Good Morning

In the last couple of weeks I have had a number of people mention to me that I must be up early to send out the Bytes for the day at sparrow's fart.* The emails generally go out between 6.00am and 7.00am.

I must disillusion you.

This blog has been created from a Google template where you can select various motifs, heading styles, layouts and so

The blog sends out the emails, not me.  Once the day's email has gone out, I can post the next day's items at any time of the day and they will be emailed out the next morning on each occasion.  I am not pressing the send key at 6.00am each day.

By the way, have you ever noticed that watches and clocks in advertisements usually have their hands in the 10 past 10 position.  This is so that the hands frame the manufacturer's name.  In the past they were commonly shown in the 20 past 8 position but it was felt that this made a symbolic frown, thereby imparting a negative message.  It is considered that the 10 past 10 position  is symbolic of a smile.

(I confess that I still prefer my watch to have hands, not numbers, my  books to be  print on paper and my diary to be in book form, not electronic).

* Sparrow's Fart, according to the Urban Dictionary, is defined as "The earliest time of the morning. About the time when all the sparrows get up and let out a little fart signifying their awakening."

Great Replies: John Wilkes

John Montagu (1718 – 1792), the 4th Earl of Sandwich, after whom the Sandwich Islands were named, had a political career that included First Lord of the Admiralty. He is best known for having the sandwich also named after him, from a 24 hour stint at the gambling tables when he told a servant to simply put roast beef between bread for a meal.

John Wilkes (1727 -1797) pictured above, was an English radical, journalist and politician.

Both were members of the Hellfire Club, a club of notable men of the day that met for debauchery. As a result of a prank played at the Hellfire Club by Wilkes, in one account described as introducing a dressed baboon wearing a cape, Montagu is said to have been embarrassed, giving rise to hostility towards Wilkes and a long time rivalry. Who knows, perhaps Montagu made a pass at the baboon thinking it was a person.

In one heated argument in Parliament, Montague said scornfully and derisively to Wilkes "Upon my soul, Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die upon the gallows, or of the pox.”

Wilkes replied: "That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles, or your mistress."

More Aussie slang

Following on from the post about disappearing Aussie slang, Byter Nadia asked for an item on the origin of the expression “better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick”, meaning better than nothing.

My researches have not established anything definitive about its origin.

The earliest recorded use of an equivalent expression is from 1786, “better than a thump on the back with a stone”.

There are variations to the above “burnt stick” expression, which is generally accepted to be Australian in origin:

- better than a smack in the eye

- better than a kick in the ass with a frozen foot (Canadian)

- better than a kick up the arse (or in the pants) (British)

- better than a slap in the belly with a wet fish (British)

- better than sleeping with a dead policeman (British)

Nadia’s other request, the origin of the expression “telling porkies”, meaning telling lies, is a lot easier. Its origin is Cockney rhyming slang, “pork pies” meaning “lies”, reduced later to “porkies”.

That expression was used a lot in headlines when, in June 2010, Primo, Australia’s largest producer of smallgoods was hit with a fine of $237,575 plus $200,000 in costs for mislabelling Danish and Canadian bacon products as Australian. The Daily Telegraph declared that Primo had told porkies about bacon.

Lawyers, Priests and Nazis

Some lawyer items today and not a single lawyer joke.

Okay, just one...

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road, identified by the pin striped suit and brief case, he would swerve to hit him, enjoy the loud, satisfying "THUMP", and then swerve back onto the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.

He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."

"That's okay, my son",  replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

Origin: Red Tape

Red tape, meaning excessive and often unnecessary paperwork, rules, regulations and formalities which hinder or prevent effective actions and decisions, is a term that has been with us since the 17th century. It originates from the practice of binding legal and official documents in red cloth tape.

The first recorded reference of the term is in the 1696-1715 Maryland Laws:

"The Map upon the Backside thereof sealed with his Excellency's Seal at Arms on a Red Cross with Red Tape."

