Back in November last year Bunnings caused shock and consternation by decreeing that its sausage sizzles would henceforth put the sausage on top of the onions rather than put the onions on top of the sausage. This was because some people had complained that they had slipped and fallen on onions that had fallen from their sausage sandwiches.
Even the Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, commented on what became known as SausageGate:
"Whether the onions are on top or underneath, I'll always be buying sausages on bread, whether it's at the football, whether it's at Bunnings or anywhere I can assist those great charitable causes. And, can I particularly say to those who are cooking them who are out there supporting their local sporting teams, charities and all the rest of them, how good are you. People of all ages do this, it's part of our Australian life that we support local community organizations. It's part of what we do and I'm not going to give them any recipe hints.”
(For the benefit of overseas readers:
Bunnings is a large hardware chain with 294 stores. It affords community groups the opportunity to hold sausage sizzles outside its premises on weekends for fundraising purposes.)
Why am I rehashing all this? Because my son sent me a poem by Peter McFadyen entitled ‘Ode to a Bunnings Onion’, expressing the outrage of the Australian population to the Onion Decree and Sausagegate:
I am a Bunnings’ onion
My life was once quite grand,
I’d get to look at everything
As you held me in your hand.
Looking out the drivers window
Or at the people you would greet,
All these scenes unfolded
Up upon my sausage seat.
Sometimes I would be blinded
Smothered by that sauce so red,
Or a squeeze of yellow mustard
Soaked up by the fresh white bread.
But now my life’s just not as good
As it used to be,
For my view is now constricted
By the snag on top of me.
And why you ask have things so changed,
Why did my status drop?
It’s all because some Gympie bloke
Trod on me and went flop!
So I’ll fade into obscurity
Underneath some dodgy meat,
Now that Bunnings changed the way
We eat our weekend treat.
So please do not forget me
Now I’m down out of the way,
And now and then lift up that snag
And smile and say G’day!
I’ll still be just as tasty
Cooked so caramel and rich,
I’m just not as important
Since becoming Bunnings B#tch!
Some other Bunnings items . . .