FUNNY FRIDAY

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Some office related humour today, Byters, enjoy.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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I told my wife, “I won the Leslie Nielsen prize at the office today.”

Her: What’s that?

Me: It’s a place where people go to work, but that’s not important right now.

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I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes, and he gave me a 5% raise. Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, "By the way, which companies are after you?" I responded,

"The gas, electric, and cable company."

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Suggested New Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

*I am currently out at a interview for a decent job and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

*I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you!

*You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

*Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

*I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 20/9. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

*Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first ten words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.

*Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

*Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

*I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

*Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

*Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

*I've run away to join a different circus.

*I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Davina' instead of 'Dave'.

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A guy walks in to a psychiatrist's office. The psychiatrist asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

The guy replies, "I just can't seem to make friends with anyone. Can you help me, you fat ugly bastard?"

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A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house.

Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

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I was leaving the office the other day when I found The CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

Listen, he said, this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?

Sure, I said.

I turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

Excellent! He said as his paper disappeared into the machine. I just need one copy.

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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address.

He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna”

The postal worker was touched.

He showed the letter to all the other workers.

Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read: “Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

“By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at the Post Office!”

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

’Twould be of great interest to see

What my store of limericks might be

If I leave out the lewd ones

And omit all the rude ones—

I’d probably know two or three.

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GALLERY:

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CORN CORNER:

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My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I'm paid to travel

You should see my dates' faces when I tell them I'm a bus driver!

__________

To the person who stole my Microsoft Office Licence

I’m gonna find you. You have my word

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Why is Christmas just like another day in the office?

Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

__________

My co-workers have given me “the least expressive person they have ever met” award three years in a row.

I can’t tell you how proud I am about this.

__________

My co-workers are always so nice to me.

They just come up to me and say "You are soul".

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QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

ORIGINS OF SOME NUMBER EXPRESSIONS

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“One for the money,

Two for the show,

Three to get ready, and

Four to go.”

"One for the Money" is an English-language children's rhyme. Children have used it as early as the 1820s to count before starting a race or other activity.

From there it spread to popular music in the 1950s, starting with Bill Haley and the Comets:

One, two, tree o'clock, four o'clock rock

Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock rock

Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock rock

We're gonna rock around the clock tonight

- Bill Haley, Rock Around the Clock

One for the money

Two for the show

Well watcha gonna do when your lovers gone away

- Bill Haley, What’cha Gonna Do?

Well, it's one for the money,

Two for the show,

Three to get ready,

Now go, cat, go.

But don't you step on my blue suede shoes.

You can do anything but lay off of my Blue suede shoes.

- Elvis Presley, Blue Suede Shoes

By the way:

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered. “Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now – in her 80’s – a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

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Three Dog Night:

Three Dog Night is an American rock band formed in 1967 which had 21 Billboard Top 40 hits between 1969 and 1975, with three hitting number one.

The commentary included in the CD set Celebrate: The Three Dog Night Story, 1965–1975 states that vocalist Danny Hutton's girlfriend, actress June Fairchild (best known as the "Ajax Lady" from the Cheech and Chong movie Up In Smoke) suggested the name after reading a magazine article about Aboriginal Australians, in which it was explained that on cold nights they would customarily sleep while embracing a dingo, a native species of wild dog. On colder nights they would sleep with two dogs and, if the night were freezing, it was a "three dog night".

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I’ve got your six:

This expression originated in World War I when fighter pilots referenced the rear of a fellow pilot’s plane as the six o’clock position. It meant “Don’t worry – I’ve got your back.”

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Deep six something:

The term, which means to eliminate something, has a nautical origin. It refers to six fathoms underwater (36 feet, or 10.97 meters), the depth at which something that was thrown overboard would be difficult to recover.

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Eighty Six:

Eighty-six or 86 is American English slang used to indicate that an item is no longer available.

The term eighty-six was initially used in restaurants and bars according to most late twentieth-century American slang dictionaries. It is often used in food and drink services to indicate that an item is no longer available or that a customer should be ejected. Beyond this context, it is generally used with the meaning to 'get rid of' someone or something.

There are many theories about the origin of the term but none is certain. It seems to have originated in the 1920s or 1930s and possible origins include:

Rhyming slang for nix.

