Caution: some risque content and language...
This week, a random selection of short humorous items from Sickipedia:
At a job interview.
"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"
"I don't think honesty is a weakness."
"I don't give a fuck what you think."
Hot tip for getting an Oscar:
Pretoria State Prison
As I began to panic, I became increasingly warmer and very thirsty.
With no access to water, I knew that I had no choice but to do what Bear Grylls would do in this situation and drink my own urine.
It tasted better than I thought it would and to be honest, it really did refresh me.
Although I did get some funny looks from the others who had been stuck in the lift with me for the last 20 minutes.
Last year my mate Dave found out that he couldn't have kids.
He was absolutely devastated, so being the kind of guy I am, I offered to have sex with his wife, which they both agreed to.
Dave called me today and said, "Look, you've been shagging my wife twice a day for the last six months and she still isn't pregnant."
"That's probably because I had a vasectomy back in 2009." I replied.
Of all the utensils that were invented to eat rice with...
How the fuck did two sticks win?
As my hamster laid stiff at the bottom of its cage with all 4 legs pointing upwards, I thought to myself, "This doesn't look good."
So I stood him upright.
I made dinner for my new girlfriend last night.
After the meal I said, "Those chips that you've just eaten actually came from my garden this morning."
"Wow!" she smiled, "I didn't know that you grew potatoes?"
I said, "I don't, some fucker must've thrown them over the fence."
First let me explain that I'm cursed.
I'm a poet whose time gets reversed.
Reversed gets time
Whose poet a I'm.
Cursed I'm that explain me let first