Funny Friday

 

A little boy is excited because the circus has come to town. They had a parade with a band and animals and clowns! Oh, the clowns were fabulous! He was so excited that he got a ticket right away.

The show began and there were stunts and people on the high wire and trained animals. Then out came a tiny car and out from it poured a endless stream of clowns who did the funniest things you ever saw. It was absolutely hilarious. Then all of a sudden the clowns stopped and started looking around, all puzzled. They searched high and low and still they kept going. Finally one clown stopped and addressed the audience, "we seem to have lost our horse and we need help finding him. Would the person in row 32 seat H please stand up?" The boy notes that he is in that seat so he stands up! The clown says, "Ah! We've found the horse's ass, now we need to find the rest of the horse!"

The audience roars with laughter and the boy turned beet red. He tore from the tent in humiliation, mostly because he didn't know what to say! He decided that would never happen to him again. He pulled out his most recent copy of Boy's Life and found an ad for a book for snappy comebacks, so be bought it. It arrived and he proceeded to memorise it in its entirety. He had the local librarian borrow similar books that he also memorised.

As he grew up, he practised his snappy comebacks, but was he ready? No! He went to a college that allowed you construct your own major, so he majored in Snappy Comebacks. He studied Moliere, Shakespeare, Henny Youngman, Phyllis Diller, all the greats. He earned his major. Was he ready? No. He went on to get a PhD in snappy comebacks. Was he ready? No. He started publishing papers presenting a full taxonomy of snappy comebacks, classifying them by type, cultural reference, social import and final impact. Was he ready? Yes.

He returned to his home town and waited for the circus. When it arrived, they had a parade with a band and animals and clowns! Oh, the clowns were fabulous! He got a ticket right away for the same seat.

The show began and there were stunts and people on the high wire and trained animals. Then out came a tiny car and out from it poured an endless stream of clowns who did the funniest things you ever saw. It was absolutely hilarious. Then all of a sudden the clowns stopped and started looking around, all puzzled. They searched high and low and still they kept going. Finally one clown stopped and addressed the audience, "We seem to have lost our horse and we need help finding him. Would the person in row 32 seat H please stand up?" The boy notes that he is in that seat so he stands up!

The clown says, "Ah! We've found the horse's ass, now we need to find the rest of the horse!"

And he says in a loud, steady voice, "FUCK YOU CLOWN!"

 

 

The above item is what is known as a shaggy dog story, a long involved story that ends without any point, sometimes a pun or an anti-climax.  Another example is the item posted two weeks ago about the monk and the strange sound. 

The first recorded use of the term is in 1937 when the following appeared in Esquire magazine:  Esquire magazine, May 1937: "One of the more sporting ways of finding out which ones are not [sane] is to try shaggy-dog stories on them."

The term is believed to have originated from a story where a young boy enters his dog into a contest to find the shaggiest dog.  He wins the local contest, then the regional contest and so on, winning bigger and bigger contests.  Eventually he makes it to the world championship for shaggy dogs.  When the judges had inspected all the dogs they said to the boy about his dog “He’s not so shaggy.”

It may not be funny but that is the point.  A shaggy dog story story builds an expectation that is either not met or is met in an unexpected way.

Corn Corner:

Two old men, one a retired professor of psychology and the other a retired professor of history, had been talked into taking a holiday by their wives.  Whilst sitting on the porch of the hotel watching the sun set, the history professor said to the psychology professor, "Have you read Marx?”  The professor of psychology replied "Yes, I think it's the wicker chairs."

Quote: Alvin Toffler

 

 

“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”

-       Alvin Toffler

Compare with: 

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change."

-     Charles Darwin

Alvin Toffler (1928 - ) is an American writer and futurist – scientists and socials scientists who specialise in systematic prediction of the future, both as to human society and in general as to life on earth.  He is known for his works on digital revolution, communication revolution, corporate revolution and technological singularity, the development of greater than human intelligence through technological means. 

Toffler’s early works focused on technology and its impact through effects such as information overload, a term popularised by him in his 1970 book Future Shock.  His hypothesis in that book was that people have a limited biological capacity for change and that when that capacity is overwhelmed, people end up feeling disconnected, stressed and disorientated – future shock.  When there is too much information and too much change, people will have difficulty understanding an issue and making decisions. 

“Future shock is the shattering stress and disorientation that we induce in individuals by subjecting them to too much change in too short a time.”