Part of the jargon used by soda jerks. Walter Winchell wrote about this in 1933, in his syndicated On Broadway column. In this, the code 13 meant that a boss was around, 81 was a glass of water and 86 meant "all out of it". Professor Harold Bentley of Columbia University studied soda jerk jargon and reported other numeric codes such as 95 for a customer leaving without paying.

Author Jef Klein theorized that the bar Chumley's at 86 Bedford Street in the West Village of Lower Manhattan was the source. His book The History and Stories of the Best Bars of New York claims that the police would call Chumley's bar during Prohibition before making a raid and tell the bartender to "86" his customers, meaning that they should exit out the 86 Bedford Street door, while the police would come to the Pamela Court entrance.

Chumley's, 86 Bedford Street, West Village

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Dressed to the Nines:

To be ‘dressed to the nines’ is to be dressed flamboyantly or smartly.

The origin of the phrase “dressed to the nines” is uncertain. Some popular theories suggest that it is derived from the number of yards of fabric used to make a suit, or from the uniforms of the 99th (Lanarkshire) Regiment of Foot. However, there is no evidence to support these claims.

A more likely explanation is that the phrase is simply an extension of the earlier phrase “to the nines,” which meant “perfectly” or “the highest standard”. This shorter phrase was in use in the 18th century, before “dressed to the nines” was first used.

The number nine has long been used as a superlative in English. For example, there are the Nine Worthies and the Nine Muses. It is likely that the phrase “dressed to the nines” is simply a way of saying that someone is dressed as well as possible

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The Whole Nine Yards:

(From the vault).

There are numerous explanations for how the phrase developed:

- tests (walking 9 yards over coals);

- clothing (using 9 yards of material in suits and kilts);

- ammunition (the length of machine gun ammunition belts in World War 2 fighter planes was nine yards (about 3 metres) and that to empty one’s ammunition belt at a target was to “go the whole nine yards”);

- construction (the amount of concrete carried by concrete trucks).

Nonetheless, experts are unable to explain how the phrase originated.

Snopes.com, the authoritative site on urban myths, origins and electronic spam, suggests that “the best candidate for the origin of the expression might lie with a risque story of uncertain age” concerning a young Scot and his kilt. The item appears at:

http://www.snopes.com/language/phrases/nineyards.asp

Rather than quote the story, I will set out the lyrics of a song which tell the same tale. It is called Angus and his Kilt:

Well, Angus was a happy lad, for soon he would be wed.

He'd found a brisk and bonnie lass to take him to his bed.

And happier still his mother was that he had found a wife,

For, truth be told, she'd often feared she'd be stuck with him for life.

Chorus: 

It's a fine thing, a bonnie thing, the grandest ever seen.

(Repeat last line of verse)

In honor of the grand affair that wedding day would be,

She set about to weave a kilt, the finest ever seen.

The night before the wedding, when the kilt was finally done,

She called young Angus over and she tried it on her son.

She wound the kilt about him and she wound, and wound, and wound,

And when she finished winding, it was still eight yards too long.

"Never fear, my bonnie boy. We'll simply cut it off,

And to your blushin' bride we'll give the extra length of cloth."

Now Angus was so pleased, y'know, his heart had swelled with pride.

He felt that he must rush right out and show it to his bride.

'Twas raining, so he grabbed a cloak to shield him on the moor,

But in his haste to be away his kilt slammed in the door.

Well, Angus was in such a rush to show off for his bride,

He never really noticed that he had left his kilt behind.

He knocked upon her door and cried, "Oh, let me in, I pray!

I've something that you've got to see before our wedding day."

Now, Bridget let him in, y'know, but said, "Ye cannot stay.

For I've got to have my beauty sleep before our wedding day."

"I'll only be a moment, love, but it's so grand, my dear,

Ye've really got to see what I'm a-hiding under here."

Now, when the cloak was thrown aside and Angus stood quite bare,

We must admit she was impressed and tried hard not to stare.

"Oh, love, I'll ne'er see finer, though far and far I roam!"

"Well, lass," he cried, "that's nothing! I've got eight more yards at home!"

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

AESOP'S FABLE: THE FOUR OXEN AND THE LION

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Aesop's Fables, or the Aesopica, is a collection of fables credited to Aesop, a slave and storyteller believed to have lived in ancient Greece between 620 and 564 BCE. Of diverse origins, the stories associated with his name have descended to modern times through a number of sources and continue to be reinterpreted in different verbal registers and in popular as well as artistic media. The fables originally belonged to the oral tradition and were not collected for some three centuries after Aesop's death. By that time a variety of other stories, jokes and proverbs were being ascribed to him.

