From Leo M:
From John P:
Thanks guys.
Thursday, December 9, 2021
Wednesday, December 8, 2021
A POEM . . .
The Fable of the Fox and Goose
Lionel Ledbetter, 2013
There once was a fox, as wise as can be,
He lived in the hollow of an old oak tree.
Not so very far from an ol’ Farmer’s Farm;
A farmer he knew would do him great harm.
Also, on that farm lived a lively young goose,
And he caused the fox’s dry mouth to juice.
Without a care, the goose gandered about,
Causing the fox great apprehension, no doubt.
One day they met at the edge of the farm:
The goose knew, for sure, the fox meant him harm.
Mr. Fox, I know you can eat me, he said,
But, I know a better way you can be fed.
The farmer has many an egg you can eat,
and they are more juicy than feathery meat.
I’ll tell you just how to gain your supply;
as quick as a wink, or the blink of an eye.
The farmer is rich and he doesn’t have need
for all of his wealth, and all of his greed.
We poor of the earth, he cares not about:
We should take eggs from the lecherous lout.
Sure, he feeds us, and quite well in fact,
But he profits from the sweat of our back.
We animals are brothers, and should take heed
About each other’s wants and each other’s need.
You can sneak around by the ol’ mill gate,
while I distract the hound, down by the lake.
His threat to you I shall circumvent,
and you can then eat to your hearts content.
The sly ol’ fox, he surmised this odd tale:
Hen’s eggs were delicious, he knew quite well.
Oh, this we will do, he quickly agreed:
Eggs, he knew, were quite delicious indeed.
So, the goose set off, the hound to distract,
And also the fox, to the mill gate out back.
But, the goose had another plan in his mind;
A problem solution of a far different kind.
He enlisted the hound in his subversive trick,
To solve the fox dilemma finally and quick.
He sent the hound round to the ol’ mill gate,
Leaving himself to just piddle and wait.
Then suddenly upon him with claw and tooth
Pounced the fox, ‘fore he could honk or hoot.
In this moral lesson we all can deduce,
Why no-one says: “he’s as sly as a goose”.
The SLY fox knew: “If the goose would betray
the farmer that feeds him, he will betray me too.”
Tuesday, December 7, 2021
ARCHAEO - HISTORIES
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In the last few days in a couple of posts I have provided various anecdotes from history.
By the way, has anyone realised that this December 7th is the 80th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor?
Today’s post continues to share interesting historical facts. It is from an item in Bored Panda, which in turn has reposted items from a twitter site called ‘Archaeo - Histories', an online project that shares easy-to-digest educational snippets. The word "archaeo" suggests the account revolves around ancient civilizations and while it's true for the most part, every now and then it also features an event, person, or artifact from more recent times.
The Bored Panda item can be accessed by clicking on the following link:
Words and pics from that site, which in turn has taken them from Archaeo - Histories.
The twitter link for the original site is:
https://twitter.com/archeohistories
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Monday, December 6, 2021
MORE ANECDOTES FROM HISTORY:
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Some of these have been detailed in Bytes in the past.
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In the Baltic town of Vilnius, through which Napoleon’s troops marched to their doom in the summer of 1812, there stands today a simple monument bearing two plaques. Together they tell the whole story. On the side with its back to Moscow is written ‘Napoleon Bonaparte passed this way in 1812 with 400,000 men.’ On the other side are the words ‘Napoleon Bonaparte passed this way in 1812 with 9,000 men.’
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When Xerxes I invaded Greece in 480 BC.]he sent envoys throughout Greece, demanding surrender to the Persians. All but two city states complied. Athens beheaded their envoy, Sparta threw theirs down a well.
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The funeral of William the Conqueror. His corpse, bloated with gas, exploded during the service, driving out most everyone except the servants, who promptly ransacked the stinking corpse before fleeing.
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"The [American civil war] began in my front yard and ended in my parlor" - Wilmer McLean. Mr McLean lived in Bull Run, Virginia and his house was used as a confederate headquarters of General Beauregard during the first major battle of the war. After the second battle of bull run he started to fear for his and his family's safety so he bought a small cottage about 120 miles away in Appomattox, Virginia where April 9, 1865 General Lee officially surrendered to Lt General Grant in Mr. McLean's front parlor thus ending the Civil War.
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The male heir to the throne of England is usually given the title Prince of Wales. This originates from 1301 after Edward I conquered Wales and met with Welsh nobles to try to get them to accept his lordship over them and stop rebelling. He promised to appoint a Prince of Wales that was born in Wales and didn't speak any English.
He then presented his infant son who was just born in the English castle inside Wales and didn't speak any language as the Prince.
