Funny Friday

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Another Friday, dear readers, but for some only the names of the days are changing.  Perhaps reading the items below may bring a little bit of laughter to a mundane routine and end the week on a higher note.

During the week, someone I know was concerned at not being able to meet with her hairdresser.  It is a problem males don’t have, many of us just run the shears over or get shaggy, no one cares, but it’s different for women.  Anyway, she was delighted to find that her mobile hairdresser was still doing one on one appointments, at the same time maintaining social distancing as much as possible.

That sets the theme for today: hairdressers.

Enjoy, stay safe and stay well.

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SOME HUMOUR:

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I went into the barber’s shop the other day, and spotted that he had dirty hands.  He said, “I can’t help it.  I haven’t had anyone in for a shampoo yet today’.

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A hairdresser was making small talk, “What’s new?” she asked.

The woman client replied “I’m about to go on vacation. I’ve been saving for years and next week I leave.”

“Flying or driving?” asks the hairdresser.

“I’m flying Jet Blue”.

“Jet Blue? They’re awful. The seats are tiny, food is terrible and they always lose your luggage,” said the hairdresser.  “Where are you going anyway?”

“Rome,” the woman replied nervously.

“Rome? That’s the worst city. It always rains, there are pickpockets everywhere and the people are rude,” said the hairdresser. “I bet you’re there to see the Pope... good luck with that. Waiting in that crowd of thousands all day to catch a glimpse of him for three seconds.  If he didn’t wear that hat, you’d never know it was him.”

“Oh, my,” said the lady. “Well, I’ll let you know how it goes when I get back”. She paid and left.

A few weeks later the woman was back in her hairdresser’s chair. “How did the vacation go?” the hairdresser asked.

Beaming, the woman began.  “Well, it was awesome. The flight was comfortable, no bags lost. Everything was right on time and easy.”

“My goodness,” said the hairdresser with a smirk on her face, “and how was Rome?”

“Rome was fabulous,” the woman replied. “The people were so nice, helpful and friendly every time we turned around. I just love that town!”

“How long did you wait to see the Pope?”

“You know, “ the woman replied, “that was the highlight of the trip! Not only did we see the Pope, we got to talk with him! He was so nice!”

“What did he say?” asked the hairdresser, now engrossed in the woman’s story.

He said “Who the fuck did your hair?”

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Lot of good things about having a mum who's a hairdresser. Getting my hair dyed at home, for example.

That's a personal highlight.

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My hairdresser got arrested for dealing drugs and running an escort service.

Unbelievable.

Been a customer for years and I never knew he was a hairdresser!

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My wife came back home from the hairdresser's. She asked me what I thought of her new look, and she got upset when I made my observation.

'So, you think I look like a bulldog!' she wept.

I laughed to myself.

'No! You need to get your ears tested!' I replied.

'Oh...' she began to smile.

'I said you look like a bald hog,' I added.

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My wife asked me earlier before going to the hairdressers "What cut do you think would make me more attractive?"

"A fucking power cut" ....was apparently the wrong answer!

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A blonde Australian tourist walks into a hairdresser's in England.

"Did you come here to dye?" the hairdresser asks her.

After a little pause she replies "No, I came here yesterdye."

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A man walks into his favourite hairdressing shop.

Man: "Hey, I saw the sign was down. Are you guys closing shop or something?"

Hairdresser: "No, we're just changing the name. People keep making jokes on social media and in school, making a dirty play on words."

Man: "Yeah, I always thought Big Clips was a little suggestive too. I can see why you would want to change it. So what are you gonna call it now?"

Hairdesser: "Just ordered the sign. Gonna be called Big Cuts from now on."

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A girl is sitting in the hairdresser's, eating some cake.

She is sitting quite close to the barber, so she asks,

"Excuse me sir, would you mind moving away from me a bit, I'm going to get hair on my muffin"

He replies, "Yeah, and you’re gonna get tits as well."

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Young Isaac knocks on his boss's door.

Boss: "Come in!  Yes, Isaac, what can i do for you?"

Isaac: "I can't work here anymore! I quit! Everyone who work here is an anti-Semite!"

Boss: "What? What are you talking about? I guess there might be one or two, but everyone? Come on, it's ridiculous!"

Isaac " I’m telling you! They are! I asked all of them one question, and they all gave me the same answer."

Boss: "But... what was that question?"

Isaac: " I asked what would they think if we exterminate all the Jews and all the hairdressers"

Boss: "Hairdressers? Why the hairdressers?"

Isaac: "See? You're all the same."

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GALLERY:

Thanks to John P for the above cartoons

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:

From moi:

Locked borders, depression

Hoarding, aggression –

I wonder whether

“We're all in this together”

Is only just an expression.

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CORN CORNER:

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know

and I don't care.

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If Al Gore decides to make music, what genre will it be?

Al Gore-rhythm

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Which European country is the most infectious?

Germany.. it's right there in the name.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?

'Ell if I know!

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My friend Ted asked me why my brother still smokes cigarettes. I told him that he was addicted.

Ted responded “I know he’s a dick but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re bad for him.”