Saturday, July 31, 2021
You're right, today is Saturday, so why is Funny Friday appearing today? Because with the current lockdown here in Sydney, I lost track of my days and overlooked it.
Better late than never, here is Funny Friday . . .
A caution: risqué content and language follows.
My wife told me we should split up because I keep pretending to be a detective.
I said good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
I once dated a girl named Rachel, but she turned out to be a nasty bitch. As a result, I now refuse to associate with women named Rachel.
Then again, I could just be Rachel profiling
When Chuck Norris updates Windows . . .
. . . Microsoft accepts his terms and conditions
I agree, those previous three should have been in Corn Corner.
How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?
Ask them who won the election.
In a few years, when you rummage through your old clothes and find a used mask in a pocket, you will smile . . .
. . . from behind your hazmat suit's visor.
FROM THE VAULT:
A Texan variation on a Jewish joke posted in the past . . .
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, ' Notice anything different about me'?
Margaret looked him over. "Nope'.
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, ' Notice anything different NOW'?
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'
Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'
Nope', she replied.
‘IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!!!!’
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, ' Shoulda bought a hat Bert, shoulda bought a hat.
Two lawyers walk into a restaurant.
They put their briefcases on the floor and order two coffees. They get their coffee and pull out lunches from their briefcases.
"Sorry," the waitress says, "You can`t eat your own food here."
The lawyers look at one another, shrug their shoulders and swap sandwiches.
LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
A young woman got married at Chester.
Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.
Says she, "You're in luck,
He's a stunning good fuck.
For I've had himself myself down in Leicester.
Introducing a new category for Funny Friday . . .
I used to believe that sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me.
But then someone hit me with a dictionary.
My mum is an anti vaxxer...
Calls herself Mrs DoubtPfizer.
By revealing the punchline first
How do you ruin a good joke?
What is two times more disgusting than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple
Friday, July 30, 2021
Origin: Keep on Truckin'
From the vault January 24, 2010, with added content.
The phrase “Keep on Truckin’ “ is now a general form of encouragement in the sense of telling someone that they’re doing a good job and also as an equivalent to telling someone to go for it. It originated in the 1920’s and 1930’s with jazz musicians. Blind Boy Fuller incorporated it in a song by the name of Keep on Truckin’:
Truckin' on down the line
Hey hey hey
I say keep on truckin'
Truckin' my blues away
Keep on truckin' mama
Truckin' my troubles away
I say keep on truckin' mama
Truckin' my troubles away
Do that thing you do so well
I can tell what you been doin'
By the way that you smell.
Keep on truckin' mama
Truckin' my troubles away.
Right: Blind Boy Fuller
In 1968 Robert Crumb used the phrase as the title for a one page comic, being the first issue of Zap Comix, illustrating it with the image that has become associated with the phrase.
Robert Crumb, self portrait
Drawn in Crumb’s distinctive style, it shows cartoon men strutting confidently across a barren landscape.
The strip’s drawings became iconic images of optimism during the hippie era. Like most underground comics, it was not copyrighted and was extensively used on t shirts, posters and other items. It has also led to variations on the Crumb image:
Although the phrase came to mean keep on keepin' on, or get it done, or hang in there, in the original Blind Boy Fuller song "Truckin' My Blues Away," as with a lot of suggestive blues songs that use alternative words, it was a rhyming word for the sex act. Fuller's song praises a girl who "keep on trucking mama, trucking my blues away." In one part he says to the listener "Catch you truckin' with her, I'm gonna sure shoot you down," and later he tells his girl she doesn't need to leave, and to "Wait a little while you might wanna truck some more."
Crumb was not happy about the hippies using the phrase as the '60s equivalent of a motivational poster., hated the fact that he had become a spokesperson for counter culture and was not pleased at his image being so used. According to him:
I became acutely self-conscious about what I was doing. Was I now a ‘spokesman’ for the hippies or what? I had no idea how to handle my new position in society… Take Keep on Truckin’ for example. Keep on Truckin is the curse of my life. This stupid little cartoon caught on hugely. There was a D.J. on the radio in the seventies who would yell out every ten minutes: ‘And don't forget to KEEP ON TR-R-RUCKIN’!’ Boy, was that obnoxious… I didn't want to turn into a greeting card artist for the counter-culture!
