In case you missed it... Creepy Things Kids Say

Reddit is a social news and entertainment website where users who have signed up as registered users can submit content, either as a link or by text. It is essentially a bulletin board and other users then vote items up or down as to the prominence given. The name Reddit is a contraction of read/edit and a play on “read it”, as in “I read it on Reddit”. 

Recently Reddit invited readers to post items on the topic “What is the most creepy thing your child has ever said to you?” They were flooded with responses, 10,000 in less than 24 hours, and it has now gone viral. Here is the link: 

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1d2v7i/parents_of_reddit_what_is_the_creepiest_thing/

For those who don’t have the inclination or the time (Old joke: They’re going to put a clock in The Leaning Tower of Pisa, it’s always had the inclination but not the time. Boom boom tish), here is a selection of the ones I liked: 

I was tucking in my two year old. He said "Good bye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said "I know. But this time it’s good bye." 

Not to me, but to his grandmother. 

He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she's very old, and will die soon. 

Then he makes a point of looking at the clock. 

I jokingly asked: "What's the best way to get a girlfriend?" 

7-year-old's response: "Tell her to be my girlfriend or she'll never see her parents again." 

My 3 year old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for awhile then turned and looked at me and said, "Daddy it’s a monster..we should bury it." 

I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, "Death is the poor man's doctor." And that was that. 

Why are you crying? 

"Bad man" 

What bad man? 

"There." Points behind me at a dark corner of the room 

Lamp on bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as soon as I turn to look. 

She slept in our bed that night 

I was sound asleep, and at around 6.00am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughter's face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off". 

The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn't know if I was dreaming, or what was going on. 

"My brain is telling me to do things I don't want to do." 

He's 4. 

Edit : A little context. Like many kids, he has an imaginary friend, he has just correctly identified the imaginary friend as "my brain." So when he says "my brain is telling me to do things I don't want to do," he means "my imaginary friend wants to play a game that I don't want to." Now if only the game wasn't "burn them! burn them all!" 

While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, "the man." To which I replied, "what man?" She then pointed at the closet and said, "the man with the snake neck." I turn around and nothing was there. I'm afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn't scared. 

I work in a preschool. Creepy shit gets said and done all the time. The one that sticks out to me happened last year. There is a small kitchenette area in our classroom that the kids use during free time for playing house or whatever pretend games they think up. There was one little girl that I was keeping a close eye on, mostly because of how withdrawn from the other kids she was. I noticed she was playing with a babydoll in the kitchenette, rocking it back and forth and singing to it. 

She then took the baby, shoved it into the play oven and slammed the door shut. She turned around, looked straight at me, and said, "Sometimes bad babies go in timeout" in the creepiest little girl voice I've ever heard before smiling and running off. That one kind of shook me. 

edit: I've had a lot of people messaging me and telling me that I should keep an eye on her parents/suggesting she was abused. The concern is very heartwarming and I'm glad to see it but I can assure you that this was not the problem. She just enjoys saying outlandish things because she enjoys the reaction. It's pretty common for kids to do, this was just a more terrifying example. 

My niece was sitting on the couch with a weird look on her face. Her mom asked her what she was thinking about, and she said, "I'm imagining the waves of blood rushing over me." 

Turned out they had been at a local science museum with an exhibit on the circulatory system. One of the features was a walk among some giant fake blood vessels, and she was remembering that. 

"So I shouldn't throw him in the fire?" 

3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time. 

Getting my two and a half year old daughter out of the bath one night, my wife and I were briefing her on how important it was she kept her privates clean. She casually replied "Oh, nobody 'scroofs' me there. They tried one night. They kicked the door in and tried but I fought back. I died and now I'm here." She said this like it was nothing. 

I was tucking my 3-year-old son into bed and asking what was his favorite part of the day... Son: "It was playing with that man." Me: "What man?" Son: "THAT man"  

When I was about 3 we had a cat that had still born kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them I asked: 

"Aren't those too small?" 

