Thursday, July 27, 2023
LAUGH
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An eclectic mix today folks, but be warned, there is risque content ahead. Venture on at your own risk or stop now if easily offended.
Otherwise. . . enjoy!
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SOME HUMOUR:
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What’s worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ.
What’s better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ
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Ruth and Golda were walking along Hendon High Street. Ruth says, "My son Irving is getting married. He tells me he is engaged to a wonderful girl, but... he thinks she may have a disease called herpes."
Golda says, "Do you have any idea what this herpes is, and can he catch it?"
Ruth replies, "No, but I am just so thrilled to hear about Irving's engagement - it's time he settled down. As far as the herpes goes...who knows?"
"Well," says Golda, "I have a very good medical dictionary at home. I'll look it up and call you." So Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth.
"Ruth, I found it. Not to worry. It says herpes is a disease of the gentiles."
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A 90 year-old mother is on her deathbed.
Summoning her last bit of strength, she lifts her head and whispers: "Is my beloved husband John here with me?" And John says, "Yes, I am here."
She then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes Mother, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."
And she says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell her that they are there.
So the mother lays back quietly, closes her eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"
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A Canadian guy, an American guy, a Japanese guy, and a Middle Eastern guy walk into a bar. They all have a couple of beers, and get to bragging.
The American guy boasts, "I'm so lucky, I have 4 beautiful children, one more and I would have a basketball team."
Not to be outdone, the Canadian guy retorts, "I am luckier than you, I have 5 gifted children, one more and I could form a hockey team."
So, the Japanese guy chimes in with, "Well, I surely have both of you topped. I have 8 children. Just one more and I would have a baseball team."
Pausing, briefly, the Middle Eastern guy replies, "Well, I am betting I have you all beat. my harem houses 17 wives, one more and I would have a golf course!".
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Did you hear about the new ceremony the Royal Palace Guards preform when Prince Harry is in town?
It's called, "The Changing of the Locks".
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I went to a new family doctor today. The waiting room was spacious, new renovation, nice and beautiful nurses. And it had a sign:
"We respect our patients' privacy, we will not call you by name".
Quite good eh, I thought.
Completed the registration, I sat down in the waiting area, reading the latest car magazine. A moment later, the nurse spoke with the microphone:
"The man age 32, with haemorrhoids, please proceed to examination room number 3".
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A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
A responsive young girl from the East
In bed was an able artiste.
She had learned two positions
From family physicians,
And ten more from the old parish priest.
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GALLERY:
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LAW AND LAWYERS
Why did Washington, D.C. get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey had the first pick.
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CORN CORNER:
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I was once so broke, I couldn’t pay my electric bill…
Those were the darkest days of my life…
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What sound does an Australian Frog make?
Croakey
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There's two types of people in the world.
People who look good naked, and people who go to nude beaches.
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What's worse than to find a worm in the apple you are eating?
Find half a worm.
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I’m not a fan of the new coins released with King Charles’ head on them.
But then again, I’ve never liked change.
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A new gym opened near me. They are currently going door to door signing up new members.
It's called Jehovah's Fitness.
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Why did the blonde start looking for a new job?
Her boss texted they would be closed for good friday.
Wednesday, July 26, 2023
MORE RATE MY PLATE
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Another visit to an old favourite site at:
People post pics of their prepared meals, the public comments.
Headings, selected pics and selected comments from that site . . .
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Steak Dinner by Blake
Comments:
Yummy 😋
Looks perfect! Hopefully it’s medium rare!?!
Looks delicious. Are they fried processed peas? I love them and my dad used to do this. I've not seen them anywhere else ever. Edit Actually don't think they are on 2nd look
Can I come for dinner Blake…..😊
At last! A well presented meal though half would do for me.
That looks amazing but don’t know what you did to the peas , great effort ! 9/10 !!
That plate is awesome, stick a fried egg on and I'm In heaven
Wondrous. I’d just top the steak with peppercorn sauce though. Vine needs taking off after pic but glad you left it on for that. 9
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Turkey Dinner by GM
Love this!! If you are a parent, I bet you can get your kids to eat anything!
Very Creative dinner 1 way to get kids to eat their dinner and greens 😋
That made me smile widely. It’s a turkey winner 🥇
Pure genius
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Fry-up by Gareth
Love a fried Breakfast now and again. Lovely.
