Funny Friday

Having been to the dentist yesterday, what better theme for a Funny Friday?

* * * * * * * * *

A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction

"85 pounds for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"85 quid! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and would knock 15 pounds off."

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without any anaesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop by 20 pounds."

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

"It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you 5 pounds but it will be traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

* * * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * * *

I hate that little cup of weird blue stuff the dentist gives to you after he's finished your treatment.

When he's not looking I spit it back out.

* * * * * * * * *

Last night I went out with a woman who's a dentist.

She said she had a great time and would like to see me again in about six months.

* * * * * * * * *

My dentist told me he needs to give me a prostate exam tomorrow.

He can get lost, I may not be the sharpest tool in the box, but I know that can't be right.

It's only been a few weeks since he gave me the last one.

* * * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * * *

Corn Corner:

My dentist just won 'dentist of the year'

All he got was a little plaque.

I walked into a dentist in Scotland.

I said to the receptionist, "Hi there, I was wondering if you could help me with this pain in my tooth."

She said, "Aye."

I said, "No, tooth."

* * * * * * * * *

This Be The Verse

This Be The Verse

Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don't have any kids yourself.

* * * * *

Philip Arthur Larkin (1922 – 1985) was an English poet, novelist and librarian. After graduating from Oxford in 1943 Larkin became a librarian. It was during the thirty years he worked with distinction as university librarian at the University of Hull that he produced the greater part of his published work. His poems are marked by what his biographer Andrew Motion calls a very English, glum accuracy about emotions, places, and relationships, and what Donald Davie described as lowered sights and diminished expectations. Larkin himself said that deprivation for him was what daffodils were for Wordsworth.

* * * * * 

This Be The Verse” was written by Larkin in 1971. 

Hear him read the poem by clicking on the following link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rjRYSfCJvM

* * * * * 

The title of the poem, This Be The Verse, is an allusion to Robert Louis Stevenson’s 's Requiem, which contains the lines:

Under the wide and starry sky,

Dig the grave and let me lie.

Glad did I live and gladly die,

And I laid me down with a will.

This be the verse you grave for me:

Here he lies where he longed to be;

Home is the sailor, home from sea,

And the hunter home from the hill.

* * * * * 

In 2009 the first four lines of the poem were recited by a British appeal court judge as part of his judgement of a nasty and acrimonious divorce case involving the future custody arrangements of a nine-year-old child. Lord Justice Wall referred to the emotional damage caused to the child, saying: 

'They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had 

And add some extra, just for you.'

These four lines seem to me to give a clear warning to parents who, post-separation, continue to fight the battles of the past, and show each other no respect. Separated parents, in my experience, frequently fail to understand that their children love both of them, and have loyalty to both. Such an attitude on the part of children is normally as it should be. The fact that one parent has come to hate the other, or that both hate each other, is no reason for the child not to love both and have loyalty to both. It thus poses the most enormous difficulties for the children of separated parents when each parent vilifies the other, or makes it clear that he or she has no respect for the other. . . . [the parents of the boy] have undoubtedly caused him serious harm by their ongoing mutual dislike and recriminations".

http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2009/apr/30/divorce-judge-philip-larkin 

* * * * * 

Criminal Minds, known for well-known quotes at the end of each episode, quoted the first verse in the second episode of Criminal Minds Season 9, but changed the first line instead to "They mess you up, your mum and dad" to omit the swear word.

* * * * *

* * * * * * * * *

Some Funny Comments to Start the Day

* * * * * * * * *

Bubblewrap art

When I was looking into bubble wrap humour, posted last Friday, I came across bubble wrap art. The ingenuity, diversity and often the weirdness of artistic styles, media and materials seems neverending.

* * * * *

Canadian artist Bradley Hart creates art works by injecting the bubbles on bubble wrap with acrylic paint.

According to Hart:

"The idea of using bubble wrap came from a few experiences where overzealous museum security guards instructed patrons not to touch works of art and a leftover roll of bubble from wrapping my first solo show in NYC. After researching the material, I found that bubble wrap was originally invented in 1957 as a modern form of wall covering; an experiment or product that failed. My first piece in the series (not shown), 'Fulfilling My Creator's Intended Purpose', is bubble wrap stretched over a stretcher and signed, paying homage to its original use and at the same time flipping its usage as protective covering for art into art itself."

