-----o😊o-----
A couple of mother jokes for the coming mother’s day
occasion, plus a mixed bag for the rest.
Stay safe and well readers, we can get through this.
Caution: risqué humour ahead.
-----o😊o-----
SOME HUMOUR . . .
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold the
peni... LADDER! One to hold the ladder.
-----oOo-----
When life gives you lemons, surgeons and dyslexia can
give you melons.
-----oOo-----
Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude
beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in
the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw
ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."The
bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several
minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with
dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."The bigger they
are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later
he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the
dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber
he got !"
-----oOo-----
Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen
they are calling the Peekaboo virus.
Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to
ICU.
-----oOo-----
A very loud, unattractive, mean, nasty woman walked
into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way
through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart greeter said pleasantly, "Good
morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they
twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Hell, no they ain't. The oldest one's nine and the other one's seven. Why
the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just plain
stupid?"
"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,"
replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe someone would have sex with
you twice ..."
-----oOo-----
The cops found 99 pounds of cocaine the
other day....wait actually it was 98. Scale was a bit off.
Wasn’t it 90? I thought the flaw was the electronic
scale so the weighed it on a different one.
They totally had a huge bust of 50.
So glad they got that 25 pounds of coke off the
street. The children are safe now.
It’s also amazing how much more productive the police
force has been since they recovered those 10 lbs of cocaine. It’s like they’ve
been reinvigorated by the successful bust.
Actually, it was grams not pounds
Milligrams
Fake news. They never found the cocaine
There’s no coke!
-----o😊o-----
FROM THE VAULT . . .
As promised, Janice . . . (Janice is Scottish) . . .
Woman to Scotsman: What do you wear under your kilt?
Jock: Put your hand up and feel.
Jock: Put your hand up and feel.
She does.
Woman: Oh! It’s gruesome.
Jock: Put your hand up again, lass, you'll find it's grew some more.
Woman: Oh! It’s gruesome.
Jock: Put your hand up again, lass, you'll find it's grew some more.
-----o😊o-----
-----o😊o-----
CORN CORNER:
I thought my nose was bleeding, but it's not.
-----oOo-----
'I dedicate this to my dad, who was a roofer. Dad, if you're
up there...'
-----oOo-----
Bought my Mum a mug which says, “Happy Mother’s day
from the World’s Worst Son”.
I forgot to mail it but I think she knows.
-----oOo-----
I don't see the humour in blind jokes.
-----oOo-----
Mute jokes leave me absolutely speechless.
-----oOo-----
I haven't yet heard a good deaf joke.
-----oOo-----
My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many
levels.
-----oOo-----
Only stupid people never change their minds.
That's what I've always said.
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