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The Four Oxen and the Lion

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A Lion used to prowl about a field in which Four Oxen used to dwell. Many a time he tried to attack them; but whenever he came near they turned their tails to one another, so that whichever way he approached them he was met by the horns of one of them. At last, however, they fell a-quarrelling among themselves, and each went off to pasture alone in a separate corner of the field. Then the Lion attacked them one by one and soon made an end of all four.

Moral:

United we stand, divided we fall.

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Alternative version:

FOUR Bulls, which had entered into a very strict friendship, kept always near one another, and fed together. The Lion often saw them, and as often had a mind to make one of them his prey; but though he could easily have subdued any of them singly, yet he was afraid to attack the whole alliance, as knowing they would have been too hard for him, and therefore contented himself for the present with keeping at a distance. At last, perceiving no attempt was to be made upon them as long as this combination held, he took occasion, by whispers and hints, to foment jealousies and raise divisions among them. This stratagem succeeded so well, that the Bulls grew cold and reserved towards one another, which soon after ripened into a downright hatred and aversion, and, at last, ended in a total separation. The Lion had now obtained his ends; and, as impossible as it was for him to hurt them while it they were united, he found no difficulty, now they were parted, to seize and devour every Bull of them, one after another.

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Application:

A kingdom divided against itself cannot stand. Since friendships and alliances are of so great importance, we cannot be too often cautioned not to let them be broken by tale-bearers and whisperers, or any other contrivance of our enemies.

The tale of the Four Oxen and the Lion serves as a timeless reminder of the strength and resilience that can be found in unity. This powerful parable highlights the importance of collaboration, mutual support, and the dangers of allowing internal conflicts to divide us.

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“We must indeed all hang together, or assuredl, we shall all hang separately.”

- Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin's statement, which uses a pun on the word ‘hang’, underscored the importance of unity among the American colonies during the Revolutionary War. Made in the context of signing the Declaration of Independence in 1776, the phrase highlighted that without mutual support and cooperation, the signatories, and by extension, the colonies, risked defeat and execution by the British.

There is doubt whether he said it or whether he was the first to say it.

The above quote and attribution appears as an anecdote in The Works of Benjamin Franklin by Jared Sparks (1840).

However, this had earlier been attributed to Richard Penn in Memoirs of a Life, Chiefly Passed in Pennsylvania, Within the Last Sixty Years (1811, p. 116).

In 1801, "If we don't hang together, by Heavens we shall hang separately" appears in the English play Life by Frederick Reynolds (Life, Frederick Reynolds, in a collection by Mrs Inchbald, 1811, Google Books first published in 1801), and the remark was later attributed to 'An American General' by Reynolds in his 1826 memoir p.358.

A comparable pun on "hang alone … hang together" appears in Dryden's 1717 The Spanish Fryar Google Books. The pun also appears in an April 14, 1776 letter from Carter Braxton to Landon Carter, Letters of Members of the Continental Congress, Vol.1 (1921), p.421, as "a true saying of a Wit — We must hang together or separately."

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In 1792, during the first year of Kentucky's membership in the Union, the phrase "United we stand, divided we fall" became a part of the state's history. The state's first General Assembly decided to include the motto on the official seal of the Commonwealth of Kentucky and it remains the state motto of Kentucky.

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During his unsuccessful campaign against Stephen Douglas in 1858, Abraham Lincoln gave a speech centered on the House divided analogy to illustrate the need for a universal decision on slavery across all states.

"United we stand, divided we fall. Let us not split into factions which must destroy that union upon which our existence hangs.”

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The phrase "United we stand, divided we fall, can be found on the Missouri state flag. The flag displays two grizzly bears around a shield which has "United We Stand, Divided We Fall" written around it.

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J.K. Rowling uses a variation of the phrase in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire when Albus Dumbledore says, "We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided."

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Brotherhood of Man uses the phrase in their song United We Stand as seen in these lyrics:

For united we stand, divided we fall,

And if our backs should ever be against the wall

We'll be together, together, you and I.

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A similar phrase appears in the biblical "New Testament":

Mark 3:25 : "And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand".

Matthew 12:25: "And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand"

Luke 11:17: "But he, knowing their thoughts, said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth."