Hart says that injecting the paint is somewhat of a science and, even though he's mastered it, it still takes him on average 150 hours for each painting. He also spends two to three days putting all of the paint into syringes. One of Hart's most famous paintings is of Apple co-founder Steve Jobs. Hart says that he injected over 16,000 bubbles and used 89 different colours just for this one portrait. The result is a pixielated looking picture:

Some more pics and a close up detail:

* * * * * 

Artist Mary Yim Kliauga paints on bubblewrap to create texture in her be111111autiful paintings:

* * * * * 

"Benjamin Franklin" (detail). Inkjet print on bubblewrap, 2011.

* * * * * * * * *

Monday Miscellany

A couple of odds, ends and personals to start the week.

* * * * * * * *

Email from Byter Doug in response to the David Thorne posts:

Hi Otto,

Absolutely brilliant. After reading your earlier post, I purchased David's book and this was one of the very best. It's a genuine pleasure to read it once again.

Regards,

Doug

* * * * * * * *

Email from Byter Brett in response to the bubble wrap posts:

Years ago, I worked in a warehouse, and occasionally we would receive things wrapped in bubble wrap with large bubbles, about two inches across; we would lay it out on the floor and run over it with a fork lift.

* * * * * * * *

Email from Graham, he of the replaced hip:

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman 

He was being cross-examined by a defence attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility..... 

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No, sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.' 

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

* * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * * *

Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Photography 1970

Between 1942 and 1967 a Pulitzer Prize for Photography was awarded for photojournalism, that is, for photographs telling a news story. 

In 1968 that award was replaced by awards in two new categories:

• the Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Photography (photography in the nature of breaking news);and
• the Pulitzer Prize for Feature Photography (human interest and matters associated with new items).

From 1955 World Press Photo has awarded prizes for the best photographs in 10 categories, with an overall award for the image that "... is not only the photojournalistic encapsulation of the year, but represents an issue, situation or event of great journalistic importance, and does so in a way that demonstrates an outstanding level of visual perception and creativity".

* * * * * * * *

World Press Photograph of the Year
Year:	1970
Photographer:	No award given
Photograph:

* * * * * * * *

Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Photography
Year:	1970
Photographer:	Steve Starr
Photograph:	“Campus Guns”

In 1969 men walked on the moon and people enjoyed 3 days of peace and music, as it was billed, at Woodstock. It was not, however, 3 days of peace at Willard Straight Hall, commonly known as The Straight, the student union building on the central campus of Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. The Straight housed student quarters, accommodation for visiting parents and guests, student union offices and a theatre.

1969 was a time when the university was involved in disciplining African-American students who had taken part in a protest, leading to other African-American students demanding amnesty for the students involved and for the establishment of an African-American Studies Centre.

The following events then took place:

· On 11 April 1969 at the beginning of Parents’ Week, a burning cross was discovered on the lawn outside Wari House, a co-operative for black women students.

· The next morning members of the Afro-American Society (AAS) began an occupation of The Straight and evicted the parents staying at the hall, the purpose being to protest the perceived racism of the university.

· White Delta Upsilon fraternity brothers entered The Straight and fought with the AAS before being ejected. 

· Fearing further attacks, the black students brought guns into the building to defend themselves.

· Members of the Students for a Democratic Society, a noted left wing and violent student group, formed a cordon around The Straight.

· Police deputies from Rochester, Syracuse and across New York state massed in downtown Ithaca. It was feared that, according to one officer there, George Taber, "Had they gotten the command to do so, they would have gone and taken the Straight back and arrested people, or who knows what would have happened. It could have made Kent State and Jackson State look like the teddy bear's picnic. It would have been just absolutely terrible." 

· Fortunately, following negotiations with Cornell officials, the AAS students emerged from the Straight carrying rifles and wearing bandoleers. That image was captured by Associated Press photographer Steve Starr in his Pulitzer Prize-winning photo above.

· The photo appeared in newspapers across the country and on the cover of Newsweek magazine under the headline, "Universities Under the Gun."

According to Wikipedia:

On campus, the Straight Takeover led to the formation of the University Senate, a restructuring of the Board of Trustees, a new campus judicial system, and the foundation of the Africana Studies and Research Center. By the end of the academic year, Cornell President James Perkins resigned. 