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The mathematician Joseph Fourier, revered for his famous Fourier series and mathematical theory of heat, was a great believer on the imagined healing properties of heat. He would wear excessive amounts of warm clothing and wrap himself in blankets, thinking this would maximise the "healing effect". In 1830, he tripped over one of these blankets and fell down the stairs, killing himself in the process!
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Conductor Thomas Beecham once met a lady he knew, but could not remember who she was. He asked her whether she was well.
"Oh, very well, but my brother has been rather ill lately", she said.
"Ah, yes, your brother. I'm sorry to hear that. And, er, what is your brother doing at the moment?"
"Well... he's still King", replied Princess Mary.
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Sunday, December 5, 2021
TOP TEN + 2 BEST CHRISTMAS MOVIES
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Thinking about Christmas approaching started me thinking about one of my favourited Christmas flicks, Love Actually. I had the feeling that I would like to watch it again this Christmas.
That in turn started me thinking about other favourite Christmas films, which has inspired this further Top Ten + 2 list.
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Some comments about the list:
- This list is also based on my Watchability Index ©, that is, movies that one likes so much that one watches them again and again. It is therefore not based on art, critical acclaim, feelings of what one should be liking etc. That will no doubt draw flack from friend and film purist Steve M and I anticipate some critical emails, which I will post. Everyone is free to agree or contradict me and you are invited to let me know.
- The list will be published in parts in the leadup to Christmas so bear in mind that your favourites may still appear.
- For this list Christmas must be an integral part of the film and not merely incidental or a background with no significance. For that reason, Die Hard doesn’t make the cut.
- I am only including films I have seen, Unfortunately, Steve, that means I have to exclude Joyeux Noelle, a fictionalised account of an actual event that took place in December 1914, when Wilhelm, German Crown Prince, sent the lead singer of the Berlin Imperial Opera company on a solo visit to the front line. Singing by the tenor, Walter Kirchhoff, to the Württemberg regiments led French soldiers in their trenches to stand up and applaud.
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Love Actually:
What is there not to love about this 2003 film? A top cast appear in various stories of love, many of them interlinked and coming together at Christmas. The theme and charm are set by the opening voiceover by Hugh Grant as the Brit PM:
Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
My favourite story? Jamie (Colin Firth) and Portuguese lass Aurelia.
Some trivia:
- The airport greeting footage at the beginning and end of this movie is real.
- In 2017 Red Nose Day Actually was broadcast, both a sequel to the 2003 Love Actually and a part of the fundraising event Red Nose Day 2017. Love Actually writer and director Richard Curtis returned alongside cast members Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Colin Firth, Andrew Lincoln, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Keira Knightley, Martine McCutcheon, Bill Nighy, Thomas Sangster, Lúcia Moniz, Olivia Olson, Marcus Brigstocke, and Rowan Atkinson.
- Watch the trailer at:
- The later film is set in March 2017, 13 years after the events of the original film.
Juliet is watching television with her husband Peter. When the doorbell rings and she opens the door, Juliet finds Mark, who, similarly to 13 years ago, communicates with her by using cue cards, having her pretend to Peter, this time, that Mark is a fund raiser for Red Nose Day. They tell each other that they are very happy with their respective lives, and Mark presents his new wife, who is none other than Kate Moss, whom, 13 years prior, he jokingly said he was going to marry. Mark's final card proposes that they see what happened to the rest of their friends.David, who has lost and recently regained his position as Prime Minister since the first film, dances in his official residence once again, even continuing in great pain after falling down the stairs. His wife and former employee Natalie amicably reprimands him, and offers to make him tea. Later in a public speech, he states that although times are harder for a lot of people now, he still believes that love and the good in people will win in the end.Billy Mack recently released a charity single, a cover of the ZZ Top song "Gimme All Your Lovin'". As the reporter interviewing him on radio tries to help him raise awareness for Red Nose Day, Billy openly admits to not caring about children (except for the ones that buy his discs) and that he only promotes the charity to, in truth, get free publicity for his upcoming autobiography, which he has admittedly neither written nor read. He then reveals with sadness that his manager Joe has died from a heart attack since the first film, before stating that the greatest sex he ever had was with one of the Kardashians, although he cannot decide which one.Salesman Rufus proposes, among his products, a red nose in honour of Red Nose Day. When a child buys one and agrees to having it gift wrapped, Rufus proceeds with great delight to take an absurdly excessive amount of time doing so, the waiting line soon becoming so long that it blocks car traffic outside.Meanwhile, on their way to pick up their kids from school, Jamie and his wife Aurélia recall their first days together. Aurélia says in Portuguese that even though life makes it impossible to be completely happy, love sometimes makes you feel like you are. She then reveals to Jamie that she is pregnant with their fourth child, though he misunderstands her and believes she was telling him what was for dinner.Sitting on a bench, Daniel receives a surprise visit from his stepson Sam, who is now 26 and lives in New York City. When Daniel expresses concern because Sam had not been in touch, he is surprised to see Joanna, Sam's childhood crush 13 years ago who had left for America. She asks for Sam's hand, and Daniel, delighted, jokingly answers that he will think about it.The film then ends with footage showing various people and actions supported by Comic Relief, and some of the film's cast wearing red noses.