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

The King and the Ring

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Once upon a time there was a king who said this to the members of his kingdom:

"I have bought one of the most beautiful diamonds in the world and I want to hide a message in the ring which I intend to pass on to my successors after my rule. The message should serve me and others in the times of desperation and struggle. It must be a short sentence that can be stashed under the ring's diamond.''

All those who listened were very clever and quick thinkers, they all could write passages and essays but not a short sentence that is not longer than 2-3 words that would assist someone in the times of despair.

They all thought but could not come up with what was needed. The king was a bit disappointed and he went into his chambers where his old servant met him. As the king's mother passed away at a very young age, he was raised majorly by this faithful servant. The king had tremendous respect for the servant and so he presented his current problem to him.

The old man said:

"I'm not wise nor scholarly nor well educated like the others sir, but I do know of a message. During my life, in the palace I've met all sorts of people, and once I met a wizard who was invited by your father. To thank me, he gave me this message".

The old servant wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to the king. "But don't read it" he said" keep it hidden in the ring and open it only when you have no other choice.”

Soon after, the kingdom was invaded and the king started to lose battles. He fled on his horse followed by his enemies. He was alone and his enemies were many. With no other choice, a cliff lay ahead of him and there was no way of return, he remembered the message inside the ring, he opened it took out the piece of paper and read the short message: "This too shall pass"

As soon as he read the message, he felt a great sense of silence and empowerment enveloping him. His enemies got lost in the woods and their horses were nowhere to be heard. The king was thankful to his old servant and the wizard. These words were incredible. He put the piece of paper back under the diamond in the ring and embarked on his journey back to his kingdom.

The day he got back to his kingdom, all were feeling victorious, he was greeted with a big feast and his happiness was spellbound.

The old servant stood next to him and said: "This moment too, is right for another look at the hidden message, Raja."

The king was amused and he replied "Now that I'm victorious people are celebrating, I'm not desperate or in a no option situation, why would I even look at the message?"

The servant said: “Listen to me sir, this message is relevant both in times of despair and in good times as well.”

The king opened the message again.

"This too shall pass"

The king again felt the great internal silence that he had felt before. Though he was celebrating, his pride and ego disappeared and diminished. The king understood the true meaning of the message.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

FROM THE VAULT: NOVEMBER 11

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From Bytes, November 11, 2020

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Remembrance Day:

Remembrance Day is an observance which has been conducted in Commonwealth countries since the end of World War 1 to remember and honour those of the armed forces who have died in the line of duty. It is observed on 11 November in most countries to recall the end of hostilities on that date in 1918. Hostilities formally ended "at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month" in accordance with the armistice signed by representatives of Germany and the Entente between 5:12 and 5:20 that morning.

In Australia, Remembrance Day is always observed on 11 November, regardless of the day of the week, and is not a public holiday. Services are held at 11.00am at war memorials and schools in suburbs and cities across the country, at which the "Last Post" is sounded by a bugler and a one-minute silence is observed.

Today the observance of Remembrance Day has been overtaken by the observance of Anzac Day on 25 April each year, which is celebrated on the day on which it falls and is a public holiday. Anzac Day is a national day of remembrance in Australia and New Zealand, commemorating all Australians and New Zealanders "who served and died in all wars, conflicts, and peacekeeping operations" and "the contribution and suffering of all those who have served".

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Ned Kelly:

Edward “Ned” Kelly (1854 – 1880) was an Australian bushranger, outlaw, gang leader and convicted police murderer. One of the last bushrangers, and by far the most famous, he is best known for he and his gang (Dan Kelly, Steve Hart and Joe Byrne) wearing armour fashioned out of plough boards at their final shootout with the police. Supported by sympathisers, they evaded the police for two years until Dan Kelly, Steve Hart and Joe Byrne were killed at the shootout at Glenrowan. Kelly was shot in the left foot, left leg, right hand, left arm and twice in the region of the groin. Taken to Melbourne, he was treated and made well, tried, convicted and sentenced to death by hanging, which was carried out on 11 November 1880. Visited by his mother the night before the hanging, her last words to him were “Mind you die like a Kelly, Ned.” There are a number of versions of Kelly’s last words, the popular one being that he said “Such is life.”

In the century after his death, Kelly became a cultural icon, some regarding him as a murdering outlaw, others that he is Australia's equivalent of Robin Hood, having contributed to the Oz language the expression “Game as Ned Kelly.”

