QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

ART

I have previously posted examples of the clever and whimsical photographic art of Rich McCor (aka Paperboyo). From the website Colossal at:

https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2021/08/rich-mccor-paper-photos/:

Using tourist attractions, landmarks, and urban settings as his backdrops, the Brighton-based artist and photographer dreams up amusing scenes that he fashions with precise angles and black paper cutouts: the Arc de Triomphe playfully morphs into a massive LEGO figure, an upside-down shot of Regent Street becomes a boat canal, and the King’s Place facade functions as individual swimming lanes. McCor tends to travel widely to photograph his temporary silhouettes, although he’s focused on local regions in recent months. The Netherlands, New York, and Taipei are next up on his list . . .

And some more . . .

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

I relate to this (each time I take in the shopping from the car) . . .

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

FUNNY FRIDAY

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Still having computer server problems that stops the emails going out. Sorry Byters.

In the meantime, here is some humour from the vault . . . .

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SOME HUMOUR:

__________

Some Arnold Schwarzenegger funnies . . .

* * * * * * * *

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.

He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".

* * * * * * * *

I went into a library dressed as a German classical composer and asked for a book on Austrian actors.

The librarian said, "Aisle B, Bach."

* * * * * * * *

Unfortunately, Arnold Schwarzenegger could never be president of America because he is not American.

Well... We all know what happened last time an Austrian took over a foreign country...

* * * * * * * *

Arnold Schwarzenegger was upset that his mum never got him any Easter eggs.

She said, "I thought that you didn't like Easter anymore!"

Arnie replied, "I still love Easter baby!"

* * * * * * * *

So Arnie has confirmed he's in Terminator 5.

"I'll be back!" will be replaced with "Ow my back!"

* * * * * * * *

I challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a game of chess the other day, I said "Arnie which colour do you want to be?" He replied "I'll be black."

* * * * * * * *

Last night I saw a preview of Arnold Schwarzenegger's new low budget film where he goes on a rampage killing all Indian men in sight.

It's called 'The Turbanhater'

* * * * * * * *

When Arnold Schwarzenegger dies, will he be an ex-terminator?

* * * * * * * *

Arnold Schwarzenegger had just run the New York marathon. He was lying on his couch and his feet were killing him.

"Is there anything I can do for you Arnie?" asked his wife.

"Ya" replied Arnie. "Plasta ma blista baby"

* * * * * * * *

I just saw Arnold Schwarzenegger on the train eating a sandwich that stunk the whole carriage out.

"Fucking hell!" I said, "What have you got in there? A tuna sandwich?"

He was adamant that it was not.

* * * * * * * *

Film producers wanted to make a movie about classical music composers starring Leonardo Dicaprio, Hugh Grant and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They ask Leonardo who he wants to be and he answers "I want to be Beethoven because I've always liked him". Next they ask Hugh and he says "I want to be Mozart because I've always liked him" lastly they ask Arnold and he says "I'll be Bach!"

* * * * * * * *

Arnold Schwarzenegger has developed a condition which means that his nose is always cold.

Close friends are now calling him Chilly Konk Arnie.

__________

A woman's husband died. He had $20,000 to his name. After paying all of the funeral expenses, she told her closest friend that there was no money left.

The friend asked, "How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?"

The widow replied, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And, of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, pay the organist and all. That was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake, the food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend asked, "$12,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big was it?"

The widow replied, "Three carats."

__________

The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something into the horse's mouth just as a steward walked by. "What was that?" inquired the steward. "Oh nothing" said the trainer, "just a polo mint". He offered one to the steward and had one himself. After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his instructions "Just keep on the rail. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either the steward or me".

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

There was a young girl of Cape Cod

Who thought babies were fashioned by God,

But ’twas not The Almighty

Who lifted her nightie,

But Roger the lodger, the sod!

Alternative version:

There was a young girl of Cape Cod

Who dreamt she'd been buggered by God.

But it wasn't Jehovah

That turned the girl over,

'Twas Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger,

the bugger, the bastard, the sod!

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GALLERY:

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RELIGION SPOT

At the church meeting, the preacher announced, "Anyone with a special concern or problem who wants to be prayed over, please come forward." Billy Bob got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, "Billy Bob, what is your need that you want me to pray about?”

Billy Bob replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand on Billy Bob’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Billy Bob’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a blue streak for Billy Bob and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Billy Bob, how is your hearing now?"

Billy Bob answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.”

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CORN CORNER:

__________

My friend recently died; he drowned.

So, at his funeral, instead of a wreath, we put a life belt on the coffin.

...well, it's what he'd have wanted.

__________

My wife turned to me during her mother's funeral and hissed, "When we get home later, I'm going to make you pay for this!"

For the life of me I couldn't think of what I had done wrong.

Maybe it's because I wasn't sharing my popcorn.

__________

The other day I realised I can exactly replicate the sound of hitting two coconut shells together simply by riding a horse down a cobbled street.

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QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

COMPUTER STORIES

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The server problem continues and my posts are not going out as emails to subscribers. It’s being looked at and worked on, Byters.

Here are some computer glitch and problem stories . . .

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This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired.

Operator: Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?

Caller: Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.

Operator: What sort of trouble?

Caller: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Operator: Went away?

Caller: They disappeared.

Operator: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Caller: Nothing.

Operator: Nothing?

Caller: It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.

Operator: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

Caller: How do I tell?

Operator: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?

Caller: What’s a sea-prompt?

Operator: Never mind. Can you move your cursor around the screen?

Caller: There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.

Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator?

Caller: What’s a monitor?

Operator: It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?

Caller: I don’t know.

Operator: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

Caller: Yes, I think so.

Operator: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.

Caller: Yes, it is.

Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

Caller: No.

Operator: Well, there you are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

Caller: Okay, here it is.

Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.

Caller: I can’t reach.

Operator: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?

Caller: No.

Operator: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Caller: Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.

Operator: Dark?

Caller: Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Operator: Well, turn on the office light then.

Caller: I can’t.

Operator: No? Why not?

Caller: Because there’s a power failure.

Operator: A power… a power failure? Aha, okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

Caller: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Operator: Good. Go get them and unplug your system, and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

Caller: Really? Is it that bad?

Operator: Yes, I’m afraid it is.

Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

Operator: Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.

********

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one

*******

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can’t get my CD out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….

********

Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

********

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello. I can’t print.

Tech support: Would you like to click on ‘start’ for me and…

Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

*******

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print.

Every time I try, it says ‘can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it..

*******

Customer: I have problems printing in red…

Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?

Customer: Aaaah…thank you.

*******

Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woollies.

*******

Customer: My keyboard’s not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk ten paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

*******

Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital letter ‘V’ as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

*******

Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

*******

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

*******

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: Okay, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

*******

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.

*******

Tech support: Okay Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer: I don’t have a ‘P’.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: ‘P’…on your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

SOME GOOD ADVICE

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

POETRY SPOT

Pioneers

by Andrew Barton 'Banjo' Paterson

They came of bold and roving stock that would not fixed abide;

There were the sons of field and flock since e’er they learned to ride;

We may not hope to see such men in these degenerate years

As those explorers of the bush – the brave old pioneers.

‘Twas they who rode the trackless bush in heat and storm and drought;

‘Twas they that heard the master-word that called them further out;

‘Twas they that followed up the trail the mountain cattle made

And pressed across the mighty range where now their bones are laid.

But now the times are dull and slow, the brave old days are dead

When hardy bushmen started out, and forced their way ahead

By tangled scrub and forests grim towards the unknown west,

And spied the far off promised land from off the ranges’ crest.

Oh! Ye, that sleep in lonely graves by far-off ridge and plain,

We drink to you in silence now as Christmas comes again,

The men who fought the wilderness through rough unsettled years –

The founders of our nation’s life, the brave old pioneers.

BACK, HOPEFULLY

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Hopefully today’s posts will go out, marking the end of the server problems that have prevented emails going out and therefore accounting for the lack of Bytes items.

A thank you to those who enquired if I was well and if that was the reason for my silence – I am fine and have not rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible, as it is put in the Monty Python ‘Dead Parrot’ sketch.

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THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

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Today is Remembrance Day, a memorial day observed in Commonwealth member states since the end of the First World War in 1919 to honour armed forces members who have died in the line of duty.

The day is also marked by war remembrances in several other non-Commonwealth countries.

Some facts about Remembrance Day appear below.

From ‘For the Fallen’, commonly known as ‘The Ode’, by Laurence Binyon

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,

Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow,

They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,

They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.

REMEMBRANCE DAY FACTS

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• Remembrance Day marks the anniversary of the end of the First World War, the Armistice, on 11 November, 1918.

• World War I was originally known as the Great War. It began in August 1914 when Britain and Germany went to war but many countries, such as Australia and New Zealand (who formed the famous ANZACs), immediately declared their allegiance to Britain and joined the war. Many such allergiances were due to the system of treaties and support agreements. This partnership was known as the ‘Allied Forces’.

• The main nations in the Allied Forces were Britain, France and Russia. Later, they were supported by countries such as Canada and the United States. The Allied Forces fought the Central Powers: Germany, Austria-Hungary, Italy, and the Ottoman Empire (Turkey).

• During the four years of World War I, Australia was involved in some of history’s most tragic conflicts, such as the famous landing at Gallipoli, horrific battles on the Western Front (France and Belgium) and in the Middle East.

• In 1918, after suffering a number of defeats and heavy losses, the German forces agreed to an armistice with the Allied troops and this signalled the end of WWI. The treaty was signed at 5am on 11 November 1918, but did not officially come into effect until six hours later at 11am. The armistice was met by celebration around the world.

• For this reason, Remembrance Day was originally called Armistice Day. In Australia, it was renamed in 1997. The name change broadened the meaning of the day, widening the focus from World War I, to a day which commemorates those who served in any war or conflict.

