Friday, April 4, 2025
ON THIS DAY
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April 4, 1975:
Bill Gates and Paul Allen found Microsoft.
Microsoft Corporation is an American multinational technology conglomerate headquartered in Redmond, Washington.Founded on this day in 1975, the company became highly influential in the rise of personal computers through software like Windows, and the company has since expanded to Internet services, cloud computing, video gaming and other fields. Microsoft is the largest software maker, one of the most valuable public U.S. companies, and one of the most valuable brands globally.
Criticism of Microsoft has followed various aspects of its products and business practices. Frequently criticised are the ease of use, robustness, and security of the company's software. They have also been criticised for the use of permatemp employees (employees employed for years as "temporary", and therefore without medical benefits), and for the use of forced retention tactics, which means that employees would be sued if they tried to leave.
Historically, Microsoft has also been accused of overworking employees, in many cases, leading to burnout within just a few years of joining the company. The company is often referred to as a "Velvet Sweatshop", a term which originated in a 1989 Seattle Times article, and later became used to describe the company by some of Microsoft's own employees. This characterisation is derived from the perception that Microsoft provides nearly everything for its employees in a convenient place, but in turn overworks them to a point where it would be bad for their long-term health.
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FUNNY FRIDAY
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Welcome to another Funny Friday, readers.
There is an old joke about a fellow who is out hunting and has an encounter with a bear. The joke is risque and I have avoided including it in Funny Friday, but then I saw part of it told in a TV series, ‘Killer’ on Netflix.
I subsequently read that a young Charles and Camilla jointly tell a version of this joke at a party in ‘The Crown’.
So that’s enough reason to tell it as the staring item, it also makes this week’s theme bears.
Enjoy.
Risque content ahead.
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SOME HUMOUR:
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A hunter is walking in the woods searching for the biggest bear he can find when he stumbles across a giant brown bear. He pulls out his shotgun, steadily aims, and fires at the bear. The bear seemingly falls into a nearby ditch and appears to be dead. The hunter slowly walks over to the ditch, until he feels a tap on his shoulder. The man turns around, and just as he does, the bear asks: "Did you shoot me with that shotgun?" The man replies "Yes", and the bear throws down the man and starts having his way with him.
In a few weeks, the hunter devises a plan for revenge on the bear. He brings his double-barrel shotgun and is really ready to get even. He walks through the woods and sees the bear, so he steadies his aim, shoots the bear, and the bear falls into the ditch, seemingly dead. The hunter slowly walks over to the ditch, and just as he does, he feels a tap on his shoulder. When the man turns around he sees none other than the very same bear standing above him. The bear asks the man, "Did you just shoot me with that double-barrel shotgun? To this the man replies "Yes", and the bear has his way with him again.
After a month has passed, the man has recovered and is very eager for revenge. He brings an elephant tranquilizer this time and is sure he will have enough firepower to take down the bear for good. Just as before, the man is walking through the woods when he sees the very same brown bear. He steadies his aim and fires. The bear falls into the ditch, and the man slowly walks over to him.
After searching for a while, the man is tapped on the shoulder once again. He turns around slowly to face the brown bear. The bear then asks him, "You really don't come here to hunt, do you?"
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Here is the Charles and Camilla script for the same tale:
CHARLES: Does anyone know the story of the Russian bear hunter? I'm afraid I've already told Mrs. Parker Bowles. Perhaps she could help me tell it.
CAMILLA: All right, sir.
CHARLES: A bear hunter goes deep into the Siberian woods. Suddenly, he sees...
CAMILLA: ...an enormous bear.
CHARLES: The hunter raises his gun, and, bang, he shoots. The bear disappears from view. "Got him!" he thinks. But then he feels a tap on the shoulder. He looks up to see the bear, who says...
CAMILLA: "No one takes a shot at me and gets away with it! You have a choice. Either I can tear you to pieces and devour you now, or..."
CHARLES: "...or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and let me have my way with you." The hunter pulls down his trousers, and the bear does his worst. Afterwards, the hunter hobbles into town...
CAMILLA: ...somewhat bow-legged.
CHARLES: Yes! And he buys a much bigger gun and goes back into the woods.
CAMILLA: And it isn't long before he sees the bear again. He raises his gun, bang, fires. But when the smoke clears...
CHARLES: ...the bear's nowhere to be seen. "Got him," the hunter thinks. But a moment later, he feels another tap on his shoulder, and the bear says...
CAMILLA: You know what to do.
CHARLES: Now, after the bear's done his worst, the hunter heads back in town again and buys an even bigger gun.