Apparently the 80 or so petitions for divorce that Henry VIII sent to the Pope in respect of his marriage to Catherine of Aragon are still stored neatly in the Vatican, each still bound in its original red tape.

Last Words: General John Sedgwick

“What? Men dodging this way for single bullets? What will you do when they open fire along the whole line? I am ashamed of you. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist…”

- General John Sedgwick (1813-1864)

Union Army general, shot by a Confederate sharpshooter during the American Civil War

Plume

Yesterday I posted a 1938 photo of Parramatta Road at Five Dock.  In the forefront of the photograph was a sign bearing the word "Plume", causing Byter Steve to send me an email asking what it represented.

Plume was a brand of petrol which played a significant role in Australia's development. 

In 1895 the Vacuum Oil Company established in Australia, 30 years after setting up operations in the US.  This was the first oil company with operations based in Australia, rather than selling oil products in in Australia by Australian agents for American companies. The company  introduced its Plume brand of petrol in 1916.

In  the US the Vacuum Oil Company eventually became Mobilgas and then Mobil.  In Australia the  Flying Red Horse logo was introduced for Plume in 1939, with the name being changed to Mobilgas in 1954.

Vintage Photographs: Parramatta Road

(Click on pic to enlarge).

Parramatta Rd, NSW, 1938, looking east from Five Dock towards Ashfield.

Colemanballs

Yesterday I posted a sports gaffe by Harry Carpenter.

Sports commentators are particularly prone to verbal gaffes, sometimes because of the excitement of play, sometimes because of the need to fill quiet moments with commentary and sometimes simply because what was said didn’t come out right, although it is usually clear as to what was intended to be conveyed.

Such gaffes have their own name, Colemanballs, coined by Private Eye magazine and named after BBC broadcaster David Coleman, who was renowned for such bloopers. The "balls" part of the term  is a shortening of “balls up”.

Here are some Colemanballs by David Coleman himself:

"And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class. "

"We estimate, and this isn't an estimation, that Greta Waitz is 80 seconds behind."

"He is accelerating all the time. That last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before in 62."

"And the line up for the final of the Women's 400 metres hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman."

"The Republic of China, back in the Olympic Games for the first time."

"That's the fastest time ever run, but it's not as fast as the world record."

Bonus extra:

The following Colemanball is a famous classic by BBC commentator Brian Johnston. It occurred during a 1976 Test match at The Oval when the West Indies’ Michael Holding was bowling to England’s Peter Willey:

“The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey.”

More Colemanballs in future posts.

Sports Gaffes: Harry Carpenter

"Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."

-Harry Carpenter (BBC TV, University Boat Race 1977)

The Frog and the Scorpion

Those who have seen the 1992 flick The Crying Game may remember the story that Jody tells Fergus in the context of good and bad people, the story being a metaphor for the movie as a whole:

Scorpion wants to cross a river, but he can't swim. Goes to the frog, who can, and asks for a ride. Frog says, "If I give you a ride on my back, you'll go and sting me." Scorpion replies, "It would not be in my interest to sting you since as I'll be on your back we both would drown." Frog thinks about this logic for a while and accepts the deal. Takes the scorpion on his back. Braves the waters. Halfway over feels a burning spear in his side and realizes the scorpion has stung him after all. And as they both sink beneath the waves the frog cries out, "Why did you sting me, Mr. Scorpion, for now we both will drown?" Scorpion replies, "I can't help it, it's in my nature."

See it at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0I44-XPk2A

The meaning of the story is clear: creatures (including people) will remain true to their natures, irrespective of external influences. The frog takes the scorpion at its word and agrees to transport the scorpion, notwithstanding that there is nothing in it for the frog. The scorpion on the other hand will remain true to its dangerous innate nature, even though it is treated with trust and kindness.

Quote: Barbara Bush

“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.”

-  Barbara Bush (1925 - )

(Btw, the above pic was taken in 1940).

