MORE SIGNAGE

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There is a website called Funny Signs which can be accessed by clicking on:

https://www.reddit.com/r/funnysigns/?rdt=45122&onetap_auto=true

Here is a selection of the signs from that site and as posted in Bored Panda recently at:

https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-signs-pictures/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Newsletter

Some of the reader comments from the Bored Panda site are also shown below.

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Reader comments:

I love it when public servants do something like this! And I always welcome any Looney Tunes references

What about Roadrunners painting fake train tunnels? Are those OK?

Now that's social service...

A Public Service Announcement that actually gets attention. Doing it right, guys.

MEP mep

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So very true!

I would only add "Being offended does not automatically give you the right to dictate how others behave".

It doesn't mean you're right, but it also doesn't mean you're wrong. Sometimes people are offended for a good reason. Sometimes an offended person will criticize what you said, because what you said is offensive and not okay. If you said horrible things, you're not a "free speech hero", you're just an asshóle who likes to bully people.

People want to be offended these days I swear

Shout this from the rooftops please.

I feel like I want to read it as, " Just because you are offended, doesn't mean I am not right" But they both work for sure.

I don't know about offended, but I'm often accused of being offensive.

I'm offended by that

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Why do I want this for the front of my house?????

Haha love this, obviously the cats don't need an invite

The cats probably own the place

That can't be in the US. People are too stupid here to take that as the joke it's meant to be and are always on the lookout for reasons to be offended.

I'd patronize that place no matter what they're selling.

As someone who has worked 12 years in retail, I can tell you this sign has a lot of truth to it. I've personally witnessed multiple times where a kid makes a mess (even just randomly knocking products off shelves an on to the floor for some reason) or causes some other problem and yet I've never seen a dog cause a problem.

Well the more I think about it, they have a point. Some dogs are more well behaved than some children I’ve seen….believe me

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Sharknado!

Anyone heard of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes?

And they didn't stop at 1 film

- Dude, what was that thing again you said when we were high? - What? That it felt like us all living in a yellow submarine? - Yeah, let's make a song about that.

Or better yet lets hire Samuel Jackson and make a movie about loose snakes in a passenger plane... :D

I mean, yes, but they also made over $700 million off it so that person wasn't wrong.

Maybe someone else at the very same meeting was afraid to say it's a stupid idea.

Once, many years ago, one person was the first to look at a cow and say "you see this smelly animal standing chewing grass? Im gonna drink from it ok?".

Not just 1 but six! And I loved all of them. No matter how obnoxiously stupid the idea was.

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I’ve seen these before, they’re hilarious

What the hell was that person doing for 45 minutes?!??!??!!!?!

"Live Laugh Poop"

Hope they weren't too far on the edge of their seat.

45 minutes?! Someone was constipated

5 star toilet 🤌

Bytes note:

On a related image, this is still one of my favourite graffiti . . . 

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How much for spotting incorrect use of capitals?

Or grammar?

As a translator and proofreader, I wish every restaurant in the world had this sign.

I’m still a child but even I know you aren’t supposed to use capital letters like that

!5% for misplaced/missing apostrophes.

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SO going to do this!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

MONDAY-ISMS

Sent to me by Steve M - thanks Steve, Still doesn't improve your taste in films though.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

FATHER'S DAY

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Happy Father’s Day wishes to all fathers and grandfathers on this Father’s Day in Oz, and a reflection on those of us who have lost our fathers but who live on in our memories and hearts.

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Some facts, trivia and thoughts . . .

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“The power of a dad in a child’s life is unmatched.”

- Justin Ricklefs

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Father’s Day was not immediately accepted when it was proposed. Mother’s Day came first, being officially recognised in 1914. Fathers were the head of the family and expected to lead, care for and fund the family, no special recognition being required, much less a day associated with flowers and sentimental tributes, as Mother’s Day was.