I love love love this bk home in Scotland we have this every Sunday. Can't wait till September and my Sunday fry upset 😋
I miss fried bread my favourite bit of fried breakfast
Looks yummy. Miss a good ole British fry up.
That my friend is a full English Breakfast well done and presentation awesome
What’s with the dried up slugs on the left hand side of the plate?
Did you cook that egg in the chip pan?
Love everything but beans! An Aussie thing😩😆
Can we swap the black pudding for toms ❤
That's a good breakfast 👍 that egg is perfect 😋
Omg what’s ur address I’m on my way 😋😋
What the flippin eck is that on the left?? 🤭😬🤪😎
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Homemade Fish & Chips by Jenny
I remember going to chippers on the streets in both Ireland and England. It was just straight up a HUGE serving of cod and a mess of straight potato cut chips. Fried in lard, salt and vinegar in a doubled wrapped paper bag. You could feel your arteries hardening, but you could die with a smile on your face. Love it!
No beans or peas....not both. Fish and chips look good though xx
Well done Jenny. Prime packet- and tin-opening skills.
Yum 😋 love peas and peas together
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Sosig n Mash by Cassandra
I want it 😂
Love some gravy on that yummy 😋
I love sausages and mash 🌹💕🇬🇧🙏🏻
Bangers & Mash ❤️
Beautiful presentation. Needs a little pepper and 6 pints of grayvee. 8/10
Stonehenge is looking glorious!
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Monday Dinner by GM
Have you hidden it inside the mountain,
Looks not great - but I’m pretty certain it’s delicious
Cant wait to see what’s for the main.
What is that
The Thing!
What a beast!!
Nooooo nooo nooo
Great way to use up this last week's leftovers
Just get my mountain climbing gear on to tackle this 💪
Would you eat it or climb it
I’ll just get me hiking boots & my walking stick & I’ll be right over to climb it…😝
What, pray tell, is it. I see a brussel sprout.
a bigger plate is required x
I always love an all you can eat buffet on a saucer..thrilling
Reminds me of that film close encounters ? Where he builds that mold ?
Did you plate it up with a catapult
For what army?
Whatha feck is that bro! 😳😳😳
😳 this is like Sunday lunch Jenga… try and get that sprout out without toppling the tower 🤣😂
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Bacun Booty by Bryn
Bytes note:
Booty = Butty = Sandwich. Butty is used in England, Australia etc and it comes from a shortened form of saying 'bread and butter'.
Is that before or after you ate the bacun?
Good vet cud get that breathing
How long in pan?
Is it still alive 😱
Oh my. Revolting 🤮
Terrible!
Yummy 😋
Still walking that
Still kicking
Heads up, you forgot to cook that bacun.
I like the bacon a little crispier 😊
Cooked perfect for me
You might want to put it back in the pan ...
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Homemade Cod Dinner by Victoria
Is that authentic ocean sand?
Can I have some Cod with my pepper
Holy God wat is that
White pepper dusting different 😋
Reminds me, it's time to clean the bottom of my freezer 😆
Needs some more pepper
So are u about to cook it?
Where's the cod?
Looks like Hospital food
Who’s ashes did you scatter?
Give that cod two panadol and it will start flapping again 😩
I’ll stick to the fish n chip shop thanks
Cod or cold?
WOW.... I like pepper.... but that's a shitload on there... 😝
Looks like complete crap🤣🤣😘
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Toad in Da Hood by Mary
Bytes note:
Toad in the hole or sausage toad is a traditional English dish consisting of sausages in Yorkshire pudding batter, usually served with onion gravy and vegetables. Historically, the dish has also been prepared using other meats, such as rump steak and lamb's kidney. Toad in the hole was originally created as a way to stretch out meat in poor households. The origin of the name is unclear, but it may refer to the way toads wait for their prey in their burrows, with their heads poking out, just like the sausages peep through the batter.[8][12] It may also derive from the "living entombed animal" phenomenon of live frogs or toads supposedly being found encased in stone, which was a popular hoax / false belief of the late 18th century.
A Stirling effort and definitively eatable. Keep on working at it and you will be amazed at just what you can achieve, Pretty sure that Rate will be applying for you to go on Master Chef.😃
Looks amazing.. I would polish this off x x
Looks lovely 😍. I would personally cook the sausages from start with batter as it’s the point 🙂
One of my all time favourites, onion gravy will finish off nicely
Looks fab but should it not all be in the yorkie?