Makes sense to me and is probably even more true today than in the past, although kids today seem to grow up with constant technological change and accept it as the norm.  They don’t seem to suffer from it, although my perception may not be correct and my observations may not apply universally.

Later works examined social change, the increasing power of 21^st century military hardware, weapons and technology proliferation, and capitalism.

Some other Alvin Toffler observations:

Change is not merely necessary to life - it is life.

It is better to err on the side of daring than the side of caution.

One of the definitions of sanity is the ability to tell real from unreal. Soon we'll need a new definition.

Our technological powers increase, but the side effects and potential hazards also escalate.

Quote: Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Unusual Houses: The Nautilus House

 

The Nautilus House is a residential dwelling in Mexico City that was built in 2006.  I love it.  I want one.

According to one blurb on the house and its design:

The owners are a young couple with two children who, after living in a conventional home, wanted to change to one integrated to nature. The land, with upward topography, is limited to the south, north and east by high buildings. The west adjoining provides a wide view of the mountains. The architects and designers were instructed by the owners that they wanted the house to feel like an internal inhabitant of a snail, like a mollusc moving from one chamber to another, like a symbiotic dweller of a huge fossil maternal cloister. This home social life flows inside the Nautilus without any division, a harmonic area in three dimensions where you can notice the continuous dynamic of the fourth dimension when moving in spiral over the stairs with a feeling of floating over the vegetation.

According to another commentary:

Upon entering the Mayorga’s home, one must first pass through the main entrance – a door set inside a large stain glass wall – into the living room where the plant covered floor is separated by long narrow pathways that run alongside an artificial stream. The hole punched doors located in the rear of the main space lead to two small cavernous rooms for the boys, while the master bedroom sweeps across the back of the structure.

The glittering shell-like paint frames the tongue shaped furniture protrusions that grow from the surrounding walls. Each element has been carefully chosen to coincide with the organic theme of the building, and as Senosian [the designer, Javier Senosian – Otto] describes, “This home’s social life flows inside The Nautilus without any division, a harmonic area in three dimensions where you can notice the continuous dynamic of the fourth dimension when moving in spiral over the stairs with a feeling of floating over the vegetation.”

A notable eco-factor of this unconventional home is that it’s constructed of a sprayable ceramic called Grancrete. This material is stronger than concrete, fire resistant and provides good insulation in both hot and cold climates. The spiral shaped design, material and construction methods used to build The Nautilu make it earthquake-friendly and easy to maintain.

This Bio-Architecture reminds us that we too are organic beings, and maybe what we all need is to get a little more down to earth.

http://www.beautifullife.info/urban-design/living-in-a-shell-nautilus-house/#ixzz1s3mw65Xx

The design and sketches:

The constructed house:

Last Words: Manfred von Richthofen

 

 “Kaputt…”

(Translation: Broken... or Smashed)

-          Manfred von Richtofen

Manfred Albrecht Freiherr von Richthofen (1892 – 1918), also known as the Red Baron, was a German fighter pilot in World War 1.  Officially credited with 80 combat victories, more than any other pilot in WW1, he was originally a cavalryman.  His unit was known as the "Flying Circus" and by 1918, he was a national hero in Germany.

 

 

Richthofen’s squadron, Richthofen in the cockpit

Richthofen died on 21 April 1918, 7 months before the end of the war on 11 November, 1918.

Whilst pursuing a Sopwith Camel (as flown by Snoopy in Peanuts comic strips) piloted a novice Canadian pilot, at low altitude over France, Richthofen was hit in the chest by a .303 bullet fired by ground troops.  Although the bullet had badly damaged his heart and lungs, he managed to land in a field where he was quickly approached by Australian military personnel.  According to Sergeant Ted Smout of the Australian Medical Corps, Richthofen’s last word was “kaputt”. 

Propaganda painting of Richthofen

Some quick comments:

·         Although there has been ongoing controversy as to who fired the fatal shot, Sergeant Cedric Popkin, an anti-aircraft machine gunner with the First Australian Imperial Force (AIF) is now considered the most likely candidate.

·         Because Richthofen was a sound tactician as well as a skilled and experienced fighter pilot, he was well aware of the risks of ground fire from low altitude flying.  This has led to examination of his lapse in judgment in that regard at the time that he was killed.  Theories advanced include the following:

o   that he had sustained brain damage from a severe head wound sustained in 1917 which affected his judgment and caused target fixation;

o   that he was suffering from cumulative combat stress, causing hime to ignore his usual precautions;

o   that the wind conditions on the day of his death were such that he was travelling at a much faster speed than usual, which inadvertently took him over Australian held territory at a time when the front was fluid.

·         The enemy created nicknames for Richthofen: Le Petit Rouge, the Red Devil, the Red Falcon, Le Diable Rouge, the Jolly Red Baron, the Bloody Baron, and the Red Baron. However, the Germans never called Richthofen the Red Baron; instead, they called him der röte Kampfflieger ("The Red Battle Flier").

Sydney's Woodblocked Streets

 

Gas Lane in Millers Point, 1909-1913, paved with woodblocks.

(Click on photos to enlarge)Gas Lane in Millers Point was paved with wood blocks. Clyde Street

Until the 1880’s, Sydney’s roads were constructed of graded broken stone, laid in cambered beds and overlaid with ironstone. 

George Street, Sydney c 1880 showing stone paving prior to woodblocks

Old Police Court (now site of the Queen Victoria Building), George Street, Sydney (NSW), c 1883

In heavy trafficked areas the stone surfaces were subject to cracking and frequent wear and tear.  As an alternative, woodblocks proved superior.  They reduced noise, looked attractive, minimised dust, were durable and easily cleaned, plus Australia had an ample supply of suitable hardwood timber.

Woodblocking of roads had developed in England and the US in the 1840’s but had not been successful, possibly because the higher rainfall made the wood rot more easily and because softwoods were used.

In Sydney the technique was embraced enthusiastically from the 1880’s. 

Customs House, Sydmey c 1887, newly laid woodblocks

A Tale of Two Planes

 

“...in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

-       Anne Frank

A few days ago I posted a story about two ships.  Today it is a story about two planes, a story that renews faith in the goodness of the human spirit.  It tells of two men, enemies in a war, who for a brief moment ceased trying to kill each other to become brothers.

(Click on images to enlarge)

Artwork by Ernie Boyett

It was December 1943.  Lt Charles L “Charlie” Brown, although aged only 21, was in command of a B-17 Flying Fortress bomber that had taken off from England to bomb an aircraft factory in Bremen.  The bomber was called Ye Olde Pub and had sustained heavy damage from both flak and 8 fighter planes after it dropped its bombs.  The tailgunner was dead; the pilot, Charlie Brown, was wounded; one engine was dead and the other dying. The plane was practically at ground level.

Lt Charles L “Charlie” Brown

In another plane was Franz Stigler, a veteran Luftwaffe fighter pilot who had flown over 400 missions and who had 28 kills to his name.  On the day that Ye Olde Pub was shot to bits, Stigler had already downed two Allied aircraft.

Fighter pilot Franz Stigler

Stigler saw the low flying crippled B-17 and headed in for his third kill of the day. It would be an easy kill, the B-17 had no means of defence or evasion, it was a wonder that it was even still flying.  Stigler came close to the b-17, so close that he clearly saw both the damage and, through the holes in the plane's side, crew members trying to help their wounded.

To the surprise of the American crew, Stigler did not fire.

Stigler tried twice to get Brown to land his plane at a German base and surrender, but Brown refused because his wounded comrades were in urgent need of medical assistance.

Stigler then flew near Brown's plane and escorted the crippled, helpless B-17 towards England.  When they reached the North Sea, Stigler saluted Brown and turned around, heading back towards Europe.

Stigler reported that the plane had been shot down over the sea, a wise choice.  He could have been court-martialled for his actions.

Brown did report the charity and assistance of the German pilot as part of his de-briefing but was told to forget about it, saying afterwards "Someone decided you can't be human and be flying in a German cockpit.”

After the war, Brown remained in the Air Force until he retired in 1972 as a Lieutenant Colonel.  Determined to find the pilot of the German fighter plane that had spared him and his crew, he wrote numerous letters to German military sources but without success. A notice in a newsletter for former Luftwaffe pilots resulted in a response from Franz Stigler.

Stigler had emigrated to Canada and was living near Vancouver, British Columbia.

The two men exchanged letters and then met for a reunion. 

After an exchange of letters, the two men met for a reunion.   "He almost broke my ribs, he gave me a big bear hug," said Brown.

The two men became close friends and met each other frequently.

B-17 pilot Charlie Brown and German Ace Franz Stigler re-enact their WW2 meeting.

