Thursday, June 6, 2019

Funny Friday

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The US Pres has been creating a ruckus in the land of the Brits so guess what the theme is for Funny Friday. Yep, you’ve got it . . . Royalty, The Queen, The Donald . . .but a word of caution, there is risqué humour ahead so proceed at your own risk. 
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Donald Trump has a meeting with the Queen of England. He says “Your Majesty, I think America is the greatest country, all the people I've asked say so, all over the world, and they all agree, we should become, a Kingdom!” 

The Queen looks at him and says “Mr Trump, in order to become a Kingdom you need a King, and you are certainly not a King.” 

Trump seems a little hurt, but he powers on and says “Well maybe then, this great country should become, an Empire, so many people say so, I think it would be absolutely fantastic, we should definitely do it.” 

The Queen stares at him again and says “Mr Trump, for an Empire you need an Emperor, you are definitely not an Emperor.” 

Trump, feeling very much defeated, retorts with one more offer. 

“Your Majesty, this is a great country, and I am the best leader, all the world thinks so, and I think, with my incredible leadership, and such experience, we should become a Principality, they'll love it.” 

The Queen stares him down and leans forward, “Mr Trump, a Principality requires a Prince, while you may be heir to a business, that most certainly does not make you a Prince.” 

Trump falls quiet and sighs in exhaustion. 

The Queen looks out of the window and sips on her tea. 

'You know Mr Trump, after our meeting, I rather think you are still very much suited to running a Country...' 
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Queen Elizabeth and Kate Middleton are out motoring through the hillside when the Bentley they're driving breaks down. The driver has to go look for help and, while he's gone, some ruffians come across the disabled royalty. 

"Ain't you the queen?" 

She confirms she is. 

"Where's your tiara?” She tells them she left it at home. 

"Fuck me! Just my luck! Ain't you the princess tho?" 

Kate says yes. 

"Where's that bloody big sapphire from your hubby's dead mum?" 

She says she left it at home. 

"BUGGER!! I guess we'll just have to take these lovely wheels then. C'mon now! Out the car! Step lively and keep walking or they'll be hell to pay.” 

They shuffle down the road a bit and the Queen says to Kate, "I know you were wearing your ring! What happened to it?" 

She replies with a blush, "I hid it... Up there..." pointing to her crotch. The Queen chuckles. Kate says, "But Your Majesty, I know you were wearing your tiara when we left!" 

The Queen confesses that she hid hers too... In the same location. 

Without a second’s hesitation, Kate says, "Dammit! If Meghan were here we could've saved the Bentley!" 
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From the vault . . . 

The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn’t be ignored. 

"Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I’m frightfully sorry about that." 

"It’s quite understandable," said the archbishop, and after a moment added, "as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse." 
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Limerick of the week: 

There was a young lady from Bude, 
Who went for a swim in the lake. 
A man in a punt, 
Stuck a pole in her ear, 
And said “you can’t swim here, it’s private 
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Gallery: 

President Trump often generates unique protest signs, especially by the Brits . . .  










Bonus Items . . .



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Corn Corner: 

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder. 

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black colour, but colour turns white when grows. Over there is American bull. Colour when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown. And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to be light brown colour." 

The Prince says. "I rather like the Turkish bulls. Fine specimens indeed." 

"Excellent choice, Your Majesty. But Turkish bull is special. They is bred for royalty, like you. But if you have royal blood, you must be bonding with bull calf when young, before they change colour or they will reject you,” the Russian explains. 

"Well", the Prince says, "I'm looking for a strong, adult bull. I'm not particularly interested in buying a calf. I rather like this big, beige bull over here." 

The Prince attempts to pet the large Turkish bull. It sniffs his hand, shakes its head in disgust, turns around and kicks the Prince with its hind legs. The Prince goes flying across the room and lands in a pile of hay. 

"Where did you get such a horrible beast?! Why did it kick me?" he sputters. 

"I told you. From Turkey.” the Russian explains. "Is tan bull, can't stand a noble." 

----oOo----

I broke two of my Dad’s Queen records . . . 

Now I want to break three.


Thought for the Day



D-Day 75 years on


D-Day took place 75 years ago today. 

Some facts: 


On D-Day, 6 June 1944, Allied forces launched a combined naval, air and land assault on Nazi-occupied France. Codenamed Operation 'Overlord', the Allied landings on the Normandy beaches marked the start of a long and costly campaign to liberate north-west Europe from German occupation. 


The operation began the liberation of German-occupied France (and later Europe) from Nazi control, and laid the foundations of the Allied victory on the Western Front. 


D-Day was the start of Operation Overlord. Early on 6 June, Allied airborne forces parachuted into drop zones across northern France. Ground troops then landed across five assault beaches - Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno and Sword. By the end of the day, the Allies had established a foothold along the coast and could begin their advance into France. 


The D in D-Day simply stands for "day." The designation was traditionally used for the date of any important military operation or invasion, thus, the day before June 6, 1944, was known as D-1 and the days after were D+1, D+2, D+ and so on. 


Over 425,000 Allied and German troops were killed, wounded or went missing during the Battle of Normandy. This figure includes over 209,000 Allied casualties, with nearly 37,000 dead amongst the ground forces and a further 16,714 deaths amongst the Allied air forces. 


The importance of D-Day often overshadows the overall significance of the entire Normandy campaign. Establishing a bridgehead was critical, but it was just the first step. In the three months after D-Day, the Allies launched a series of additional offensives to try and advance further inland. These operations varied in success and the Allies faced strong and determined German resistance. 


Ronald Reagan's speech 1984:

In 1984. President Ronald Reagan stood on a craggy piece of land jutting into the English Channel where 40 years before American soldiers had scaled the heights on D-Day, June 6, 1944, during the allied landings at Normandy.  Sitting before him were 62 of the “boys,” now-middle aged men who had climbed the cliffs at Pointe du Hoc, using ropes, grappling hooks and ladders to reach a suspected German gun emplacement 100 feet up.

President Ronald Reagan delivers a speech to veterans of the 2nd Ranger Battalion in Pointe du Hoc, France, on June 6, 1984. This was the site of the Normandy invasion during World War II.

President Reagan's speech:

We're here to mark that day in history when the Allied armies joined in battle to reclaim this continent to liberty. For 4 long years, much of Europe had been under a terrible shadow. Free nations had fallen, Jews cried out in the camps, millions cried out for liberation. Europe was enslaved, and the world prayed for its rescue. Here in Normandy the rescue began. Here the Allies stood and fought against tyranny in a giant undertaking unparalleled in human history.

We stand on a lonely, windswept point on the northern shore of France. The air is soft, but 40 years ago at this moment, the air was dense with smoke and the cries of men, and the air was filled with the crack of rifle fire and the roar of cannon. At dawn, on the morning of the 6th of June, 1944, 225 Rangers jumped off the British landing craft and ran to the bottom of these cliffs. Their mission was one of the most difficult and daring of the invasion: to climb these sheer and desolate cliffs and take out the enemy guns. The Allies had been told that some of the mightiest of these guns were here and they would be trained on the beaches to stop the Allied advance.

The Rangers looked up and saw the enemy soldiers -- the edge of the cliffs shooting down at them with machineguns and throwing grenades. And the American Rangers began to climb. They shot rope ladders over the face of these cliffs and began to pull themselves up. When one Ranger fell, another would take his place. When one rope was cut, a Ranger would grab another and begin his climb again. They climbed, shot back, and held their footing. Soon, one by one, the Rangers pulled themselves over the top, and in seizing the firm land at the top of these cliffs, they began to seize back the continent of Europe. Two hundred and twenty-five came here. After 2 days of fighting, only 90 could still bear arms.

Behind me is a memorial that symbolizes the Ranger daggers that were thrust into the top of these cliffs. And before me are the men who put them there.

These are the boys of Pointe du Hoc. These are the men who took the cliffs. These are the champions who helped free a continent. These are the heroes who helped end a war.

Gentlemen, I look at you and I think of the words of Stephen Spender's poem. You are men who in your "lives fought for life . . . and left the vivid air signed with your honor.''

I think I know what you may be thinking right now -- thinking ``we were just part of a bigger effort; everyone was brave that day.'' Well, everyone was. Do you remember the story of Bill Millin of the 51st Highlanders? Forty years ago today, British troops were pinned down near a bridge, waiting desperately for help. Suddenly, they heard the sound of bagpipes, and some thought they were dreaming. Well, they weren't. They looked up and saw Bill Millin with his bagpipes, leading the reinforcements and ignoring the smack of the bullets into the ground around him.