One final note:
Director Terry Zwigoff (Crumb, Ghost World) told Roger Ebert:
He was offered, like, millions to license the 'Keep on Truckin' drawing for Toyota, but they only wanted that one drawing. He wanted to sell them a lot of other stuff. He tells them, 'How about I have this girl with her head cut off being stuffed into the trunk of the Toyota?' When they didn't go for that, he turned them down.
So there you have it, folks, and remember . . .
Thursday, July 29, 2021
An optimist and a pessimist were riding a bus together when the optimist got hungry.
"Let's stop at the next restaurant," said the optimist. "Then we can take the next bus and continue our journey."
"I don't think that's a good idea," said the pessimist. "It could cause something bad to happen."
"Or it could cause something good to happen," replied the optimist, "and besides, I'm hungry!"
So the two of them left the bus and went into the restaurant.
While they were eating, a news report came on the TV.
"A bus was crushed in an avalanche fifteen minutes ago," said the reporter. "Everyone on the bus was killed." The optimist and the pessimist recognized the bus as the one they had gotten off.
"See?" said the optimist. "I told you something good would happen if we got off the bus!"
"Good?" sputtered the pessimist. "If the bus hadn't stopped to let us off, it might have missed the avalanche!"
It all depends on how you look at it.
rom the vault . . .
There once were twin brothers, one of whom was always pessimistic and one who was always optimistic, the proverbial eternal optimist.
This presented an opportunity for scientists to carry out tests and studies, to which the parents agreed.
Accordingly the pessimistic lad was placed in a room full of toys, computer games and other diversions that were the current rage, then left for an hour.
The optimistic boy was placed in a room full of horse manure for an hour.
After the hour was up, the scientists opened the door of the pessimistic boy’s room and found the toys broken and the computer screen smashed. The boy was mumbling “My brother probably has lots better things than I have. He’s probably having a lot more fun.”
When they opened the optimistic boy’s door they found him still wading through the manure, digging deep with his hands and saying “With all this manure, there must be a pony in here somewhere.”
The Pessimist says, "Everything is terrible! It can't get any worse."
To which the Optimist replies, "Oh yes it can!"
Actually, this will still make sense if reversed . . .
The Optimist says, "Everything is terrible! It can't get any worse."
To which the Pessimist replies, "Oh yes it can!"
Wednesday, July 28, 2021
For Helen B and Janice M, both of whom are Glesga wummin and both of whom are braw lasses . . .
A Wee Glesga Wummin
by Ron Windward
The light in the close is broke again
As ah slowly trudge inside
Two string bags full o’ messages
Weigh heavy by my side
The rain drips off ma’ rainmate
An’ settles oan ma’ eyes
Ah canny see a bloody thing
An’ naebody hears my cries
I slowly climb ‘ra concrete stairs
Dreamin’ of a cup o’ tea
Ah stop at ‘ra toilet landing
Take a breath and count tae three
I start again to climb ‘ra stairs
Cursing each stair wan by wan
Ah can hear the telly in oor hoose
It must be great tae be a man?
It seems that I dae everything
I don’t fink it’s very fair
Ah washed these stairs ‘ra other day
But naebody seems to care
To sing oan stage like Cilla
Wiz’ ma’ big master plan
I could’ve made it happen tae
If ah hadnae met ma’ man
Ach my man’s no’ bad, just lazy
Like o’ men ah suppose
But I didnae know it would be like this
When he bent down tae propose
Ah soldier oan regardless
As ah turn the final bend
Ah kin hear ma eight weans laughin’
As ma’ journey nears its end
Ach get a grip I tell ma’sel
Two stairs tae go then home
The sad part is tomorrow
WILL BE ‘RA BLOODY SAME!
Tuesday, July 27, 2021
As the lockdown continues and we start to suffer more and more from cabin fever, here are some thoughts and comments . . .
Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me!”
In that the bulk of our office staff are restricted to their respective local government areas, our office is now being conducted remotely. Phones are diverted and we are communicating with each other, and dealing with matters, via email and text messages, more so than by telephone. Signing and witnessing od documents is being done by audio visual means.
I have rediscovered some of the delights of free to air TV and items on Youtube.
Here are some recommendations:
Great British Car Journeys
Peter Davison and Christopher Timothy, who played Tristan Farnon and James Herriot respectively in the 1978 Brit TV series All Creatures Great and Small, have remained lifelong friends since those days, Forty years later they get together to recreate the 1930s golden age of motoring by travelling roads away from the main roads and motorways in a 1936 Morgan using original maps. Along the way they meet interesting people, rc[;pre fascinating locations and discuss various matters of history.
Well worth looking at, especially if you love a bit of Brit whimsy. Find it on Youtube, also called Vintage Roads
All Creatures Great and Small
Quality TV programming remains watchable over the years, as much as the Marx Brothers films are still great today. So it is with All Creatures Great and Small. Another very watchable series of the life of a veterinary practice in the Yorkshire Dales in the 1930s, Aye, there be naught like ut on television, I tell thee,
Look it up on Youtube, Season 1 and various later episodes. The 1978 version is best but the 2020 remake is also worth a look.
It is exactly what the names says, two hairy bikers who travel the British Isles discovering recipes and foods whilst cooking their own dishes and presenting information. By the way, the 2 bikers, Si King and Dave Myers have been cooking as a duo for over 20 years but are not a couple, You could do worse than watch their 6 part series from 2019 when they travelled the length of Route 66, much like Billy Connolly did on his hog but this time from a culinary perspective. Entertaining.
Look up the episodes on Youtube.
The enforced stay at home has resulted in 7mate, 7two and 7flix having become my favourite free to air stations, much to the annoyance of Kate, who does not share my tastes . . .
Some others . . .
I can see Steve M rolling his eyes and face palming.
Some recommended movies we have watched:
The Trial of the Chicago 7
A 2020 American historical legal drama film which follows the Chicago Seven, a group of anti–Vietnam War protesters charged with conspiracy and crossing state lines with the intention of inciting riots at the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago. Hard to believe that this happened in relatively recent times, great cast.
The Beautiful Fantastic
A 2016 Brit film about a young woman with obsessive–compulsive disorder who works in a public library and is trying to write a children’s book. Her fear of plants causes her to neglect the garden of her rented house causing her landlord gives her one month in which to improve the garden, or face eviction. As the story progresses, she develops relationships with her curmudgeonly next-door-neighbour, his doctor, her cook/housekeeper, and a male inventor who frequents the library. Good film.
A 2000 British comedy film loosely based on the true story about the award-winning prisoners of HMP Leyhill, a minimum-security prison in the Cotswolds, England, a story published in The New York Times in 1998. Charming and moving little film.
A 2021 British drama film based on the 2007 novel of the same name by John Preston, which reimagines the events of the 1939 excavation of Sutton Hoo. In the late 1930s, wealthy landowner Edith Pretty hires amateur archaeologist Basil Brown to investigate the mounds on her property in England. He and his team discover a ship from the Dark Ages while digging up a burial ground. Ultimately, the amateurs end up in conflict with the bureaucracies but succeed in revising Brit history.
Monday, July 26, 2021
There are over two dozen distinct competitions in the 2021 Tokyo Summer Olympics. These include traditional Olympic swimming, soccer, gymnastics, boxing, and cycling competitions, as well as newer sports that are of keen interest to younger viewers -- such as beach volleyball.
The 2021 Tokyo Games will also see karate, sport climbing, surfing and skateboarding make their Olympic debuts, and the return of baseball and softball (which were removed from the summer program after 2008).
The Tokyo Olympic mascots are Miraitowa (left), the Olympic mascot, and Someity (right), the Paralympic mascot.
The Olympic mascot is called Miraitowa, based on the Japanese words "Mirai"(future) and "towa" (eternity) to symbolize the undaunted optimism of the Olympic games.
The Paralympic mascot is named Someity, based on "Someiyoshino", a popular cherry blossom variety, and the phrase "so mighty". Someity has cherry blossom tactile sensors, and can show enormous mental and physical strength. The mascot represents Paralympic athletes who sometimes overcome enormous obstacles to redefine the boundaries of the possible.
The new National Stadium, Tokyo in which the opening and closing ceremonies will take place.
It is a scaled down design after spiralling costs had forced the scrapping pf the original futuristic design nu architect Zahan Hadid:
The stadium features wood on both the exterior and interior. As an ode to Japan, the wood is sourced from all of Japan's 47 prefectures. The architect has described the structure as a 'living tree', built in a way to maximise the breeze flowing through the stadium in order to rely less on air conditioning.
2020 Summer Olympics logo and poster and 2020 Summer Paralympics logo and poster
According to the organisers:
Chequered patterns have been popular in countries around the world throughout history. "In Japan, the chequered pattern was known as “ichimatsu moyo” in the Edo period (1603-1867), and this chequered design in the traditional Japanese colour of indigo blue expresses a refined elegance and sophistication that exemplifies Japan.Composed of three varieties of rectangular shapes, the design represents different countries, cultures and ways of thinking. It incorporates the message of 'Unity in Diversity'. It also expresses the fact that the Olympic and Paralympic Games seek to promote diversity as a platform to connect the world.
A new Olympic motto was announced by the IOC President Thomas Bach in the hope of better reflecting a pandemic stricken world.
The International Olympic Committee decided upon the change with the new motto being, "Faster, Higher, Stronger - Together." The specific motto for the Tokyo games remains unchanged, "United by Emotion." It is the first time the motto has changed since the inception of the modern Olympics back in 1894.
President Bach said the words take on a special meaning as the commitment to the games is an "act of faith in the future," as the world begins to exit the pandemic. Bach stressed the importance of solidarity within the Olympic Movement and beyond, “We want to put a strong focus on solidarity. That’s what the word ‘together’ means - solidarity.” The IOC followed this by stressing the potential the Olympics has to unite the world with sport, especially important in a time of great global turmoil.
The Olympic motto prior was the first three words, "Citius, Altius, Fortius" - Latin that translate to "Faster, Higher, Stronger". It was chosen by the French aristocrat Pierre de Coubertin, who founded the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and birthed the modern Olympic games. The new Latin will now say, “Citius, Altius, Fortius - Communiter.”
Having once hosted the Summer games in 1964, this is the second time that Tokyo will host the Summer Olympics.
By the way, in searching for universally understood visual languages, pictograms (ekotoba, in Japanese, a word used prior to the design of pictograms) were for the ﬁrst time designed for, and used during, the 1964 Tokyo Olympic Games.
Pictograms used for sports in the 1964 Olympics
Pictograms were first employed at the 1948 London Olympics as illustrations for some of the sports. Pictographic gestures were made at the 1936 Berlin games, though their mark on international memory has been permitted to fade because of their association with Third Reich ideology.
The 1964 pictograms were refined and simplified for the 1972 Munich Games and are the ones used today.
The 1964 Summer Olympics in Tokyo marked the very first Games held in Asia.
It was followed by the 1972 Winter Olympics in Sapporo and the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano.
The Tokyo 2020 Games will be the fourth Olympics held in Japan – this makes Tokyo the only Asian city to host the Summer Games twice.
Tokyo was supposed to host the 1940 Olympic Games
The 1940 Summer Olympics, officially known as the Games of the XII Olympiad, were originally scheduled to be held in Tokyo, Japan.
The Second Sino-Japanese War broke out in 1937. Amid the intensification of the war, the feasibility of both the Summer Olympics and the 1940 Winter Olympics grew increasingly questionable to other countries, who suggested a different site be chosen and spoke of the possibility of boycotting the Games were they to proceed in Japan. Many Japanese Diet members had already questioned hosting the Olympics in wartime, and the military was demanding that the organizers build the venues from wood because they needed metals for the war front, In 1938 Japan withdrew from hosting the 1940 Games.
The Games were rescheduled for Helsinki, Finland, the backup nation, but were cancelled due to the outbreak of World War II.
Helsinki and Tokyo eventually hosted the 1952 and 1964 Summer Olympics respectively.
The Tokyo 2020 Games is focused on sustainability and to promote sustainability, are repurposing a number of the venues used in the 1964 Games. Moreover, items such as podiums, uniforms and medals are all made from recycled materials. Even the beds at the Olympic Village are made from cardboard, which will be recycled after the Games.
The gold, silver, and bronze medals at the Tokyo Olympics are part of a unique program in that the metals used to make the medals will be extracted from the inner workings of recycled home electronics. Called the Tokyo 2020 Medal Project, it has collected nearly 79,000 tons of outdated consumer electronics over the course of two years. The discarded devices were donated by Japanese corporations, local authorities, and private citizens, who offered up their old mobile phones, digital cameras, and laptops in yellow donation boxes placed all around the country. Every medal presented at the Games will be moulded using the 32kg of gold, 3,500kg of silver, and 2,200kg that were extracted from the electronics. All in all, the program raked in more than $3 million worth of precious metal from more than five million devices.
The design of the Tokyo 2020 Olympic medals reflects the concept that, to achieve glory, athletes have to strive for victory on a daily basis. The medals resemble rough stones that have been polished and now shine, with “light” and “brilliance” their overall themes. The medals collect and reflect myriad patterns of light, symbolising the energy of the athletes and those who support them. Their design is intended to symbolise diversity and represent a world where people who compete in sports and work hard are honoured. The brilliance of the medals signifies the warm glow of friendship symbolising people all over the world holding hands.
The torch used for the Tokyo Olympic Torch Relay was designed to resemble cherry blossoms – a renowned symbol of Japan. The relay began in March this year to coincide with the cherry blossom season.
A giant white structure reminiscent of Mount Fuji unfolded during the opening ceremony of the 2021 Games to reveal a flower-like Olympic Cauldron, which was ignited by Japanese tennis icon Naomi Osaka.
As part of the opening ceremony for the 2021 Games, 1,820 synchronised drones formed a revolving globe over the stadium, to a cover version of John Lennon’s “Imagine” (which included an appearance from Australia’s Keith Urban, for some reason).
Following the performance, Yoko Ono, co-writer with John Lennon of “Imagine”, took to Twitter to react and share her thoughts on what ‘Imagine’ embodied to her and Lennon:
John and I were both artists and we were living together, so we inspired each other. The song ‘Imagine’ embodied what we believed together at the time. John and I met – he comes from the West and I come from the East – and still we are together.
Tokyo 2020, in collaboration with the Japanese car manufacturer Toyota, will rank as nearest there's ever been to a robotic Olympics. Humanoid robots will be deployed to assist and interact with spectators with small car-like robots fetching sporting equipment such as hammers and javelin, flung during the athletic field events at the new Olympic stadium, speeding up the events by reducing the time taken to retrieve the items.
Life-size humanoid robot, T-HR3 mirrors the movements of their human “handlers” who control it. It is able to high-five athletes and even hold a conversation.
The Delivery Support Robot, which was designed to deliver food and drinks to spectators in 500 wheelchair-accessible seating. Its partner, the app-commanded Human Support Robot, was also designed to guide guests requiring mobility assistance to their seats. Although it will now not be used at the Olympic Games, it could still be used at the Tokyo Paralympics, which start on 24 August.
The Field Event Support robots, which will follow operations staff and autonomously navigate to collect javelins and shot puts during track and field events. Officials say the aim is to reduce the time taken to collect the items and speed up competition.
Such a shame that a country that has put so much effort, time and money into producing a memorable and remarkable games has been so hard hit by the effects of the pandemic,
The Tokyo Olympics gets the . . .