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Welcome to another
Funny Friday, a bit of light relief from the stresses of medical matters, Covid
concerns and dire disease. Except that,
like the coronavirus itself, there’s no getting away from it here. Today’s Funny Friday is about matters medical
and the coronavirus issue. So take a
moment for a nervous laugh or at least a chuckle . . .
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SOME HUMOUR . . .
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A true story by a doctor . . .
Source:
Do you remember the song Kung Fu Fighting
by Carl Douglas? If “yes”, you’ll appreciate this . . .
Here’s
the backstory: “I work in a medical clinic and I had a little fun with a
patient one day when she complained her kids keep ‘kung fu-ing’ her front
door.”
Patient:
“They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop.”
Me:
“Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?”
Patient:
“Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door.”
Me:
“Were they fast as lightning?”
Patient:
“No, and it was scary, I thought they were gonna wreck my door.”
Me:
“I bet it was a little bit frightening.”
Patient:
“Yes, I thought they were gonna wreck my door!”
Me:
“Hey, [Patient], c’mon, I just gave the first part of the song. Don’t leave me
hangin’ here”.
Patient:
“I know, but I don’t know the rest of the song!”
_______________________________
Whilst in that vein (ha ha), here is a
collection of true anecdotes about medical mistakes submitted by doctors to a
site called scott.net. Here is the link:
-----oOo-----
A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the
wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald
-----oOo-----
At the beginning of my shift I placed
a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest
wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be,"
replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes
One day I had to be the bearer of bad
news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of
the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
-----oOo-----
During a patient's two week follow-up
appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was
having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new patch every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair
-----oOo-----
While acquainting myself with a new
elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years
-- when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson
-----oOo-----
I was caring for a woman and asked,
"So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except
for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf
-----oOo-----
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency
Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk,
sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it
there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery
was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which
said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
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I went to the chemist today and asked
the assistant "What kills the coronavirus?"
She said "Ammonia cleaner"
I said "Oh, I’m sorry, I thought
you worked here."
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Ok, so if the coronavirus isn't about
beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
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FROM THE VAULT . . .
A man attends at his doctor’s surgery
after test results come back. The doctor says “I have some good news and some
bad news.” “What is the bad news, doctor?” asks the man. The doctor says “The
tests show that you have terminal cancer and only a short time to live.” “Oh my
God,” says the man, “What is the good news?” “Well, says the doctor, “did you
see the cute little receptionist when you came in? I’m taking her out tonight.”
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK . . .
The world’s in a terrible stew
About this virus that’s scary and new.
Yet it seems somewhat funny
Paper meant for the dunny
Is making us all go cuckoo.
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GALLERY . . .
Sent to me Rosie J:
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CORN CORNER:
Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill
you... But, smoking bacon will cure it.
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I just found out I'm colourblind. The
diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
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I have an inferiority complex but it's
not a very good one.
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A man walks into the doctor’s and the
doctor says, "I haven’t seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been
ill."
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A sign on a breast enhancement clinics
says:
“If life gives you lemons, a simple
operation can give you melons.”
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