Friday, July 13, 2018

Funny Friday

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Today is Funny Friday the 13th. 

A few days ago I posted a limerick and some haiku. Long term readers will know of my fondness for those literary forms so today some more of the same, interspersed with some other items. Enjoy. 

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Some haiku: 

The rule for today. 
Touch my tail, I shred your hand. 
New rule tomorrow. 

I met a man, Stan. 
His nature is Afghani. 
Yes! Afghanistan. 

Anyone can write 
a haiku - just stop at the 
seventeenth syllab 

Counting syllables 
seventeen is not enough 
eighteen would be bet 

A haiku about stepping on a lego . . .
fuck shit god dammit 
motherfucking shit ow ow 
fuck shit fuck fuck fuck 

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Some Worldf Cup items . . . 

An Englishman and a Frenchman are chatting in a bar. Englishman says, "We're playing Croatia on Wednesday." Frenchman replies, "What a coincidence, we're playing them on Sunday." 

Things that didn’t exist the last time England reached the semi-finals: 
iPhone 
Facebook 
Google 
Amazon 
Android 
Twitter 
Instagram 
iPod 
Yahoo 
YouTube 
Snapchat 
Spotify 
Tesla 
Skype 
Uber 
Airbnb 
Bitcoin 
Fitbit 
Emojis 
iPad 

and . . . 

Croatia!!! 

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Some limericks: 

There was a young woman named Alice 
Who peed in a Catholic chalice. 
She said, "I do this 
From a great need to piss, 
And not from sectarian malice." 

Alternative version . . . 
There was a young lady named Alice 
Who peed in a Catholic chalice. 
The padre agreed 
‘Twas done out of need, 
And not out of Protestant malice. 

A favourite limerick of my father in law, Noel . . .
A certain young sheik of Algiers 
Said to his harem, "My dears, 
You may think it odd of me, 
But I'm tired of sodomy; 
Tonight’s for you ladies." (Loud cheers!

There was a young lady from Bude, 
Who went for a swim in the lake. 
A man in a punt, 
Stuck a pole in her ear, 
And said “You can’t swim here, it’s private” 

(The Poms apparently pronouncer Menzies as “mingis”) 
A lively young damsel named Menzies 
Inquired: “Do you know what this thenzies?” 
Her aunt, with a gasp, 
Replied: “It’s a wasp, 
And you’re holding the end where the stenzies.” 

And one for the US readers . . . 
There was a young fellow from Boise 
Who at times was exceedingly noise; 
So his friends’ joy increased 
When he moved way back east 
To what people in Brooklyn call Joise 

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Gallery:


And one from Leo . . . 


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Corn Corner: 

One Saturday morning at three, 
A cheese monger's shop in Paree. 
Collapsed to the ground, 
With a thunderous sound, 
Leaving only a pile of de brie. 

A crossword compiler named Moss, 
Who found himself quite at a loss. 
When asked, Why so blue? 
Said, I haven’t a clue, 
I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across. 

The incredible Wizard of Oz, 
Retired from his business becoz. 
Due to up-to-date science, 
To most of his clients, 
He wasn't the Wizard he woz. 

A poem: 
Fly like a butterfly, 
Sting like a bee, 
I slept with yo mama, 
Now it burns when I pee.


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