READERS WRITE, AND A FOLLOW UP

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Yesterday I posted a poignant poem by Banjo Paterson (Banjo being the name of his hors, relevant to something said below), the poem being called The Last Parade, about the Australian mounted troops, known as the Light Horse, who served overseas in the Second Boer War and WW 1 with their mounts. 

The sadness was that at the end of the wars, the troops were not allowed to bring their horses back home with them because of strict Australian quarantine laws. Many heartbreakingly chose to shoot their beloved horses father than to leave them behind to face uncertain futures, mistreatment, illness and, in some cases, to be eaten.

It prompted Byter Steve M to send me an email:

I found today’s Bytes very moving Otto, some lovely poetry. There’s a terrific song about the WW1 horses by our old mate Eric Bogle. In his live album ‘At This Stage’ he gives a commentary on every track before he sings, which he does with ‘As If He Knows’. So much passion in that song…

Thanks, Steve.

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Eric Bogle’s song As If He Knows can be heard by clicking on:

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=eric+bogle+as+if+he+knows&view=detail&mid=9C9E91908E8A14B58FBE9C9E91908E8A14B58FBE&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fPC%3dYE22%26FORM%3dSLYEPK%26q%3deric%2bbogle%2bas%2bif%2bhe%2bknows

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Commentary by Eric Bogle on the song:

The story is as follows:

The song is of course about the horses sent overseas during WW1 to serve in the various theatres of war. Of the approximately 53000 horses Australia sent overseas during WW1, only one ever returned to Australia after the war. At the end of the war the Anzacs were ordered to get rid of their horses, the authorities did not want them returning to Australia and perhaps bringing in anthrax or TB or suchlike back into the country. Most of the horses were sold or given away, but in Palestine the Light Horsemen refused to give or sell their horses to the Arab population of Palestine, and chose instead to shoot them all. I based the song on an actual Light Horseman called Elijah Conn who had a horse in Palestine called Banjo. Elijah never forgot Banjo and for the rest of his life could not talk about him without tears coming to his eyes.

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Lyrics:

It's as if he knows

He's standing close to me

His breath warm on my sleeve

His head hung low

It's as if he knows

What the dawn will bring

The end of everything

For my old Banjo

And all along the picket lines beneath the desert sky

The Light Horsemen move amongst their mates to say one last goodbye

And the horses stand so quietly

Row on silent row

It's as if they know

Time after time

We rode through shot and shell

We rode in and out of Hell

On their strong backs

Time after time

They brought us safely through

By their swift sure hooves

And their brave hearts

Tomorrow we will form up ranks and march down to the quay

And sail back to our loved ones in that dear land across the sea

While our loyal and true companions

Who asked so little and gave so much

Will lie dead in the dust

For the orders came

No horses to return

We were to abandon them

To be slaves

After all we'd shared

And all that we'd been through

A Nation's gratitude

Was a dusty grave

For we can't leave them to the people here, we'd rather see them dead

So each man will take his best mate's horse with a bullet through the head

For the people here are like their land

Wild and cruel and hard

So Banjo, here's your reward

It's as if he knows, he standing close to me

His breath warm on my sleeve, his head hung low

As he if he knew

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Some images:

Australian light horse monument in Beersheba.

The charge of the 4th Australian Light Horse at Beersheba late in the afternoon of 31 October 1917, is remembered as the last great cavalry charge.

Beersheba is today the largest city in the Negev desert of southern Israel. During WW1 it was part of the Ottoman Empire.

Troopers of the 4th Light Horse Brigade at Beersheeba, 1917

Light horsemen at the charge at Beersheba

Australian lighthorsemen rescue their mates during a tactical retreat during the Battle of Romani, August 1916

Australian light horse in Jerusalem during WWI

Honouring the Australian Light Horse, 2015

Poster for the film The Lighthorsemen – a great watch, culminates in the charge at Beersheba

The Australian Light Horse mounted troopers were identified by the emu plumes in their slouch hats, a source of pride.

Remember Sergeant Sayers' speech to his infantry troops in training as regards an exercise against Light Horse troops:

"As you all know, this morning's exercise involves a frontal assault on an enemy trench, the enemy being some "gentlemen" from the Light Horse. These "gentlemen," presumably because their asses are higher from the ground that ours, tend to assume airs of superiority. But, they won't have their horses with them today, so I want you to go out there this morning, and short of actually killing them, show them the stuff the infantry is MADE OF!"

The 1st Australian Light Horse Brigade moving down from Judea to the capture of Jericho

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

THE LAST PARADE

The following commentary about the poem had been intended to be a few introductory paragraphs but, like Topsy, "just growed".

Some background:

• The Second Boer War, also known as the Boer War, the Anglo–Boer War, or the South African War, was a conflict fought between the British Empire and the two Boer Republics (the South African Republic and the Orange Free State) over the Empire's influence in Southern Africa from 1899 to 1902.

• From 1899 to 1901 the six separate self-governing colonies in Australia sent their own contingents to serve in the Boer War. That much of the population of the colonies had originated from Great Britain explains a general desire to support Britain during the conflict. After the colonies formed the Commonwealth of Australia in 1901, the new Government of Australia sent "Commonwealth" contingents to the war. The Boer War was thus the first war in which the Commonwealth of Australia fought.

• Around 15,000 Australian men and women, most of whom were born between 1870 and 1880, served in the Second Boer War in South Africa between October 1899 and May 1902. Approximately 600 Australian soldiers died in the Boer War; about half from military action and half from disease.

• Approximately 16,000 horses were shipped to the Boer War from Australia, in approximate alignment to the number of Australian troops.

• Over 300,000 horses in total died during the Boer war.

• Horses died not only in battle, they also died of disease, starvation and some were eaten by soldiers needing food.

• Australia’s strict quarantine laws prevented horses being returned Australia, a cause of great sadness to the Australian horsemen soldiers who were attached to their horses. Some were sold, many were shot.

• The following information and notes come from:         https://www.awm.gov.au/wartime/44/page54_bou

• The pattern repeated in World War 1 in dealing at war’s end with Australian horses that had been shipped overseas. Australia sent more than 120,000 horses overseas in WW1, and of these, 82,000 went to India (although different figures are sometimes offered). Another 10,000 went to France with the infantry in 1916. The rest, 29,348 horses, were shipped to the Middle East to “horse” the AIF or other parts of Britain’s imperial armies between 1914 and late 1916. At the end of the war the Australians in Egypt, Palestine and Syria had 9,751 horses of all types and their fate quickly became an important consideration in the AIF’s demobilisation. Returning the horses to Australia was quickly ruled out, partly because of the disease threat they posed to Australia’s livestock industry. More fundamentally, returning them would cost more than the horses were worth.

• It is a mistaken belief, although common, that WW1 light horsemen shot their horses in significant numbers so they would be spared a hard and cruel postwar existence.

• In France, Belgium and Britain, it was quickly decided to sell the horses to locals. The sales would recoup some money for the AIF and would assist with postwar reconstruction. Sales proceeded throughout 1919 – but only after assurances had been attained that French and Belgian butchers would not take the horses for their meat.

• Similar sales seemed a less likely option in Egypt, where camels and donkeys were more desirable work animals, and also because, as Lieutenant General Harry Chauvel informed AIF Headquarters, there was strong opposition to the horses being sold to those of an “Eastern nationality” because Middle Eastern standards of animal treatment affronted Australian sensibilities.

• In early 1919 the Australian government decided that the older and unfit horses would be destroyed. Their manes and tails were shorn (horse hair was valuable) and their shoes removed, then they were shot. They were gutted and the skins salted (these were valuable too). In all, 3,059 of the AIF’s horses were destroyed in this way by members of Australian or British military forces.

• Many light horsemen felt aggrieved that the horses would not be returned to Australia. Soldier-poets, Major Oliver Hogue (“Trooper Bluegum”), expressed what may have been a common sentiment in Palestine in 1919: that it would be better to see the mounts of the light horse shot rather than sold to the local population:

I don’t think I could stand the thought of my old fancy hack

Just crawling round old Cairo with a ’Gyppo on his back.

Perhaps some English tourist out in Palestine may find

My broken hearted waler with a wooden plough behind.

No, I think I’d better shoot him and tell a little lie:–

“He floundered in a wombat hole and then lay down to die.”

Maybe I’ll get court martialled; but I’m damned if I’m inclined

To go back to Australia and leave my horse behind.

• So how did the idea that so many light horsemen secretly shot their horses come about?

• In 1946 one of the AIF’s other literary figures, Ion Idriess – never one to duck an opportunity for literary licence – wrote that many light horsemen shot their “faithful friends” rather than see then go to the “fellaheen and the Arab”. But he had been sent home in 1918, so he certainly had no firsthand experience of these events.

• Family lore has no doubt played its part and claims in the Duchess of Hamilton’s First to Damascus (2002) about her father taking his horse away from camp, tying a handkerchief around its eyes and shooting it seem to fit into this category.

• One light horseman, J.L. Grey (writing under the pseudonym Donald Black), recalled in his memoir Red dust (1931) how he took his horse, Blackboy, from camp one morning and they spent a few quiet last hours together, but then returned to camp where Blackboy joined the other horses being taken away to be shot. The only clear case of a light horseman shooting his own horse is that of Henry Bostock, who recalled the experience in his book The great ride (1982); he was detailed to work on the destruction parties and he shot his horse quite officially.

Above: Australian Light Horse attacking Boer soldiers

Men from the 2nd South Australian (Mounted Rifles) Contingent, who fought in the Boer War. Third from left is Trooper Harry "The Breaker" Morant. South Africa, c. 1900.

Australian Mounted soldiers, South Africa c 1900

Members of the 5th Victorian Mountain Regiment cross the Pongola River, South Africa, 1901

Boer troops in the field, c 1900

• The Australian War Memorial records that 136,000 horses were sent overseas in WW 1 and that only one horse made it back home: Sandy.

• Sandy belonged to Major General Sir William Bridges, who was killed at Gallipoli. He was one of 6,100 horses that had embarked for Gallipoli. However, very few of the animals were put ashore, as Lieutenant General Sir William Birdwood decided there was not room or requirement on Anzac Cove. On 5 May Birdwood sought approval to send the horses back to Alexandria.

• From 1 August 1915 Sandy was in the care of Captain Leslie Whitfield, an Australian Army Veterinary Corps officer in Egypt. Sandy remained in Egypt until he and Whitfield were transferred to France during March 1916.

• In October 1917 Senator George Pearce, Minister for Defence, called for Sandy to be returned to Australia for pasture at Duntroon. In May 1918 the horse was sent from the Australian Veterinary Hospital at Calais to the Remount Depot at Swaythling in England. After three months of veterinary observation, Sandy was declared free of disease and arrived in Melbourne in November. Sandy was turned out to graze at the Central Remount Depot at Maribyrnong.

• Sandy saw out the rest of his days at the Remount Depot. Although he was originally intended to go to Duntroon, his increasing blindness and debility prompted the decision to have him put down, “as a humane action”, in May 1923. His head and neck were mounted and became part of the Memorial's collection. Sandy was displayed for many years, although is currently not on exhibition owing to deterioration through age.

By the way, the horses sent overseas were known as “Walers”, an Australian breed of riding horse developed from horses that were brought to the Australian colonies in the 19th century. The name comes from their breeding origins in New South Wales; they were originally known as "New South Walers".

Australian light horsemen riding Walers, WW1

Andrew Barton (Banjo) Paterson was himself a horseman, the pseudonym "The Banjo" being the name of his favourite horse.

Paterson became a war correspondent for The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age during the Second Boer War, sailing for South Africa in October 1899. There he met fellow war correspondents Winston Churchill and Rudyard Kipling as well as British army leaders Kitchener, Roberts and Haig.

Paterson had to leave his horse behind when he left South Africa in 1900. He had travelled on campaign through much of the Orange Free State and into the Transvaal, to Johannesburg and Pretoria, sending photographs and dispatches from the front.

The Last Parade was written by Banjo Paterson in 1902. It appeared in Paterson’s collection Rio Grande’s Last Race and Other Verses after his return home.

The Last Parade

- A B (Banjo) Paterson

With never a sound of trumpet,

With never a flag displayed,

The last of the old campaigners

Lined up for the last parade.

Weary they were and battered,

Shoeless, and knocked about;

From under their ragged forelocks

Their hungry eyes looked out.

And they watched as the old commander

Read out to the cheering men

The Nation's thanks, and the orders

To carry them home again.

And the last of the old campaigners,

Sinewy, lean, and spare ⁠—

He spoke for his hungry comrades:

"Have we not done our share?

"Starving and tired and thirsty

We limped on the blazing plain;

And after a long night's picket

You saddled us up again.

"We froze on the windswept kopjes

When the frost lay snowy-white,

Never a halt in the daytime,

Never a rest at night!

"We knew when the rifles rattled

From the hillside bare and brown,

And over our weary shoulders

We felt warm blood run down,

"As we turned for the stretching gallop,

Crushed to the earth with weight;

But we carried our riders through it ⁠—

Sometimes, perhaps, too late.

"Steel! We were steel to stand it ⁠—

We that have lasted through,

We that are old campaigners

Pitiful, poor, and few.

"Over the sea you brought us,

Over the leagues of foam:

Now we have served you fairly

Will you not take us home?

"Home to the Hunter River,

To the flats where the lucerne grows;

Home where the Murrumbidgee

Runs white with the melted snows.

"This is a small thing, surely!

Will not you give command

That the last of the old campaigners

Go back to their native land?"

They looked at the grim commander,

But never a sign he made.

"Dismiss!" and the old campaigners

Moved off from their last parade.

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

ANECDOTES

__________

1982: During a 12-month freeze on wages in 1982, then-prime minister Malcolm Fraser told workers “Life wasn’t meant to be easy”. The line originally came from a George Bernard Shaw play ‘Methuselah’: “Life wasn’t meant to be easy, my child; but take courage, it can be delightful.” His political opponents seized on it as an example of how a man born to wealth and privilege failed to understand the concerns of everyday Australians.

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1994: As Leader of the Opposition in the Australian Federal Parliament, Liberal Alexander Downer stunned the party faithful into silence when he told them at a dinner that the party’s slogan, ‘The Things That Matter’, should be changed to “the things that batter”, to reflect their domestic violence policy. This merry jest contributed to Mr Downer losing the leadership.

__________

Girolamo Cardano, Italian mathematician and astrologer, was renowned throughout Europe as an astrologer, even visiting England to cast the horoscope of the young king, Edward VI.

A steadfast believer in the accuracy of his so-called science, Cardano constructed a horoscope predicting the hour of his own death.

When the day arrived, it found him in good health and safe from harm.

Rather than have his prediction falsified, Cardono killed himself

__________

After racking up $40 in late fees for a VHS, Reed Hastings was inspired to start NETFLIX.

"I had a big late fee for Apollo 13. It was six weeks late and I owed the video store $40. I had misplaced the cassette. It was all my fault. I didn't want to tell my wife about it. And I said to myself, ‘I'm going to compromise the integrity of my marriage over a late fee?’ Later, on my way to the gym, I realized they had a much better business model. You could pay $30 or $40 a month and work out as little or as much as you wanted."

Hastings said that when he founded Netflix, he had no idea whether customers would use the service.

__________

Newspaper publisher William Randolph Hearst offered columnist Arthur Brisbane a six-month vacation on full pay as a reward for his dedicated and successful work. When Brisbane refused, Hearst asked him why.

The journalist advanced two reasons: “The first is that if I quit writing for six months it might damage the circulation of your newspapers.”

He paused for a moment; then said: “The second reason is that it might not.”

__________

The above reminds me of an anecdote about Charles Boyer.

Boyer was to film a scene in bed with a lovely leading lady.

Just before the scene, he said, ‘You know, sweetheart, if possibly I get – how do you say – aroused during the scene, forgive me, please.’

And then he said, ‘If possibly I don’t get aroused, forgive me please.”

__________

2013: At a Liberal Party function, Tony Abbott was criticising Prime Minister Kevin Rudd. “No one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced, is the suppository of all wisdom.” The word he needed was “repository”.

__________

A friend of US President Ulysses S Grant once took the President to a golf course in the hope of encouraging him to take up the game. After watching a beginner hack the grass around the tee for several minutes without touching the ball, Grant remarked: “That does look like very good exercise. But what is the little white ball for?”

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The story behind America’s anthem dates back to the War of 1812’s Battle of Baltimore.

In September 1814, American attorney Francis Scott Key sailed out to the British fleet in the Chesapeake Bay to negotiate the release of an imprisoned friend. Detained overnight, he watched with bated breath as the British moved on Baltimore and rained over 1,800 rockets and bombs on nearby Fort McHenry. A defeat seemed imminent, but when dawn finally broke, Key was overjoyed to see the American flag still waving over the fort—a clear sign that it had not fallen to the British.

Key scribbled down the poem that became “The Star-Spangled Banner” that day, and by September 20, his patriotic words had found their way into a Baltimore newspaper. The song—ironically set to the melody of a British tune—later became popular in the armed forces, but it wasn’t until 1931 that it was formally adopted as the American national anthem.

__________

Hugh Jackman once briefly worked as a clown at kids' birthday parties. "I was very good with the three-year-olds and four-year-olds parties, because you really just dress up & you're done," he recalled years later. "And I remember once getting a little cocky and I did an eight-year-old's birthday party. All you are hired to do is to keep the kids occupied for an hour... so that mums and dads can drink. Five minutes into my schtick, this little eight-year-old kid—who I hate to this day—stands up: 'Mom! Dad! This clown is crap!' I said, 'What? Shut up, shut up, kid.' And I pull out the thing—I used to juggle eggs... I just said, 'Here, kids: eggs.' They were throwing eggs at me. I walked out, took off the wig, and never went back again."

