Yep, another Friday, another attempt to bring some humour into your lives and a smile, maybe even a laugh, to your faces.
A mixed bag of humour this week, including some about royalty. Some of those are repeats but worth another airing. Besides, if you haven't recalled them, they're as good as new.
Happy Funny Friday, campers.
Caution: some risque content ahead.
I can't decide if the tongue-twister "She sells seashells on the seashore", is a piece of piss for Sean Connery , or completely impossible.
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle.
The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dined on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckled to herself, "I don't fuckin' think so."
Have you lost your phone, and it's set on silent?
You should have put a ring on it.
The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn’t be ignored.
"Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I’m frightfully sorry about that."
"It’s quite understandable," said the archbishop, and after a moment added, "as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."
A different version of the same bit of humour . . .
As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity. Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.
Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation. She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."
George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.
During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
I’m a social vegan.... I avoid meet....
Q: What do you call it when Knights get up and change their seats at the Round Table?
A: The Knight Shift
Q: What member of the royal family should always carry an umbrella?
A: The Reigning Monarch!
Q: What does the Queen do after she burps?
Ar: She issues a royal pardon.
No one knew who was attacking the castle until we learned it was the forces of Sir Nymbas of Cumulus, the legendary Dark and Stormy Knight!