Franz Stigler passed away on 22 March 2008.  His former enemy and later friend, Charlie Brown, passed away on 24 November 2008.

Asked why he had not shot down the B-17, Stigler had once said:

 “I didn’t have the heart to finish off those brave men.  I flew beside them for a long time. They were trying desperately to get home and I was going to let them do it. I could not have shot at them. It would have been the same as shooting at a man in a parachute.”

Funny Friday

 

The following report is from the yesterday’s Sydney Morning Herald.  It should be an “In case you missed it. . .” Bytes item but it also qualifies for a Funny Friday post.  Sometimes truth is not only stranger than fiction, it is also funnier. . .

 

 

School 'failed to get me into law'

Benjamin Preiss

May 17, 2012

The student and her mother. Photo: Joe Armao

A former student who is suing Geelong Grammar School says she decided to seek damages after she failed to qualify for her preferred university course.

Rose Ashton-Weir, 18, alleges Geelong Grammar gave her inadequate academic support, particularly in maths.

Seeking compensation in the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal, she said her final secondary school score was too low to study law at the University of Sydney.

Of her time at Geelong Grammar, she said: ''I didn't ever feel I was getting the support I needed to really excel.''

Ms Ashton-Weir boarded at the school in 2008 and 2009 but finished her secondary studies at a TAFE college in Sydney. She is in the first year of a double degree in arts and sciences at the University of Sydney.

Her mother, Elizabeth Weir, is also suing the school for lost income and other expenses.

She said she gave up her chocolate fortune cookie business - which she had expected to make $450,000 over three years - because her daughter moved from Geelong to live with her in New South Wales.

She is also seeking compensation for $39,000 in rent paid when they moved to another house in Sydney.

Earlier this week, Ms Weir said the school had known her daughter was gifted and had scored highly in an intelligence test, but struggled in maths.

Yesterday, Ms Ashton-Weir told the tribunal a teacher at Geelong Grammar had criticised her for using words that were too long, which had left her confused and had made her doubt her ability to write essays. She became ''quite distressed'' when her English marks began to fall.

Darren Ferrari, representing Geelong Grammar, said Ms Ashton-Weir could have studied law at several other universities. ''You could have done law at Deakin University by correspondence,'' he said.

He said Ms Ashton-Weir had been placed on ''internal suspension'' a number of times while at the school. She was also poorly organised and had been absent from class many times.

Ms Ashton-Weir fell ill with glandular fever in early 2009 and went to stay with her mother at the end of term two. She did not return to Geelong Grammar.

Mr Ferrari said the school had tried to support Ms Ashton-Weir. ''The school wanted her to get through the year.''

He said Ms Ashton-Weir's school reports noted she was intelligent but failed to complete school work.

The hearing will resume in August.

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/school-failed-to-get-me-into-law-20120516-1yrcb.html#ixzz1v7hBer3x

And, to continue the Scottish connection following yesterday's post about kilts, some Scottish humour . . .

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an attractive blonde were sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the English countryside. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel.  As it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, the blonde and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fellow must have kissed the young lady and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

The blonde was thinking: 'The English chap must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'

And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English fella again.”

The lyrics of the final two verses of a song called The Sleeping Scotsman:

Our Scottish friend, still dressed in kilt,
Continued up the street
He hadn't gone ten yards or more,
When a lass he chanced to meet.
She said: "I've heard what's underneath there,
Tell me, is it so?"
He said: "Just slip your hand up, lass,
If y'really want to know!"

So she slipped her hand right up his kilt,
And much to her surprise,
The Scotsman smiled,
And a very strange look came into his eyes,
She said: "Why, sir, that's gruesome!"
And then she heard him roar:
"If you stick yer hand up once again,
You'll find it grew some more!"

Corn corner:


After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his friend he'll be wearing a kilt. 

“And what's the tartan?' asks his mate.

“She'll be wearing a white dress” says the boy.

The Whole Nine Yards and Kilts

 

It’s funny where looking up things takes you, in the present case, kilts.  Not that I was looking up kilts but that I was led there.

Let me explain.

I recently heard the expression “the whole nine yards” again.  Most will be aware that it means completely, the whole thing.  Some years ago I had heard that the expression originated from the length of machine gun ammunition belts in World War 2 fighter planes.  It was suggested that the length of the belts was nine yards (about 3 metres) and that to empty one’s ammunition belt at a target was to “go the whole nine yards”.   

