Caution: Risque humour ahead
Yesterday being International Talk Like a Pirate Day, it seemed obvious as to what the theme for today’s Funny Friday should be. . .
A pirate eye chart.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear...
What has eight arms, eight legs and eight eyes?
Sailor to pirate “‘Ow did you get your peg leg?
Pirate “It got blasted off by a cannon ball!”
Sailor ”And yer hook?”
Pirate “It got chopped off by a cutlass in a fearsome fight!”
Sailor “And your eye patch?”
Pirate “Seagull poo.”
Sailor “Seagull poo? That wouldn’t cause you to lose an eye?”
Pirate “Nay, it didn’t, but I’d just had me hook done!”
A pirate is starting his first day aboard his new ship and the captain is giving him the tour. ''That be the plank for trouble makers, that be the deck that needs swabbing everyday and there be the barrel for all your sexual needs.''
''Whatcha mean ‘my sexual needs’?''
''Well, you stick your willy in the bung hole and you'll be serviced, anytime you want, except for Wednesdays.''
''What happens on Wednesdays?''
''It be your turn in the barrel...''
I'll finish the steering wheel one for you...
...but this one you will have to work out:
There was an old man from Dunoon,
Who ate soup with a very small fork.
He said "As I eat
Neither fish, foul nor flesh,
I should otherwise finish too quick."
Okay, I'll help with that one as well. The original is:
There was an old man from Dunoon
Who ate soup with a very small spoon.
He said, "As I eat
Neither fish, fowl, nor meat,
I should otherwise finish too soon."