ASESOP’S FABLES

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Aesop's Fables, or the Aesopica, is a collection of fables credited to Aesop, a slave and storyteller believed to have lived in ancient Greece between 620 and 564 BCE. Of diverse origins, the stories associated with his name have descended to modern times through a number of sources and continue to be reinterpreted in different verbal registers and in popular as well as artistic media. The fables originally belonged to the oral tradition and were not collected for some three centuries after Aesop's death. By that time a variety of other stories, jokes and proverbs were being ascribed to him.

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The Two Travellers and the Bear

The Fable:

Two Men were traveling in company through a forest, when, all at once, a huge Bear crashed out of the brush near them.

One of the Men, thinking of his own safety, climbed a tree.

The other, unable to fight the savage beast alone, threw himself on the ground and lay still, as if he were dead. He had heard that a Bear will not touch a dead body.

It must have been true, for the Bear snuffed at the Man's head awhile, and then, seeming to be satisfied that he was dead, walked away.

The Man in the tree climbed down.

"It looked just as if that Bear whispered in your ear," he said. "What did he tell you?"

"He said," answered the other, "that it was not at all wise to keep company with a fellow who would desert his friend in a moment of danger."

The Moral:

Misfortune is the test of true friendship.

Another version states:

After the bear left without injuring the man who had feigned being dead, the man in the tree came down to his comrade and jokingly asked what the bear had been saying to him. "It was some good advice," said his friend; "he told me never to trust someone who deserts you in need."

Other commentaries:

Words are nothing, till they are fulfilled by actions; and therefore we should not suffer ourselves to be deluded by a vain hope, and reliance upon them.

It is wise to diligently examine into the fidelity of those we have to deal with, before we embark with them in any enterprise, in which our lives and fortunes may be put to hazard by their breach of faith.

Poetic moral:

Those people who run from their friends in distress,

Will be left when themselves are in trouble, I guess.

Gallery:

BYTES IS BACK

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Yesterday was the first emailed Bytes in weeks and hopefully they will now continue.

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NEWS ITEM: AKUBRA HAT COMPANY SOLD

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News report:

Billionaire Andrew ‘Twiggy’ Forrest buys Akubra brand with ex-wife

After 147 years in the same family, iconic Australian hat brand Akubra has been snapped up by billionaire business tycoons Andrew ‘Twiggy’ Forrest and his ex-wife Nicola. In a bombshell multimillion-dollar deal, few had any inkling about the shock takeover until earlier this week, after the Forrest and Akubra-owning Keir families sat down together and finally signed off on the agreement. The lucrative deal between the families has been years in the making, according toThe Sunday Telegraph’s exclusive report.

Akubra has been run entirely by the one family for well over a century, when the siblings’ great-great grandfather Benjamin Dunkerly – who had a knack for machinery and hat making – left England for Tasmania in 1874.

He saw a lost business opportunity in Australia’s rabbit problem, with the animal wreaking havoc for farmers at the time, prompting culling efforts as they competed with domestic livestock for food.

By 1905, Dunkerly had hired a young Englishman with millinery prowess of his own, Stephen Keir I, who eventually married Benjamin’s daughter, Ada, and together they began a succession of Keirs at Akubra’s helm.

The handsome felt hats, made with rabbit fur, were propelled into becoming an integral part of Australia’s national identity, with Akubras going on to be given as gifts to visiting dignitaries, worn by Australia’s Olympians and military, as well as being donned by Hollywood stars.

https://www.news.com.au/finance/business/other-industries/billionaire-andrew-twiggy-forrest-buys-akubra-brand-with-exwife/news-story/794ac5d3f5af9e738ac824f7edc9239a

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Some pics:

Andrew 'Twiggy' Forrest and his ex-wife Nicola

Crocodile Dundee

Archbishop Mark Coleridge gifted an Akubra to Pope Francis.

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And, to finish off and because Bytes has returned, a hat joke from a past Bytes post. However, it is risque . . .

From Bytes, May 5, 2017:

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A few weeks ago I posted a joke recounted to me by trivia competitor and friend, John. It concerned a Jewish man buying alligator shoes. After I posted that joke John took me to task for not having told it properly, stopping just short of saying I had ruined it. He therefore sent me an email with his version.

Here are the two versions:

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As I posted it –

Moshe had always wanted a pair of alligator shoes but had never been able to afford them. One day he sees a pair in the Selfridges Sale priced at only £39.99. He couldn’t believe it. They even had his size. So he buys them and proudly wears them to go home.