The first known Father’s Day service occurred in Fairmont, West Virginia, on July 5, 1908, after hundreds of men died in the worst mining accident in U.S. history. Grace Golden Clayton, the daughter of a dedicated minister, proposed a service to honour all fathers, especially those who had died. However, the observance did not become an annual event, and it was not promoted.

In 1909, Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington, was inspired by Anna Jarvis and the idea of Mother’s Day. Her father, William Jackson Smart, a farmer and Civil War veteran, was also a single parent who raised Sonora and her five brothers by himself, after his wife Ellen died giving birth to their youngest child in 1898. While attending a Mother’s Day church service in 1909, Sonora, then 27 years old, came up with the idea.

Within a few months, Sonora had convinced the Spokane Ministerial Association and the YMCA to set aside a Sunday in June to celebrate fathers. She proposed June 5, her father’s birthday, but the ministers chose the third Sunday in June so that they would have more time after Mother’s Day (the second Sunday in May) to prepare their sermons. On June 19, 1910, the first Father’s Day events commenced: Sonora delivered presents to handicapped fathers, boys from the YMCA decorated their lapels with fresh-cut roses (red for living fathers, white for the deceased), and the city’s ministers devoted their homilies to fatherhood.

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"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years".

- Mark Twain

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Recognition of Father’s Day did not catch on right away, perhaps due to the perceived parallels with Mother’s Day.

- The first bill was introduced in Congress in 1913, but in spite of encouragement from President Woodrow Wilson, it did not pass.

- Eight years later, President Calvin Coolidge signed a resolution in favor of Father’s Day “to establish more intimate relations between fathers and their children and to impress upon fathers the full measure of their obligations.”

- In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson signed an executive order that the holiday be celebrated on the third Sunday in June.

- Under President Richard Nixon, in 1972, Congress passed an act officially making Father’s Day a national holiday. (Six years later, Sonora died at age 96.)

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“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”

- Sigmund Freud

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Father’s Day places the apostrophe before the S, just like other holidays such as New Year’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day. However, the reason this is done for Father’s Day is because of the precedent set by Mother’s Day.

Anna Jarvis, the founder of Mother’s Day, insisted on the apostrophe being before the S to highlight that the day should be dedicated to each family honouring their particular mother, rather than a day honouring mothers in general.

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“A dad is someone who wants to catch you when you fall. Instead he picks you up, brushes you off and lets you try again.”

- Unknown

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It wasn’t until the 1930s that Father’s Day was widely recognised in Australia, and it didn’t reach present-day levels of popularity until the 1960s. According to newspaper records, the concept of Father’s Day was a bit of a ‘silly American idea’ to Australians in the 1910s, after it was introduced in the United States.

Mother’s Day has been celebrated in Australia from 1910 onwards and became widely recognised in the 1920s, but it took much longer for Father’s Day to be generally accepted by the public.

initially revolving around special church services, Father’s Day began appearing in commercial advertising in the 1930s, indicating the holiday had reached the mainstream. By the 1950s, Father’s Day was recognised in official calendars, and in 1956, the Father’s Day Council of Australia was formed. To this day, they present an annual ‘Father of the Year’ award to an inspirational Dad, with state-level awards also granted.

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“Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.”

- Unknown

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Mother’s Day in Australia lines up with the rest of the world, in May. Father’s Day; however, is celebrated here in September while dads in the UK, US and most other parts of the world celebrate it in June.

There are a few explanations as to why Father’s Day in Australia is celebrated in September and not in June.

Some suggest the date was moved to September to evenly space it from Mother’s Day and remove ‘holiday fatigue’ from the first half of the year. The Aussie date spaces out Father’s Day six months from Mother’s Day in May. When first introduced, Australia used to celebrate Father’s Day in June, but most people saw the holiday as a ‘rip off’ of Mother’s Day. Records show that Father’s Day only really took off in Australia around the time the date was moved to September. It’s possible someone decided to evenly space the holidays rather than celebrate Father’s Day just five weeks after Mother’s Day.

