Friday, July 26, 2013

Funny Friday

A mixed bag of humour today, folks, with some attention to the Royal Bub . . . 


...and some quickies, courtesy of Sickipedia:


Prince William revealed today that he changed his first nappy.

Unfortunately, it was the Queen's.


I for one am sick to death of hearing about this baby, and I think everyone else is too.

Perhaps not the best words to say to my newly pregnant girlfriend.


The Queen has called St Mary's Hospital several times today looking for an update on the royal baby.

So far, four nurses have committed suicide.


I've been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I'm getting pissed off.

It keeps asking me, 'Where do you want to go?'

So I click on the icon that says 'Home' and then it makes me start again.


We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.

They seem like nice people.


"Hi, I'm Jane," she said.

"I'm Christopher," I replied, "but everyone calls me Dick for short."

"How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked.

"You ask nicely," I said.


All Jay-Z's problems have been undone by his brother, Ctrl-Z.


I've just made the best recipe for tofu ever! 

Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin.


Mel Smith's death has been reported on BBC News, Channel 5 News, Sky News, CNN and the News at Ten.

But not the 9 O'Clock News.


I'm no Tour de France expert but it seems that the best way to win is to wear a yellow t-shirt


My wife pointed out that our son is a hairdresser, drives a Mazda, and loves musical theatre. 

If he's not careful, the guys he has stay for sleep overs will think he's gay.


My mate Steven who shares the same name as me, thought it funny to erase the letters 'St' from my pencil case. So during break I did the same to his.

Now we're even.


Recently, my wife and I got a stuffed elephant for our living room.

"It'll be great!" I said. "It'll be a huge talking point at our dinner party this weekend."

But nobody mentioned it.


So Detroit is bankrupt and the unpaid police officers are considering going on strike.

In other news, OCP have built a robot police officer...

Limerick spot:

An old archeologist, Throstle,
Discovered a marvelous fossil.
He knew from its bend
And the knob on the end,
'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle.

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