Ned Kelly the day before his execution, 

having had his photographic portrait taken 

as a keepsake for his family.

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The Dismissal:

The 1975 Australian constitutional crisis, known simply as the Dismissal, has been described as the greatest political and constitutional crisis in Australian history. On 11 November 1975 the Governor-General, Sir John Kerr, the representative in Australia of Queen Elizabeth 11, sacked the elected government of Prime Minister Gough William. The leader of the Opposition, Malcolm Fraser, sensing that the public mood was against Whitlam, had persuaded the Opposition to “block supply”. This means for the Senate to refuse to pass money bills to provide funds to the Government to run the country, including to pay public servants. Fraser felt that this would force Whitlam to dissolve Parliament and call a general election, notwithstanding that there was a convention that the Senate would not block supply. Whitlam refused, he and Fraser seeing who would blink first. Kerr took the decision out of Whitlam’s hand by sacking him and his government. He installed Fraser as a caretaker Prime Minister, elections were called and Fraser and the Liberal Party were elected to form a government. And that, as they say, was that,

On the steps of Parliament House on 11 November 1975 at the time of the Dismissal, 45 years ago today, Whitlam fumed as he listened to the Governor-General’s Official Secretary, Sur David Smith, read the Proclamation giving effect to the sacking. He finished with the words “God save the Queen”.

Whitlam strode forward, took the microphone, and said to the supportive crowd:

'Well may we say "God save the Queen", because nothing will save the Governor-General! The Proclamation which you have just heard read by the Governor-General's Official Secretary was countersigned Malcolm Fraser, who will undoubtedly go down in Australian history from Remembrance Day 1975 as Kerr's cur.'

See and hear Whitlam deliver the above words by clicking on:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=10153784305501789

QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 

LADYBIRDS

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I had occasion to mention the child rhyme regarding ladybird to someone and it started me thinking about how horrible it is:

Ladybird, ladybird fly away home,

Your house is on fire and your children are gone.

Here are some notes on ladybirds.

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There are about 5,000 different species of ladybirds in the world. These much loved insects are also known as lady beetles or ladybugs, and in many cultures they’re considered good luck. They come in many different colours and patterns, but the most familiar in Oz and the UK is the seven-spot ladybird, which has a shiny, red-and-black body.

Most people like ladybirds because they are pretty, graceful and harmless to humans. But farmers love them because they eat aphids and other plant-eating pests.- in it’s year-long life, a single seven-spot ladybird can eat more than 5000 aphids.

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The name “ladybird” originated in the Middle Ages when the insects were known as the “beetle of Our Lady”. They were named after the Virgin Mary, who in early religious paintings was often shown wearing a red cloak.

The spots of the seven spot ladybird were said to symbolise seven joys and seven sorrows

The Seven Joys of the Virgin (or of Mary, the Mother of Jesus) is a popular devotion to events of the life of the Virgin Mary, frequently depicted in medieval devotional literature and art. The seven joys are usually listed as:

The Annunciation

The Nativity of Jesus

The Adoration of the Magi

The Resurrection of Christ

The Ascension of Christ to Heaven

The Pentecost or Descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles and Mary

The Coronation of the Virgin in Heaven

The Seven Sorrows are events in the life of Mary that are a popular devotion and are frequently depicted in art.

Traditionally, the Seven Sorrows are:

The Prophecy of Simeon in Luke 2;

The Flight into Egypt in Matthew 2;

The Loss of the Child Jesus in the Temple of Jerusalem, also in Luke 2;

Mary meeting Jesus on the Via Dolorosa, the Fourth station of the Cross which can be found in Luke 23:27 (See John 19:25 for context).;

The Crucifixion of Jesus on Mount Calvary in Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23, and especially John 19;

Jesus's Descent from the Cross in Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23, and John 19;

The Burial of Jesus by Joseph of Arimathea, also in Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23, and John 19;

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Ladybird, ladybird fly away home,

Your house is on fire and your children are gone.

These are the first lines of an English-language nursery rhyme that also has German analogues. The English version has been dated to at least 1744.

The verse has several popular forms, including:

Ladybird, ladybird fly away home,

Your house is on fire and your children are gone,

All except one, and her name is Ann,

And she hid under the baking pan.

A shorter, grimmer version concludes:

Your house is on fire,

Your children shall burn!