• In most countries, Remembrance Day is observed on 11 November to recall the end of First World War hostilities. Hostilities formally ended "at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month" of 1918, in accordance with the armistice signed by representatives of Germany and the Entente between 5:12 and 5:20 that morning. "At the 11th hour" refers to the passing of the 11th hour, or 11:00 am. The First World War officially ended with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles on 28 June 1919.

• Every year, nations around the globe fall silent for one minute at 11am on the 11th day of the 11th month to remember those who have served their country during war. This practice stems from King George V’s declaration on 6 November 1919 that people throughout the Commonwealth should suspend their normal activities so that in “perfect stillness the thoughts of everyone may be concentrated on reverent remembrance of the Glorious Dead”.

• The Flanders poppy was one of the first plants to grow on the blood-soaked battlefields of France and Belgium. In nineteenth century English poetry, poppies often symbolised sleep or oblivion. After WWI, silk poppies were sold on Armistice Day with proceeds going to a charity for French children and to the Returned Soldiers League (RSL).

• Many people wear a sprig of rosemary on Remembrance Day and on ANZAC Day. Since ancient times this aromatic herb has been recognised as a sign of remembrance and loyalty. For Australians, rosemary is even more significant as this plant grows wild on the Gallipoli peninsula, serving as another reminder of the ANZAC troops who lost their lives there.

• An old tale describes the Virgin Mary spreading her blue cloak over a flowering rosemary bush. The story says that the white flowers turned blue and from that day on the bush was called the ‘Rose of Mary’.

• On Remembrance Day, flags are flown at half-mast from 10.30am to 11.03am as a sign of mourning and respect. It is said that this tradition stems from sailing ships that lowered their sails at sea to honour an important person or mark a death.

• There are a number of rules associated with flying the Australian flag at half-mast. The flag can never be flown at half-mast at night. If in a group of flags, all flags should be lowered to half-mast, however, Australia’s should be lowered last and raised first.

• The Unknown Soldier is intended to represent all men killed during war, especially those with no known resting place. The original Unknown Soldier was entombed at Westminster Abbey in London on Remembrance Day 1920. On the same day, France entombed an Unknown Soldier below the Arc de Triomphe.

• It was not until Remembrance Day 1993 that Australia laid to rest an Unknown Soldier in the Hall of Memory at the Australian War Memorial in Canberra. At his side was a bayonet and a golden sprig of wattle. The soldier was buried in a coffin made from Tasmanian Blackwood which was scattered with soil from the French battlefield, Pozières.

• It is estimated that over 60,000 Australians died in the Great War, many of these have no known graves. This left the Western Front dotted with memorials and cemeteries commemorating the fallen. Many Australians travel to these locations, as well as others in Egypt and Turkey, to pay tribute to the events that occurred and to remember all who served and fell there.

• In modern times, these pilgrimages have become increasingly popular around Remembrance Day and ANZAC Day. On these days, many locations, such as Gallipoli, Villers-Bretonneux and Bullecourt, hold special commemorative ceremonies. These ceremonies are made up of many traditional elements such as a parade, wreath laying, the Last Post (played on a bugle) and a minute of silence.

• The word ‘armistice’ means a truce or peace arrangement. It comes from the Latin word ‘arma’, meaning arms and ‘stitium’, meaning ‘a stopping’, giving us the meaning: to put down your arms ie weapons.

• The famous poem In Flanders Fields that made the red poppy such an iconic symbol, was written by Canadian Lieutenant Colonel John McRae. It is said that it only took him 20 minutes to write buy, dissatisfied with it, McCrae tossed the poem away. A fellow officer retrieved it and sent it to newspapers in England. The Spectator, in London, rejected it, but Punch published it on 8 December 1915. The poem went on to become hugely popular with the public, and has since become an abiding symbol of remembrance worldwide.

• It was not just men who went to war. In World War I, many Australian women volunteered as cooks, drivers, interpreters and other skilled positions. Female nurses served in countries such as Egypt, France and Greece, often in dangerous conditions, close to the frontline where they were exposed to shelling.

• World War I was the first armed conflict where aircraft were used. There were around 3000 Australian airmen who served with the Australian Flying Corps.

• The conditions in WWI trenches were so horrifying that they gave their name to numerous ailments that occurred there. These include: ‘Trench Foot’ (a fungal foot infection), ‘Trench Nephritis’ (an inflammation of the kidneys) and ‘Trench Fever’ (a painful infection caused by lice).

• It is estimated that the WWI trench system on the Western Front measured approximately 475 miles (764km) in length.

• Many countries (such as Canada, the United Kingdom, France, Belgium and Poland) also observe Remembrance Day.

• During the Second World War, many countries changed the name of the holiday. Member states of the Commonwealth of Nations adopted Remembrance Day, while the US chose Veterans Day.

BYTES INTERRUPTION

 

For those wondering where Bytes has gone and why there have been no emails sending out daily posts, I have been experiencing server problems that has preveneted the psosts going out. Think of it as an outahe equivalent to that which hit Optus, but longer. (I am with Optus but thos glitch was not optus related).

It is being worked on, hopefully back to normal soon.

- Otto

QUOTE FOR THE DAY