More to come.
Saturday, December 4, 2021
MEMORIES OF GROWING UP . . .
A poem from an American viewpoint so there is a lot that doesn’t apply to growing up in Oz but equally there’s also a lot that does. See if it brings back memories of being a kid and days gone by . . .
Kid Stuff
Brian A. Bendall
February 2018
Many, many years ago
When I was just a kid,
And I had just began to grow,
There's stuff I had and did.
I'm thinking back on all those things
That life saw fit to give me.
If I can't remember everything,
I hope you will forgive me.
Chocolate candy cigarettes
And big bubble gum cigars.
Mini Bricks and Red Ball Jets,
Hopscotch and Dinky cars.
Mercurochrome and iodine;
Band-aids in a can.
Your watch required a daily wind,
And Etch-A-Sketch was grand.
In school, the teacher had to see
Just what you had to do.
You held one finger up for pee;
You held up two for poo!
Marbles, Slinkys, Lincoln Logs,
Ker Plunk and Pick Up Sticks,
With Yo-yos, you could "walk the dog,"
And ice cream came in bricks.
Arrows all had suction cups
And guns had rolls of caps.
Paddle Balls and Tonka Trucks
Big red lips were wax.
Bumps on heads, being black and blue,
Was minor when compared to
Being sick with cold or flu!
Have fun? You're not prepared to!
Measles, mumps, and chicken pox
Always seemed to flare.
They opened up Pandora's Box
And caught us unaware!
With medicine and care from mom,
Our time in bed was cut!
But I can't remember anyone
Allergic to a nut!
Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys
And also Brothers Grimm.
But Mark Twain was my pride and joy!
I never could resist him!
Hide and seek and tag were there.
New energy we found!
No more teacher scorns to bear
When summer came around.
PF Flyer running shoes,
Steel roller skates had keys.
There were phone booths we could use
If there's emergencies.
Rolling down a grassy hill
In parks was a delight.
Nicky Nine Doors was a thrill,
But only played at night!
We rode our bikes with playing cards
Flapping on our spokes.
We played in all our friends' backyards
And told our "Knock Knock" jokes.
Climbing fences, climbing trees
Were common things to do.
Getting bruised or skinning knees?
That was nothing new!
Two wheel scooters, kiddy cars,
We had Soap Box Rallies.
Baseball teams and monkey bars
And close by bowling alleys.
In winter, there were snowball fights
And snow forts for protection.
And when a bitter wind would bite,
Few kids raised objection!
Speeding down a snowy slope
On sleds and blown up tires.
"Is it too steep?" We all said, "Nope!"
We wanted to go higher!
In our teens were Levi jeans,
Duck and pony tails.
Sock hops were a common scene
Where dancing would prevail.
Bobby socks and poodle skirts
And continental slacks.
White buck shoes and fancy shirts,
Guitars and wailing sax!
Computers? What on Earth were they?!
Well, they would show up later.
And none I knew could dare display
Cell phones or calculators!
Many things I've mentioned here
Are still with us today.
But lots of kids, it does appear,
Ignore this great buffet!
What happened to the world I knew?
Have kids today stopped growing?
If time machines were really true,
I know where I'd be going!
Dick, Jane, Spot and Puff
Are nothing now but jokes.
But maybe I have said enough,
So I'll say, "That's all folks!"
Friday, December 3, 2021
FUNNY FRIDAY
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So we’re now in December and Christmas approaches, along with the end of year holidays, Here is some humour to set you on that path but, as always, a caution that there is risqué content ahead.
Stay safe, readers.
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SOME HUMOUR:
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From a US website . . .
Apparently a man in Australia, who was so drunk that he was kicked out of the bar, decided to go to a local zoo where he climbed into the enclosure of a 5m saltwater crocodile and tried to ride it.
It almost defies belief.
I mean, how fucking drunk would you have to be to get kicked out of a bar in Australia?
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I helped my neighbour with something this morning and she said, ‘’I could marry you!’’
I couldn’t believe it.
You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.
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Text message . . .