American names include “ladybug”, first recorded in 1699. Also in the US, doodlebugs are substituted for ladybugs and are exhorted to “Come out of your hole”.

Because of the religious connotation of the names, one speculation dates the rhyme back to the 16th century, that it was sung as a warning at a time when there was legislation against Catholics.

Another explanation holds that the origins of the name “ladybug” trace back to when European farmers would pray to the Virgin Mary to prevent their crops from being destroyed by pests. Ladybugs then ate up the insects. They were called “Lady beetles” after the Virgin Mary and have always been loved by farmers since. According to other lore, farmers recite the rhyme to save the insects who do them this service before setting fire to stubble fields, hence homes being on fire and children gone.

Among children, it is common to place the ladybird on their hand or blow it from their clothing and make a wish while reciting the rhyme.

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Us older ones will recall Lady Bird Johnson.

Claudia Alta "Lady Bird" Johnson (1912 – 2007) was the first lady of the United States from 1963 to 1969 as the wife of then president Lyndon B. Johnson. She served as the second lady from 1961 to 1963 when her husband was vice president,

Photo portrait of First Lady Lady Bird Johnson in the back yard of the White House,

As First Lady, Johnson broke new ground by interacting directly with Congress, employing her press secretary, and making a solo electioneering tour. She advocated beautifying the nation's cities and highways ("Where flowers bloom, so does hope"). The Highway Beautification Act was informally known as "Lady Bird's Bill". She received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1977 and the Congressional Gold Medal in 1984, the highest honors bestowed upon a U.S. civilian.

From Wikipedia:

She was named for her mother's brother Claud. During her infancy, her nursemaid, Alice Tittle, said that she was as "pretty as a ladybird". Opinions differ about whether the name refers to a bird or a ladybird beetle, the latter of which is commonly referred to as a "ladybug" in North America. The nickname virtually replaced her first name for the rest of her life. Her father and siblings called her Lady, and her husband called her Bird—the name she used on her marriage license. During her teenage years, some classmates would call her Bird to provoke her since she reportedly was not fond of the name.

 

A photo of Lady Bird Taylor at around age three

QUITE FOR THE DAY

 

SONG SPOT

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A different type of song today, campers . . .

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SAM HALL

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Some video performances:

Johnny Cash (1965):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be7iE3R7Esc

Johnny Cash (2002):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SD5HlFbPrgw

Oscar Brand:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CH4icXPnoI

The Brothers Four:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do_lYq_xzLA

Eric Clapton:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whqX6sNQYEQ

The Dubliners:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjwra0OMy3M

Paddy Reilly:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_iOWY-CQvw

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Lyrics:

The Ballad of Sam Hall

Oh my name it is Sam Hall, Samuel Hall,

Oh my name it is Sam Hall, Samuel Hall,

Oh my name it is Sam Hall and I hate you one and all;

You’re a gang of muckers all -- Damn your eyes!

Oh, they say I killed a man, so they said,

Oh, they say I killed a man, so they said,

For I hit him on the head, with a bloody great lump of lead.

Oh I left him there for dead -- Damn ‘is eyes!

Oh they put me into quod, into quod,

Oh they put me into quod, into quod,

Oh they put me into quod all for killing of that sod,

They did -- so ‘elp me God -- Damn their eyes!

Oh the parson ‘e did come, ‘e did come,

Oh the parson ‘e did come, ‘e did come,

Oh the parson ‘e did come and ‘e looked so bloody glum,

And ‘e talked of Kingdom Come -- Damn his eyes!

So hup the steps I go, very slow,

So hup the steps I go, very slow,

So hup the steps I go and you muckers down below

Are standing in a row -- Damn your eyes!

I sees Molly in the crowd, in the crowd,

I sees Molly in the crowd, in the crowd,

I sees Molly in the crowd, so I hollered out aloud,

“Now ain’t you bleedin’ proud -- Damn your eyes!”

And now I ‘ears the bell, ‘ears the bell,

And now I ‘ears the bell, ‘ears the bell,

And it is my funeral knell, and I’ll meet you all in Hell

And I ‘opes you frizzle well -- Damn your eyes!