Dad: "What do you mean?" 

Me: "Aren't we going to nail them to them?" 

Dad: (after several moments silence) "We're not going to do that." 

Me: "Oh." 

A good friend of mine and her husband bought what is considered an 'old' house around here. (Western Canada...not many houses over 100 years old). They were renovating the basement one day while I was visiting. I was down there alone with their son, who was barely 2 at the time, and could not yet speak in full sentences. He took my hand and led me over to a brick chimney-like thing thing, with a rusty metal door on it. He looked up and said 'That's where the dead babies go.'

I was horrified. Firstly, because, like I said, the kid could barely talk, let alone say something like that. I doubt he even knew what 'dead' meant. I'm positive that no one would have told him that, and there were no older kids around that would have said that as a joke. Still creeps me out to this day. 

While not something my own child has said, my younger cousin (around 5 at the time) once drew a picture of a a black monster, looked up at me, and said "He told me to draw this. He's coming for you. You better hide." 

A good friend of mine and her husband bought what is considered an 'old' house around here. (Western Canada...not many houses over 100 years old). They were renovating the basement one day while I was visiting. I was down there alone with their son, who was barely 2 at the time, and could not yet speak in full sentences. He took my hand and led me over to a brick chimney-like thing thing, with a rusty metal door on it. He looked up and said 'That's where the dead babies go.'

I was horrified. Firstly, because, like I said, the kid could barely talk, let alone say something like that. I doubt he even knew what 'dead' meant. I'm positive that no one would have told him that, and there were no older kids around that would have said that as a joke. Still creeps me out to this day. 

My daughter likes to come into our bedroom and wake me up by whispering into my ear, "There is no Aida, only Zuul" in this really creepy voice. 

And the creepiest of all:

My daughter told me she wanted to live with me and my wife forever. She's 17 

AAARGHHH!!!

Funny Friday

Some risque and some non PC content follows. Venture on at y'own risk. . .

The following item came up in a conference with a barrister last night.  I was aware of the first part of the story but counsel advised me of the additional    part, which I had not previously heard.  This one's for you, Nick . . .

George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny's mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realising that they were lost, George declared, "Lenny -- we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are." 

George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn't tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location. 

When they were low enough, George called down to the man, "Hey, can you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yelled back, "Throw down $100 and I’ll tell you.” 

They tied $100 to a weight and dropped it, whereupon the man yelled “You're in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air." 

George called down to the man, "You must be a lawyer." He yelled "How can you tell?" George answered "Because the advice you gave us cost a lot of money, is 100% accurate, and is completely useless".

The man called back up to the balloon, "You must be a client." 

George yelled back, "Why do you say that?" 

"Well," the man replied, "You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You got into your predicament through a lack of planning and could have avoided it by asking for help before you acted. You expect me to provide an instant remedy. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault." 

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes. 

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy. 

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.” "Sod that," says Mick, "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" 

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow."  I said "You’re obviously not listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. 

Local police are hunting the 'Knitting Needle Nutter’, who has stabbed six people in the village in the last 48 hours.  Police believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. 

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in. 

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit. 

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. 

Nothing. 

Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. 

I think they were those Hovis Witnesses. 

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40. 

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt . 

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher... 

IT'S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY" 

And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!! 

Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. 

Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka! 

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.

An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan ! He is making land mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!! 

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' 

Granny replies, “Bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!” 

Limerick spot:

A rabbi from far-off Peru 

Was desperately trying to screw. 

His wife said, “Oy vey! 

If you keep on this way 

The Messiah will come before you.”

10 Factlets

1. The middle name of US President Harry Truman (188 – 1972), who was President between 1945 – 1953, was simply the letter “S” – Harry S Truman. His parents chose "S" as his middle initial to please both of his grandfathers, Anderson Shipp Truman and Solomon Young. The "S" did not stand for anything, a common practice among the Scots-Irish. 

