOs and media, are among the least trusted in the world at a time when Australia has experienced 27 years of economic growth.

The level of democratic satisfaction has decreased steadily across each of the last four governments from 86 per cent in 2007 (John Howard), to 72 per cent in 2010 (Kevin Rudd), 72 per cent in 2013 (Tony Abbott) and 41 per cent in July 2018 (Malcolm Turnbull).

By 2025, if current trends continue, fewer than 10 per cent of Australians will trust their politicians and political institutions. The result will be ineffective and illegitimate government, and declining social and economic well-being. Whoever wins the 2019 federal election must address this problem as a matter of urgency.

Without trust we have diminished capacity to meet complex, long-term challenges. Weakening political trust erodes authority and civic engagement, reduces support for evidence-based public policies and promotes risk aversion in government.

This also creates the space for the rise of authoritarian-populist forces or other forms of independent representation. Hence the rise of populists such as Pauline Hanson and independents such as Cathy McGowan and Kerryn Phelps.
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30 April 2019

Source:

“[Australian actress Rebel Wilson] recounts the first time she met Crowe in rather colourful terms.

“I was a very young actor, and he was having dinner with Nicole Kidman. And I went up to try to say something to Nicole, actually, and he told me to ‘fuck off!’ And so I talked about it on a talk show and he heard the story, so when I met him at an Australia awards show party, he comes up and hugs me, and goes, “I thought I told you to fuck off?”

Which also gives me the opportunity to present a joke . . .

An American tourist is outside the Vatican when the Pope comes out to greet the public. In the front row he sees a tramp in dirty clothes and an old hat and shoes and watches as the Pope bends down and takes the time to whisper into the tramp’s ear.
The crowd disperses and the American offers to buy the tramp’s clothes for 200 dollars. and returns the following day early in the morning to await the papal greeting.
As the American sits patiently, the Pope finally emerges and heads straight for the tramp as he had the previous day. He slowly leans down and whispers to the American: "I thought I told you to fuck off yesterday".
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New Zealand accent voted sexiest in the world

30 April 2019

Source:

Travel website 'Big 7 Media' polled more than 1.5 million people from 60 countries across the globe, to find the most attractive accent, and New Zealand came out at the number one spot.

The Top 10 countdown:

10. Brazilian Portuguese
9. South USA
8. Spanish
7. French
6. Scottish
5. Australian
4. Italian
3. Irish
2. South African
1. Kiwi

For those who want to now how to speak with the world’s sexiest accent, here are some words to practise on.  Read aloud . . .

Peck - to fill a suitcase
Min - male of the species
Milburn - capital of Victoria
Pigs - for hanging out washing with
Pug - large animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough - computer game
Munner stroney - soup
Mess Kara - eye makeup
McKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
Leather - foam produced from soap
Lift - departed
Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman
Kittle crusps - potato chips
Ken's - Cairns
Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim
Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
Inner me - enemy
Guess - vapour
Fush - marine creatures
Fitter cheney - type of pasta
Ever cardeau - avocado


Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Thought for the Day



Brett's Monthly and Some Vintage May Cards

As usual, Brett has sent his list of special dyas for the month, click on the daily ones to open and read about those days. Twilight Zone Day? Limerick Day? National Hamburger Month and National Hamburger Day? Have to look into those.

Thanks Brett.


Month:
  • Date Your Mate Month
  • Foster Care Month
  • Gifts from the Garden Month
  • Lupus Awareness Month
  • National Barbecue Month
  • National Bike Month
  • National Blood Pressure Month
  • National Hamburger Month
  • National Photograph Month
  • National Recommitment Month
  • National Salad Month
  • Older Americans Month
Weekly Celebrations:
  • Nurse's Week - first full week of month
  • Wildflower Week - week two
  • National Bike Week - third week
  • National Police Week - third week of month
  • Emergency Medical Services Week - fourth week of month
May, 2019 Daily Holidays, Special and Wacky Days:
International Tuba Day - first Friday in May
Space Day - first Friday in May
Free Comic Book Day - first Saturday in May
Kentucky Derby Day - first Saturday in May
Ramadan - begins at sundown, date varies
National Teacher's Day - Tuesday of first full week of May
National Receptionist Day the second Wednesday in May
School Nurses Day the Wednesday during Nurse's Week
10 Child Care Provider Day or Daycare Provider Day - Friday before Mother's Day
10 Military Spouses Day the Friday before Mother's Day
11 Birth Mother's Day - Saturday before Mother's Day 
11 International Migratory Bird Day the second Saturday in May
11  National Train Day- Saturday closest to May 10th
11 National Windmill Day - the second Saturday in May
12 Lilac Sunday second Sunday in May
12 Mother's Day second Sunday in May
17 National Bike to Work Day - third Friday of month
18 Armed Forces Day - third Saturday of month
20 Be a Millionaire Day - now we all can go for that
21 Victoria Day(Canada) - Monday preceding the 25th
24 Don't Fry Friday - Friday before Memorial Day
25 International Jazz Day - Saturday of Memorial Day weekend.
25 National Towel Day - in the UK
27 Memorial Day last Monday of month.


Some vintage May cards: