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I was looking up last year's Christmas Funny Friday and was struck by my not having rememebered a lot of the items and secondly by the fact that they had me chuckling again. So I figured that if that was the effect on me, perhaps it would be good for you too, I mean have you laughing again.
So I am repeating the Funny Friday from December 20, 2018.
I call it The Byes of Christmas Past . . .
Here we are, the last Funny Friday before Christmas, we got there . . .
So this is Christmas, and what have you done?
The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?
All you people telling me to take down the Christmas decorations all year.
Well, who’s laughing now?
I hate this time of year, all the adverts on the TV, leaflets through the doors, emails, more adverts, wherever you go there's some sort of in your face advertising campaign shoving Christmas down your throat. When did our once great nation become such sellouts for a fast payday. Its sad to see how society is manipulated. Thankfully over at Amazon.com things are different.
Finest of Funny Friday:
From the Archives, November 2012
Risque content follows.
You know that classic oldie about how Native Americans get their names. . .
A Native American lad asks the tribe’s chief how he names the tribe’s children. “When a papoose is born,” says the chief, “I enter the teepee and hold the child in my arms, then I walk outside and the first thing I see is what I name that child. That is why your brother is named Lone Eagle and your sister is Moonlight on Water. Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?”
I came across a reference to a possible source for that joke, a book called Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett. Even if that book is not the origin of the joke, the variation in the book on the classic joke is quite witty:
"Why are you called One-Man-Bucket?"
"...In my tribe we're traditionally named after the first thing my mother sees when she looks out of the tepee after the birth. It's short for One-Man-Pouring-a-Bucket-of-Water-Over-Two-Dogs."
"That's pretty unfortunate."
"It's not too bad. It was my twin brother you had to feel sorry for. She looked out ten seconds before me to give him his name."
"Don't tell me, let me guess. Two-Dogs-Fighting?"
"Two-Dogs-Fighting? Two-Dogs-Fighting? Wow, he would have given his right arm to be called Two-Dogs-Fighting."
And a further variation:
Back in 2001, Chrysler was running an ad that praised the roomy interior of its Concorde model.
The ad showed a Chrysler Concorde being driven through a leafy suburban neighborhood.
A prim mom, who looks vaguely like Hillary Clinton, is driving with her young daughter. "Mom," the girl asks earnestly, "How did I get my name?" Mom, equally earnest, smiles warmly and says, "We named you kids after the places where you were conceived." Daughter: "So, that's why I'm named Savannah." Mom, smiling and pleased: "Right." At this point a female voice-over remarks, "Some like the redesigned Chrysler Concorde for its engaging style and engineering." Then another question occurs to the little girl. "But Mom, how did she get the name Concorde?" Mom's smile drops, and they both look at the infant strapped into a car seat in the back. Mom doesn't answer, and the earnest daughter's eyes fall on the car's name engraved in the dashboard. Mom smiles weakly.
The girl stares at her, appalled. The voice-over butts in again to say, "Others just like its really big back seat." We cut to an exterior shot of the car puttering through the burbs, as we hear the daughter say, "Aw, yuk, Mom."
Unfortunately complaints forced the ad to be taken off air.
See the ad by clicking on:
Gallery:
Christmas lights and decorations, with more risque content . . .
"Meh" is a Yiddish expression of boredom and indifference, the word equivalent of a shrug of the shoulders.
More decorated palm trees
Corn Corner:
Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.
The salesgirl asked him:- 'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'
And one not from the Bytes of Christmas Past . . .
Yoda and Luke
are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves
shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge
they can’t cross...
“Something for
this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of
regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.
He tapes
several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of
them to get across.
When they get
back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the
fence around Yoda’s garden.
“Something I
have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of
his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.
Yoda and Luke
return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his
forks but one, he discovers.
“That’s ok
Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding
us to buy more.”
So he writes
the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.
He looks down
at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.
“Master Yoda!”
he asks. “What did I do wrong?”
Yoda replies
sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”