Jack Lang, Part 1

(The following article, in 3 parts, is a repost of a past email..  It is worth reading, although lengthy, and is a fascinating and momentous part of our history).

A dismissal by the Queen’s representative of an elected government in Australia and a global economic downturn resulting in significant adverse effects in Australia. Sounds like the dismissal of the Whitlam government in 1975 and the recent global crisis, doesn’t it? But these two events happened earlier in Australia’s history and involved a man who was both loved and reviled, Jack Lang.

I have been reading Gerald Stone’s book 1932: A Hell of a Year and I can heartily recommend it to those interested in history, particularly Australian history, and to those who think that all politicians are a bunch of dishonest, amoral, opportunistic, selfish bastards.

1932 was a momentous year: the Great Depression, the opening of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, possible rebellion by the New Guard, the Commonwealth v NSW, the Bodyline Tour, the death of Phar Lap and the passion and the conflicts of Jack Lang.

Before hearing Gerald Stone on radio being interviewed about his book I had only a sketchy knowledge of Lang. I knew that the dismissal of his government by the Governor Sir Philip Game had been used as a precedent for the sacking of the Whitlam Government and I thought that he was one of Labor’s beloved sons. The interview prompted me to buy the book. The book prompted me to read further. The reading further has prompted me to want to share it with you.

Vintage Ads

(Click on pic to enlarge).

Pox Doctor's Clerks...

A few posts ago I mentioned the loss of Australian slang and the increasing Americanisation of language and culture.

Some years ago I read an article by Phillip Adams that dealt with the same issue. He made a proposal inspired by the Ray Bradbury novel Fahrenheit 451, a story set in some unspecified future where books are banned and the job of firemen is to burn books discovered in the illegal possession of citizens. The government disseminates information via electronic communication, thereby controlling knowledge, information and thought. One fireman, Guy Montag, secretly keeps a book and begins questioning what he has been taught to believe. This leads to more books being kept and eventually to discussions with dissident individuals. Montag is forced to burn his books and house when he is reported, causing him to kill his captain and flee into the wilderness. There he finds a community of people determined to keep the subject matter of books alive. Admission into the community is allowed only where an individual has memorised a book..

Adams suggested that just as individuals in Fahrenheit 451 were each keeping alive a book, so we should preserve and keep alive Australian colloquialisms and slang by each person adopting one Australian slang expression and using it whenever possible.

That made a lot of sense to me so, with Mr Adams, I began doing my bit for the Australian vernacular.

I adopted as my expression the phrase “dressed up like a pox doctor’s clerk”.

Quote: Michel de Montaigne

“There is nothing more notable in Socrates than that he found time, when he was an old man, to learn music and dancing, and thought it time well spent”

~ Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)

Vuvuzelas - Annoying people since 1660

Thanks to Byter Tom for emailing me the above pic.

The Goons, Charles Laughton and Errol Flynn

Steve, whose hero is Spike Milligan and who has been prolific with comments in the last few days (and don't get me wrong, I appreciate feedback), sent me a message in response to yesterday's item about The Goons.  He asked whether I had heard the story about Peter Sellers turning up on Spike's doorstep one morning and set out his recollection of it.  I confess that I had not heard this story before.

Some research established that the story is a true one and I quote it from a story about Claire Bloom, who was associated with the show:

"Peter and Spike were real characters," she recalled. "They always enjoyed playing tricks on one another. For example, one morning at 3 am Milligan, who lived opposite Sellers was roused from a deep sleep by a knock on his door. When he opened it he found Sellers standing there naked except for a Bowler hat, socks and shoes.

‘Good morning! Do you know a good tailor?’ Peter asked.

Milligan said he got his own back by sending him a telegram the next day saying, "Ignore first telegram."

http://www.rfsoc.org.uk/jim14.shtml

A story I had heard some years back about Errol Flynn and Charles Laughton has been harder to verify.  It may or may not be true but it is consistent with both Charles Laughton's aloof manner and  Errol Flynn's mischievous nature and. shall we say,  reputation.