CAMILLA: A bazooka.
CHARLES: Yes! He goes back into the woods, he sees the bear, he takes aim and fires.
BOTH: Boom!
CAMILLA: But when the smoke clears, the hunter looks up to see the bear standing over him, and the bear says:
CHARLES: "You're not in this for the hunting, are you?"
Watch the clip by clicking on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGUGH27fDYA
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A bear walks into a bar and says, "give me a whiskey and... cola"
"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure; I was born with them."
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A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
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You know Goldilocks and the 3 bears? Well mama bear and papa bear are getting a divorce. In court they bring in baby bear. The judge puts baby bear on the stand and asks him who he'd like to live with?
"Well not papa bear he beats me," says baby bear.
"So mama bear?" asks the Judge.
"Oh no she beats me even worse than papa bear," says baby bear.
"So who would you like to live with?" the Judge asks curiously.
"My grandma bear in Chicago," says baby bear.
"Your grandma bear doesn't beat you?" asks the Judge?
"Oh no, the Chicago Bears don't beat anyone."
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An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant, and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear, and squeezed the handle."
"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
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At dinner, my frustrated date said, “so napping and sitting around are seriously your only hobbies?? You told me that you were interesting!”
“No, no,” I corrected, “I said that I was into resting.”
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I went on a job interview. The interviewer asked “What is your greatest weakness “
I replied “I am too honest”
The interviewer said “I don’t think honesty is a weakness “
I said “I don’t give a fuck what you think”.
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In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear confrontations, the Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and be alert for bears while in the field. …We advise that outdoorsmen should wear small bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them, and to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain lots of berries and fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in it and smell like pepper.
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
A cheerful old bear at the Zoo
Could always find something to do.
When it bored him, you know,
To walk to and fro,
He reversed it and walked fro and to.
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GALLERY:
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LAW & LAWYERS:
A lawyer, Jones, is questioning his witness, Smith, during a murder trial.
Jones: Mr Smith, can you tell us what the deceased said before he died?
Smith: Yes, I can. He said...
Judge: Now hold on a minute. I'm not sure if it could be considered hearsay if I allowed Mr Smith to continue.
This led to a long argument between both lawyers and the judge regarding the admissibility of Smith's testimony. After a couple of hours of deliberation, the judge calls for a recess while he consults his legal books.
It takes the judge several hours to search through his legal text, so much so that court gets adjourned for the day. Unfortunately, this exchange happened on a Friday with Monday being a public holiday. On Tuesday, everyone reconvenes in the courtroom, where the judge rules that Smith's testimony will be admissible.
Jones proceeds to begin questioning Smith again.
Jones: Mr Smith, can you tell us what the deceased said before he died?
Smith: Yes, I can. He said "Ugh!" and died.
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A politician goes on trial
Before he goes to the stand, his lawyer tells him, "remember, if you get asked a question you don't know how to answer, plead the fifth."
The bailiff asks "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
The politician pauses for a moment and says "Uh, I plead the fifth."
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Thursday, April 3, 2025
ON THIS DAY
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April 3, 1968:
Martin Luther King’s Mountaintop speech.
"I've Been to the Mountaintop" is the popular name of the final speech delivered by Martin Luther King Jr on April 3, 1968. King spoke at the Mason Temple (Church of God in Christ Headquarters) in Memphis, Tennessee.
The speech primarily concerns the Memphis sanitation strike. King calls for unity, economic actions, boycotts, and nonviolent protest, while challenging the United States to live up to its ideals. At the end of the speech, he discusses the possibility of an untimely death:
Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now, because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life; longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the Promised Land! I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land! So I'm happy tonight, I'm not worried about anything! I'm not fearing any man! Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!
King was fatally shot by James Earl Ray the next day as he stood on a motel second-floor balcony.
The Lorraine Motel, where King was assassinated, is now the site of the National Civil Rights Museum.
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ATWOOD'S DUCK
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry famously said that perfection was achieved, not when there was nothing more to add, but when there was nothing left to take away.
What if you may have put in hard work and a lot of effort but the manager or client is not satisfied? Then you might benefit from deploying Atwood’s Duck. It’s a cunning manoeuvre to save your work from unwarranted criticism.
In the context of software programming, a duck is an element added to a product design for the sole purpose of drawing attention and directing scrutiny away from other elements – specifically to appease meddling managers.