When he gets home, he stands in front of his wife and says, "Sadie, do you notice anything different about me?"

She looks him up and down and says, "Moshe, you look the same to me. You’re wearing the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same trousers. So you tell me, what’s different?"

But Moshe won’t give up easily. He goes into the bedroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, other than his new shoes.

Once again he stands in front of Sadie and says, "Sadie, now do you notice anything different about me?"

Once again she looks him up and down, then says, "Moshe, it looks the same to me. It's hanging down just as it was hanging down yesterday. No doubt it will be still hanging down tomorrow."

Angrily, Moshe says, "Do you know why it’s hanging down, Sadie? It’s hanging down because it’s looking directly at my new shoes!"

Sadie replies, "You should have bought a hat!"

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As John sent it to me:

Hymie, a little old Jewish tailor, who has bought himself and his wife nothing in all their years together, is walking home from work when he passes a shoe shop.

There in the middle of the window is a pair of alligator skin shoes.

Hymie is smitten.

“I must have these shoes,” he says as he walks excitedly into the shop.

He tries the shoes on. They are a perfect fit.

The shop assistant offers to wrap them.

“No,” says Hymie. “I’m going to vear them home.”

On his way home, he calls out to passers-by: “Hey, lady! Look at my new shoes!” “Hey, mister! Look at my new shoes!”

He arrives home, still buoyed by the excitement of having his alligator skin shoes.

“Rachel,” he calls to his wife.

“Vot is it?” she says.

Hymie motions to her to look at him. He asks: “Vot do you see vot’s different?”

Rachel looks dismissively: “Vot do I see vot’s different? The same old balding head, the same old ugly face, the same old pot belly. Vot’s different?”

Hymie leaves the room, then returns completely naked – apart from the new shoes.

“Now, vot do you see vot’s different?” he says.

“Vot do I see vot’s different?” says Rachel. “The same old balding head, the same old ugly face, the same old pot belly, the same old limp thing hanging down.”

“Vot do you mean ‘hanging down’,” says Hymie. “It’s pointing at my new shoes.”

“Next time,” says Rachel. “Buy a new hat!”

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

LEARNED . . .

 

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

ART

I have previously posted examples of the clever and whimsical photographic art of Rich McCor (aka Paperboyo). From the website Colossal at:

https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2021/08/rich-mccor-paper-photos/:

Using tourist attractions, landmarks, and urban settings as his backdrops, the Brighton-based artist and photographer dreams up amusing scenes that he fashions with precise angles and black paper cutouts: the Arc de Triomphe playfully morphs into a massive LEGO figure, an upside-down shot of Regent Street becomes a boat canal, and the King’s Place facade functions as individual swimming lanes. McCor tends to travel widely to photograph his temporary silhouettes, although he’s focused on local regions in recent months. The Netherlands, New York, and Taipei are next up on his list . . .

And some more . . .

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

I relate to this (each time I take in the shopping from the car) . . .

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

FUNNY FRIDAY

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Still having computer server problems that stops the emails going out. Sorry Byters.

In the meantime, here is some humour from the vault . . . .

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SOME HUMOUR:

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Some Arnold Schwarzenegger funnies . . .

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Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7.

He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".

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I went into a library dressed as a German classical composer and asked for a book on Austrian actors.

The librarian said, "Aisle B, Bach."

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Unfortunately, Arnold Schwarzenegger could never be president of America because he is not American.

Well... We all know what happened last time an Austrian took over a foreign country...

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Arnold Schwarzenegger was upset that his mum never got him any Easter eggs.

She said, "I thought that you didn't like Easter anymore!"

Arnie replied, "I still love Easter baby!"

* * * * * * * *

So Arnie has confirmed he's in Terminator 5.

"I'll be back!" will be replaced with "Ow my back!"

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I challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a game of chess the other day, I said "Arnie which colour do you want to be?" He replied "I'll be black."

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Last night I saw a preview of Arnold Schwarzenegger's new low budget film where he goes on a rampage killing all Indian men in sight.

It's called 'The Turbanhater'

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When Arnold Schwarzenegger dies, will he be an ex-terminator?

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Arnold Schwarzenegger had just run the New York marathon. He was lying on his couch and his feet were killing him.

"Is there anything I can do for you Arnie?" asked his wife.

"Ya" replied Arnie. "Plasta ma blista baby"

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I just saw Arnold Schwarzenegger on the train eating a sandwich that stunk the whole carriage out.