It has also been suggested that celebrating Father’s Day in September developed as a marketing strategy. September is the start of Spring in the Southern Hemisphere. This means that from a marketing perspective, Father’s Day is a perfect opportunity to sell virtually any item that dads enjoy or find interesting. Outdoor tools, sports and camping gear, fishing gear and travel essentials become hot sale items during this month.

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“By the time a man realises that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”

- Charles Wadworth

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On Father’s Day in 1945, a discharged RAAF pilot, Maxwell Bishop Holland, took off from Mascot in a Moth plane on a mission. He flew to his father’s home in Vaucluse, descended from 3,000 to 100 feet, and threw out sweets with a Father’s Day message attached, “With love to pop”. However, the sweets were seized by children and Holland was fined £5 for flying without a civil licence and another £5 for having dropped an article other than ballast from an aircraft.

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“[Fatherhood is] the greatest thing that could ever happen. You can’t explain it until it happens; it’s like telling somebody what water feels like before they’ve ever swam in it.”

- Michael Bublé

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

THE NEXT FILM IN FOURTH TOP 10 + 2

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The past lists and current list:

First list:

Zulu

Groundhog Day

12 Angry Men

Godfather

Rat Race

Sin City

Chicago

Pleasantville

Runaway Train

Blues Brothers

Blade Runner

Full Metal Jacket

Second Top 10 + 2:

42nd Street

Soldier

The Castle

Captains Courageous

Goodbye Mr Chips

Love Actually

Rollerball

Life of Brian

Judgment at Nuremberg

Down Periscope

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Jeremiah Johnson

Third Top 10 + 2:

Breakfast Club

The Enemy Below

The Searchers

The Quiet Man

Forrest Gump

Midnight Sting

Once Upon a Time in the West

Shawshank Redemption

Kill Bill

A Night at the Opera

Casablanca

Titanic

Fourth Top 10 + 2:

So far –

How Green WAS My valley

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Here is the second instalment of the next Top 10 + 2, the fourth of such lists. The selections have been rated by me according to the ‘Watchability Index’, that is, films that are entertaining and that you like to watch more than once, even if not critically acclaimed.

This film was the subject of a Bytes review on Saturday, February 27, 2010, so I am reposting that commentary, with some updates.

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Movie: It Happened One Night

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The movie:

Once upon a time in 1934 there was a director with a script seeking to make a movie. The director, Frank Capra, approached various actors and actresses to star in his movie but without any luck:

- Robert Montgomery: worst script I have ever read, no, thanks;

- Myrna Loy - a recent film set on a bus failed and so will this one, no, thanks;

- Margaret Sullavan - no, thanks;

- Miriam Hopkins - no, thanks;

- Constance Bennett - I’ll do it if I can also be the producer (Columbia Pictures: no, thanks);

- Bette Davis - I’ll do it if Warners will lend me to you (Warner Brothers: no, thanks);

- Carole Lombard - I can’t, I’m tied up filming Bolero;

- Loretta Young - no, thanks.

Ultimately Claudette Colbert and Clark Gable were cast in the main roles.

Colbert was less than enthusiastic. She had once made a movie with Capra that bombed and had sworn to never work with him again. She was persuaded by her salary being doubled to $50,000 and the promise that filming would be completed in 4 weeks so that she could take the holiday that she had booked. Apparently she remained grumpy during filming and at the end of shooting stated “I just finished the worst picture in the world.”

Gable was under contract to MGM which did not have a pic ready for him. It was paying him $2,000 a week to do nothing so it loaned him to Columbia for $2,500 per week. His comment when he turned up for the first day was “Let’s get this over with.”

The movie that no one wanted turned into a smash hit and was the first to pick up the Oscar grand slam, the 5 major Oscars: Best Movie, Actor, Actress, Director and Screenplay, a feat not repeated until One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) and The Silence of the Lambs (1991).

Colbert was so certain that she would not win that she did not attend the Oscars, preferring instead to get on the train to start her holiday. When it was known that she had won, she was dragged off the train to the awards, where she made her acceptance speech in her travelling clothes.