Lord Lovat was with him -- Lord Lovat of Scotland, who calmly announced when he got to the bridge, ``Sorry I'm a few minutes late,'' as if he'd been delayed by a traffic jam, when in truth he'd just come from the bloody fighting on Sword Beach, which he and his men had just taken.

There was the impossible valor of the Poles who threw themselves between the enemy and the rest of Europe as the invasion took hold, and the unsurpassed courage of the Canadians who had already seen the horrors of war on this coast. They knew what awaited them there, but they would not be deterred. And once they hit Juno Beach, they never looked back.

All of these men were part of a rollcall of honor with names that spoke of a pride as bright as the colors they bore: the Royal Winnipeg Rifles, Poland's 24th Lancers, the Royal Scots Fusiliers, the Screaming Eagles, the Yeomen of England's armored divisions, the forces of Free France, the Coast Guard's "Matchbox Fleet'' and you, the American Rangers.

Forty summers have passed since the battle that you fought here. You were young the day you took these cliffs; some of you were hardly more than boys, with the deepest joys of life before you. Yet, you risked everything here. Why? Why did you do it? What impelled you to put aside the instinct for self-preservation and risk your lives to take these cliffs? What inspired all the men of the armies that met here? We look at you, and somehow we know the answer. It was faith and belief; it was loyalty and love.

The men of Normandy had faith that what they were doing was right, faith that they fought for all humanity, faith that a just God would grant them mercy on this beachhead or on the next. It was the deep knowledge -- and pray God we have not lost it -- that there is a profound, moral difference between the use of force for liberation and the use of force for conquest. You were here to liberate, not to conquer, and so you and those others did not doubt your cause. And you were right not to doubt.

You all knew that some things are worth dying for. One's country is worth dying for, and democracy is worth dying for, because it's the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man. All of you loved liberty. All of you were willing to fight tyranny, and you knew the people of your countries were behind you.

The Americans who fought here that morning knew word of the invasion was spreading through the darkness back home. They fought -- or felt in their hearts, though they couldn't know in fact, that in Georgia they were filling the churches at 4 a.m., in Kansas they were kneeling on their porches and praying, and in Philadelphia they were ringing the Liberty Bell.

Something else helped the men of D-day: their rockhard belief that Providence would have a great hand in the events that would unfold here; that God was an ally in this great cause. And so, the night before the invasion, when Colonel Wolverton asked his parachute troops to kneel with him in prayer he told them: Do not bow your heads, but look up so you can see God and ask His blessing in what we're about to do. Also that night, General Matthew Ridgway on his cot, listening in the darkness for the promise God made to Joshua: "I will not fail thee nor forsake thee.''

These are the things that impelled them; these are the things that shaped the unity of the Allies.

When the war was over, there were lives to be rebuilt and governments to be returned to the people. There were nations to be reborn. Above all, there was a new peace to be assured. These were huge and daunting tasks. But the Allies summoned strength from the faith, belief, loyalty, and love of those who fell here. They rebuilt a new Europe together.

There was first a great reconciliation among those who had been enemies, all of whom had suffered so greatly. The United States did its part, creating the Marshall plan to help rebuild our allies and our former enemies. The Marshall plan led to the Atlantic alliance -- a great alliance that serves to this day as our shield for freedom, for prosperity, and for peace.

In spite of our great efforts and successes, not all that followed the end of the war was happy or planned. Some liberated countries were lost. The great sadness of this loss echoes down to our own time in the streets of Warsaw, Prague, and East Berlin. Soviet troops that came to the center of this continent did not leave when peace came. They're still there, uninvited, unwanted, unyielding, almost 40 years after the war. Because of this, allied forces still stand on this continent. Today, as 40 years ago, our armies are here for only one purpose -- to protect and defend democracy. The only territories we hold are memorials like this one and graveyards where our heroes rest. 

We in America have learned bitter lessons from two World Wars: It is better to be here ready to protect the peace, than to take blind shelter across the sea, rushing to respond only after freedom is lost. We've learned that isolationism never was and never will be an acceptable response to tyrannical governments with an expansionist intent.

But we try always to be prepared for peace; prepared to deter aggression; prepared to negotiate the reduction of arms; and, yes, prepared to reach out again in the spirit of reconciliation. In truth, there is no reconciliation we would welcome more than a reconciliation with the Soviet Union, so, together, we can lessen the risks of war, now and forever.

It's fitting to remember here the great losses also suffered by the Russian people during World War II: 20 million perished, a terrible price that testifies to all the world the necessity of ending war. I tell you from my heart that we in the United States do not want war. We want to wipe from the face of the Earth the terrible weapons that man now has in his hands. And I tell you, we are ready to seize that beachhead. We look for some sign from the Soviet Union that they are willing to move forward, that they share our desire and love for peace, and that they will give up the ways of conquest. There must be a changing there that will allow us to turn our hope into action.

We will pray forever that some day that changing will come. But for now, particularly today, it is good and fitting to renew our commitment to each other, to our freedom, and to the alliance that protects it.

We are bound today by what bound us 40 years ago, the same loyalties, traditions, and beliefs. We're bound by reality. The strength of America's allies is vital to the United States, and the American security guarantee is essential to the continued freedom of Europe's democracies. We were with you then; we are with you now. Your hopes are our hopes, and your destiny is our destiny.

Here, in this place where the West held together, let us make a vow to our dead. Let us show them by our actions that we understand what they died for. Let our actions say to them the words for which Matthew Ridgway listened: "I will not fail thee nor forsake thee.''

Strengthened by their courage, heartened by their value [valor], and borne by their memory, let us continue to stand for the ideals for which they lived and died.

Thank you very much, and God bless you all.

President Ronald Reagan - June 6, 1984

President Ronald Reagan, left, looks at a hook used by the U.S. Rangers to climb the cliffs of Pointe du Hoc. 



Monday, June 3, 2019

Quote for the Day


"Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away."

- Marcus Aurelius 


Marcus Aurelius was emperor of Rome during the 2nd century AD, the last in a line of five emperors known to have ruled Rome with authority, humanity, and competence. His writings and philosophical works are still praised.


Brett's Monthly and Readers Write . . .

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Brett’s Monthly: 
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As usual, Brett B has sent his list of special days for the coming month, US dates it should be noted. The only holiday that we have coming up here is the Queen’s Birthday on 10 June. 

Here is Brett’s list: 

Daily Calendar Bizarre, Unique and Special Holidays - June, 2019

Month:
  • Aquarium Month
  • Candy Month
  • Dairy Month
  • Fight the Filthy Fly Month
  • National Gardening Week - First full week of month
  • Gay Pride Month
  • National Accordion Awareness Month
  • National Adopt a Cat Month
  • National Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month
  • Rose Month
  • Turkey Lovers Month
Weekly Events:
  • Fishing Week, Week 1
  • Email Week, Week 2
  • Lightning Safety Week - Last full week of Month
June, 2019 Daily Holidays, Special and Wacky Days:
1 National Trails Day  First Saturday in June
6 National Gardening Exercise Day- Get out and exercise with your plants.
7 National Doughnut Day always the first Friday in June
9  Nursing Assistants Day - date varies
15 National Hollerin' Contest Day - third Saturday in June
15 World Juggler's Day - Saturday closest to June 17th
16 Father's Day - third Sunday
18 National Splurge Day - Oh yeah!!
21 Take a Road Trip Day - third Friday in June
21 Take Your Dog to Work Day Friday after Father's Day
28 Insurance Awareness Day - Now who do you  think invented that!?!

Thanks, Brett.
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Readers Write: 
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From Sue P in response to the post on the finger painting art of Iris Scott: 

Hi Otto  
I appreciate you don’t like photorealistic art, but I think this PNG artist is awesome. He started painting at age 5 and was already famous by 16. His Facebook site has some time lapse videos  
https://images.app.goo.gl/VszA5Z5schYuQTZr8 

Thanks Sue. 

Here are a couple of the artworks of L-Wengembo, the artist referred to by Sue:


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Also in respect of Iris Scott, an email from Steve M: 
Iris Scott’s work? WOW! 
Thanks, Steve. 
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From Tim B in respect of the Monica Lewinsky Quote for the Day responding to comments by Orin Kerr on the Mueller report: 
Hi Otto,  
I don’t get the quote of the day as I guess Orin Kerr does not realize that the Mueller report was made available to every member of congress to read….of course just like the Affordable Health Care bill most did not. I ‘m not sure and too lazy to look it up right now but I think the members of congress could read the unredacted version and Trump wanted to declassify the whole report. Kerr probably has TDS.
Take care Otto, and if I’m wrong, I’m sure someone will let me know. 
 
Tim 
Thanks, Tim. 

Tim sent a second email as follows: 
Andy McCarthy paints a picture of a media in panic over AG Barr executing the President’s order to declassify documents that might very well embarrass the Obama Administration. From the beginning of his analysis:  
Last week, President Trump conferred on Attorney General Bill Barr the authority to declassify documents relevant to his inquiry into what we can collectively call “the Russia investigation.” This includes not only “Crossfire Hurricane,” the counterintelligence probe formally opened by the FBI in late July 2016, but all of the relevant investigative threads, including those pursued by other intelligence agencies — such as the CIA’s collaborations with foreign intelligence services, beginning in 2015.  
In other words, the public is about to learn a lot more about decision-making during the Obama administration. As night follows day, the Democrat-media complex went apoplectic. Gone are the days when the press always wanted more information because it perceived its role, vouchsafed by the Constitution, to be the public’s eye on government.  
Much of the mainstream media is now in an all but openly declared partnership with one of our two major political parties. Consequently, when a Republican administration is in power or being questioned, classified leaks are the order of the day. When a Democratic administration is under the microscope, we get lectures on the wages of compromising intelligence secrets, especially methods and sources. 
Thanks for that as well, Tim. 
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Another from Steve M in respect of the Rupert McCall poem “Green and Gold Malaria”: 
Love the Rupert Mc poem Otto... a bit cheesy but it does fill you with pride. I have been here around 40 years now, Diane was born here, but we both still stare in awe at harbour and outback scenes. Always will, I suppose, and why not? This place has its own magic that is not based upon crumbling history, like Europe or what man has built like Dubai... there is something that is deep set in human-kind when you stare at the wonders of Australia. It’s ancient and mysterious it’s timeless and wondrous... a bit like you!

Thanks for another great Bytes.

Steve M. 
Thanks for your kind comments Steve, the $50 is in the mail.
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Also from Brett B in respect of Baby Sussex being named Archie: 
This is hilarious, in the US the name Archie either brings to mind the comic book characters, Archie and Jughead, or Archie Bunker from the TV show-neither are especially admirable characters.

Also in the US, we have two other people named Archie Goodwin; the first, a fictional character, was the assistant to Nero Wolfe, orchid fancier full-time, and detective when he needed money to support his orchids. They were the protagonists of a series of books, starting with Fer-De-Lance (1934) through A Family Affair (1975). After author Rex Stout died, the series has been continued by Robert Goldsborough, with greater and lesser success. The two (Wolfe and Goodwin) have been the subject of at least three TV series.

The second was a very real person, a well-respected comic book writer, editor and artist.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archie_Goodwin_(comics) 

Brett

Sunday, June 2, 2019

Quote of the Day

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“Imagine if the Starr Report had been provided only to President Clinton's Attorney General, Janet Reno, who then read it privately and published a 4-page letter based on her private reading stating her conclusion that President Clinton committed no crimes.” 

- University of Southern California law professor Orin Kerr on Tuesday musing on twitter about what the reaction would have been if the Ken Starr investigation into President Clinton’s conduct had been given the same treatment as the Mueller report. 


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"if. fucking. only."

- Monica Lewinsky’s twitter response, the meaning being that if only the details of her relationship with Clinton had been kept hidden behind a short summary from Reno perhaps Lewinsky could have avoided all the painful years of ridicule that followed. 


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(Btw, there is a great talk by Monica Lewinsky on TED Talks, she now understandably being an anti-bullying advocate. TED is an acronym for Technology, Entertainment and Design, the TED Talks being online videos freely distributied under the slogan "ideas worth spreading”. Here is the link for the Ted Talks homepage:
The link for the Monica Lewinsky video, called “The Price of Shame”, is at: