Funny Friday

 

In recognition of the Diamond Jubilee celebration and that this coming Monday, the Queen’s birthday, is a public holiday in Australia, today’s Funny Friday is a collection of anecdotes about royalty.

Early on in their marriage, Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip were crossing the water to Vancouver Island in Canada. The weather was unsettled and the ship was rocking violent. Just as a young petty officer arrived in the royal suite, the ship lurched and the tray of tea cakes he was holding fell to the floor. Surprisingly, Philip jumped onto his hands and knees and helped to gather them up. After retrieving a handful of cakes he returned to his seat and turned to Elizabeth and playfully remarked, "I've got mine--yours are down there."

Prince Philip was visiting an Australian University where he was introduced to a couple identified as "Mr & Dr. Robinson". The husband explained, "My wife is a doctor of philosophy. She is much more important than I." Prince Philip sympathetically replied, "Ah, yes. We have that trouble in our family, too."

The date of Queen Elizabeth II's coronation (June 2, 1953) was selected after extensive consultation with British meteorologists, who determined that June 2nd was the most consistently sunny day in the calendar. Needless to say, it rained.

Whilst waiting to be served her Gin & Tonic, the Queen Mum could hear two openly gay members of her staff arguing in the hallway outside her sitting room. Impatient at being kept waiting so long the Queen Mother eventually called out "When you two old Queens have finished arguing, this Old Queen wants her Gin."

"The King and Queen paid a visit to Lancashire during the war, when I was Chief Constable," Sir Eric St Johnston later recalled. "Food was very short at the time and when the King and Queen went in to lunch they were somewhat taken aback to see an enormous Lancashire spread laid out before them. The Queen was not amused and in an acid voice she said to the Mayor, 'You know, Mr Mayor, while food is so short in this country we don't have any more food on the table at Buckingham palace than is allowed to the ordinary householder according to the rations for the week.' 'Ah well,' the Mayor replied, quite unabashed, 'then thou'll be glad of a bit of a do like this.'"

In 1952, the Coronation year, Queen Elizabeth II was honoured with a dubious title: she was named Time magazine's "Man of the Year".

Whilst inspecting the Guard at Buckingham Place one day with Noel Coward, the Queen Mother glanced across at Noel and caught his eye lingering upon an attractive young soldier. The Queen Mother lent towards him and said "I wouldn't if I was you Noel... they count them before they go back in."

While lunching with Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace one day, the trade unionist Hugh Scanlon attacked a roast potato with such vigour that it shot from his plate and landed on the floor. As Scanlon sat blushing, a royal corgi waddled up, sniffed the fallen item - and disdainfully left it, uneaten, at his feet.

The Queen's response?  "Not your day, is it Mr Scanlon?"

While attending a private dinner party at an exclusive men's club in London one evening, Queen Elizabeth peeked into a lounge to admire its paintings. "Not in there, Bet," Prince Philip warned and the queen withdrew, but not before she was spotted by an elderly member dozing by the fire. "Who was that woman?" he grumbled. "What's she doing here?" "That was the queen, my lord," a waiter replied. "Well, dammit, she shouldn't be here," the old man grumbled. "Members only, you know..."

Corn Corner:

It's a bit dated and appears from time to time using different names, but still a goodie:

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."

She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.

G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."

So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"

And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"

So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."

And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

Some blessings

 

Rainy Night Out by Inna Montana

Today was good.

Today was fun.

Tomorrow is another one.

     -      Dr Suess

May the sun bring you energy by day,

May the moon softly restore you by night,

May the rain wash away your worries,

May the breeze blow new strength into your being.

May you walk gently through the world

and know its beauty all the days of your life. 

-           Apache Blessing

May there always be work for your hands to do.
May your purse always hold a coin or two.
May the sun always shine on your windowpane.
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

-          Traditional folk blessing

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
Mayb the sun shine warm upon your face,
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

     -          Irish blessing

May you always have walls for the winds,

A roof for the rain,

Tea beside the fire,

Laughter to cheer you,

Those you love near you,

And all your heart might desire.

-          Irish blessing

Crooked Houses

 

No, you are not looking at a manipulated image or a deliberately distorted photograph, that really is what the house looks like.  It puts me in mind of the title of one of Alice Cooper’s albums: Welcome to My Nightmare.

The house is located in Sopot, Poland and was constructed in 1923.  It houses restaurants, bars and shops and is a significant tourist attraction.  It is also the most photographed building in Poland.

It is known as Krzywy Domek in Polish, which translates to The Crooked House. 

It is approximately 4,000 square metres in size and is part of the local shopping centre.

View a panorama, one where you can do 360 degree turns, up, down etc with your cursor at:

http://panoramy.zbooy.pl/360/show.html?max=1&p=sopot-krzywy-domek&lang=e&t=32

The house was designed by Szotynscy and Zaleski, who were inspired by the fairytale illustrations and drawings of Jan Marcin Szancer and Per Dahlberg.

Some further views of Krzywy Domek:

 ...and some other crooked buildings:

Located in the West Midlands, England and known as The Crooked House  (of course) and Siden House (“siden” meaning “crooked” in the local dialect), the above house was built in 1765 and was originally a farmhouse.  Today it is a pub.  The incline is a result of subsidence caused by mining.  It was to be demolished in the 1940’s but was purchased and made safe by a local brewery, its sinking having been arrested by buttresses.  The building's incline creates optical illusions of bottles and marbles rolling uphill.

Kids Crooked House is a business manufacturing a range of children’s playhouses, all crooked and cartoonish.  The business was started when dad Glen was disappointed to see his kids glued to the TV and computer, rather than playing outside.  With cousin Jeff, who also had a son of the same age, they built some playhouses modelled on the wonky lines of houses in cartoons.  Soon the other local kids wanted one too and a business was born.  Today they manufacture a range of crooked children's playhouses:

Crooked house, San Francisco.  Nahh, that’s not true.  The house is straight, the road is crooked, and the photographer turned his camera to align with the road, rather than with the house.

One that needs no identification

 

 

 

The Ettamogah Pub, a recreation of the cartoon pub of Ken Maynard.  There are now Ettamogah Pubs at a number of locations within Australia.  The pub as depicted in Ken Maynard's cartoons looked like this...

 

 

 ...and, of course ...

Origin: Saved By the Bell

 

Let’s be clear about this.  The origin of the phrase “saved by the bell” is not that people feared being buried alive during the Black Death and that they therefore had bells fitted outside their coffins with a string inside as a means of warning should they revive after burial. 

There is no doubt that the possibility of being buried before death was greater in the 17^th century than it is today, so much so that there were genuine fears held by famous persons in those days of that happening:

"All I desire for my own burial is not to be buried alive."

- Lord Chesterfield, 1769.

"Have me decently buried, but do not let my body be put into a vault in less than two days after I am dead."

- deathbed request of George Washington.

"Swear to make them cut me open, so that I won't be buried alive."

- Frederic Chopin's last words.

Several designs for coffins with warning devices, known as safety coffins, have been patented:

  

Thomas Pursell’s 1930s-era tomb that featured doors that could be opened from the inside.

The phrase "saved by the bell", however, comes not from being buried alive but from the world of boxing where a boxer is saved from losing the bout by the round coming to an end, signified by the ringing of the bell.  Its first recorded use is from a Massachusetts newspaper The Fitchburg Daily Sentinel, February 1893:  "Martin Flaherty defeated Bobby Burns in 32 rounds by a complete knockout. Half a dozen times Flaherty was saved by the bell in the earlier rounds."

For the same reason, the notion sometimes touted in emails that a dead ringer was a person who had been saved from being buried alive by the ringing the bell fitted inside a coffin is likewise incorrect.

Whilst a ringer in Australian slang is the fastest shearer in the shearing shed (“The ringer looks around but he’s beaten by a blow” - lyric, Click Go the Shears), in the present context the term originally referred to a horse substituted for another so as to fool the bookmakers.  From there it has extended to other things that resemble something else, close duplicates.

The expression “dead ringer” simply means a very close duplicate, almost indistinguishable from the other, much like the term “dead” is added to words to make “dead shot”, “dead certainty” and “dead heat”.

Which leads me to an oldie but a goodie…

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent a message through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter." said the man, "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

(Wait, there’s more)…

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch who fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."

(Collective groan).

Band Name Origins: S

   

Silverchair	'Innocent Criminals' wanted to change thier name to "Sliverchair" ~ "Sliver" by Nirvana, and "The Berlin Chair" by the Australian band, but Chris Joannou mis-spelled it, some say on the copyright form, others say when he wrote it down so as not to forget the name. Another story is they changed their name to Silverchair, supposedly after visiting a psychic.
Simple Minds	Taken from a line in the David Bowie song "Jean Genie".
Simply Red	The group adopted the name Red (after front man Mick Hucknall's nickname, denoting his hair colour).  The name Simply Red came about when the manager of a local venue was confused about the band's name and Hucknall replied that the band's name was "Red, simply Red." The resulting misnomer was printed on publicity posters as "Simply Red," and the name stuck.
The Smiths	In a 1984 interview Morrissey stated, "I decided to call ourselves "The Smiths" because it was the most ordinary name, and I think it's time that the ordinary folk of the world showed their faces."Also the band have stated that it was a reaction against names they considered fancy and pompous such as Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark. Another theory regarding the origin of the band's name suggests that it was an ironic joke to give the band a quintessentially English name when all of the band members were of Irish descent.
Spandau Ballet	The band was originally called The Makers but changed its name to Spandau Ballet after a friend reported having seen it as a graffiti on a toilet door at a club in the German city of Spandau.  There have been conjectures as to whether it means: 1.     The contortions of Jewish concentration camp victims when executed by gas. (There was, however, no concentration camp in Spandau). 2.     The jerky movements of Nazi war criminals when they were hanged in Spandau Prison. 3.     The movements of soldiers gunned down by the infamous WW1 German machine gun known as a "Spandau"
Spice Girls	A manufactured group, they were originally called Touch.  They wanted to call themselves something hot, exotic and unpredictable .  Geri Halliwell thought of Spice but they also needed a word to appear younger and more innocent (marketing for younger audiences), so Girls was added.
Spiderbait	Oz group Spiderbait used the name Candy Spuds for only one gig and then used Spiderbaby.  When they were signed they needed to change their name in that Spiderbaby was already in use by an American group.  It was therefore changed to Spiderbait.
Steely Dan	Taken from William Burrough's book Naked Lunch. In it Steely Dan is the nickname given to a giant steam-powered dildo.
Steppenwolf	Band leader John Kay has stated that the band made a demo tape and had to come up with a name.  The young man who lived next door to where they rehearsed suggested Steppenwolf, a book written by Herman Hesse.  None of the band had heard of it and it was adopted as a temporary name but ended up being kept.
Sting	Gordon Sumner used to wear a yellow/black striped shirt when in a jazz band, people said he looked like a bee. The Sting nickname grew from that.
Stone Temple Pilots	Originally called Mighty Joe Young, but their lawyer told them this name was already being used by a local blues musician. They changed the band's name to Shirley Temple's Pussy, but then changed the name again due to record label pressure. They liked the initials STP (from the STP Motor Oil Company logo) and eventually settled on the name Stereo Temple Pirates, but just prior to their first record it was suggested to change Stereo to Stone, and Pirates (which sounded imposing) to Pilots, and they became officially the Stone Temple Pilots in 1990.
Supertramp	Named after a book called 'Autobiography Of A Supertramp', written by W.H.Davies in 1910.
Swinging Blue Jeans	Originally an early 60’s skiffle group called the Blue Genes, they switched to Rock ‘n Roll and changed their name to Swinging Blue Jeans, reflecting what they wore, after being booed of the stage in Germany in 1962.

 

Some time ago I was sent an email copy of an article by a reader from the US.  Unfortunately I have been unable to locate that email, with the result that I am unable to recall who sent it and therefore unable to extend my gratitude, as well as acknowledging the contribution.  I think I know who it is but I don’t want to mess up further than I have done so thank you to whoever did send it.

The article was headed “One Marine, One Ship” and it was a stirring, inspirational tale of heroism, again illustrating that one person can make a difference.

Each of the two stories sets out a moment during the darker days for the US in World War 2, one concerning US Marine Mitchell Paige, the other Rear Admiral Willis Lee, a distant relative to Confederate General Robert E Lee.

Mitchell Paige

Willis Lee

The article is set out in full below.  Although lengthy it’s the weekend so sit back with a coffee and have a leisurely read.  The author, Vin Suprynowicz, is a columnist who writes editorials for the Las Vegas Review-Journal.

One Marine, One Ship

Vin Suprynowicz

Oct 22, 2006

Oct. 26 falls on a Thursday this year.

Ask the significance of the date, and you're likely to draw some puzzled looks — five more days to stock up for Halloween?

It's a measure of men like Col. Mitchell Paige and Rear Adm. Willis A. "Ching Chong China" Lee that they wouldn't have had it any other way. What they did 58 years ago, they did precisely so their grandchildren could live in a land of peace and plenty.

Whether we've properly safeguarded the freedoms they fought to leave us, may be a discussion best left for another day. Today we struggle to envision — or, for a few of us, to remember — how the world must have looked on Oct. 26, 1942. A few thousand lonely American Marines had been put ashore on Guadalcanal, a god-forsaken malarial jungle island which just happened to lie like a speed bump at the end of the long blue-water slot between New Guinea and the Bismarck Archipelago — the very route the Japanese Navy would have to take to reach Australia.

Iconic Figures: Justice

 

This sculpture of Justice or Lady Justice has been commissioned for the Williamsburg-James City County Courthouse

Looking up something legal I came across a pic of Justice.  This started me wondering on her origin and history,


Here are some interesting snippets. . . .

The statue of Justice depicts a blindfolded female with a set of balances/scales in one hand and a double sided sword in the other. 

Commonly referred to simply as Justice, she is also sometimes referred to as Lady Justice and the Goddess of Justice.

The modern depiction stems from the Roman goddess of Justice, Justitia, and the Greek equivalent Dike.

Long before Justitia and Dike the Egyptian goddess Maat represented truth, balance, order, law, morality and justice.  Maat also regulated the stars, seasons, and the actions of both mortals and the deities, who set the order of the universe from chaos at the moment of creation.  The Greek goddess Themis also preceded Dike, her daughter, as the embodiment of divine order, law, and custom, in her aspect as the personification of the divine rightness of law.  Themis was often depicted as holding scales.  She did not have a blindfold in that she was believed able to see the future (and was one of the Oracles of Delphi), which led to her becoming the goddess of justice. 

 

Themis, outside the Supreme Court of Queensland, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia 

It is Justitia and Dike who represent the modern iconography of scales and sword,