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The bawdy version:

Oscar Brand lyrics:

[Verse 1]

Now, my name it is Sam Hall, it is Sam Hall

And I hate you one and all

And I hate you, short and tall

You're a bunch of muckers all

Damn your eyes, damn your eyes

You're a bunch of muckers all

Damn your eyes

[Verse 2]

Oh, I killed a man they said, so they said

Yeah, I shot him through the head

Just to fill his mind with lead

And I left him there for dead

Damn his eyes, damn his eyes

I left him there for dead

Damn his eyes

[Verse 3]

Oh, the preacher, he did come, he did come

And he looked so bloody glum

As he talked of kingdom come

He can kiss my ruddy bum

Damn his eyes, damn his eyes

He can kiss my ruddy bum

Damn his eyes

See upcoming pop shows

[Verse 4]

And the Sheriff, he come too, he come too

With his bonny boys in blue

Saying "Sam, we'll see you through"

He can take a flying flu

Damn his eyes, damn his eyes

He can take a flying flu

Damn his eyes

[Verse 5]

To the gallows I must go, I must go

With those bastards down below

Thinking that it's a bloody show

Shouting "Sam, we told you so!"

Damn their eyes, damn their eyes

Shouting "Sam, we told you so!"

Damn their eyes

[Verse 6]

I saw Molly in the crowd, in the crowd

She was looking stooped and bowed

So I hollered right out loud

"Hey, Molly, ain't you proud?"

Damn your eyes, damn your eyes

"Hey, Molly, ain't you proud?"

Damn your eyes

[Verse 7]

Now, in heaven I do dwell, I do dwell

And the truth it is to tell

That it is a bloody cell

All the whores are down in hell

Damn their eyes, damn their eyes

The whores are down in hell

Damn their eyes

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By the way:

Etta James sings a song ‘Damn Your Eyes’. See her sing it live in 1989 by clicking on:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wV_1Dz8wC0

By the way #2:

“Damn your eyes” is the converse of “Bless your little cotton socks.” In each case the eyes and the socks figuratively stand for the person as a whole, so it means, “Damn you.”

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About the song ‘Sam Hall’::

"Sam Hall" is an English folk song about an unrepentant criminal condemned to death for robbing the rich to feed the poor.

Prior to the mid-19th century it was called "Jack Hall", after Jack Hall, a thief who was hanged at Tyburn in 1707. Jack Hall's parents sold him as a climbing boy for one guinea, which is why most versions of the song identify Sam or Jack Hall as a chimney sweep.

The Fresno State University website states that the printed collection Wit and Mirth, or Pills to Purge Melancholy, dated to 1719, has a version of "Jack Hall". The Bodleian Library has a printed version called "Jack the Chimney Sweep", dated between 1819 and 1844.

Prior to 1988, the song had been collected from about 18 singers in the oral tradition, limited to England and the United States, and there had been only six sound recordings made.

Comic performer W. G. Ross adapted one version in the 1840s and changed the name from "Jack Hall" to "Sam Hall". The song also appears to have been adapted to fit the region in which it was sung; some versions refer to Sam Hall being hanged at Tyburn, some at Cootehill.

Also it is unclear what, if any, uncouth language was original to the song. Various versions have Sam Hall call his executioners "muckers", "fuckers", "buggers", "muggers", "critters" or "bastards".

Some versions end each verse with the lines

I hate you, one and all

And I hate you, one and all

Damn your eyes.

The melody of the song was taken from the song "Captain Kidd", aka "Robert Kidd", written shortly after the execution of William Kidd in 1701.

A distinct American version of the song, with the opening line "My name it is Sam Hall, it is Sam Hall" (or "Samuel Hall"), where the character is about to be hanged for murder, and various other often rude modifications, developed and became widely popular among cowboys in the American West,including in the Oklahoma range. This was fairly typical of cowboy songs, which were often adapted from traditional English ballads.

Oscar Brand performed the song on Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads volume 1 (1955). In concert, e.g. Le Hibou Coffee House, Ottawa, 1966, Brand used the following lyric: "... My name is Samuel Hall and I hate you one and all, You're a bunch of fuckers all, Goddamn your eyes, Son of a bitch, Shit." If a young person came into the club, Brand would edit this for comic effect to "... Gall darn his eyes, Son of a gun, Shucks."

Johnny Cash recorded a version of this song on Ballads of the True West (1965), re-recording it for American IV: The Man Comes Around (2002).[

Clint Eastwood recites it in the movie Two Mules for Sister Sara (1970).

QUOTE FOR THE DAY