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

FUNNY FRIDAY

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It's that time of the week again, Funny Friday, so enjoy the approach to the weekend - think of Friday as the entree and the weekend as the main course. Bon appetit.

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SOME HUMOUR:

__________

A guy walks into his local bar with two dogs.

"I didn't know you had dogs," the bartender comments.

"They're not my dogs," the guy replies. "They're my sister's." "

Wow, your sisters are ugly," the bartender says.

__________

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

You breathe through that thing?

Alternative version:

That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts?

__________

I have a joke about time travel

….. but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.

__________

What do you get when you take the wings off of a fly?

A walk.

__________

Where does 82% of the methane on Earth come from?

It comes from the dairy air.

__________

Three debutantes are in a car driving around in the South. They pass a beautiful horse farm with beautiful green pastures, beautiful white fences with beautiful stables, and beautiful horses. The debutante in the back seat says “My daddy bought me this beautiful horse farm for graduating high school.”

The debutante in the passenger seat says “Ooooooh.”

The debutante that’s driving says “That’s nice.”

After a while they pass a beautiful golf course, hotel and casino.

The debutante in the back seat says “My daddy bought me this beautiful golf course, hotel and casino for graduating high school.”

The debutante in the passenger seat says “Ooooooh.”

The debutante that’s driving says “That’s nice.”

The debutante in the back seat asks the debutante who’s driving “What did your daddy buy you for graduating high school?”

The debutante who’s driving says “My daddy is of limited means and all he gave me was advice.”

The debutante in the front seat ask the debutatnte who’s driving “What advice did your daddy give you for graduating high school?”

The debutante that’s driving says “My daddy always told me to say ‘That’s nice’ instead of “Go fuck yourself!’

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Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of Ireland.

Paddy, who knows nothing about golf, says "Top of the morning to you sir!"

Tiger nods and bends over to pick up the nozzle. As he does so two tees fall out of his pocket.

"What are those?"

Tiger replies, "These are called tees. They are for resting my balls on when I am driving."

"Fuck me" says Paddy, BMW think of everything!"

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

At a contest for farting in Butte

One lady's exertion was cute :

It won the diploma

For fetid aroma,

And three judges were felled by the brute.

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

I saw a joke posted on a site that has been in Funny Friday previously:

Everyone knows Alan Turing, who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

(It helps to know that Turing is pronounced as both Ty-u-ring and Tu-ring, as in Too-ring.. In the US the Too-ring pronunciation is used, which was also my understanding.)

The above joke prompted a wealth of reader comments:

They both learned how to be responsible adults from their mother, Ma.

They enjoyed walking through doorways and were taught by their uncle En.

They also liked exploring with their cousin adven.

When he was younger, he didn't like it when he got told off by his uncle Lec.

But they did enjoy taking brilliant photos with their older uncle, Cap.

He gets all the credit but his brother Tu taught him everything he knew.

Little known fact: Tu became obsessed with instructing others when he gave up pursuing his own pleasure after that horrible incident with uncle Neu.

Their cousin Wa always took great care of her plants.

I heard their uncle Fes died of an infection.

And we know about all the characters in this joke due to their third cousin Fea

He learned how to negotiate from his other uncle Bar.

Who also grew into the matriarchal figure she was due to the strong support system taught by her own mother, Nur.

They also learned to pick up cues from their father, Ges.

Unfortunately, they weren't done any favours by the constant supervision of their helicopter dad, Moni.

His uncle Pos was always putting on airs, so they certainly didn’t get it from him.

His brother Smat only helped here and there.

His other brother Pez simply annoyed everyone.

Their sister sue was also a great nurse

Don’t forget his big brother Tuh for helping him study whenever he needed it.

And his friend Men who guided him and offered advice throughout the process

Whilst little sister Loi did jack shit and just hanged about.

And his friend Lit just got in trouble for dropping paper on the street...

Alan had a difficult life, but his cousin Flat always helped him feel good about himself.

Don't forget Gran Turing, who made sure they all took time off for road trips.

One of his daughters almost joined the Spice Girls, her name was Posh Turing.

They both took horseback riding lessons from an instructor name Can.

__________

Everyone remembers Elvis the Pelvis, but nobody remembers his brother Eenis

__________

Although history has long forgotten them, Lambini & Sons are generally credited with tiling the Sistine Chapel floor.

__________

It's wrong to call childbirth delivery.

Actually, it's take-out.

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY