By the way . . .
Friday, August 11, 2023
BEAUTIFUL PHOTOGRAPHS
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The website ‘I Took A Picture’ at:
offers the public to post photographs they have taken and obtain critiques from others.
Bored Panda recently posted a selection of beautiful photographs from that site, which can be viewed by clicking on:
Below are some of those photographs, captions and selected reader comments.
ITAP stands for I Took A Photo.
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ITAP Of My Cats Watching A Sunset
A purrfectly timed photograph! It makes me nostalgic for something I can’t quite grasp.
This looks like art!
Majestic! (And the sunset is nice, too. 😉)
I wanna be that cat
This is part of a story about two cats. You can feel it hanging in the air, the story that wants to be told. What kind of adventure did they return from, or are they about to begin? Will they go together or is one getting lost and the other waits at home? Are they waiting for their third friend, is that why their ears are in alert mode?
Warriors!
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ITAP Of The Empire State Building Reflected In An Oily Puddle
Oh my god that is frikin amazing
This is a stunning work of art. I initially thought it was digital art with a mashup of Van Gogh or Munch. What this really is ... is ... SO much better Congratulaltions
And yet...the writing isn't backwards. Like it would be in a reflection.
Well spotted. They probably flipped it after
sky is interesting but deadly
I'm getting Van Gogh vibes ...
words cant describe the beauty of this picture, and the amount of time I spent staring at it :)
How Van Gough would have painted it.
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ITAP Of My Cat In Tollymore Forest
So magical I wanna go there 🧙♀️
because of the cat?
this cat has a quest for you
Please tell me his name is Salem. :D
Those eyes are stunning!
So magical! It looks like the cat is going to lead you to a magical cottage in an enchanted woods.
great film poster !
I love that forest, now I needa go there
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Itap Of A Boat In Fog
Reminds me of Bram Stoker's Dracula
That's the Black Pearl
The Flying Dutchman
Ghost Ship.
Giving me Peter Pan Vibes
Haunting is the first word that comes to mind.
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ITAP Of A Man Painting Shoes On A Rome Street
It does look like a Renaissance painting! With the focus on the individual man, light and shadow, etc. I didn't even notice that!
He is one of the most gorgeous men I have ever seen!
HE looks like a painting.
I've waited for years for my husband!!! Address please....lololololol bit for real, thin man is a God!!!
Painting a shoe ? Is that a thing ?
Perfect lighting!
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ITAP Of A Street In Versailles
The line of the trees and the road is so tight and straight, it looks like two different images!
If I were the photographer of this awesome shot, I'd blow the thing up and frame it on my wall so that everyone who came into my house would comment on it just so I could brag about it constantly. Well done!!
This is a great example of the vanishing point in perspective. Good for drawing practice!
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ITAP Of My Cat
And two little tiger stripes on their nose. Honestly I could kiss the screen. What a heart-melter 💋
Those eyes are beautiful
I love his little freckled nose.
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ITAP Of The Taj Mahal From An Alternate Angle
I love this. I've never seen a picture of the TM that wasn't a 'tourist' photo taken from the front.
I like this angle much better, the trees, the sunset colours, the kids playing on their bikes. There's just so many elements that make this a lovely photo, and it's a unique one, as you said, most pictures of the Taj Mahal are one and the same, taken from the front. It's nice to see a new angle.
Makes it more impressive. 💗
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ITAP Of Some Snaky Steps
According to the photographer, this cool mural is in Guarda, Portugal.
This is awesome art!
That little girl doesn't like that snake much either!
What’s the deal with the kid? Are they about to fight or is she like a steampunk snake charmer or what?
ssssstunning
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ITAP Of A Girl Wearing Silk In An Above Ground Swimming Pool
Nightmare’s are born
Looks like it feels like being water boarded 😰
I always swim in my silk too
this photo worries me, I'm afraid she'll choke
Creepy
Beautiful!
Why would you wear silk in a pool?
For a photo op
No just no
Wow!
Looks like birth
Emerging from goo.
I thought it was slime at first
Born From Water.... The Fish-maiden
Looks slimy and disgusting :(
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Thursday, August 10, 2023
LAUGH
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Son Thomas and his trouble and strife Jess have bees, about 90,000 head, I am told. They counted the legs and divided by 6 (ha ha). I was thinking about that and their honey production ops so what better a theme for LAUGH.
Enjoy.
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SOME HUMOUR:
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My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
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The male bees were unhappy with their lot so they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.
__________
A man in his 50's visits the doctor.
"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"
"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have any idea what's happening out there?! Global warming is destroying the planet! Supervolcanoes are waking from dormancy! We're on the verge of a nuclear war, and NOTHING CAN STOP IT!!"
Visibly shaken, the man looks down and realizes he's pissed his pants. Ashamed but relieved, he thanks the doctor profusely.
"No trouble at all," the doctor chuckles. "All you needed was a little dire rhetoric."
(Think about it).
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The world's foremost authority on wasps is walking down the street when he sees an old vinyl record in the window of an antique shop, "Wasp noises from around the world".
Intrigued, he goes into the shop and asks if he can listen to it. "Certainly," says the shop assistant and pops it onto an ancient turntable. After listening to the first track for a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is a bit confused.
"I don't recognise any of these noises, and I'm the world's foremost authority on wasps! Can you play the next track please?"
The assistant obliges and skips the needle onto the next track after a while, the world's foremost authority on wasps is still confused "No, I still don't recognise any of these wasps. Can you try the next track?" The assistant skips the needle on, and the world's foremost authority on wasps listens for a little while longer before shaking his head. "It's no good. I just don't recognise any of these wasps"
The assistant peers at the label of the record and says...
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I had it on the bee side"
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A mom is driving the little girl to her friend's place for playdate
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "These are personal questions and are really none of your business."
"Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "All you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card; it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks.
"Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex.
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And on the sixth day…
God creating spiders
God: Make it have eight legs.
Angel: Seems excessive, but okay.
God: And eight eyes.
Angel: You need to calm down a li —
God: Give it a bum rope.
God creating kittens
God: Make them fluffy and adorable, like furry hugs.
Angel: That’s so swee —
God: And put razor blades on their feet.
God creating mosquitos
God: I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces…?
God creating bees
God: Put a needle on its bum.
Angel: Come on God, what —
God: Make its vomit delicious.
Angel: What the heck?!
God creating praying mantis
God: Make an insect that does karate.
Angel: Okay…
God: Now, make her bite her husband’s head off.
Angel: Dude, we need to talk.
God creating dogs
God: Oh these turned out great. I’m going to want all of these back at some point.
God creating pandas
God: Cow bears.
Angel: What?
God: Did I stutter?
Angel: …
God: Take a cow and make it a bear.
God creating snakes
God: How about a sock that’s angry all the time?
God creating alligators
God: See that log?
Angel: Yeah…
God: Fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: Fill it!
God creating jellyfish
God: How about an evil bag?
God creating parrots
God: Let’s make a tie dye chicken that screams actual words at you.
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A man visits the bee shop and says to the shopkeeper: "I'd like 12 bees please"
The shopkeeper says: "That's no problem. That'll be $10."
The two exchange the money for the bag of bees. The man checks the bag and says to the shopkeeper: "Hey, there's 13 bees in this bag?"
The shopkeeper replies: "The 13th bee is a free bee"
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A woman is playing golf when she gets stung by a bee. She goes into the clubhouse and tells an employee what has happened:
Woman: "Hello, I was stung by a bee."
Man: "Where were you stung?"
Woman: "Between the first hole and the second hole."
Man: "Your stance is too wide."
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
The bumblebee said to the bird,
“I’m wondering what you have heard.”
“If you’re speaking of sex,”
She replied, “I’m perplexed —
But if half of it’s true, it’s absurd.”
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GALLERY:
From Leo M . . .
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CORN CORNER:
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What did the sushi say to the bee when they met?
Wasabi!
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What do you call a Bee hive with no exits?
Unbelievable.
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If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?
Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
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Fellas if you ever meet a woman who takes the time to take care of bees, marry her.
She's a keeper.
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What do you call American bees?
USBs.
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A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.
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I finally sat down with my teenage daughter and had a chat about "The Birds and the Bees."
I learned a lot.
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Wednesday, August 9, 2023
MORE STUPID CRMINALS
Virginia Beach: A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants."