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The story:

Spoiled, Paris Hilton type heiress Ellie Andrews (Claudette Colbert) marries “King” Westley, a fortune hunter, against the wishes of her father. Her father takes her away before the marriage is consummated but she flees and gets on a bus to New York. Her father publicly offers a large reward for her return. A fellow passenger and reporter, Peter Warne (Clark Gable) recognises her. He agrees to help her get to NY in return for an exclusive story. From there on the pic becomes a road movie. They fall in love but get separated, each believing that the other has left and each thereby ending up hurt and bitter. Returned home, Ellie decides to go through with a formal wedding to King Westley. As the wedding is about to take place, Peter Warne meets up with Ellie’s father demanding that they settle financially. He rejects the offered reward and insists only that he be paid $39.60, the expenses he paid for Ellie on the trip. He admits he loves Ellie. As Ellie’s father is walking her down the aisle, he tells her what he found out about Peter, encourages her to run off again and says that there is a car waiting for her. She does so and runs to Peter. Ellie’s father pays off King Westley who agrees to have the marriage annulled.

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Movie trivia:

- Various characters in this movie were the inspiration for later Looney Tunes characters:

• Bugs Bunny was based on the personality of the character in the movie, Oscar` Shapely; on Peter Warne’s eating carrots and talking quickly while doing so; and on the imaginary character mentioned in the movie by Peter Warne, “Bugs Dooley”.

• The movie character Alexander Andrews was the inspiration for Yosemite Sam.

• The movie character King Westley was the inspiration for Pepe LePew.

- The idea of the “Walls of Jericho” came about because Claudette Colbert refused to undress in front of the cameras.

- When shooting the scene where he is undressing whilst talking, Cable had trouble removing his singlet and keeping the humorous patter going. He therefore dispensed with the singlet and took off his shirt to reveal a bare chest. This was adopted by the male public and singlet sales dropped substantially.

- The title of the movie is a puzzle: the movie takes place over a couple of nights and none are essential to the plot.

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Selected scene:

One scene that everyone remembers is the hitchhike scene.

It is a scene from a simpler period. A woman doing the same today would be extremely foolish and probably of questionable virtue.

In the movie, Peter Warne expounds on hitchhiking techniques, holding himself out to be an expert on the subject. He fails miserably, causing Ellie to try.

From the film script:

She lifts her skirt to above her knees and pretends to be fixing her garter. Her very attractive leg is in full display. Almost instantly, we hear the screaming and grinding of quickly applied brakes and Peter looks up astonished. The scene wiping off, we then get a closer view of Ellie and Peter sitting in the back of an open Ford. It is a broken-down, rickety affair of the 1920 vintage. Ellie grins victoriously up at Peter, who stares ahead of him, glumly.

Also from the film script:

ELLIE You might give me a little credit.

PETER What for?

ELLIE I proved once and for all that the limb is mightier than the thumb.

PETER Why didn't you take all your clothes off? You could have stopped forty cars.

ELLIE We don't need forty cars.

The film clip can be viewed at:

https://www.google.com/search?q=it+happened+one+night+hitchhiking&rlz=1C1ONGR_en-GBAU988AU988&oq=it+happened+one+night+hitchhiking&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i390i650l5.8829j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:a070da62,vid:UyWMOt11ceU

During filming Claudette Colbert refused to lift her skirt for the scene. When she saw a showgirl standing in for her doing it she exclaimed “That is not my leg” and then did the scene.

Claudette Colbert died in 1996 aged 92.

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Trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4fsS7Fjqzk

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Gallery:

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

FUNNY FRIDAY

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This Sunday is Father’s Day here in Oz (16 June in the US and UK) so today some Dad’s Day humour, as well as more. Mea culpa, a number of the items are recycled from past Bytes.

Enjoy.

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SOME HUMOUR:
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Before his wedding, a man’s father gave him some advice: “Son, when I got married to your mother, on our wedding night as we were getting undressed, I took off my pants, gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they’re too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' ...Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem."

