Funny Friday

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I mentioned yesterday that we are now in Fence Week so today’s Funny Friday has a lot of  f’ing funnies, that is, fencing funnies.

Caution, there are some risque items.

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SOME HUMOUR . . .

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A person is walking down the street and hears someone behind a fence calling, "19! 19! 19! 19!"

Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence.

He gets poked in the eye and the call begins again: "20! 20! 20!"

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Just moved next door to a guy who sells stolen goods on the black market.

You know what they say; *Good fences make good neighbours”.

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The old farmer said, “ Well as I see it, Donald Trump is like a Post Tortoise”.

The man, not being familiar with the term, asked what a ‘post tortoise’ was.

The farmer said, “When you’re driving down a county lane and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that’s a post tortoise.”

The farmer saw the puzzled look on the man’s face so he continued to explain. “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he’s elevated beyond his ability to function, and you wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with.”

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"I had a kitty who stuttered" said the little girl. "I was in the back yard with it when a Rottweiler that lives next door jumped over the fence into our yard!"

“That must've been scary!” said the teacher.

“It sure was", said the little girl. "My little kitty raised his back and went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say ‘Fuck !’ the Rottweiler ate him!"

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FROM THE VAULT . . .

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a long bar, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK . . .

From moi . . .

Harry thought his plan a knockout

But Her Majesty left him no doubt -

Said the Queen “Listen Harry.

Off you go and don’t tarry.

If you’re not fully in then you’re out!”

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GALLERY . . .

  

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CORN CORNER:

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I saw a bull caught in an electric fence.

I think it was charging.

Someone stole the enclosure that was built to hold the animals in the ark.

Newspaper headline: “Noah fence taken.”

Did you hear about the hole in the fence at the nudist colony?

The police are looking into it.

I once saw a dwarf climbing down a prison fence.

I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.

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