Modesto, CA: Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
New York: Richard Avella, a 350 pound New York man, entered a Long Island jewelry store, drew a gun, and told the clerk, "This is a stick-up," then tripped and fell to the floor. He was unable to get up before police arrived.
Long Beach, California: When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, robber James Eliot peered down the barrel and tried it again. This time, it worked.
Crystal, Kentucky: Ron Hoffman of Crystal, Kentucky, picked up a machete and lopped off the red roof light of a Pennsylvania state police cruiser. After his arrest, Hoffman explained it was "just something he always wanted to do..."
Toronto, Canada: A gas station attendant had no trouble identifying a robber for police, even though the man had worn a pair of women's panties over his head as a disguise. The thief, who later admitted that his mind was clouded by intoxicants, had stuck his face through one of the leg-holes so he could see.
Sacramento, California: Francis Karnes, a 39-year-old man was charged with reckless endangerment after he pulled a gun and shot his lawnmower when it wouldn't start.
California: A 37-year-old California man reported to police that an intruder dressed in black and carrying a big knife broke into his home, forced him to smoke two packs of Pall Mall Golds, then left.
Miami Beach, Florida: Nice Try Award; A Miami Beach attorney entered a 'not guilty' plea for his client based on astrological forces. The lawyer maintained that the position of the stars at the time of his client's birth caused him to break into a couple's home, tie them up and threaten them, and walk out with a brassiere on his head.
Netherlands: An airline pilot has been sentenced to four months in jail. Wim de Nijs was convicted of jamming the air traffic control frequency and jeopardizing airport safety, by singing the "Flintstones" theme over the radio for 20 minutes while landing his plane.
Levelland, Texas: E.C. Stewart, Jr. may never get out of jail after the District Attorney recommended last week that his bail be set at "a zillion dollars". The judge agreed.
Wichita, Kansas: Police arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
(Location Unknown): A young teller was new to the job when she was approached by her first robber. Noticing that the man's grammar was not the greatest, the teller figured that the would be criminal was slightly slow. She told the robber that he had to have an account to rob a bank. Disappointed, the man left.
(Location Unknown): A criminal who broke into a couple's house started to take the TV, but instead he turned it on and began to watch. He supposedly liked the program that was on and laid down on the bed. Since it was at night he was tired and fell asleep. So when the couple came home the next day they found him and called the police.
Providence, Rhode Island: David Posman, 33, was arrested in Providence, Rhode Island, after knocking out an armored car driver and stealing four bags of money. Each bag contained $800 dollars. However, the bags weighed thirty pounds each since they all contained pennies. The hefty bags slowed the fleeting criminal to a sluggish stagger. Police easily ran down and arrested the suspect.
Washington D.C.: A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
I love this next one . . .
Radnor, Pennsylvania: Police interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Tuesday, August 8, 2023
Monday, August 7, 2023
FROM THE VAULT
Last Words
From Bytes September 6, 2018, updated and amplified . . .
Yesterday during the weekly trivia competition in which our team takes part, I gently prompted team member Carol to proceed a little faster by paraphrasing the last words of Carl Panzram at his execution. Carol likes to chat. She would be able to talk for Australia and win gold if talking was an Olympic event.
Charles "Carl" Panzram (1891 – 1930) was an American serial killer, spree killer, mass murderer, rapist,
child molester, arsonist, robber, thief, and burglar. In prison confessions and
in his autobiography, Panzram confessed to having committed the murders of
twenty-one boys and men, only five of which could be corroborated; he is
suspected of having killed more than a hundred boys and men in the United
States alone, and several more in Portuguese Angola. He also confessed to
having committed more than a thousand acts of rape against males of all ages.
After a lifetime of crime, during which he served many
prison terms and escaped from them just as much, Panzram was executed by
hanging in 1930 for the murder of a prison employee at the United States
Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas.
In response to offers from death penalty opponents and human rights activists to intervene, he wrote, "The only thanks you and your kind will ever get from me for your efforts on my behalf is that I wish you all had one neck and that I had my hands on it."
Asked by his executioner on the gallows whether he had any last words, he responded:
"Hurry up, you Hoosier bastard, I could kill ten men while you're screwing around."
Sunday, August 6, 2023
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