Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Limericks

o-----😊-----o


Whenever I am watching some English show with Kate – Antiques Roadshow, QI, Country House Rescue, Escape to the Country, Restoration Home, Midsomer Murders – and the place name Aberystwith is mentioned, there is something compulsive in me that makes me recite the Aberystwith limerick, no matter how many times she has heard it before. It happened again a few days ago.

Before I post it, I will point out strongly that some of the following limericks are risquΓ©, so venture on at your own risk. 

Still, one limerick itself makes the point:

The limerick packs laughs astronomical
Into space that is quite economical
But the good ones I've seen
Very rarely are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical

So here is the Aberystwith limerick, plus more, a couple of which have been posted previously in Bytes. To read those past posts, go to the Bytes blogsite at:
and search against the word limerick. There is a search function on the right of the blog.

Take time to work out some of the wordplay ones below.

o-----😊-----o

There was a young girl of Aberystwyth
Who took grain to the mill to make grist with.
The miller's son, Jack,
Laid her flat on her back,
And united the organs they pissed with.

There was a young girl of Cape Cod
Who thought all babies came from God,
But ’twas not The Almighty
Who lifted her nightie,
But Roger the lodger, the sod!

Alternative version:

There was a young girl of Cape Cod
Who dreamt she'd been buggered by God.
But it wasn't Jehovah
That turned the girl over,
'Twas Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger,
          the bugger, the bastard, the sod!

There was a man from Mich.
Who used to wish and wich.
That spring would come
So he could bum
Around and go out to fich.

There once was a pollie named Joyce
Who exercised his freedom of choice
By swapping the missus
For a young staffer’s kisses
But that really wasn’t so noice.

(Okay, I admit I wrote that one).

A repeat:

There once was a Jew from Peru
Who was vainly attempting to screw.
His wife said, "Oy-vey!
If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you!"

I finally found the perfect girl.
I could not ask for more.
She's deaf and dumb
And oversexed
And owns a liquor store.
—attributed to Dean Martin, who often joked about his excessive drinking

Another repeat but a favourite:

Ethnologists up with the Sioux
Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
The answer next day
Said, "Girls on the way,
But what the hell's a `panoe`?"

At breakfast one day in Calcutta
Was a man with a bit of a stutta
He said, "Pass the h-ham
And the j-j-j-jam
And the b-b-b-b-b-b-butta."

There once was a young man from Poole
Who discovered a red ring about his tool
He went to the clinic
Where the doctor, a cynic,
Said, "It's only lipstick, you fool."

First let me explain that I'm cursed.
I'm a poet whose time gets reversed.
Reversed gets time
Whose poet a I'm.
Cursed I'm that explain me let first.

Also a repeat:

The bustard's an exquisite fowl
With plenty of reason to howl.
He escapes what would be
Illegitimacy
By grace of a fortunate vowel.

This one's for John P, trvia player and Yiddish expert:

There once was a man named Mort
Whose manhood was terribly short
To call it his schlong
Would have been very wrong
Which is why he called it his schlort.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.