"Fucking hell!" I said, "What have you got in there? A tuna sandwich?"

He was adamant that it was not.

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Film producers wanted to make a movie about classical music composers starring Leonardo Dicaprio, Hugh Grant and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They ask Leonardo who he wants to be and he answers "I want to be Beethoven because I've always liked him". Next they ask Hugh and he says "I want to be Mozart because I've always liked him" lastly they ask Arnold and he says "I'll be Bach!"

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Arnold Schwarzenegger has developed a condition which means that his nose is always cold.

Close friends are now calling him Chilly Konk Arnie.

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A woman's husband died. He had $20,000 to his name. After paying all of the funeral expenses, she told her closest friend that there was no money left.

The friend asked, "How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?"

The widow replied, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,500. And, of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, pay the organist and all. That was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake, the food and drinks, you know. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend asked, "$12,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big was it?"

The widow replied, "Three carats."

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The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something into the horse's mouth just as a steward walked by. "What was that?" inquired the steward. "Oh nothing" said the trainer, "just a polo mint". He offered one to the steward and had one himself. After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his instructions "Just keep on the rail. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either the steward or me".

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

There was a young girl of Cape Cod

Who thought babies were fashioned by God,

But ’twas not The Almighty

Who lifted her nightie,

But Roger the lodger, the sod!

Alternative version:

There was a young girl of Cape Cod

Who dreamt she'd been buggered by God.

But it wasn't Jehovah

That turned the girl over,

'Twas Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger,

the bugger, the bastard, the sod!

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GALLERY:

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RELIGION SPOT

At the church meeting, the preacher announced, "Anyone with a special concern or problem who wants to be prayed over, please come forward." Billy Bob got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, "Billy Bob, what is your need that you want me to pray about?”

Billy Bob replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand on Billy Bob’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Billy Bob’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a blue streak for Billy Bob and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Billy Bob, how is your hearing now?"

Billy Bob answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.”

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CORN CORNER:

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My friend recently died; he drowned.

So, at his funeral, instead of a wreath, we put a life belt on the coffin.

...well, it's what he'd have wanted.

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My wife turned to me during her mother's funeral and hissed, "When we get home later, I'm going to make you pay for this!"

For the life of me I couldn't think of what I had done wrong.

Maybe it's because I wasn't sharing my popcorn.

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The other day I realised I can exactly replicate the sound of hitting two coconut shells together simply by riding a horse down a cobbled street.

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QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

COMPUTER STORIES

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The server problem continues and my posts are not going out as emails to subscribers. It’s being looked at and worked on, Byters.

Here are some computer glitch and problem stories . . .

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This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired.

Operator: Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?

Caller: Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.

Operator: What sort of trouble?

Caller: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

Operator: Went away?

Caller: They disappeared.

Operator: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

Caller: Nothing.

Operator: Nothing?

Caller: It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.

Operator: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?

Caller: How do I tell?

Operator: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?

Caller: What’s a sea-prompt?

Operator: Never mind. Can you move your cursor around the screen?

Caller: There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.

Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator?

Caller: What’s a monitor?

Operator: It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?

Caller: I don’t know.

Operator: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?

Caller: Yes, I think so.

Operator: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.

Caller: Yes, it is.

Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?

Caller: No.

Operator: Well, there you are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.

Caller: Okay, here it is.

Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.

Caller: I can’t reach.

Operator: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?

Caller: No.

Operator: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?

Caller: Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.

Operator: Dark?

Caller: Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

Operator: Well, turn on the office light then.

Caller: I can’t.

Operator: No? Why not?

Caller: Because there’s a power failure.

Operator: A power… a power failure? Aha, okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?

Caller: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.

Operator: Good. Go get them and unplug your system, and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.

Caller: Really? Is it that bad?

Operator: Yes, I’m afraid it is.

Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?

Operator: Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one

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Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can’t get my CD out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….

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Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello. I can’t print.

Tech support: Would you like to click on ‘start’ for me and…

Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print.

Every time I try, it says ‘can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it..

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Customer: I have problems printing in red…

Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?

Customer: Aaaah…thank you.

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Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woollies.

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Customer: My keyboard’s not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk ten paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital letter ‘V’ as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

*******

Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

*******

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

*******

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: Okay, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.

*******

Tech support: Okay Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer: I don’t have a ‘P’.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: ‘P’…on your keyboard, Colin.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

SOME GOOD ADVICE