The story goes as follows:

Charles Laughton was hosting a fancy dress party at his home in Hollywood in the 1940's. 

When he answered the doorbell he found Errol on his doorstep, totally naked except for a large loaf of bread he had strapped to his front and another he had strapped to his back.  He had then poured tomato sauce over himself and was coming as a hot dog.

Laughton looked him up and down through his monocle and finally said:

"Errol, I don't know why you bothered.  You could have just slung it over your shoulder and come as a petrol bowser."

 

The Goons

While appearing on "The Goon Show," Peter Sellers received a curious letter from one of the program's fans:

"Dear Mr. Sellers,

I have been a keen follower of yours for many years now, and should be most grateful if you would kindly send me a singed [sic] photograph of yourself..."

Encouraged by his friend and fellow-comedian Harry Secombe, Sellers carefully burned the edges of one of his publicity photographs with his cigarette lighter - and sent it off by return mail...

Several weeks later, another letter arrived from the same address:

"Dear Mr. Sellers,

Thank you very much for the photograph, but I wonder if I could trouble you for another as this one is signed all round the edge..."

Whiskey In The Jar

There’s nought better than a rollicking traditional Irish pub song, there’s nought better Irish pub song than Whiskey in the Jar, and there’s nought sings it better than the Dubliners. You can keep your versions by Metallica, Smokie and Thin Lizzy.

The story in the lyrics is of a highwayman (ie bushranger) in the Cork and Kerry mountains who is betrayed by either his wife or his lover.

After robbing Captain Farrell, a military or government man (“for he were a bold deceiver”), the narrator takes his booty home to his wife or sweetheart, Jenny. Whilst he is asleep, Jenny fills his pistols with water and betrays him to Captain Farrell. He is taken prisoner and presumably Jenny makes off with the money. The song ends on a slightly positive note with the narrator hoping that his brother in the army will assist him.

Sit back with your coffee for a few moments before starting the day's work, relax and let the music of Whiskey in the Jar set your foot tapping.  Click on the following links:

Dubliners, audio only: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eOIU9ekSMk  

(clearer audio and lyrics)

Dubliners, live performance: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46EXY4oP1Do  

(live performance in later years, skips one verse and reverses the last two))

Reader Response and Hats

Another  message from Byter Steve:

Thanks for the Cobbers definition, very interesting. I never knew it meant “mate(s)” although in hindsight it seems pretty logical. I totally agree with your comments in regard to the Americanisation of our unique language.  America seems to infiltrate our lives in so many ways – kids still wear their caps sideways or backwards, have you noticed how many people do a “high five” in everyday life now?

Talking about kids wearing caps sideways / backwards. An interesting study for a Bytes? I seem to recall reading somewhere that film producers used to turn their caps backwards as they peered through the lens of camera’s to review a shot or take, When done, the cap was returned to the correct position. People on the set therefore felt there was a “reflected glory” in wearing their caps backwards in that they may be mistaken for being a “Director”................................?

Ta again.

Steve

Some comments and responses:

Backwards Baseball Caps:

From Wikipedia:

The idea of wearing the cap backwards is commonly attributed to catchers in baseball, as when they began using facemasks, they had to turn the cap around to fit the mask on. It can also be found in professional tennis. Another profession associated with the wearing of a baseball cap backwards is that of photographer, notably paparazzi – for the reason that an SLR camera cannot be held vertically to the eye whilst wearing a baseball cap with the peak forwards.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baseball_cap

Cobbers

Byter Steve dropped me a note as follows:

I noticed you signed off the Bytes today, using the word “cobbers”. We don’t hear that used so much today, but I would be interested to know how it came about if you have space on a Byte sometime in the future please.

When I used the word “cobbers” previously, I deliberately selected an Australianism that contrasted strongly with the wish for a happy Fourth of July, a contrast between Australia and an American celebration that really has no relevance as a celebration in Australia.

The word “cobbers” has, however (and regrettably) fallen into disuse, having been replaced by the Oz word “mates” and (shudder) by the Seppo word “buddies”.  “Cobbers” was placed on the list of endangered Australian words by the Australian National Dictionary and the Australian Oxford Dictionary in 2003:

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/11/07/1068013393539.html

Anecdotes: Beatrice Lillie

Beatrice Lillie (1894-1989) was a comedic actress born in Canada. In 1920 she married Sir Robert Peel, thereby becoming Lady Peel, a title she did not use in her show business career.

While she was starring in the Chicago production of "Set to Music" she attended the famous beauty and hairdressing salon of Elizabeth Arden. A wealthy socialite, Mrs Armour of the meat-packing company of the same name, became irate at having to wait whilst Beatrice and the girls of the show’s chorus were attended to, having been there before Mrs Armour arrived. She boomed "If I’d known there would be chorus girls here today, I would never have come!" Beatrice wasn’t flustered and carried on as if she hadn’t heard. On her way out, she said to the salon manager in a voice loud enough to be heard by those in the salon, "You may tell the butcher's wife that Lady Peel has finished."

Quotes: Groucho Marx

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)

John Hancock

The Fourth of July is upon us. Having adopted other American special days and holidays - Valentines Day, Halloween – we may well end up celebrating it in Oz one day.

Independence Day is a non-event in Australia but a meaningful celebration and holiday in the US. It is their celebration of the founding of the republic, of gaining independence in 1776, yet in a recent poll 26% of Americans polled didn’t know that the country from which independence was gained was England. Of that 26%, 20% didn’t know which country and 6% nominated other countries, the nominations being France, China, Japan, Mexico, and Spain. Bear in mind, however, that the poll included persons originating from other countries and from groups with lower educational opportunities and qualifications.

http://maristpoll.marist.edu/72-don%E2%80%99t-know-much-about-history/

Looking at a pic of the American Declaration of Independence, the document rather than the event, I recalled the signature that gave rise to a colloquial term for signatures generally, that of John Hancock.

Quotes: Joan Rivers

"I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."

- Joan Rivers (1933 - )

Angry Penguins and Ern Malley

The Robin Williams / John Travolta movie Old Dogs has a scene in which they break into a zoo and find themselves in the penguin enclosure, watched by hundreds of sweet looking penguins, that is until the penguins become hostile and attack, prompting our heroes to yell “Angry penguins.” Whether that was intended to be a reference to Australia’s greatest literary hoax is unlikely but it did bring that incident to mind for me.

Not only is the hoax an illuminating, cautionary tale, it raises issues of the fundamental nature of literature and art and as to what constitutes good and bad art.

Quotes: Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"I have no right, by anything I do or say, to demean a human being in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks of himself. To undermine a man's self-respect is a sin."

Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 -1944)

French writer and aviator, author of the The Little Prince and other works, who was shot down on a reconnaisance flight in 1944 over France whilst fighting with the Free French Forces.

In a separate item, the German Luftwaffe fighter ace who shot down Saint-Exupery was tracked down by Saint-Exupery's biographer.  It was the first that the ace knew of having shot down his favourite author.  He said that if he had known who was in the plane. he would have held his fire.

The Daily Mail, 1 July 2010

htthttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-536468/How-German-wartime-flying-ace-discovered-shot-hero.html

Great Replies: John Barrymore

John Barrymore (1882 - 1942)

After a long day of shooting a film in Hollywood, John Barrymore and some fellow actors stopped in at Lucey's, a popular watering hole near Paramount Studios. After one-too-many drinks, Barrymore excused himself to go to the bathroom. In his slightly inebriated condition, however, he inadvertently chose the ladies' room. As he was relieving himself, a woman entered and was shocked to see a man urinating into one of the toilets. "How dare you!" she exclaimed, "This is for ladies!" The actor turned toward the woman, organ in hand, and resonantly said in full actor's voice: "And so, madam, is this."

Quote: Friedrich William Nietzsche

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

-  Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)