Saturday, May 4, 2013

In case you missed it... Creepy Things Kids Say



Reddit is a social news and entertainment website where users who have signed up as registered users can submit content, either as a link or by text. It is essentially a bulletin board and other users then vote items up or down as to the prominence given. The name Reddit is a contraction of read/edit and a play on “read it”, as in “I read it on Reddit”. 

Recently Reddit invited readers to post items on the topic “What is the most creepy thing your child has ever said to you?” They were flooded with responses, 10,000 in less than 24 hours, and it has now gone viral. Here is the link: 

For those who don’t have the inclination or the time (Old joke: They’re going to put a clock in The Leaning Tower of Pisa, it’s always had the inclination but not the time. Boom boom tish), here is a selection of the ones I liked: 


I was tucking in my two year old. He said "Good bye dad." I said, "No, we say good night." He said "I know. But this time it’s good bye." 


Not to me, but to his grandmother. 

He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she's very old, and will die soon. 

Then he makes a point of looking at the clock. 


I jokingly asked: "What's the best way to get a girlfriend?" 

7-year-old's response: "Tell her to be my girlfriend or she'll never see her parents again." 


My 3 year old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for awhile then turned and looked at me and said, "Daddy it’s a monster..we should bury it." 


I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, "Death is the poor man's doctor." And that was that. 


Why are you crying? 

"Bad man" 

What bad man? 

"There." Points behind me at a dark corner of the room 

Lamp on bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as soon as I turn to look. 

She slept in our bed that night 


I was sound asleep, and at around 6.00am I was woken up by my 4 year old daughter's face inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off". 

The backstory here is I had been sunburned the previous week, and was starting to peel. In my sleep addled state however, it was pretty terrifying for a few seconds. I didn't know if I was dreaming, or what was going on. 


"My brain is telling me to do things I don't want to do." 

He's 4. 

Edit : A little context. Like many kids, he has an imaginary friend, he has just correctly identified the imaginary friend as "my brain." So when he says "my brain is telling me to do things I don't want to do," he means "my imaginary friend wants to play a game that I don't want to." Now if only the game wasn't "burn them! burn them all!" 


While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door. She kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, "the man." To which I replied, "what man?" She then pointed at the closet and said, "the man with the snake neck." I turn around and nothing was there. I'm afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone hung themselves in the closet. At least she wasn't scared. 


I work in a preschool. Creepy shit gets said and done all the time. The one that sticks out to me happened last year. There is a small kitchenette area in our classroom that the kids use during free time for playing house or whatever pretend games they think up. There was one little girl that I was keeping a close eye on, mostly because of how withdrawn from the other kids she was. I noticed she was playing with a babydoll in the kitchenette, rocking it back and forth and singing to it. 

She then took the baby, shoved it into the play oven and slammed the door shut. She turned around, looked straight at me, and said, "Sometimes bad babies go in timeout" in the creepiest little girl voice I've ever heard before smiling and running off. That one kind of shook me. 

edit: I've had a lot of people messaging me and telling me that I should keep an eye on her parents/suggesting she was abused. The concern is very heartwarming and I'm glad to see it but I can assure you that this was not the problem. She just enjoys saying outlandish things because she enjoys the reaction. It's pretty common for kids to do, this was just a more terrifying example. 


My niece was sitting on the couch with a weird look on her face. Her mom asked her what she was thinking about, and she said, "I'm imagining the waves of blood rushing over me." 

Turned out they had been at a local science museum with an exhibit on the circulatory system. One of the features was a walk among some giant fake blood vessels, and she was remembering that. 


"So I shouldn't throw him in the fire?" 

3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time. 


Getting my two and a half year old daughter out of the bath one night, my wife and I were briefing her on how important it was she kept her privates clean. She casually replied "Oh, nobody 'scroofs' me there. They tried one night. They kicked the door in and tried but I fought back. I died and now I'm here." She said this like it was nothing. 


I was tucking my 3-year-old son into bed and asking what was his favorite part of the day... Son: "It was playing with that man." Me: "What man?" Son: "THAT man"  


When I was about 3 we had a cat that had still born kittens. I asked my father if we could make crosses for them, which he did. As he was making them I asked: 

"Aren't those too small?" 

Dad: "What do you mean?" 

Me: "Aren't we going to nail them to them?" 

Dad: (after several moments silence) "We're not going to do that." 

Me: "Oh." 


A good friend of mine and her husband bought what is considered an 'old' house around here. (Western Canada...not many houses over 100 years old). They were renovating the basement one day while I was visiting. I was down there alone with their son, who was barely 2 at the time, and could not yet speak in full sentences. He took my hand and led me over to a brick chimney-like thing thing, with a rusty metal door on it. He looked up and said 'That's where the dead babies go.'
I was horrified. Firstly, because, like I said, the kid could barely talk, let alone say something like that. I doubt he even knew what 'dead' meant. I'm positive that no one would have told him that, and there were no older kids around that would have said that as a joke. Still creeps me out to this day. 


While not something my own child has said, my younger cousin (around 5 at the time) once drew a picture of a a black monster, looked up at me, and said "He told me to draw this. He's coming for you. You better hide." 


A good friend of mine and her husband bought what is considered an 'old' house around here. (Western Canada...not many houses over 100 years old). They were renovating the basement one day while I was visiting. I was down there alone with their son, who was barely 2 at the time, and could not yet speak in full sentences. He took my hand and led me over to a brick chimney-like thing thing, with a rusty metal door on it. He looked up and said 'That's where the dead babies go.'
I was horrified. Firstly, because, like I said, the kid could barely talk, let alone say something like that. I doubt he even knew what 'dead' meant. I'm positive that no one would have told him that, and there were no older kids around that would have said that as a joke. Still creeps me out to this day. 


My daughter likes to come into our bedroom and wake me up by whispering into my ear, "There is no Aida, only Zuul" in this really creepy voice. 


And the creepiest of all:

My daughter told me she wanted to live with me and my wife forever. She's 17 

AAARGHHH!!!


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