I would have put the mash and peas in the Yorkshire pudding 😋
Apart from needing a few more sausages and the mash in the yorky puddin, that looks fantastic
I love Toad in the Hole however this isn’t it, Sausage is cooked with the batter, which I prefer but it’s whatever you like , either or either 🤗 whatever rocks your boat 👍
😂 toad in the hole. Bangers and mash are my favorite.. 😂
With Yorkshire pudding that big, mash potato and pees should be inside of with the sausages
Looks lovely maybe a couple more toads
Mary, I'll be around in 5. Keep it warm, cheers!
Not traditional at all one needs to make the batter put the sausages in it then cook all together.
Marry me Mary!?! 😍
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Breakfast by Calum
If that’s what you love then I hope you enjoyed it
That is an exquisite take on surf n turf. Doff my cap to you sir…
I love the love the idea of eating breakfast and lunch at the same time. Well done.
Lush but breakfast ?
It’s like your lunch and breakfast all in one go mate lol
I need therapy . Enjoy! 😉
Are you pregnant lol, looks like a concoction I used to make when I was 😄
An odd combination, yes, but I'd scoff it!
Take the sausages away and the beans then is good to go
Never had a tuna & sweetcorn jacket for breakfast, each to their own lol
What is that on the potato?! Tuna and corn????
Maybe cook the sausages next time and heat the beans up and throw the spud in the bin! 😂
Sausages cooked with a candle 🕯️
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Steak Tartare by Gabi
I love steak tartare and that’s not steak tartare - think I’d rather eat a tin of cat food tbh…
My cat used to eat better
You know the line in the recipe which says ‘place in blender and pulverise into a paste’?
That shouldn’t be there.
Cross it out and try again.
Steak Tartare Prison style 😒
Cat wants his dinner back
Thought was a tin of dog food, would put me off.
Serving up posh cat dinner is cheating.
That has not been done correctly at all 😂
Thats NOT steak tartare. If it was, needs a raw egg yolk set in the top.
I'd munch on those sweet potato fries no bother, but the cat food, I'll pass 😅
It doesn’t look right . My mother loved steak tartare don’t think she would have eaten this. Plus where is the black pepper?
That looks a bit anaemic for steak tartare, what meat have you used?
Nope.
This looks like pork And not Beef.
Should be chopped not minced.
Should look good..
This is not tartare.
It’s a very strange colour, should be chopped up steak with onion capers , gherkin ,mustard etc and an egg on top.
It looks like you opened up a can of cat food and turned it over on the plate
Tuesday, July 25, 2023
MORE STUPID CRIMINALS
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so they decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up more walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realise that they had locked the keys in the truck - so they abandoned it.
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."
When James Nagel tried to abduct a Los Angeles woman, someone tipped off police. Nagel led officers on a "low speed chase" for 30 minutes, then tried to get away on foot. He shot at police several times, but missed. Nagel then climbed a utility pole and threatened to kill himself. Police tried to talk him down, then shot him with ten rounds of plastic bullets. Nagel finally surrendered after being sprayed for five minutes with a high-powered water hose, but not before accidentally shooting himself in the forehead.
William deLashmutt of York County was fined $100 after he was stopped at a police checkpoint with a car licence plate, registration, title and driver's license issued by "The Kingdom of Heaven."
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realised that:
(1) He could not get to the money from where he was.
(2) He could not climb back out the window through which he had entered.
(3) He was bleeding pretty badly.
So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help.
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head, then realised that he had forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
Costa Mesa, California: A man allegedly robbed taxi driver James Hooper with a large caliber handgun, then tried to escape on foot. One foot, to be exact. Police say Timothy Lambert's gun accidentally discharged, shooting his own foot. Officers followed a trail of bloody prints a short distance before arresting Lambert.
Great Falls, Montana: When Raymond Lutz of was stopped for going 104 miles per hour in a 45 mph zone, he had a darn good reason. Lutz told Sheriff John Strandell that he had "just got done washing his truck and was trying to dry it off..."
Reno, Nevada: A 78-year-old man shot and wounded five people in a Reno, Nevada casino, and was caught as he made his escape with his walker.
Oakland, California: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up.
Illinois: An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
Topeka, Kansas: A man walked in to a Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Medford, Oregon: A 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened..."
Los Angeles, California: Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Monday, July 24, 2023
POETRY SPOT
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A sad poem by the man who also wrote The Man from Snowy River - a man, now old, who lost his wife when young has memories come back every time he smells roses.