2. In 1977, Australian driver Alan Jones scored a surprise victory in the Austrian Grand Prix. Initially officials were going to play the Austrian anthem but then realised that Australia and Austria were not the same country. Unfortunately, they didn't have the Australian anthem so instead a local drunk played "Happy Birthday to You" on a trumpet. 

3. Australia was the second self governing country to give women the right to vote, in 1902. The first country to do so was New Zealand, in 1895. 

New Zealand did not give women the right to be elected to parliament until 1919. Australia gave this right in 1902. 

South Australia gave women the vote in 1895 and the right to sit in Parliament in the same year. Western Australia followed suit in 1899 and New South Wales in 1902. 

The UK gave women over 30 the right to vote in 1918. Voting on the same terms as men did not happen until 1928. 

Many countries gave women the right to vote after the end of WW1, among them the USA which gave the vote in 1919. 

4. False eyelashes were invented by the American film director D.W. Griffith while he was making his 1916 epic, "Intolerance". Griffith wanted actress Seena Owen to have lashes that brushed her cheeks, to make her eyes shine larger than life. A wigmaker wove human hair through fine gauze, which was then gummed to Owen's eyelids. "Intolerance" was critically acclaimed but flopped financially, leaving Griffith with huge debts that he might have been able to settle easily - had he only thought to patent the eyelashes. 

5. The YKK that you see on zippers stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushiki Kaisha which is the name of the founder of the zipper manufacturing company in Japan.

6. Homosexuality was listed as a mental illness with the American Psychiatric Association (APA) until 1973. It has since been removed and is now considered an orientation by the APA instead of an illness 

7. In 2005, Advertising Age cited Ronald McDonald as the number two top-10 advertising icon of the twentieth century. The Marlboro Man was number one 

8. At the same time the Star Trek series was beginning to create a loyal following, the Monkees were exploding onto TV sets. Consequently, Roddenberry created the character of Pavel Andreievich Chekhov (above) as a close approximation of the Monkees’ lead singer, Davy Jones (below) —with a Russian accent 

9. The first nude scene in a major motion picture was of Australian swimmer and actress Annette Kellerman (1887-1975) in the silent film A Daughter of the Gods (1916). The scene takes place in a waterfall seuqence and was controversial as being superfluous nudity, notwithstanding that most of Kellerman's body is covered by er long hair.  The film has been lost, only stills remain.

10. The ancient Greeks believed a blessing might prevent evil from entering your body during its unguarded state while you sneeze. 

Our tradition comes from the black plague of 1665, when sneezing was believed to be one of the first symptoms of the disease. Infection meant certain death, and so the symptom was greeted with the prayer, “God bless you,” which through time has been shortened to “Bless you!” 

Today, the phrase is still used after a sneeze.

10 Camo pics

Byter Peter sent me an email advising that he had seen the following street art item in a lane in Alexandria and that he wondered whether I had mentioned it in any of the past postings . . . 

Alexandria is a suburb of inner Sydney as well as a city in Egypt, and my initial thought on seeing the above pic was that English street artist Banksy had visited Sydney. The work is very much like his and he had visited Sydney and Melbourne in 2008, leaving some examples of street art in the process. 

Was it a hitherto undiscovered Banksy, akin to finding a new Rembrandt?

Peter’s pic shows the tag “Camo” who, it turns out, has been quite active in the inner city suburbs of Sydney. Camo is a street artist who does a lot of stencil work, hence the resemblance to Banksy. He (or she) has his (or her) own Facebook page and that about sums up what I have been able to find out. 

Here are some examples of Camo’s work, in suburbs such as Redfern, Alexandria, Erskineville, Rozelle and St Peters: 

Bonus pic:

In looking into Camo’s work I also came across one by Fukt, somewhere in Camperdown (also a suburb of inner Sydney): 

Ikea Earth... love it.

Btw, thanks Peter, I tried to respond to your email but kept getting bounce back messages.