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Good morning Byters.
Because of a spate of birthdays of friends and family, that is today's theme,
Enjoy.
Caution: risqué content ahead.
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SOME HUMOUR:
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My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday
That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
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For her birthday, I took my girlfriend to an orchard, we stood there looking at the trees for about an hour. Not the apple watch she wanted apparently...
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My girlfriend wanted me to take her, for her birthday, for dinner to a place where food is prepared in front of us. She wasn’t pleased when I took her to the nearest SUBWAY
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The easiest way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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My wife's birthday is in two days and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it.
She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
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I told my wife that I have the same birthday as Adolf Hitler.
She said, "It's crazy to think that such a disgusting loathsome figure who ruined the lives of so many people shares the same birthday as Adolf Hitler."
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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.
I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked, "Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"
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A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club for his birthday.
At the club, the doorman says “Hi Jim, how are you?” The wife asks “How does he know you?” Jim says “I play football with him.”
Inside the bartender says “The usual, Jim?” Jim says to his wife “Before you say anything, he’s on the darts team."
Next a stripper says “Hi Jim! Do you crave the special again?”
The wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.
The taxi driver says, “Hey Jimmy boy! You picked up an ugly one this time…”
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On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for a consultation with an Indian medicine mystic who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.
The husband went and saw the medicine man. The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine.. You take only a teaspoonful and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform for as long as you want."
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked “How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
(And that is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.)
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Grandpa’s 100th birthday party was not a huge success.
The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he started tilting forward. This time his other son caught him and tied a pillow around his waist.
A few minutes later, his grandson arrived. He said, “Hey, Grandpa! How’s life treating you?”
“Terrible,” he said. “They won’t let me fart.”
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
From the vault:
A mathematical limerick, attributed to Leigh Mercer:
which reads as follows:
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.
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GALLERY:
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CORN CORNER:
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Son: What does dinch mean?
Dad: That's not even a word.
Son: But you use it all the time.
Dad: I've never said that. Give me an example.
Son: Dinch you here me?
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If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley..
That way he could Introduce himself, I’m Harley, David’s son.
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