Beyond Cornell, the Straight Takeover led to the New York State Legislature enacting the Henderson Law, which required each college to adopt "Rules of the Maintenance of Public Order." Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to the Straight Takeover in speeches as an example of the excess of college students. Thomas Sowell [who was teaching at Cornell at the time Otto] would later refer to the takeover as the result of policies intended to "increase minority student enrolment... by admitting students who would not meet the existing academic standards at Cornell." In Sowell's opinion, some of the militants accepted "turned out to be hoodlums who terrorized other black students".

Related pics from the University website at:

http://africana.library.cornell.edu/collection/wstimages

Photographer Steve Starr died in 2012, aged 65. In later years he had covered the Chicago social scene. According to friend and fashion show producer Tracey Tarentino “He just had so much energy and passion. He’d say, ‘Look! Look! Look! It’s good!’ and then explain why you looked good to him,” He made you feel like for that minute you were making the camera magic. And his excitement showed in his subjects.”

* * * * * * * * *

Robert Leroy Johnson

A muso would have to be good for Eric Clapton to call him “the most important blues singer who ever lived” and for others to refer to him as “the grandfather of Rock ‘n’ Roll”. That muso was Robert Leroy Johnson, the man who sold his soul to the Devil, originated the 27 Club and in between became one of the greatest blues performers of all time, influencing music and artists for all time afterwards.

* * * * * * * *

Early life:

Johnson was born in 1911 in Mississippi. Raised by his mother as Robert Spencer, he adopted his father’s family name, Johnson, after finishing school. He already played the harmonica and jaw harp. At age 18 he married 16 year old Virginia Travis, who died shortly afterward in childbirth. Relatives regarded this as divine punishment for Johnson’s singing secular songs, known as “selling your soul to the Devil”. It didn’t bother Johnson, who had resolved to forget being a farmer and husband and instead become a full time blues musician.

* * * * * * * *

The Crossroads Pact:

Much of Johnson’s short life is a mystery but most fans of early blues will know the story that Johnson sold his soul to the Devil at the Crossroads of Highways 49 and 61. Noted blues musician Son House, a contemporary of Johnson, recalled in later years that Johnson was a competent harmonica player but an embarrassingly bad guitarist. Not long afterwards Johnson disappeared for a few weeks in Clarksdale, Mississippi and came back an excellent guitar picker and player. Although he probably sought advice and instruction from other famed players, such as Isaiah “Ike” Zinnerman, it was believed by many that Johnson had traded his soul at the Crossroads in return for musical ability. Zinnerman was rumored to have learned supernaturally to play guitar by visiting graveyards at midnight. 

* * * * * * * *

From 1932 until his death in 1938, he was an itinerant musician with a weakness for whisky and women, busking on street corners for tips and donations. In this he was usually successful

According to fellow musician Johnny Shines:

"Robert was a very friendly person, even though he was sulky at times, you know. And I hung around Robert for quite a while. One evening he disappeared. He was kind of a peculiar fellow. Robert'd be standing up playing some place, playing like nobody's business. At about that time it was a hustle with him as well as a pleasure. And money'd be coming from all directions. But Robert'd just pick up and walk off and leave you standing there playing. And you wouldn't see Robert no more maybe in two or three weeks ... So Robert and I, we began journeying off. I was just, matter of fact, tagging along."

* * * * * * * *

Acclaim: 

The acclaim for Johnson's work is based on the 29 songs that he wrote and recorded in Dallas and San Antonio from 1936 to 1937. These include "I Believe I'll Dust My Broom" and "Sweet Home Chicago," which has become a blues standard. His songs have been recorded by Muddy Waters, Elmore James, the Rolling Stones and Eric Clapton.

Johnson's records sold poorly during his lifetime. It was only after the reissue of his recordings in 1961 on the LP King of the Delta Blues Singers that his work reached a wider audience. Johnson is now recognized as a master of the blues, particularly of the Mississipi Delta Blues style. He is credited by many rock musicians as an important influence; as noted earlier, Eric Clapton has called Johnson "the most important blues singer that ever lived." Johnson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of fame as an "Early Influence" in their first induction ceremony in 1986. 

* * * * * * * *

Johnson died in 1938, aged 27. The cause of his death is unknown but it is believed that he drank from a poisoned bottle of alcohol.

