No Bytes

I will be away from my computer for a few days so there will be no Bytes until Monday.

Until then, happy trails, Byters.

Funny Friday

God. That's not an exclamation, it's a description. It's today's Funny Friday subject . . .

**********

**********

God's Control Panel

**********

**********

Memo from God 

To: YOU

Date: TODAY

From: GOD

Subject: YOURSELF

Reference: LIFE

This is God.

Today I will be handling All of your problems for you.

I do Not need your help.

So, have a nice day.

I love you.

P.S. And, remember...

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, 

do not attempt to resolve it yourself!

Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box.

I will get to it in MY TIME.

All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it.

Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair.

There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in 

chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking 

what is my purpose, be thankful.  There are those who didn't live long enough 

to get the opportunity. 

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. 

You could be one of them! 

**********

Limerick Spot:

God's plan made a hopeful beginning,

But Man spoilt his chances by sinning;

We hope that the story

Will end in God' glory,

But at present the other side's winning.

Still on the religious theme, the following limerick, sometimes described as the most outrageous limerick of all, is attributed to Dylan Thomas.  Whether or not he wrote it, he certainly loved to quote it.  (That sounds like the beginning of a limerick itself).

There was an old bugger called God,

Who got a young virgin in pod.

This disgraceful behaviour

Begot Christ our Saviour,

Who was nailed to a cross, poor old sod.

The People Art of Cecelia Webber

Los Angeles based artist Cecelia Webber creates beautiful photographs of flowers, plants and animals, made all the more fascinating by the fact that they are composed of naked human bodies, in whole and in part..Check out some of her works for yourself:

Five Factlets

When British Labour Party politician and leader of the Opposition, Michael Foot (1913-2010), was put in charge of a Nuclear Disarmament Committee, The Times’ headline read “Foot Heads Arms Body”.

According to Martyn Cornell, who was a subeditor on the Times around 1986, a conventional headline in largish type across a single column was difficult. "I certainly wasn't going to get 'nuclear' or 'disarmament' or 'committee' to fit, so after a struggle I decided on 'Foot chairs arms body', then thought 'Foot heads arms body' would at least give a laugh to the revise sub. To my astonishment, the headline was printed.”

**********

On September 28, 1918, Private Henry Tandey, a British soldier serving near the French village of Marcoing, encountered a wounded German soldier and declined to shoot him. The soldier, part of a German retreat, had come into Tandey’s line of fire. According to Tandey, "I took aim but couldn’t shoot a wounded man, so I let him go." The German soldier nodded in thanks, and disappeared. The German soldier was Adolf Hitler.

**********

The record for the fastest sending off in a soccer is 2 seconds in a game in October 2000. Cross Farm Park Celtic striker Lee Todd had his back to the referee when the referee blew his whistle to start the game. Startled by the force with which it was blown, Todd muttered “Fuck me, that was loud” and was immediately red carded for foul language. "I wasn't swearing at the ref or anyone else," protested Todd afterwards. "Anyone else would have done the same - he nearly blew my ear off." Manager Mark Heard was supportive, despite the 11-2 loss, saying “Referees are supposed to use a bit of common sense."

**********

A Russian cruise ship has been adrift in the North Atlantic since January 2013, after breaking free from a towing line as it was being delivered from Canada to a scrapyard in the Dominican Republic. The Lyubov Orlova, built in 1976, once operated as a cruise ship, exploring the icy waters of Antarctica. In 2010, she was seized at St. John’s Harbour in Newfoundland following a lawsuit over unpaid fees. The ship remained tied up for more than two years before it was sold to Caribbean buyers in February 2012. On Jan. 23 of this year, the derelict ship left Canada for the Dominican Republic to be scrapped but its towing cable snapped a day later. The ship escaped again after it was secured by a supply vessel on Jan. 31. It then drifted into international waters. 

According to a document from a US intelligence agency, the abandoned ship was recently seen about 1,300 nautical miles off the coast of Ireland and is drifting toward Europe. Irish authorities are looking over satellite data to try and locate the loose vessel since there’s some concern that the ghost ship, apparently infested with rats, could hit Ireland’s shore.