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than. you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was just too much. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies and forgive me. I promise that it won't happen again. Please come up with a fee for usage, and I'll pay you.
Regards, Alan.
Bob, feeling insulted and betrayed, grabbed his gun, and shot his neighbour dead. He returned home where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. He took out his phone where he saw he has a subsequent message from his neighbour.
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text. I expect you worked it out anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed that my autocorrect changed ‘Wi-Fi’ To ‘Wife’. Technology hey?!? Hope you saw the funny side of that.
Regards, Alan.
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By way of explanation and comment, New Zealanders have a habit of adding “eh” to the end of their sentences. They also pronounce the “e” sound as “i”, so that “pen” becomes “pin” . . .
2 Kiwis in conversation:
“What’s a Hindu, bro?”
“It lays eggs, eh.”
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Some more in the same vein . . .
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How was the Canadian able to put out a fire while vacationing in Mexico?
With the help of a hose eh.
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Canada was originally supposed to be called Canad.
But whenever anyone spelled it, it came out as: C A N A D Eh.
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LIMERICK OF THE WEEK:
There once was a girl from Hoboken
Who swore her cherry was broken
From riding her bike
On a cobblestone pike
But it was really broken from pokin'.
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GALLERY:
Some Herman Humour by Jim Unger . . .
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CORN CORNER:
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Go to the dog shelter for a dog and you are a saint....
Go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind!!
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A man walks into a pub and asks the bar tender for the WiFi password.
The bartender replies "You have to buy a drink first"
So the man buys a Coke.
"Ok now what's the WiFi password?"
The bar tender replies "you have to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces"
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Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise.
He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.
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I swallowed a dictionary.
It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had..
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I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy.”
Then I just sit at the green lights until I feel better about myself
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Thursday, December 2, 2021
SOME ANECDOTES FROM HISTORY
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There are two versions of how the Mongols killed the Caliph al-Mutasim when they sacked Baghdad. One is that he was rolled into a carpet and trampled to death by the horde. The other is that he was locked in his treasury with all his jewels and baubles with no food or water and left to die reflecting on how he should have spent his gold on an army rather than wasting it on his own vanity and greed.
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The Mongols were very original at killing powerful people. To prevent Mongol power from eroding itself by warring Khans they had a de facto honour law that made "spilling the blood" of any other Khan taboo. They solved that by killing their captured feuding Khans by slowly boiling them alive in hot water. No blood was spilled.
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Alexander the Great was in Corinth and all the great men of the city came to pay him tribute. When he didn't see Diogenes among them, he went out to find him, and met the philosopher sun bathing next to the barrel on which he lived. Alexander, conqueror of half the known world, greeted him and asked if there was anything he could do as a favour to the famous thinker.
Diogenes answered, "Yes, move over a little. You're standing in my sun."
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One that I have posted previously . . .
Sourced from John Aubrey's Brief Lives; the Earl of Oxford bowed down in front of Queen Elizabeth I and farted. He was so embarrassed that he travelled around Europe for years. On the day he returned to court the Queen saw him and said, "My lord, we had quite forgot the fart".
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Also posted in the past . . .
President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown [separately] around an experimental government farm. When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, "Dozens of times each day." Mrs. Coolidge said, "Tell that to the President when he comes by."
Upon being told, President asked, "Same hen every time?"
The reply was, "Oh, no, Mr. President, a different hen every time."
President: "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
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Haydn and Mozart were cohorts,,
Haydn being something of a jokester and Mozart being...well, Mozart, they one day made a bet that they could write a piece of music that the other couldn't play.
So the day of the competition came. Mozart played Haydn's piece without incident.
When it was Haydn's turn to play, he starts strong...but stops halfway though and claims that no one can play this song, because it calls for middle C when one hand is on the lowest octave, and the other on the highest.
Mozart then said that he could do it. If you have ever seen a picture of Wolfgang Amadeus, you can see that he had a pretty big schnoz.
When the "impossible" part came, Mozart leaned in and hit middle C with his nose, and finished the impossible song, thus winning the bet.
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December 23rd, 1944, during the Battle of the Bulge.
As a tank destroyer from the 7th Armoured Division moved west from Salmchateau on the highway toward Fraiture, the commander spotted a lone trooper from the 325th digging a fox hole for an outpost near the road.
The commander stopped the vehicle and asked him if this was the frontline.
The trooper, PFC Vernon Haught, with Company F, 325th GIR, looked up and said, "Are you looking for a safe place?" The tank destroyer commander answered, "Yeah."
Haught then said, "Well, buddy, just pull your vehicle behind me. I'm the 82nd Airborne Division, and this is as far as the bastards are going."
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