* * * * * * * *

More about the Crossroads Pact:

The legendary Crossroads at Clarkesville, Mississippi

From Wikipedia:

According to legend, as a young man living on a plantation in rural Mississippi, Robert Johnson was branded with a burning desire to become a great blues musician. He was "instructed" to take his guitar to a crossroad near Dockery Plantation at midnight. There he was met by a large black man (the Devil) who took the guitar and tuned it. The "Devil" played a few songs and then returned the guitar to Johnson, giving him mastery of the instrument. This was in effect, a deal with the Devil mirroring the legend of Faust. In exchange for his soul, Robert Johnson was able to create the blues for which he became famous.

One explanation is that Johnson learned from Zinnerman not for a few weeks but for a year and that they practised in graveyards where it was quiet.

* * * * * * * *

Some comments:

Eric Clapton:

"the most powerful cry that I think you can find in the human voice. ... The range of tone he can pack into a few lines is astonishing.”

Bob Dylan:

"When Johnson started singing, he seemed like a guy who could have sprung from the head of Zeus in full armor. I immediately differentiated between him and anyone else I had ever heard. The songs weren't customary blues songs. They were so utterly fluid. At first they went by quick, too quick to even get. They jumped all over the place in range and subject matter, short punchy verses that resulted in some panoramic story-fires of mankind blasting off the surface of this spinning piece of plastic."

Keith Richards:

"I was hearing two guitars, and it took a long time to actually realise he was doing it all by himself. ...Robert Johnson was like an orchestra all by himself."

* * * * * * * *

Some YouTube clips:

Kind Hearted Woman Blues (1936)

Johnson sings, and plays lead and rhythm guitar, together

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82yNxiF-T4A

Sweet Home Chicago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCHod3_yEWQ

I Believe I’ll Dust My Broom

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4ZW08zOkYU

Me and the Devil Blues

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MCHI23FTP8

* * * * * * * * *

Funny Friday

Stating the obvious is not always funny, although others may find it so. The humour of Bill Cosby and Jerry Seinfeld are examples, I don't find their monologues that funny although Dave Allen monologues were wonderful. For the same reason not everyone will find the following bubble wrap items funny - is stating the truth funny?

I started thinking about bubble wrap after posting the cartoon last week about the bubble wrap in the operating theatre:

It turns out that I am not alone in my thoughts, and actions, about popping bubble wrap . . .

BTW #1:

Bubble wrap was invented in 1957 by engineers Alfred Fielding and Marc Chavannes in Hawthorne, NJ. Fielding and Chavannes sealed two shower curtains together, creating a smattering of air bubbles, which they originally tried to sell as wallpaper. When the product turned out to be unsuccessful as wallpaper, the team marketed it as greenhouse insulation. Although Bubble Wrap was branded by Sealed Air Corporation (founded by Fielding and Chavannes) in 1960, it was not until a year later that its use in protective packaging was discovered. As a packaging material, Bubble Wrap's first client was IBM, which used the product to protect the IBM 1401 computer during shipment. Fielding and Chavannes were inducted into the New Jersey Inventors Hall of Fame in 1993. Sealed Air celebrated Bubble Wrap's 50th birthday in January 2010.

BTW #2:

Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day is celebrated on the last Monday of January each year. The last Monday of January was designated as Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day after a radio station in Bloomington, Indiana received a shipment of microphones wrapped in bubble wrap, which, after being unwrapped and installed, inadvertently broadcast the sound of their wrappings being popped.

* * * * * * * *

Plus a couple of non bubble wrap items for my father in law to take to his friends in the plaza at Woden . . .

* * * * *

Joe says to Paddy “Close your curtains the next time you’re making love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.” Paddy says “Well, the joke’s on them because I wasn’t even home yesterday.”

* * * * *

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee after Mass.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.” 

The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop, when he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.” 

The third Catholic man says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.” 

The fourth Catholic man says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.” 

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men gave her a look and said, “Well….?” 

She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38 Double D breasts, 24″ waist, and 34″ hips. When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”

* * * * * * * *

Corn Corner:

I asked the boss "Where do you want this 100 metre roll of bubble wrap?"

"Just pop it in the corner he said..."

Its nearly 5.00pm and I’m still going !!!

* * * * * * * * *