Originally a programming term, the concept was popularised by Jeff Atwood, co-founder of Stack Overflow. He relates the following anecdote about a computer game design company:
It was well known that producers (a game industry position) had to make a change to everything that was done. The assumption was that subconsciously they felt that if they didn’t, they weren’t adding value.The artist working on the queen animations for Battle Chess was aware of this tendency, and came up with an innovative solution. He did the animations for the queen the way that he felt would be best, with one addition: he gave the queen a pet duck. He animated this duck through all of the queen’s animations, had it flapping around the corners. He also took great care to make sure that it never overlapped the “actual” animation.Eventually, it came time for the producer to review the animation set for the queen. The producer sat down and watched all of the animations. When they were done, he turned to the artist and said, “that looks great. Just one thing — get rid of the duck.”
Atwood’s Duck is synonymous with an attempt to outsmart a manager, client, or stakeholder. But also of organisational dysfunction at the personal level. If you want to keep people from interfering with your work of perfection, give them something too obvious to not criticise, but not so obvious and out there that you look stupid.
It is comparable to Parkinson’s Law of Trivialities, illustrated by the Bikeshed story (previously in Bytes).
In meetings, we tend to spend more time talking about trivial issues (e.g. a company bike shed) than discussing complex and more significant ones (e.g. a nuclear power reactor project). Everyone leaves the complex matters to those they imagine have more knowledge and understanding, dealing with the less complex, which they understand, with more time and debate. As a result, decisions are made at the lowest level of everyone’s expertise.
Wednesday, April 2, 2025
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April 2, 1982:
Argentine troops seize the Falkland Islands
On this day in 1982, Argentina invaded and occupied the Falkland Islands, followed by the invasion of South Georgia the next day, British dependent territories in the South Atlantic. On 5 April, the British government dispatched a naval task force to engage the Argentine Navy and Air Force before making an amphibious assault on the islands. The conflict lasted 74 days and ended with an Argentine surrender on 14 June, returning the islands to British control. In total, 649 Argentine military personnel, 255 British military personnel, and three Falkland Islanders were killed during the hostilities.
The conflict was a major episode in the protracted dispute over the territories' sovereignty. Argentina asserted (and maintains) that the islands are Argentine territory,and the Argentine government thus described its military action as the reclamation of its own territory. The British government regarded the action as an invasion of a territory that had been a Crown colony since 1841. Falkland Islanders, who have inhabited the islands since the early 19th century, are predominantly descendants of British settlers, and strongly favour British sovereignty. Neither state officially declared war, although both governments declared the islands a war zone.
Patriotic sentiment ran high in Argentina, but the unfavourable outcome prompted large protests against the ruling military government, hastening its downfall and the democratisation of the country. In the United Kingdom, the Conservative government, bolstered by the successful outcome, was re-elected with an increased majority the following year. The cultural and political effect of the conflict has been less in the UK than in Argentina, where it has remained a common topic for discussion.
Argentine soldiers and Falklanders in 1982
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ON THIS DAY
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April 1, 2004:
G Mail launched
Gmail, launched on this day in 2004, is the email service provided by Google. As of 2019, it had 1.5 billion active users worldwide, making it the largest email service in the world. It also provides a webmail interface, accessible through a web browser, and is also accessible through the official mobile application.
At its launch in 2004, Gmail (or Google Mail at the time) provided a storage capacity of one gigabyte per user, which was significantly higher than its competitors offered at the time. Today, the service comes with 15 gigabytes of storage for free for individual users. Users in need of more storage can purchase Google One to increase this 15 GB limit across most Google services. Users can receive emails up to 50 megabytes in size, including attachments, and can send emails up to 25 megabytes.
Google's mail servers automatically scan emails for multiple purposes, including to filter spam and malware.
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AESOP'S FABLE
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Aesop's Fables, or the Aesopica, is a collection of fables credited to Aesop, a slave and storyteller believed to have lived in ancient Greece between 620 and 564 BCE. Of diverse origins, the stories associated with his name have descended to modern times through a number of sources and continue to be reinterpreted in different verbal registers and in popular as well as artistic media. The fables originally belonged to the oral tradition and were not collected for some three centuries after Aesop's death. By that time a variety of other stories, jokes and proverbs were being ascribed to him.
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The Widow and the Sheep
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The Fable:
A certain poor widow had one solitary Sheep. At shearing time, wishing to take his fleece and to avoid expense, she sheared him herself, but used the shears so unskillfully that with the fleece she sheared the flesh. The Sheep, writhing with pain, said, “Why do you hurt me so, Mistress? What weight can my blood add to the wool? If you want my flesh, there is the butcher, who will kill me in an instant; but if you want my fleece and wool, there is the shearer, who will shear and not hurt me.”
The Moral:
The least outlay is not always the greatest gain.
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