A Bunch of Roses
- A B ‘Banjo’ Paterson
Roses ruddy and roses white,
What are the joys that my heart discloses?
Sitting alone in the fading light
Memories come to me here tonight
With the wonderful scent of the big red roses.
Memories come as the daylight fades
Down on the hearth where the firelight dozes;
Flicker and flutter the lights and shades,
And I see the face of a queen of maids
Whose memory comes with the scent of roses.
Visions arise of a scent of mirth,
And a ball-room belle that superbly poses --
A queenly woman of queenly worth,
And I am the happiest man on earth
With a single flower from a bunch of roses.
Only her memory lives tonight --
God in his wisdom her young life closes;
Over her grave may the turf be light,
Cover her coffin with roses white
She was always fond of the big white roses.
* * * * *
Such are the visions that fade away --
Man proposes and God disposes;
Look in the glass and I see today
Only an old man, worn and grey,
Bending his head to a bunch of roses.
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Hear the poem set to music by Wallis and Matilda by clicking on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ7gvN5Bjvo
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Man proposes and God disposes;
Look in the glass and I see today
Only an old man, worn and grey,
Bending his head to a bunch of roses.
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Hear the poem set to music by Wallis and Matilda by clicking on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ7gvN5Bjvo
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Sunday, July 23, 2023
MORE RARE HISTORICAL PHOTOS
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Photographs and text from:
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Alice Eastwood Standing at a Rupture in 1906
The 1906 quake of San Francisco left a visible gap all along the San Andreas Fault line, which can still be seen today. Located between the North American Plate and the Pacific Plate, the San Andreas Fault is among the most known active faults on the planet. It was named so after the San Andreas Lake that was formed as a result of the fault, which was discovered in 1895 by geologist Andrew Lawson of the University of California, Berkeley.
After the 1906 quake, Professor Lawson established that the fault line ran down to the southern portion of California, which he named the “California Fault Line.” Immediately after this natural occurrence, the fault line could be clearly seen, as shown in the above picture.
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The Monowheel (Dynasphere) from the 1930s
This bizarre vehicle was based on a design by Leonardo da Vinci. The concept for this wheel, popularly known as a monowheel, was patented in 1930 by a British inventor called Dr. J. A. Purves, who based his design on Da Vinci’s drawing. Purves was so sure that his monowheel would be the next great thing in the automobile world that he even wrote an article about it in the journal “Popular Mechanics.”
The monowheel ran well, but it had a major weakness when it came to braking and accelerating. The design would cause the driver’s carriage to spin around the wheel, similar to when a hamster stops abruptly on a hamster wheel.
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Stylish Students at the Cambridge University (1926)
These elegant Cambridge gentlemen were members of a fraternity of academics who attended one of the world’s most renowned universities. Even though Cambridge students were very studious, it didn’t mean they didn’t know how to have a good time.
There was a secret organization on campus at the time called the “Alpine Society,” which only permitted members to join if they could get over the college’s gates at night.
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Dad and Daughter Ride Penny-Farthings in the 1930s
Penny-farthing bikes were already outdated when this picture was taken in the 1930s. The penny-farthing cycles were popular in the 1870s and 1880s until the advent of contemporary bicycle design. They were distinguished by their oversized front wheel and relatively small rear wheel.
This type of bike gets its unusual name from British coinage. Like the wheels on this bicycle, the penny is considerably bigger than the farthing.
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The Knock-up Profession of the 1920s
We now use alarm clocks or mobile phone alarms to get us up in the morning, but folks needed to be on time for work before these devices were created. Those who worked as “knocker-uppers” could be found in most major industrial cities. Knocker-uppers walked about with long sticks, knocking on bedroom windows to ensure that their clients’ workers got out of bed on time.
Knocker-uppers were paid a few pennies each week from their customers, with an additional monetary incentive if they remained at the window, persistently knocking until they were sure the person was up and ready to start their day.
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Cowboys Enjoying a Saloon in Tascosa, Texas
It is quite uncommon to find an image like this one depicting cowboys enjoying themselves in a bar and playing cards. The one thing you’ll notice as soon as you see these cowboys is how different they appear from what you see on TV. The hats these guys are wearing aren’t super stylish, but rather they are tall hats that provide ventilation to keep their heads cool.
Additionally, all the riders are wearing chaps to protect their legs when horse riding. Although most people think that a cowboy should look like Clint Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef, this picture clearly depicts a typical cowboy.