The man took his dad’s advice and said the same thing to his wife on his wedding night.

She took off her panties and gave them to him, saying “Try these on.” He replied “You’re joking, I can’t get into your panties.”

“Exactly,” she responded, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!"

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A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"

The clerk says, "Well, no."

With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"

The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."

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A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' -

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. 

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card that's in my centre desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

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A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...

"Go get your Mother."

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The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman president, who happens to be from Wisconsin. A few days after the election, the president-elect, whose name is Susan, calls her father and says, “So, dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?”

“I don't think so, Susie. It's an 18-hour drive.”

“Don't worry about it, dad! I will send Air Force One, and a limousine to pick you up at your door.”

“I don't know, Susie. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?”

“Oh, dad,” replies Susan, “I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown, custom-made by the best designer in Washington.”

“Honey,” her dad complains, “you know I can't eat those rich foods you eat. Do they serve tap beer?”

The president-to-be responds, “Don't worry, dad. The entire affair will be handled by the best caterer in Washington. I'll ensure your meal has potatoes and cheddar in it. You and mom just have to be there.”

So, her dad reluctantly agrees, and on January 20, 2025, Susan is being sworn in as president of the United States. In the front row sit Susan's parents. Her dad, noticing a Senator sitting next to him, leans over and whispers, “You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible?”

“You bet I do,” whispers the Senator in reply.

The dad proudly beams, “Her brother played football for the Green Bay Packers.”

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Another version:

This bit is true: I was making a Will for a client some years ago and I congratulated her on her son having been appointed a judge. “Yes,” she replied, “and his brother is a pilot.”

That reminded me of the following Jewish joke:

The first Jewish President is elected.

He calls his Mother: "Mama, I've won the elections, you've got to come to the swearing-in ceremony."

"I don't know, what would I wear?"

"Don't worry, I'll send you a dressmaker."

"But I only eat kosher food!"

"Mama, I'm gonna be the President, I can get you kosher food..."

"But how will I get there?"

"I'll send a limo, just come, alright?"

"Ach, okay, if it makes you happy.”

The day comes and Mama is seated between the Supreme Court Justices and the future Cabinet members. She nudges the man on her right. "You see that boy, the one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor."

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Further alternative version:

The first Jewish President calls his mother in Queens and invites her for Chanukah. "I'd like to," she says, "but it's so much trouble...First, I have to get a cab to the airport, and I hate waiting on Queens Boulevard...."

"Mom! I'm President of the United States! I'll send Air Force One!" "Yes, but when we land I'll still have to carry my luggage through the airport... And try to find a cab...And you know what holiday crowds are like..." "Mom! I'll have a helicopter pick you up! You'll go straight from the plane to my front lawn!"

"I don't know... I'd still need a hotel room. And hotels are so expensive..and they're not like they used to be..." "Ma! You'll stay at the White House!" "Well..." She thinks. "I guess. O.K. " she sighs, " I'll come...for you." 

That afternoon, she's talking on the phone with one of her friends. "What's new?" The friend asks. "I'm visiting my son for Chanukah." 

"The doctor?"

"No...the other one."

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

In summer he said she was fair,

In autumn her charms were still there:

But he said to his wife,

In the winter of life,

‘There’s no spring in your old derriere.’

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RELIGION SPOT:

(Okay, it;s still a  father joke, of sorts . . . )

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you," she replied.

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

The Father replied, "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next please!"

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

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Started dating a girl, I thought she might be the one but after looking through her wardrobe and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maid’s outfit and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided: If she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.

__________

I waited in a really long line that turned out to be fake.

It was a giant faux queue.

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A happy Fathers Day to Noel, who is 96, still active and still living independently.  Sorry we can't be there Noel.  Enjoy the day.

A happy Dad's Day from Oz also to Ron in the US and to Dave in Scotland. The day may already have happened there but have an extra tipple to celebrate the day here.