-----o😊o-----
A mixed collection today, readers. Most have a risqué aspect but they were
selected for humour, not risqué content.
Don’t proceed further if you might be offended.
For those who do venture forward, enjoy.
-----o😊o-----
SOME HUMOUR . . .
A US item but applicable to all governments,
I would say . . .
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard
in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at
night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for
the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his
job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired
two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time
studies.
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night
watchman is doing his tasks correctly?" So they created the Quality
Control Department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write
the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going
to get paid?" So they created a time keeper and a payroll officer
position. Then hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for
all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired
three people: An Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and
a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in
operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall
cost."
So they laid off the night watchman.
_____________
Many years ago a man was travelling through the
mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere
to sleep.
He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he
could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her
father, "Who is that man going into the barn?" "That fellow is
travelling through," said the farmer. "Needs a place to stay for the
night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."
The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry."
So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.
About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing dishevelled and straw
in her hair.
Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife was
very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she
fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return
for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also
headed straight to bed.
The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up
and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the
daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears.
"How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We
made such passionate love last night!"
"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran
out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my
daughter!" The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand
next to his mouth, and yelled out... "LAIDTHEOLDLADYTOO!"
_____________
A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I
born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and
I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth
and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and
grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we
dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a condom"
-----o😊o-----
FROM THE VAULT . . .
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an
Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an
Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a
Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a
Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian,
a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a
Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian,
a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech,
a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean,
an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an
Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a
Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a
Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran,
a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian,
an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a
Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a
Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a
Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a
Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a
Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a
Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a
Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a
North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a
Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a
Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a
Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a
Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a
Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South
African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a
Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a
Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a
Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a
Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a
nightclub... The doorman stops them and says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without
a Thai.”
-----o😊o-----
LIMERICK OF THE WEEK . . .
Tim B, obviously also a limerick lover, sent me
another email which was sent to him by his brother. You may recall that Tim’s brother, Reg, is a
retired lawyer in Georgia. One of his
pastimes is to write limericks.
From Reg:
I overlooked a limerick I wrote and forgot to add the
one about the plumber. Here they are.
There once was a pretty young strumpet,
After sex she’d serve tea and a crumpet
But it was her norm
If one couldn’t perform
To sadly play taps on her trumpet.
And, the one I overlooked.
There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
Said his girl “Stop your plumbing,
I hear someone coming.”
Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me.”
-----o😊o-----
GALLERY . . .
-----o😊o-----
CORN CORNER:
_____________
For an experiment, my son has been wearing a different
Manchester United top for two weeks. So far he's been spat at, verbally abused,
and punched...
God knows what will happen to him when he leaves the
house.
_____________
_____________
_____________
_____________
_____________
We cannot allow this year to end
That would be admitting that 2021.
Some responses:
We'll still get another chance because 2022 is 2020, too.
A couple years after that we'll learn: what was 2024?
This year’s been forceful that’s for sure. Our only
hope lies in someone mastering The Force. 2021 Kenobi
Ask a New Zealander what they think of the current
year and you will be told 2020 sucks, but don’t mistake that for 2026
I tell it in the wrong order.
Why am I bad at telling jokes?
-----o😊o-----