Looking into it further today, I found the following:

·        There are numerous explanations for how the phrase developed, some explanations referring to tests (walking 9 yards over coals), to clothing (using 9 yards of material in suits and kilts) and to construction (the amount of concrete carried by concrete trucks).
·         Nonetheless, experts are unable to explain how the phrase originated.
·         The earliest recorded use of the phrase is from 1962, suggesting that most of the explanations are incorrect.
·         It is likely that the phrase developed in the US in the 1960’s.
There is a more detailed examination at:
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/the-whole-nine-yards.html

Which raises kilts.

Snopes.com, the authoritative site on urban myths, origins and electronic spam, suggests that “the best candidate for the origin of the expression might lie with a risque story of uncertain age” concerning a young Scot and his kilt.  The item appears at:

http://www.snopes.com/language/phrases/nineyards.asp

Rather than quote the story, I will set out the lyrics of a song which tell the same tale.  It is called Angus and his Kilt:

Well, Angus was a happy lad, for soon he would be wed.

He'd found a brisk and bonnie lass to take him to his bed.
And happier still his mother was that he had found a wife,
For, truth be told, she'd often feared she'd be stuck with him for life.

Cho: It's a fine thing, a bonnie thing, the grandest ever seen.

(Repeat last line of verse)

In honor of the grand affair that wedding day would be,

She set about to weave a kilt, the finest ever seen.
The night before the wedding, when the kilt was finally done,
She called young Angus over and she tried it on her son.

She wound the kilt about him and she wound, and wound, and wound,

And when she finished winding, it was still eight yards too long.
"Never fear, my bonnie boy. We'll simply cut it off,
And to your blushin' bride we'll give the extra length of cloth."

Now Angus was so pleased, y'know, his heart had swelled with pride.

He felt that he must rush right out and show it to his bride.
'Twas raining, so he grabbed a cloak to shield him on the moor,
But in his haste to be away his kilt slammed in the door.

Well, Angus was in such a rush to show off for his bride,

He never really noticed that he had left his kilt behind.
He knocked upon her door and cried, "Oh, let me in, I pray!
I've something that you've got to see before our wedding day."

Now, Bridget let him in, y'know, but said, "Ye cannot stay.

For I've got to have my beauty sleep before our wedding day."
"I'll only be a moment, love, but it's so grand, my dear,
Ye've really got to see what I'm a-hiding under here."

Now, when the cloak was thrown aside and Angus stood quite bare,

We must admit she was impressed and tried hard not to stare.
"Oh, love, I'll ne'er see finer, though far and far I roam!"
"Well, lass," he cried, "that's nothing! I've got eight more yards at home!"

Quote: Alice Roosevelt Longworth

 

1903 

"Senator McCarthy, you are not going to call me Alice.

The trashman and the policeman on my block call me Alice, but you may not."

-       Alice Roosevelt Longworth

to Senator Joseph McCarthy, who had jokingly remarked at a party, "Here's my blind date. I am going to call you Alice.”

Alice Lee Roosevelt Longworth (1884 – 1980) was the oldest child of Theodore Roosevelt, the 26th President of the United States. She was the only child of Roosevelt and his first wife, Alice Hathaway Lee.

Longworth led an unconventional and controversial life.  She was an eccentric who was often in the news.  An instant celebrity upon the election of her father, she also became a fashion icon. At a time when women were expected to conform, she became a noted rule-breaker:  she smoked cigarettes in public, rode in cars with men, stayed out late partying, kept a pet snake named Emily Spinach (Emily as in her spinster aunt and Spinach for its green colour) in the White House, and was seen placing bets with a bookie.  During a 1905 cruise to Japan with her father, she jumped into the ship's pool fully clothed, and coaxed a Congressman to join her in the water. Years later, when she was an octogenarian, Bobby Kennedy chided her about the incident, saying it was outrageous for the time.  Longworth replied it would only have been outrageous had she removed her clothes.

1906

In 1906 Longworth married Nicholas Longworth, a Republican member of the US House of Representatives.  He later rose to become Speaker.  The marriage was shaky and included her campaigning against her husband in the 1912 election.  He lost by 105 votes but was elected again in 1914.  Nonetheless it created further conflict.  He had numerous affairs, she had a child by Senator William Borah.

1919

1970

Longworth died in 1980 aged 96 of emphysema and pneumonia.

She is also remembered for the pillow on her settee with the embroidered words:

"If you haven't got anything good to say about anybody, come sit next to me."