**********

Isidor Strauss, the co-owner of Macy’s department store, died aboard the Titanic with his wife, Rosalie Ida Blun.  The couple had seven children. After the Titanic hit the iceberg, Ida refused to leave her husband, reportedly saying “I will not be separated from my husband. As we have lived, so will we die, together.” They were last seen sitting on the deck holding hands. His body was recovered, but hers was never found. The old couple in the film lying on the bed holding each other as the ship sinks is based on them.

In Case You Missed It. . .

#1:

Remember the students who went to Heathrow Airport and had various passengers paged using names that, when read out, formed phrases and sentences? Hear them by clicking on the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGvWPY1AjcI

Newsreaders, as professionals, are too smart to be taken in like that, right? Not so.

An intern at the National Transport Safety Board notified Fox affiliate KTVU news Channel 2 in Oakland, California, that the pilots of the Asiana flight that crashed in San Francisco last week were “Sum Ting Wong,” “Wi Tu Lo,” “Ho Lee Fuk,” and “Bang Ding Ow.”  Apparently it was a joke that the intern thought would be good for a laugh but the TV station took it as true.  The news anchor, Tori Campbell read the names straightfaced without detecting the prank.  Th station displayed the above graphic with the names as they were read out.

See and hear the broadcast and apology by clicking on:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfhfxNIMJjA

KTVU subsequently apologised for the “inaccurate and offensive names that were mistakenly confirmed” as those of the Asiana pilots.

Asiana has announced that it intends to sue the station for defamation.

#2:

Readers may have seen the a news report over the weekend just gone that a man In Brazil was killed in bed after a cow fell through his roof.  

Joao Maria de Souza, 45, and his wife, Leni, were in bed when the 1.5-tonne cow fell 2.5 metres through the roof, which backed on to a steep hill.

His grieving mother, Maria de Souza, told Brazil's SuperCanal TV channel: 

'I didn't bring my son up to be killed by a falling cow. He nearly died when he was two and got meningitis, but I worked hard to buy medicines for him and he survived. And now he's lying in his bed and gets crushed to death by a cow. There's no justice in the world.'

Apparently the house was underground, hence the cow being able to get on the roof.

This was third recent incident of cows crashing through roofs in the area. One time, the house was uninhabited when the bovine decided to drop in. The other time, a small child and baby narrowly escaped being crushed by a cow.

The reader comments on this story on one website are interesting. The website is at:

http://gawker.com/brazilian-man-killed-in-his-bed-by-falling-cow-780119944

Here are some of the comments:

Should have moooved out of the way.

Don't you think you're milking this a little?

These jokes are udderly tasteless.

The only thing that stops a bad cow through a roof is a good cow with a gun.

— Charlton Holstein. 

Okay, that's very horrible. It's like that poor man who was swallowed up in a sink hole while sleeping in his bed. One was crushed by a falling cow, the other one by the sinking soil. I have a new weird phobia born every day.

The cow was Brazilian. He probably made a smooth landing, even though he had a hairy fall. 

Sadly, they were going to go with the cow-resistant roof, but the insurance rates were too high.

What goes up must eventually come down...

"Sometimes, Delores, an accident can be an unhappy woman's best friend."

- Delores Claiborne

I love cows. They are so wise-looking, like they can see through souls. Or maybe I just think that because their eyes are as big as saucers. 

Revenge!

And at the Daily Mail:

I am so sorry he has died but I could not stop laughing, especially when his mother said she didn't raise her son to be killed by a falling cow. I am certain, their is no mother on this earth who has ever raised her son(s) to be killed by a falling cow.

A Place to Call Home

Those who have been watching A Place to Call Home on Sunday night Sydney television (and I have been one of them) will be dismayed to have learned last night that we are down to the second last episode. 

Some comments:

**********

A Place to Call Home is the Australian version of Downton Abbey, even replacing it at the same time on the same station on the same night after Downton Abbey concluded. 

Btw, does anyone else think that the Arianwen Parkes-Lockwod, who plays Olivia (the pregnant wife married to the family grandson who was in love with her brother), sounds exactly like Michelle Dockery/Lady Mary in Downton Abbey? Nonetheless her history is from Oz: she graduated from the National Institute of Dramatic Art, Sydney, in 2008. The name Arianwen, Welsh for silver-white, was chosen by her parents as she was born on a cold, snowy night in her hometown of Armidale, in the Northern Tablelands, NSW.

**********

Fear not, Homers, a second series is in the works. According to Abby Earl, who plays Anna Bligh (the family granddaughter who is in love with the Italian maid’s son, who gets pregnant and, when she asks her aunt to help her get an abortion, finds out that her aunt is really her mother): "We're locked in pre-production in August and then we start filming in September, so there's plenty of time for me to get back in Anna's shoes."

**********

A Place to Call Home is set in northern New South Wales in 1953, a time when the effects and memories of WW2 were still current and when social attitudes were changing. According to creator and writer Bevan Lee (who alsop created Always Greener, Packed to the Rafters and Winners and Losers), “At the end of the day, conflict is drama and we live in relatively conflict-free society. I had to go to a place where there was pain and damage and hurt; after the war there was."

**********

The show is centred on the Bligh Family and the stately rural home of Ash Park in the fictional town of Inverness. In reality the house shown is on the outskirts of Camden in NSW, south west of Sydney, and is called Camelot. Filming is also carried out in the Southern Highlands.

**********

The 55 room mansion was built in 1888 by James White using funds from his winnings from his racehorse Chester which had 19 wins, including winning the 1877 Melbourne Cup. White was the grand-uncle of famous Australian author Patrick White. Camelot is built on the site of explorer John Oxley's Kirkham Mill after an 1810 land grant and was itself originally called Kirkham. 

Photos c 1900

White, a gambler, created the garden beds in the shape of a heart, diamond, spade and club.

The ornate stable block, with hammer-arched roofing, featured as Lady Ashley’s stable in Baz Luhrmann’s film, Australia.

Camelot and its gardens have been restored by the current owners, Brendan and Rachel Powers., who make it available for weddings. The property has only had four owners and was last sold in 1999 for $2.6 million.

**********

The property was renamed Camelot by Frances Faithful-Anderson, who, on seeing the property in 1900, was reminded of the opening verse of Tennyson's The Lady of Shalott:

On either side by river lie

Long fields of barley and of rye,

That clothe the world and meet the sky;

And thro' the field the road runs by

To many tower'd Camelot.

**********

Pictured from left, rear:

Aldo Mignone (Angelo “Gino” Poletti), Abby Earl (Anna Bligh), David Barry (James Bligh), Marta Dusseldorp (Sarah Adams), Craig Hall (Dr Jack Duncan), Frankie J Holden (Roy Briggs)

Pictured from left, front row:

Arianwen Parkes-Lockwood (Olivia Bligh), Noni Hazlehurst (Elizabeth Bligh),Brett Climo (George Bligh)

**********

"I wanted to create a story set in a time when people had experienced tougher things than we have in the last decades. My thoughts went to my parents' generation, who experienced the Second World War and then tried to leave the damage of that experience behind them as they entered the optimistic Fifties. I settled on the year 1953 to open my story, as it was the year the Japanese opened their embassy again in Australia, when various restrictions were being lifted off the Germans in Europe, when it seemed to be expected that everyone put the trauma of the war years away and get on with life in a rather conservative society. 

I think the era is interesting because it was so conservative compared to our own, yet the same hopes, wishes, desires and dreams existed within that conservative framework. I think the story shows that "the good old days" were indeed good in many ways, but not good in others as so much that was bad was tolerated or swept under the carpet. It was a time when people looked out for each other more, showed more respect for each other, empathised more. But it was also a time when there was much more hypocrisy, racism and prejudice. I want to celebrate that era, but not romanticise away the fact that as much harm as good was done in the name of conservative values. I hope the audience finds a strong message for today in examining this story from the past." 

- Bevan Lee, series creator and writer

Domenico Crolla

Artistic Pizza 

Pizza Art

Born in Glasgow, Scotland of an Italian father who ran a cafe there, Domenico Crolla is a 45 year old restaurateur who has literally turned pizza making into an art form. Crolla uses tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese to create intricate celebrity faces for his edible images. After making a pizza depicting martial arts star Bruce Lee, Crolla received a thank you note from lee’s daughter. Further celebrity pizza portrait faces followed (try saying that quickly a number of times).

Here are some of his pizza art works. . .

Beyonce

Marilyn Monroe

Bruce Lee

Frank Sinatra

Simon Cowell

Rihanna

Robbie Williams

Sophia Loren

Gordon Ramsay

Dita von Teese

Crolla’s talents are not confined to celebrity faces . . .

Vermeer’s Girl With a Pearl Earring

Mona Pizza Lisa