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European Royalty in London in 1910
Nine reigning monarchs were present during King Edward VII’s burial in 1910. Someone saw this as a wonderful picture opportunity and collected the monarchs for this historical image, possibly the only photograph of all nine kings in existence.
In the back row, from left to right: King Haakon VII of Norway, Tsar Ferdinand of Bulgaria, King Manuel II from Portugal and the Algarve, Kaiser Wilhelm II from Germany and Prussia, King George I from Greece, and King Albert I from Belgium.
In the front low, seated from left to right are King Alfonso XIII from Spain, King George V from the United Kingdom, and King Frederick VIII from Denmark.
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The Original Moulin Rouge in 1915
The Moulin Rouge is a cabaret and theatre which is known for being the birthplace of the famous can-can dance. It was erected and opened in 1889 and sought to bring artists and creatives from all walks of life together.
This photo was taken in 1915, just a short time before the Moulin Rouge was burnt down that same year. It was rebuilt and is still open today with its extravagant arts and events. It continues to attract around 600,000 patrons a year.
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An Ottoman Supply Train Abandoned in the Desert
At the start of the 1900s, T.E. Lawrence, best-known as Lawrence of Arabia, worked for years helping people in the region attack and take down Ottoman Empire outposts during the Arab Revolt. This included stopping supply trains in the region.
Lawrence and his people took down many trains, all of which remain abandoned in the desert.
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Costumed Entertainers Riding Horses in a 1920s Halloween Event
Halloween has been around in its various forms for centuries, and the costumes that come with it were just as loved in the 1920s as they are today. These riders not only dressed for the occasion themselves, but also dressed up their horses to look all spooky.
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Marilyn Monroe Entertaining Thousands of Soldiers (1954)
Marilyn Monroe spent time in Korea in 1954 after her honeymoon in Japan with her new husband Joe DiMaggio. Monroe spent her time in Korea performing for and entertaining the American soldiers who were stationed there.
She performed a quickly put-together show which she titled Anything Goes. In entertaining such a large audience, Monroe gained confidence in herself. It helped her overcome the stage fright she previously had. She even said the Korea trip “was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never felt like a star before in my heart.”
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Funny Reaction of Yakini, a Baby Gorilla in the Melbourne Zoo
Yakini, a gorilla at Melbourne Zoo, was only a very small baby when this picture was taken in 1999. Yakini grew up a famous gorilla, having his image shared all over the world and is now significantly larger than the average person.
Here we see baby Yakini having a health check-up, and reacting to how cold the stethoscope feels on his chest. If you needed reminding on how closely related gorillas are to humans, here’s your proof! Just look at that face!
My comments -
By the way . . .
- Yakini, a Silverback gorilla, is now dominant gorilla at Werribee Open Range Zoo, having taken leadership from his father.
- He turned 20 in 2019.
- Teams of doctors from the Royal Children’s Hospital and the Royal Women’s Hospital fought to keep him alive after he was born by caesarean section without a heartbeat.
- He’s grown into a brawny 170kg beast, according to Melbourne Zoo senior primate keeper Ulli Weiher.
- Ms Weiher said he had kept his mother’s gentle, relaxed personality.
- Yakini moved to Werribee in 2011 to join father Motaba and brother Ganyeka.
- Yakini made an escape from Melbourne Zoo in 2009 using a low-hanging palm. He went walkabout before staff recaptured him with a bunch of bananas and a tranquilliser dart. Between 40 and 50 visitors were ushered out of harm's way and into a gift shop while nine-year-old Yakini spent 20 minutes checking out some of the other zoo inhabitants. The 92-kilogram gorilla wandered for about 20 minutes, rummaging through bins and climbing on the roof of the butterfly enclosure before he was eventually lured to the elephant barn by a senior keeper carrying a bunch of bananas. "All the while during this little stroll we were shepherding guests into the gift shop, we were securing gates (and) the vets were getting their tranquilliser darts ready,'' Mr Maloney said. Zoo staff sedated Yakini from about 20 metres and carried him back to his enclosure, where he was living a bachelor life with his father and half-brother. "He woke up with a yawn and a stretch and the look on his face was like `I've just had this weirdest dream','' senior keeper Damian Lewis said. Zoo staff have trimmed the low-hanging palm.
Yakini as a baby
Yakini with keeper Ulli Weiher
Yakini 2019
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